You can’t ignore conflict and have that conflict just disappear. You also can’t resolve conflict by addressing it straight up. Working out conflicts is a complex process. Let’s talk through some ways that you can better handle conflict resolution, whether the person on the other side is your child, your spouse, your friend, or your coworker. The goal is to resolve conflict to restore relationships.
What to Do When You’ve Caused Conflict
Sometimes we hurt someone else’s feelings. We say things we flat out shouldn’t have said or maybe a joke didn’t land right with another person. Here are some practical things you can do whether your actions or words were intentional or whether they were misunderstood.
Don’t ignore the conflict.
Ask God how you can handle it.
Pay attention to your timing.
Pay attention to the words you use.
Consider the receiver, the person who has been offended. What is the best way that you can communicate with this person? You’ll find that reconciliation and restoration come so much more easily when you think about these things. You have to be the one to lead with humility. Show the other person that you care and you want to work through the misunderstanding to eliminate hindrances to your relationship.
Remember: you are not responsible for how the other person receives this from you. It is your responsibility to initiate and try to make it better. Try to see through their lens. Put forth the effort.
What to Do When You are the Offended
Let’s turn the tables. How should you respond when you are the person who has been offended by someone else’s words or actions? First, consider the source. If the goal is relationship, then go to that person, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and ask them about the situation. Explain how what happened is now straining your relationship with them. You may still have to be the initiator of this process when you’re the person who has been offended.
Forgiveness
What do you do when the other person isn’t aware they’ve done something to offend you? What about when you’ve hurt someone else and they don’t believe you when you go to them for reconciliation? Remember this verse:
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
Romans 12:18 NKJV
Wounds can take time to heal. Sometimes that healing is very slow. You have to forgive and not hold on to the offense. Then prayerfully consider what your next steps are. This doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be hurt again, but also remembering that hurt is an unfortunate part of being in relationships with others.
Resolve Conflict: The Key to Relationships
Conflict resolution is so important. We must resolve the issues that happen in our everyday lives with the people we’re doing life with so we can continue to do life with them. The process can take time, so don’t quit. Ask God for the right timing, the right words, and the right heart. Also, ask that your words would land in a tender place in the other person’s heart.
It used to be that college kids were the ones who would walk away from their faith. Now, it’s teens leaving the Church. It is kids aged 15-17 who are are the ones walking away at an alarming rate. This is rooted in the pandemic and the deeming of churches as non-essential.
Did you know that 16.5% of people don’t believe in good and evil? I guess this could explain all of the hostility, rudeness, and violence we’re seeing these days. If you don’t believe in good and evil, then what do you believe in? This is what your kids are facing!
The Battle Within the Church
These teens were pulled away from their peer groups during the pandemic. They were pulled away from what the Church stood for. They were told that the Church is not important. Stats say that eight out of ten Christians need discipleship. Seventy percent of Christians don’t read their Bible. No wonder our kids are walking away from the Church. This is why people are confused, stressed out, and depressed!
4 Hopeful Steps
What can you do to help turn this around? I want you to have hope! Here are four things you can do:
Read your Bible. Start with a Proverb a day or start reading from Genesis or Matthew.
Pray. Pray for your own peace of mind, your anxiety, your struggles, your marriage, etc. Hand it all over to God.
Talk about your faith. Build relationships with people you can freely talk with about your faith.
Engage in your community. Have an impact and make a difference for the kingdom.
Let your kids see you doing these things and help them develop these habits.
Listener Question: Isolation
What can I do about isolation and my 11-year-old girl?
This question was asked of me recently on social media. Well, first you need to know that these are the murky, mysterious, marvelous, middle school years. You need to be aware of what they are going through so you can better lead and guide them on how to handle their emotions. We all feel isolated at times. Help her understand that her identity comes first from the Lord and then from within your family. Friends are a distant third. Consider doing extra activities together to help her discover what she’s interested in and find people who share similar interests.
