The Lost Art of Making Friends: How Listening Builds Lasting Relationships is something many women quietly need but rarely know how to name. We can be surrounded by people, connected online, busy with family, church, work, and ministry, yet still feel the ache for deeper, more meaningful friendship. In my conversation with Becky Harling, author of Friend-Wise, we talked about why friendship can feel harder than it should and how the simple, powerful practice of listening helps us build the kind of lasting relationships our hearts were created for.
The Lost Art of Making Friends: How Listening Builds Lasting Relationships
Friendships are Built by Listening
People are struggling to make friends because friendship now requires something our culture keeps training out of us: attention. We are more connected than ever, but many of our conversations stay shallow, rushed, distracted, or performative. Becky Harling and I point you back to the kind of friendships that are built through listening, empathy, curiosity, and presence. Real friendship does not grow from being impressive; it grows when someone feels seen, heard, and safe. And in a world where people are tired, lonely, and often carrying more than they say out loud, learning to listen well may be one of the most powerful ways we can begin rebuilding meaningful connections.
Friendship Grows in Small Moments
There is hope for building meaningful friendships, even if it has been a long time since friendship felt easy. You do not have to become more impressive, more interesting, or more available to everyone. You can simply begin by becoming more present with one person. Listen a little longer. Ask one more thoughtful question. Notice what someone is carrying. Friendship grows in small, faithful moments, and as Becky reminds us, lasting relationships are built when people feel we are present, not distracted. The lost art of making friends can be learned again, one honest conversation at a time.
About, References, and Links
Becky Harling has a degree in biblical literature and is a speaker and Bible teacher. She is also the host of The Connected Mom podcast. Becky’s passion is to help women find hope, healing, freedom, and life transformation through Jesus Christ.
Chosen by God: Hearing His Voice. People are desperate to hear from Jesus, but struggle to know if what they hear is His voice.
They aren't casually curious or mildly interested, but desperate.
Because underneath the questions we ask out loud is the one we carry quietly:
Am I hearing Him right? Today, Rachael Groll joins me on the podcast to discuss how to hear Jesus in daily life.
We want clarity in decisions, peace amid uncertainty, and the assurance that we know when we move forward. And yet, for many, hearing God feels unclear, distant, or even intimidating. starts here
Hearing God Feels Hard—Rachael Groll Explains Why
Why Hearing God Feels So Difficult
We don’t struggle because God is silent. The struggle is due to all the noise.
The battle to hear His voice can be tied to:
Our own thoughts
Our emotions
Outside opinions
Cultural pressure
Fear of getting it wrong
And somewhere in the middle of all that, we are trying to discern: Is this God or is this me?
That tension can cause one of two responses. We either over-spiritualize everything or stop listening altogether. And honestly, neither leads to confidence.
Listening to God Is a Choice
Here’s where we need to remind ourselves. Listening to God is not reserved for the spiritually elite. It is not dependent on personality. And it is not based on how emotional or expressive you are.
Listening to God is a choice! It is that simple. Now, that isn't always easy, but it is simple.
Here are a few daily, intentional decisions that will help:
Turn down the noise
Turn toward truth
And posture your heart to hear
Scripture shows us this clearly. Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27)
They hear, and they follow.
That means hearing God is not meant to be hard. It is meant to be relational. The more we focus on spending time with Him, the easier it is to hear His voice.
What Scripture Shows Us About Hearing God
God has always spoken to His people, but He doesn’t speak in confusion. He speaks in alignment with His Word, with clarity of character, and in a way that leads to obedience rather than chaos.
In my conversation with Rachael Groll, we unpacked something that many believers miss:
Hearing God is less about chasing a voice and more about knowing Him well enough to recognize when He speaks.
That is the difference we must understand.
Discernment: The Skill Most Believers Never Build
Discernment is how we learn to distinguish between:
Conviction and condemnation
Truth and fear
God’s leading and emotional reaction
But discernment doesn’t come from trying harder.
It comes from:
Time in Scripture
Familiarity with God’s character
A willingness to pause instead of react
This is where many people get stuck.
They want immediate clarity without building long-term confidence.
The Fear That Keeps Us Stuck
Many believers are not really struggling to hear God. They are afraid of getting it wrong.
