Do you feel like you’re not doing enough for your kids? Does it seem like everyone is doing this mom life better than you? This is mom guilt! Let’s talk today about how to deal with mom guilt.
Defining Mom Guilt
I want to let you know that mom guilt isn’t a new thing. When my kids were young, we didn’t use that term, but this pervasive feeling that we’re not doing enough as women and moms is not new. What is new is the culture of social media that becomes entangled with the expectations of moms. Mom guilt is this feeling of being inadequate. You doubt yourself. You are living your life one way but see another mom doing things another way and become unsure of yourself. You think that the other mom is doing this mom thing better or the right way.
The Root of Mom Guilt
At the root of mom guilt is comparison. Scripture tells us not to compare ourselves to others. We need to keep our eyes focused on running our own races. We are each raising kids in different circumstances and environments. We each parent from different backgrounds and experiences from our childhoods. Maybe you made some bad decisions in the past that cause you to question everything you do now in your parenting. In any case, you have a race to run that is different from the mom next to you.
Steps to Deal with Mom Guilt
The first step to overcoming mom guilt is to give it to the Lord. We have to separate guilt from true conviction that comes from the Lord. Determine with prayer and consulting Scripture if this feeling is from God or a trusted source being used to point out something God wants you to see. Or is this something external meant to derail you? As much as I don’t like the phrase at times, there is value in stepping back and saying, “You do you” if your heart is in the right place seeking after God’s word and will.
Next, evaluate where this mom guilt is coming from. Is it a societal expectation? Consider the people and places where you spend your time or give your attention. Do your friends have a similar mindset to you? What about their biblical convictions or family cultural desires? Put your time and energy into the relationships and spaces that will encourage and support you in following God’s will for your parenting and life.
I challenge you to be a light in the midst of another mom’s guilt. Lift that burden off the mom’s around you. Affirm your mom friends and encourage them today!
I’ve known Erin Warren from Feasting on Truth for many years online. I recently had a chance to finally meet her in person at a women’s conference. Erin has a passion for God’s word that I think you’ll hear in this conversation about life, ministry, and the work she’s doing.
In this episode, Erin Warren and I talk about a lot of things including:
Learning about God through her husband’s chronic illness
Raising young children while navigating health challenges
Leading a women’s ministry
Laying something down when God leads
Starting an online Bible study
Helping women discover God’s word for themselves through inductive Bible study
and so much more!
About Erin Warren
Erin H. Warren is passionate about equipping and encouraging women to discover God’s truths for themselves. She is the author of Feasting on Truth: Savor the Life-giving Word of God, leads and teaches Bible study through her ministry Feasting on Truth, and has published several Bible studies. Erin and her husband, Kris, have three littles (who aren’t so little anymore), and they live in Central Florida. She loves a house full of people and a table full of food and hopes tacos never go out of style.
When members of the family live in close proximity and spend a lot of time together, there is bound to be tension in relationships at times. As a parent, you can see those nudges, unkind words, and rolled eyes. You can feel that tension between siblings. You can feel the distance that is growing between the siblings in your family. How do you go about mending fractured sibling relationships?
When I notice these fractured sibling relationships, here’s the process I follow for my next steps:
The first thing I do is take it to the Lord in prayer. I ask him what He wants me to do and what my role should be.
Next, I talk to my husband and/or trusted people in my life who know my kids well for advice.
Then, I observe and write down my observations.
Finally, I take action based on my first three steps. This may be action that I need to take or hand that responsibility over to a family member better suited to address the situation.
My husband and I have instilled into our children that they cannot leave a fractured relationship. Unspoken hurts and broken trust cannot be swept under the rug. We want peace and harmony but that requires doing the hard work of addressing conflicts and tensions. Not addressing sibling conflict is not an option!
How to Talk to Each Sibling
Here are some things to remember and consider when talking to each sibling involved in the conflict:
Make sure your child knows they can trust you.
Not addressing it is not an option.
Delaying to pray when needed is appropriate.
Be slow to speak.
Ask questions.
Don’t be accusatory.
Let your child know you’ve been observing and noticing them.
Pray with your child.
Give your child a hug and kiss.
Tell your child you love them.
Reassure your child that you’re going to work through this with them.
Handling Oblivious Children
Some kids will be an open book and share things with you easily. Some kids don’t have a clue that anything is wrong! What do you do with oblivious children who have no idea they are causing a problem? Here are some points to bring up and ways to talk to them:
Ask if they’ve noticed the issue.
Talk through the circumstances.
Acknowledge that they might not be aware that there’s a problem.