I’ve been doing a lot of research about technology and how it affects our families and our kids. Since the beginning of the pandemic, online usage, especially social media, has risen 50% or more. But I’ve said many times that technology is not the problem! It’s the usage of technology that is the problem. It’s how we are using it and how often we are using it. How can you manage device use when your family is gathered together so that relationships are kept a top priority?
I was recently on vacation with my husband, my kids, and their spouses. Of the ten of us, there were plenty of times when the majority of the family would be found on a device. It might have been for work or it might have been for social media or it might have been someone just wasting time while waiting for everyone else. Seeing this, I wondered how this device usage could be tamed. How can we manage device use at family gatherings?
Once your kids are adults, the solution is not as easy as taking their devices away! The goal is to help your kids learn when to turn off the devices and how to be unplugged.
Set the Expectations Before a Family Gathering
If you’re planning a family getaway or gathering, discuss the plans and expectations beforehand. Talk about the loose agenda for your time together. A full itinerary would add more stress and inhibits organic conversations, but you can have a loose plan to set the overall tone for your time. Discuss the games you want to play or activities you want to do together and how the event or days will flow.
How to Talk to a Disengaged Family Member
If in the midst of the family activity of hang out time, you find that one of the kids is disengaged, ask if everything is ok. Maybe there’s a problem with a friend or a work emergency? Don’t assume that they’ve stepped away because they don’t want to be with the family. Give the benefit of the doubt. Manage your expectations and give grace. Don’t jump to being offended!
When you see that there’s a family member who is constantly on their phone, what can you do? First, stop and pray. Next, observe. Wait for an opportunity to ask if everything is ok. When the time is right, privately ask questions to get to the heart of the matter. Gently point out to the person that you’ve noticed they’ve been on their device a lot and you were wondering if everything was ok.
Help your children understand that they need to be present for the people who are physically in front of them first. Don’t let the person in the phone be put first. Teach them to stay engaged and let the person in the phone wait a minute. This will deepen the relationships in your family.
The CDC recently released new developmental milestone markers for children. This new guidance sadly shows that our children have been developmentally delayed and emotionally hindered during the pandemic. Young children are taking longer to get to their first steps, to smile for the first time, and to wave goodbye. All of our lives have been interrupted in the last two years, but the fallout is showing up in our children.
New Developmental Milestones
Your children have likely experienced some level of isolation during this time. That might be less time with peers, not playing sports, or simply “social distancing.” Your children have experienced life in a way that it has never been experienced before. One day they were in school and the next day they were not. One day they were attending church and the next day they were not. Even homeschoolers saw changes to their schedules even if only in simple things such as shopping habits. These new CDC guidelines for developmental milestones show that our children have been harmed through these changes.
What Can I Do?
Our children are on the losing end right now. What should you do? Flood your school board? Run for an elected office? Maybe, if God’s calling you to do those types of things. The first thing you need to do is pray and ask the Lord to show you what He wants you personally to do.
How to Equip Your Children
What I do know is that God does want you to equip your kids for this season. Are you talking to them about what’s going on in the world around them? In addition to teaching right and wrong, you must teach them how to navigate that in society. As parents, we have to help our kids catch up and go beyond that to excelling in life.
These new developmental milestones guidelines show that your children need you to engage with them on a cognitive level.
Show youf full facial expressions.
Look them in the eye.
Talk with them.
Sit down on the floor and play with them.
Get outside to play with them.
Let them hear your laughter.
Get in the kitchen to cook together.
Praise them for who they are, not what they do.
Tech is Neutral
I have a strong belief that technology is neutral, but sadly our children are being lured into spending countless hours watching others instead of being creators. Children are born creative and adventurous explorers. It’s time to turn off the devices. Be together. Play together.
The Future
Give your child a vision for what life could look like for them. Your child doesn’t have to be a casualty of this experiment or remain a statistic. The goal is always to empower your children! We want them to discover who they are and where they belong. They need to know that they fit in your family and that their value and worth come from God. What will you do today to empower your kids and help them reach developmental milestones?