What are they afraid of:
Making the wrong decision
Misinterpreting what they sense
Moving ahead without certainty
So instead of stepping forward, we hesitate. We wonder if the enemy is trying to trick us. But God is not hiding His will behind a maze of confusion.
He is a loving Father who leads.
How to Grow in Hearing His Voice
If you want to grow in hearing God, simplify the process.
Start here:
1. Anchor Yourself in Scripture
God’s voice will never contradict His Word. If it doesn’t align with Scripture, it’s not Him.
2. Slow Down Your Response Time
Clarity often comes in the pause, not the rush.
3. Pay Attention to Patterns
God is consistent in how He leads you over time.
4. Remove the Pressure of Perfection
You are learning a relationship, not performing for approval.
5. Act on What You Already Know
Obedience builds clarity.
You Were Chosen, Now Learn to Listen
You were not chosen by God to live in constant confusion.
The lord wants you to:
Know Him
Walk with Him
Hear Him
Follow Him
It won't be perfect, but we are to be faithful.
Hearing His voice is not about becoming someone else.
It is about learning to trust him in every area of life.
If you’ve been second-guessing yourself, you’re not alone.
But you don’t have to stay there.
You can grow in confidence. And when you do, you won’t just make better decisions.
You will walk with greater peace.
About, References, and Links
About Rachael: Rachael Groll is an author, speaker, and Bible teacher with a master’s degree in Bible Exposition from Biola University. She has spent years serving in ministry, helping make Scripture accessible and practical for everyday life.
Through her books, including Hearing Jesus and podcasts, Rachael encourages audiences to deepen their understanding of God’s Word and cultivate a personal relationship with Jesus.
The Lie Exhausting Parents is causing stress in your family that is robbing you of the joy and peace of building a family should be part of your daily life.
I know you’re tired, but not the kind that sleep fixes. It’s the kind that shows up when the house finally gets quiet, and your brain doesn’t.
You replay things.
What you said or what you shouldn’t have said. That look on their face you can’t quite shake.
And you tell yourself you’re just thinking it through, but really, you’re trying to make sure you didn’t mess something up that’s going to matter later.
Why Parenting Feels So Overwhelming Right Now (And What You’re Not Meant to Carry)
It’s Not Just Parenting Anymore
Parenting used to feel more contained.
Now it feels like everything is coming at your child, and you’re standing in the middle trying to manage it all.
What they’re exposed to. What they believe. Who influences them? How they handle things emotionally. What kind of future are they going to walk into?
And because you care, you lean in harder. You read more. Your ears are tuned into what they do more. You feel pressure to step in sooner rather than observe.
You do this, not because you’re trying to be controlling or trying to do things perfectly, but somewhere along the way, something subtle shifts.
This is what causes you to move from guiding to carrying, which isn't how God wants you to parent.
The Shift You Didn’t Notice
Managing and carrying are not the same thing.
Managing says: “I’m responsible for leading, teaching, and showing up.”
Carrying says: “I’m responsible for how all of this turns out.”
And once that shift happens, everything starts to weigh you down.
Your child has a bad day, and you don’t just see a bad day. You see what it could become.
They struggle socially, and you start wondering if you missed something years ago.
They push back or make a poor decision, and it feels bigger than it is, like something you need to fix immediately.
So you step in more. Correct more. Stay more alert.
Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you care.
That's the moment you’re not just parenting. You’re bracing.
The Lie Sitting Under All of This
The lie doesn’t usually sound like a big deal.
It sounds reasonable. Responsible, even.
“If my child’s life turns out well, it depends on me.”
That’s the lie. And once it takes hold, everything changes.
Now every decision feels loaded. Every mistake feels like it matters more. Every struggle feels like something you should have prevented.
And if you’re honest, it’s exhausting.
Because, as a mom, you don’t know how to put that kind of weight down.
Why It Feels So Heavy Right Now
The reason it feels heavier is that there are too many voices telling you what you have to do to be a good parent. It has nothing to do with if you’re weaker or if you’re doing it wrong.
Everything around you and your kids is louder… faster… more exposed.
Your children are dealing with things earlier. They feel things more intensely. And they are being influenced by directions you can’t always see or control.
So, of course, you stepped in more.
You paid attention more. Tried to stay ahead of things.
But somewhere in that, you didn’t just take on more responsibility.
You took on more weight.
