I recently had the opportunity to meet up with Kristen A. Jenson to have a conversation about a topic that is extremely important in our world of expanding digital access: pornography. Kristen is the founder of Defend Young Minds and CEO of Glen Cove Press. She is an internationally acclaimed author and advocate for protecting young minds from the dangers of harmful media. Kristen is leading the charge in this area to make sure parents are equipped to protect and educate their children about these dangers. Parents, it’s time to start defending young minds!
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
Listen in as Kristen and I discuss these topics surrounding defending young minds and protecting them from the harmful effects of pornography:
How Good Pictures, Bad Pictures came to be and Kristen’s discovery of the lack of resources on this topic
The importance of preparing children to face this issue
How introducing children to the topic of pornography, its effects, and offering a plan for safeguarding their minds empowers children and opens lines of communication with parents
The need for normalizing conversations about pornography so children who are struggling with porn addiction
Understanding that curiosity is a natural response
Quelling parents’ concerns that talking about pornography will ignite curiosity in children
While we wish we didn’t have to have these conversations, it is critical to acknowledge the reality of the world we live in. You can work now to protect your children from the negative impacts of pornography and potentially save them from a world of heartache later. By initiating age-appropriate conversations and educating them using resources like those from Kristen and Defend Young Minds, you can start defending young minds of your children to recognize and reject pornography.
About Kristen A. Jenson
Kristen A. Jenson is the founder of Defend Young MindsTM (formerly Protect Young Minds®) and #1 best-selling author of the Good Pictures Bad Pictures series of read-aloud books, which have translations in 10 languages and are now augmented by a guidebook for professionals which supports child therapists and educators. She is also the executive producer of the Brain DefenseTM: Digital Safety curriculum—a powerful and engaging video-based course for families and educators.
Kristen is a positive voice for raising empowered, resilient, screen-smart kids who know how and why to reject pornography. She instills hope and confidence and leaves her audiences with pragmatic advice they can act on immediately to defend young minds.
Kristen is a mother of three and grandmother of two and currently lives with her husband and awfully cute dog in Washington State.
I recently had the pleasure of meeting Raymond Arroyo, a New York Times bestselling author and Fox News contributor, at the 2023 National Religious Broadcasters Convention. He agreed to sit down and have a conversation with me for the podcast. There were so many things we could have discussed! We could have talked about politics or how the world is crumbling around us, but we landed on a topic that strengthens the family, and I hope it is going to encourage you. Raymond and I were talking about how children are curious, and I knew this was the topic we needed to focus on! He’s written a book series called Turnabout Tales that focuses on little-known yet fascinating stories of historical figures who went from underdog to hero, and the adults who inspired them to be true to themselves and do big things that changed the world. The first book in the series is about the life of Thomas Alva Edison and his mother Nancy.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
In this episode, Raymond and I discuss taking children from underdog to hero and discuss these things along the way:
The importance of children’s curiosity
Raymond’s interest in Thomas Alva Edison and his discovery of his background
The role of Nancy Edison, Thomas’s mother, in his upbringing and education
The challenges Thomas Edison faced, including being labeled as an “idiot” by a schoolmaster
The significance of Nancy Edison’s belief in her son’s potential and her role in fostering his curiosity and intelligence
The impact of Nancy Edison’s influence on Thomas’s inventions and creativity
The importance of recognizing and nurturing children’s gifts, strengths, and talents
The marginalized role of mothers in society and the need to value and affirm their contribution and lifelong impact
The book’s cover and the representation of Nancy Edison
Thomas Edison’s hustle and work ethic at a young age
The influence of Nancy Edison’s decision to homeschool Thomas and its impact on his life trajectory
I hope you enjoyed our conversation about curiosity and the importance of relationships in a child’s life that help them go from underdog to hero. Be sure to check out Raymond’s website and look for another Turnabout Tales story to be released in the fall of 2023!
About Raymond Arroyo
Raymond Arroyo is an internationally known, award-winning journalist, producer, and New York Times Bestselling author. As a Fox News Contributor and Editorial Advisor to the top-rated, The Ingraham Angle, he has created the popular “Seen and Unseen” and “Friday Follies” segments that have become audience favorites. He regularly files reports for Fox News and co-hosts Fox Nation’s “Laura and Raymond” with Laura Ingraham each week.
Tasks. Work. Chores. Whatever you call them, there are things that need to be done in your home, and frankly, no one really wants to have to do them. Since the magic fairy isn’t going to be arriving anytime soon to handle these things, we as parents have to find a way to motivate our kids to get their share of the work done. I found that every age and stage and child requires a little different tactic and mindset, but it always comes back to adding an element of fun.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
An Element of Fun in Daily Tasks
As Mary Poppins so famously said, “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.”