Yvette Hampton from Schoolhouse Rocked and her family have an incredible story of following God. God called them to sell their home, buy an RV, leave California, and create a documentary about homeschooling. Yvette shares how the perfect author of our lives does amazing work when we trust Him and allow Him to do His work. He is a faithful God!
Choosing to Follow God
In this episode, Yvette shares:
How her husband Garrett left the Hollywood film industry
How God was prompting their family to leave California in an RV
How she went from thinking homeschoolers were wierd to homeschooling her kids
How she and Garrett were led to produce Schoolhouse Rocked
How I was inolved in Schoolhouse Rocked as an associate producer
Who should watch Schoolhouse Rocked
This is a fascinating Abraham-type story that you have to hear straight from Yvette’s mouth. I hope it encourages you to follow God even when the circumstances seem impossible!
I’m so thankful for the opportunity to have been a part of Schoolhouse Rocked and hope that you’ll take the time to watch the documentary for yourself and share it with your friends.
About Yvette Hamptom
Yvette Hampton is the producer and host of the documentary, Schoolhouse Rocked: The Homeschool Revolution and TheSchoolhouse Rocked Podcast. As a mom who is concerned for the future of this generation, Yvette has a deep desire to see a culture shift by encouraging people through God’s Word. She and her husband, Garritt, have a passion for strengthening and equipping families and the homeschool community by teaching parents how to live out their convictions and point their children towards Christ. Her greatest joy is being a wife and mom.
It’s been a long road for this podcast, but I’ve stayed the course. The Equipped To Be podcast began just a few weeks before COVID hit and the world went into lockdown. I knew we were supposed to be doing this podcast. People had been asking me for a podcast for years. In February 2020, we prepared and went live at the end of that month. That was almost two years ago! And now, here we are at episode 100! Let’s take a look at these first 100 episodes and what is needed to stay the course.
I started this show for YOU, and I love your feedback. You’re always welcome to contact me directly with any comments or suggestions. Just use the contact form here to email me.
The First 100 Episodes
Let’s take a little walk down memory lane at some of the best and most downloaded episodes from these first 100 episodes.
We’ve had some amazing guests on the show. Take a look at some of these favorite guest episodes:
My goal is that with every episode of Equipped To Be, you’d come away with some nugget or point to ponder as you go about your day. That might be about your personal life, your relationship with your kids, schooling decisions, or so much more. I’m thankful that you’re here and pray that I can keep adding value to your life. I want you to succeed and be found faithful!
Staying the Course
People have asked me: How do you stay the course? It’s a little cliche, but if God calls you, He equips you. It’s so true! The thing to keep in mind is that the outcome is not as important as you getting started and staying the course, whatever that path is. Here are three things that you need to have in order to stay the course.
Internal Conviction
You have to have an internal conviction that you’re doing what you know you’re supposed to be doing. There’s a drive. You know you have to do this thing, no matter what else is going on around you. The enemy may come and try to make you question, but you know your calling. You may question, but God gives you the winks and nudges that you’re on the right path.
External Commitment
When something needs to be done, you get up and do it. This is an external commitment. Your children need you to get up and teach them, so you do it. You have a deadline to meet, so you work until it’s done. The house needs to be decluttered, the dinner needs to be made, the groceries need to be purchased, the budget needs to be balanced, so you follow through. I made an external commitment to show up here for you every Wednesday morning at 8 am. So, here I am, week after week.
Eternal Perspective
It’s not worth doing something just for an award or to have your name in the spotlight. It’s not wrong, in my opinion, to obtain these things, but they can’t be your only purpose in life. Does what you’re doing have eternal significance? At Equipped To Be, one of our goals is to strengthen families, and that makes a difference for the kingdom.
I’ll be honest. Sometimes, despite conviction, commitment, and perspective, there will be days when you’re more productive and some days when you feel like you’re grinding it out. God is simply looking for two things: your obedience and your willingness.
The Future
Thank you for sticking with us for 100 episodes. I’m excited about what’s coming in the future!