What Scripture Actually Says About This
There’s a verse I keep coming back to. Not because it’s comforting. Because it corrects me.
Isaiah 46:4:
“Even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.”
That’s not soft encouragement.
That’s correction.
Because in that passage, God is contrasting Himself with idols, things people trusted in.
And He says something simple: Idols have to be carried.
They can’t move on their own. Idols can't save themselves. They are weight.
And then God says:
“I am not like that.”
“You don’t carry Me.”
“I carry you.”'
This truth is what keeps us from worrying or thinking we have to keep everything together. We have to listen to the Lord and trust His leading on when to act and what to do.
What You’re Carrying Instead
You’re not bowing down to statues.
But you are carrying things that were never meant to carry you. Control. Fear. The need to get it right. The pressure to make sure nothing goes wrong.
And you carry it quietly.
All day.
Let’s Be Honest for a Minute
While we love our children deeply, we can't control every outcome in their life.
You cannot filter every negative influence, prevent every hardship, or make every decision perfectly.
The reality is that it was never your assignment.
Your role is not to carry your child’s entire life.
God simply asks you to lead them. Love them. Teach them. Point them toward the truth.
But you are not the one holding everything together.
The Truth That Changes Everything
You are not the one holding your child’s life together.
God is holding you, and He is holding them. And that is exactly how Jesus intended it to be.
Why This Is Hard to Let Go Of
You feel the pull to carry more all the time.
Especially when something feels off or when you can see where a situation could go.
I’ve felt it too.
That urge to step in faster than I need to, to fix something before it becomes something bigger.
That instinct isn’t wrong.
But if you don’t catch it, it slowly turns into carrying.
What It Looks Like to Shift
This isn’t about doing less. It’s about carrying differently. You still show up, teach, correct, and engage, but you stop gripping outcomes as they all depend on you, and you stop trying to control what you were never given control over.
You shift from: “I have to make this turn out right…” to “I am going to be faithful in what I’ve been given.”
That’s steadiness.
And When You’re Tired
Isaiah 46:4 doesn’t say God carries you when you’re doing everything right.
It says:
“Even to your old age… I will carry you.”
That means when you’re tired. When you don’t have the same energy. When you’re not sure you handled something perfectly.
He doesn’t step back or say, “You should have figured this out by now.”
He says: “I’m still carrying you.”
Let Me Leave You With This
Remember: you don’t have to carry your child’s entire life, and you don’t have to control every outcome or make sure nothing ever goes wrong.
When your adult child pulls away: what actually repairs the relationship is not what most parents expect, and that realization can feel both confusing and hopeful at the same time.
This pulling away brings a kind of pain that often catches parents off guard, largely because they don't see it coming. It slips in quietly.
Conversations change. Responses feel shorter. Something that once felt natural now feels strained.
And before long, you find yourself sitting with questions you never thought you’d have to ask:
What happened? What do I do now? Can this be restored?
If you’re in that place, I want to learn what you can and can't do right from the beginning:
But first, you’re not the only one walking through this. And this is not beyond hope.
Adult Child Estrangement: What Matters More Than Fixing It
“Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.” Gary Chapman
Why This Feels So Personal and So Confusing
To begin, it helps to understand why this cuts so deeply.
You didn’t just know your child, you raised them. You invested years of care, guidance, sacrifice, and love.
So when distance enters the relationship, it doesn’t feel like a simple disagreement.
It feels personal. It feels confusing. And at times, it can feel like something important is slipping through your hands.
Most parents find themselves holding two things at once:
Deep love for their child
Deep uncertainty about what changed
And because there often isn’t one clear moment to point to, the instinct is to lean in harder to fix it, explain it, or make sense of it.
However, that’s where many relationships begin to strain further.
What Feels Like Rejection May Not Be Rejection
What often feels like rejection to a parent can feel like protection to an adult child.
In other words, what you experience as:
Distance
Disrespect
Withdrawal
may be experienced by them as:
Setting boundaries
Creating space
Managing emotional overwhelm
This doesn’t mean everything your child is doing is right. However, it does mean this: if we misunderstand their experience, we will respond in ways that unintentionally reinforce the distance.
Therefore, before anything can be repaired, the situation must first be understood clearly.