That fun might be adding a timer to see how fast the job can be completed. This is great for your competitive kids. It might mean promising an outside fun activity after the work is finished. When we make it fun, everyone’s attitude is better, even yours!
The way that you phrase or present the tasks makes a difference. This requires thinking about your child’s unique personality and motivations. What will get this child excited about doing something? I know there are some kids who just have more of a bent toward murmuring and complaining, and it will take more work to get to a joyful heart for those kids. But, I’ve found that for most kids, offering a treat or reward activity really helps.
Sometimes your child’s creative ways will actually make the tasks take longer. That’s ok. Don’t squash their creativity. Let them use those skills and gifts. Sometimes it lightens the mood and makes everyone have more fun. Just be aware of your very responsible child who just wants to get the job done. They might be bothered by a sibling who stretches out the time it takes to do a task.
I’ve talked many times about journaling and keeping notes about your child. What motivates, excites, and delights your children? Use these insights to help motivate them to get the hard, boring, mundane things done.
By incorporating fun into everyday chores, parents can foster unity and collaboration, and ignite their child’s imagination. You’re instilling in them character qualities that will be written on their hearts for a lifetime. One day, your kids will sit around the table, when they are adults and don’t have to be there, and they will remember these days and how you made daily tasks fun.
I’m often asked these types of questions as I travel and speak to parents around the country and internationally: How do you raise godly kids? How do you raise kids that love Jesus? How do you raise kids who don’t walk away from the church? In this episode, I’m going to dive into nurturing spiritual development in your children.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
As parents, we often witness our young children express enthusiasm and love for Jesus and the church. However, as they grow older, they may start asking difficult questions or experiencing doubts. They may encounter conflicting ideas from friends or struggle to understand certain biblical passages. Eventually, some teenagers or young adults may even question or reject their faith altogether. There’s no formula to follow that will guarantee that your child will move from religion to relationship. It’s a living God who works in the hearts and minds of each of us, including our kids. While good, there’s more to it than a list of magic steps like reading the Bible to them, having them do copywork, and taking them to church each week. Nurturing spiritual development in children is much more about your relationship with them, the routines you put in place, and having the difficult spiritual conversations.
Parents Are the Primary Spiritual Influence
Deuteronomy tells us that we are to teach and train our kids in the way that they should go. You are supposed to be teaching and training them. The second part of that passage tells us that when they are old, they will not depart from it. Now, I know some of you listening and reading did everything right and your child still walked away. It is crucial that you recognize that it is your job to teach and train your child in the way they should go, but it is the Lord’s job to draw them near to Himself. Remember that when they walk away, it might not be forever.
It is crucial to recognize that you, as a parent, are the primary influence in your child’s life. Despite the challenges and external influences, you have a significant impact on their moral and spiritual development. You, not the youth group leader, the Sunday school teacher, the Christian school, or the co-op leader, are responsible. Your daily actions, conversations, and modeling of a godly life shape their understanding of faith. Do they see you spending time in prayer and reading God’s Word? Do you engage in conversations about the Lord, addressing their doubts and questions? By actively participating in their spiritual growth, you cultivate their enthusiasm and eagerness to know God.
Routines and Rituals
To instill a deep love for God, it’s essential to incorporate routines and rituals into your family life. These practices can reinforce the importance of faith in your everyday activities. For instance, you can have family Bible reading or devotion time, share prayer requests, or put up Bible verses around the house. By consistently engaging in these activities, you demonstrate that your relationship with God is not limited to specific times or places. It becomes an integral part of your lives.
Having Spiritual Conversations
Children observe and imitate their parents. By modeling a godly life, you show them the practical application of faith in various situations. But, they also need you to acknowledge their questions and doubts, responding with patience and encouragement rather than mockery or dismissal. Take time to affirm their curiosity and create a safe space for them to discuss their thoughts and concerns.
Encourage your children to appreciate God’s presence in the world around them. Teach them to marvel at the beauty of nature and see creation as a reflection of His glory. Foster empathy and compassion by praying for those in need, whether it be accident victims or the homeless. These experiences help children develop a heart for others and recognize God’s love and provision in their lives. Your kids naturally want to know more about God. Remember, faith is a journey, and doubts are a natural part of it. By intentionally fostering conversation, you help them deepen their relationship with God.
The Journey Not the Outcome
Don’t make learning about the Lord a task or school subject or just something that has to be done. Make it fun and creative and engaging. As parents, we have the privilege and responsibility to nurture spiritual development in your children. While we cannot guarantee the outcome or prevent them from experiencing doubts, we can create an environment that fosters their relationship with God. By having relationships with them, incorporating routines and rituals into our lives, and engaging in meaningful conversations we can guide them toward a faith that transcends head knowledge.
Some extreme examples have been recorded and posted online of parents behaving badly at kids’ sporting events recently in central Florida. In response, Fox 35 Orlando asked me to speak about parents who lack self-control. I love doing these segments, but there’s never enough time to say everything so I’m expanding on this topic here on the podcast for you! In this episode, we’re going to go deeper into the impact of parents who lack self-control, what your self-control teaches your kids, and how to turn it around if you’ve been a bad example.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
There are a number of reasons why parents are acting out these days. Parents lack self-control because of:
Fatigue and stress
Sensory overload and overwhelm
Societal expectations and pressure
Personal triggers and identity found in child’s performance
Parenting challenges
Why Do Parents Need Self-Control?
Are you pushing your child to be the best they can be but in the process you are losing the best of you? When you have self-control, your children learn healthy life skills. They learn how to:
Regulate their emotions
Have patience and tolerance
Control impulses
Manage stress
Develop character qualities
These are all things we want our kids to be able to do and do well!
What Happens When Parents Lack Self-Control?
When you show a lack of self-control these things can happen:
Your kids can become emotionally insecure. They become confused by the example set by you as the parent. This comes with anxiety and fear. Instead, ask your child: Did you give it your best?
They begin using the negative behavior that you’re modeling. Your kids will start to think that this behavior is acceptable.
Your child’s self-esteem will be impacted. They will internalize their feelings, believing that their self-worth is based on performance rather than on effort or skill. They won’t be able to regulate their own emotions.
How to Develop Self-Control
What can you do when you’ve been a bad example? Go apologize to your child! Explain that you were not a good example, you didn’t show a good testimony, and you may have embarrassed them. Say that you’re sorry and you were wrong. Ask for forgiveness. Don’t make excuses for your bad behavior!
Here are some ideas for how you prepare yourself for an event or make changes for you and your kids:
Don’t go to an event if you can’t control yourself.
Give a spouse or friend permission to confront you if you lack self-control.
Pray before entering the arena.
Make a decision in advance about how you will behave.
Distance yourself from bad influences at the event.
Move your kids to a different team/group if needed.
Be A Change Maker!
What is etched in your child’s heart becomes the reservoir from which they draw in the future. Remember that you are responsible to the Lord and to your family. As a parent, you don’t have to lack self-control. Instead of being an excuse maker, be a change maker!
One of my purposes here with the Equipped To Be Podcast is to help you build stronger relationships with your children as you launch them into adulthood. In this episode, I dive into the differences between correction and criticism. I share biblical insights, the power of your words, steps to using correction, and the potential pitfalls of sarcasm. Getting a handle on these concepts now will strengthen your relationships with your kids and make them more likely to seek out your advice and counsel when they are older.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
Correction vs. Criticism
To begin this conversation, we need to define these terms. What is the difference between correction and criticism?
Correction flows from a heart that cares about the other person, tends to build up, is biblical, and is motivated by love and compassion. Criticism often comes out of feeling attacked or frustrated, tends to tear down, expresses disapproval, and the words rarely land in a good place.
The Power of Words
Dale Carnegie said that criticizing is easy, but understanding and forgiveness require character and self-control.
Your words have the power to build up or tear down. I regularly say, “Let the words of your mouth land in a tender place of your child’s heart.” Be mindful of your tone, the construct of your sentences, and the child to whom you’re speaking.
Scripture on Correction
Take a look at these verses in the Bible on correction:
2 Timothy 3:16
Proverbs 12:1
Hebrew 12:11
Proverbs 18:21
Probers 13:3
Psalms 141:3
3 Steps to Using Correction
Here are 3 things to help you check yourself to make sure that you’re approaching your child for correction not criticism:
see through your child’s lens
take your thoughts captive
be quick to apologize
Warnings About Sarcasm
I live with a husband and a son gifted in sarcasm. I cannot complete with their one-liners. But, sarcasm can cause trouble. Keep these things in mind when using sarcasm. Sarcasm…
can be misinterpreted
can lead to conflict
can be passive aggressiveness
can lead to cynicism
The Parenting Goal: Stronger Relationships
I encourage you to:
lift up not tear down
guard your own mouth
check your own motive
If you want to keep the heart of your kids and build stronger relationships with them, practice these things. If you do, when they are older and living on their own as adults, they will be more likely to hear what you want to say to them and even seek out your opinions.