Why Estrangement Is More Common Today
With that in mind, it helps to step back for a moment and look at the bigger picture. Because what you’re experiencing isn’t happening in isolation. We are living in a time where relationships are being redefined.
Today, there is a much stronger emphasis on:
emotional safety
personal well-being
and boundaries
And those things matter. They really do.
But at the same time, there has been a quiet shift away from:
honor
obligation
endurance
and staying connected when relationships become difficult
As a result, adult children are making relational decisions very differently from previous generations.
And here’s where the tension begins. Many parents are trying to respond to this new way of thinking about relationships with the expectations they were raised with.
So you have two different frameworks colliding:
one that says, “work through it.”
and one that says, “step away from it.”
And when those two meet, it can feel confusing, frustrating, and deeply personal.
What Often Leads to Distance Over Time
Because of this shift, estrangement rarely comes from one single moment. More often, it builds slowly over time.
It can look like:
feeling unheard again and again
tension during the transition into adulthood
past hurts that were never fully addressed
differences in values, faith, or lifestyle
strain introduced through marriage or in-law relationships
None of these on their own always breaks a relationship. But over time, without repair, they begin to stack.
And eventually, distance can feel easier than staying. And sadly, there are voices out in the culture that support this stance.
What Doesn’t Repair the Relationship
So what does help?
Not quick fixes. Not perfect words.
But a different way of showing up.
First, repair often begins with one person choosing to change their posture, and many times, that person is the parent.
It's not because you’re to blame, but because you’re willing.
Next, something shifts when a person feels heard. Instead of correcting the story, you acknowledge the experience: “I can see how that hurt you.”
That doesn’t mean you agree with everything. It means the relationship matters more than being right in the moment.
At the same time, it’s important to understand that pressure pushes people away.
Trying to fix everything quickly often closes the door further.
But simple, low-pressure connection: a short message, a kind word, a steady presence can begin to open it again. Then, over time, consistency does what intensity cannot.
Remember, trust isn’t rebuilt in one conversation. It’s rebuilt in small, incremental moments that feel different than before.
And finally, emotional steadiness changes everything.
When your presence feels calm, respectful, and non-reactive, the relationship becomes safer.
And safety is what allows the connection to return.
The Shift Every Parent Must Make
Because of all this, a deeper shift has to happen.
At some point, every parent moves from:
authority → influence
direction → relationship
control → invitation
If that shift doesn’t happen, the relationship can begin to strain under expectations that no longer fit.
But when it does, something beautiful changes.
The relationship becomes a place your adult child can move toward again—not away from.
When You Wonder If They’ll Ever Come Back
At this point, there’s often a question sitting just beneath the surface: What if they never come back?
That’s a real question parents must turn over to the Lord. We can't control the outcome, but how you navigate this situation can lead to a restored relationship. You can't control your adult child, but you can control:
who you become in the process
how you show up
whether you leave the door open with peace and integrity
As Romans 12:18 reminds us, we are responsible for our part, not the entire outcome.
And James 1:19 calls us to lead with listening before responding.
That kind of attitude changes things sometimes slowly, but deeply.
Wrapping Up
In closing, if your heart feels heavy, I want you to hold onto this truth: Just because there is distance does not mean the story is over.
Even in the silence, God is still at work. In you. In them. And in ways you may not yet see.
So don’t rush the process.
Instead, become the safest version of yourself they’ve ever experienced, and stay there long enough for it to matter. As D. John Townsend says, “People will not open up to us unless they feel safe with us.” Be that safe person your adult children can come to.
Scripture reminds us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Roman 12:18
If you’re living this reality with your child, this verse becomes both a guide and a comfort.
It steadies you in what is yours to carry: your words, your tone, your posture.
And at the same time, it gently releases you from what isn’t yours to control.
You can show up with peace. You can leave the door open.
What Still Matters for Kids in an AI World is a question more parents are quietly asking as technology reshapes nearly everything around us. The pace is faster. The expectations feel higher. And many parents are left wondering whether the path they’ve been told to follow will actually prepare their children for the future. And to be honest, we do have to consider what the world will be like when our kids become adults. Jonathan Brush and I discuss what parents need to do to help their child thrive.
Before we rush to adjust our children’s path, we need to understand what’s actually changing and what isn’t.
What Still Matters in an AI World with Jonathan Brush ETB 308
The World Our Kids Are Growing Up In Is Changing Faster Than We Expected
Children today are growing up in a world where information, opportunity, and even intelligence are no longer limited as they once were. The traditional “study hard → get a good job” path is shifting.
AI is reshaping education, careers, and skill sets.
Information is instant, abundant, and often overwhelming. Children can learn anything with a click of a button if they know how to ask good questions. But, this isn't enough. They need to learn how to thrive.
Success Is More Than Academics
For years, parents have been told that academic achievement is the path to success. Good grades. Strong test scores. College acceptance. But in an AI-driven world, information is no longer the advantage; it’s accessible to everyone.
What sets your child apart is not what they know, but how they live.
Success today is defined by character, adaptability, and the ability to navigate complexity with clarity. Children must be equipped to think, relate, create, and respond to challenges with maturity.
This shift requires parents to move from academic-focused parenting to whole-person development.
And that changes everything.
Here are the skills that matter for your kids to thrive in an AI world:
Teach Your Child to Accept Full Responsibility
Children who thrive in any environment are those who understand ownership.
Taking full responsibility means your child learns that their choices, attitudes, and actions matter. They do not blame others, make excuses, or wait to be rescued.
Instead, they step forward with confidence and accountability.
This doesn’t happen overnight. It is built over time through consistent expectations and allowing children to experience the natural results of their decisions.
When a child learns responsibility early, they become capable later.
That foundation prepares them for a world that will not slow down for them.
Prioritize Relationships in a Digital World
In a world increasingly shaped by screens and automation, relationships are becoming more valuable, not less.
Your child must learn how to communicate clearly, listen well, and build trust with others.
Technology can replicate many things, but it cannot replace genuine human connection.
Children who prioritize relationships develop emotional intelligence, empathy, and leadership skills that will set them apart in every environment.
Strong relationships anchor your child in a world that often feels unstable.
And that stability matters more than ever.
Raise Children Who Are Extraordinary in the Ordinary
There is a quiet strength in children who learn to do ordinary things with excellence.
Showing up on time. Completing tasks with care. Following through when no one is watching.
These habits may seem small, but they are rare, and that makes them powerful.
In a culture that chases recognition and shortcuts, teaching your child to value consistency builds discipline and integrity.
Over time, those small acts of faithfulness compound into a life marked by excellence.
And that kind of excellence cannot be automated.
Teach Your Child to Create Value
One of the most important shifts parents can make is helping their children understand how to create value.
Instead of asking, “What do I want to be?” children should learn to ask, “How can I contribute?”
Value creation means solving problems, meeting needs, and using their skills to serve others.
This mindset prepares children for an evolving job market where adaptability and innovation matter more than static knowledge.
When a child understands how to create value, they are no longer dependent on a system to define their worth.
They become a contributor wherever they go.
Help Your Child Live Resiliently
Resilience is not just about bouncing back. It is about learning how to stand firm in the middle of difficulty.
Your child will face setbacks, uncertainty, and challenges you cannot fully protect them from.
But you can prepare them.
Resilient children learn how to process disappointment, adjust their approach, and keep moving forward without losing heart.
They do not collapse under pressure; they grow through it.
In an AI-driven world filled with rapid change, resilience is not optional. It is essential.
Conclusion: Preparing Children for What Has Not Yet Happened
The future your child is stepping into will look different than anything we have experienced.
But the qualities they need are not new.
Responsibility. Relationships. Discipline. Value creation. Resilience.
These are the anchors that will steady them in a world that continues to accelerate.
As a parent, your role is not to predict the future perfectly.
It is to prepare your child to stand strong within it.
And when you focus on what truly matters, you will raise a child who is not overwhelmed by change—but ready for it.
About, References, and Links
Jonathan Brush is a first-generation homeschool graduate, the President and CEO of Unbound, and homeschool dad of eight. He has spoken for over a decade to parents, students, and groups across the country about effectively preparing young adults for life, the excitement and adventure of raising a family, maximizing higher education options, and how to be extraordinary at ordinary things. With a fresh, enthusiastic speaking approach, he consistently provides new perspective, practical advice, and honest hope to audiences of varied ages and backgrounds. Jonathan worked for nine years as a Director of Admissions for a private liberal arts college and has since worked in non-traditional higher education for over a decade. Jonathan and his family make their home in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia.