Explain how a sibling may see things differently.
Keep it simple and refrain from restating your point over and over again.
Talk about creating different patterns of behavior that would reduce the tension.
We want to do life together. We want our kids to live in harmony with their siblings. Mending fractured sibling relationships and addressing these conflicts when they are young is an important part of raising your children to have strong sibling relationships well into adulthood.
I spend time every year journaling and reflecting on the previous year. I have mixed feelings going into 2023, but I want to see this new year in the way that God wants me to see it. What if we chose to ask God to change us when we encounter challenges and struggles?
The holidays are not always sunshine and roses. Some of us emerged hurt and feeling rejected. You know, even Jesus experienced rejection. He knows this pain! Some of us are dealing with isolation and loneliness. Whatever the struggle, we need to ask God several questions:
What do You want me to learn from this trial?
What is it that I can do in this situation?
As I reflected on the last few months of my life, I realized how much I have had to let go of. I had to let go of my expectations of others. I have to give up my expectations of what I hoped would happen in certain circumstances. I was recently inspired by reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes to share these thoughts with you:
Don’t get stuck in trauma situations.
We can’t change others.
We need God to change us.
We are not capable of changing others. We can’t change our kids. We can’t change our spouse. Only the Lord can change someone else and we can be diligent in praying for that change, but a better focus is changing ourselves. At the same time, really only God can change us at a deeper level too. We need to be asking God to change us.
As we come to the end of another year, this is the perfect time to think about the year behind you and what you did or did not accomplish. Maybe you’re wearily thinking that something has to change for 2023. Maybe you’re looking forward in anticipation for this new year. Either way, I want to share with you some ideas for how to reflect and refocus for the new year during these finals days of this year.
As you wrap up your Christmas celebrations, the week between Christmas and New Year’s is a great time each year to reflect and refocus on your goals in various areas:
General life
Spiritual
Relational
and more!
Why Journal?
I’ve shared in the past that I’m a faithful journaler. I have found that when I journal and write things down, it helps me keep life in perspective. It allows me to pray over things in my life and give thanks when I see God at work in my life. It shows me where I need to make a change in my heart over time. I have a habit of journaling every day. Some days it is very short and other days my entries are more in depth.
Review and Reflect
During this transitional time, I like to go back and read my journal entries from the previous year. I reflect on what I wrote and look for patterns. I see God’s faithfulness. I gain perspective. I’m able to thank Him for what He did, including the hard things.
Refocus for the New Year
After I review and reflect, I begin a new journal for the new year. I start by writing about the blessings and faithfulness of God in the previous year. I write my hopes for the coming year. This helps me refocus for the coming new year. I write hopes and goals for things like:
My husband and our marriage
Each of my children and their lives, relationships, and struggles
My self-care and personal goals
My business and ministry related goals
Your Turn!
I encourage you to grab a journal or a notebook. First, list all of the blessings that God has given you this year. Include the simplest things to the biggest provisions. Include the good, the bad, and the hard. Then list your goals and hopes for the coming year, both large and small.
May this journaling be a reminder of God’s faithfulness in the coming year!
A friend recently suggested to me that I should talk to you about how God answers our prayers and specifically prayers of protection for our kids. Praying for your children is an important part of the spiritual development of your kids and for you as a parent.
I have a child who is a natural risk-taker. Do you have one of those? This momma I was talking to recently experienced a situation with a son who had been part of an accident, but his involvement or condition was unknown for a period of time. There’s just nothing that will drive a momma to her knees faster than something happening to her child! Those kinds of situations change us and remind us that God is in control.
Prayer is Action
Brooke McGlothlin at Million Praying Moms often says that the most effective thing you can do as a parent is to pray. Praying is doing something! Pray for your children consistently, not just when they are acting up or acting out, but regularly. If you don’t pray for your children, you’re missing out on deep communion with God and the testimony of being able to tell your child that you’re praying for them.
I’ve spent a good amount of time in the hospital lately between the birth of my second grandchild and supporting a family member in the hospital. One day I was in the waiting room area and met a mom whose toddler was going into organ failure. I felt overwhelmed as I listened to her story. I felt like I couldn’t take another another thing. But I could pray, and that’s exactly what I did for the momma.
I don’t know what your year has been like and I don’t know exactly what your future holds, but God does. Whatever your situation, ask God to give you some margin to enter into someone else’s hard place with them. Ask him to help you see the importance of praying with and for your children.
Pray Consistently
God cares for your children and he cares for you. He wants what is best for them, but sometimes that includes hard lessons. If you have a risk taking child like I had, you’re probably more likely to be praying for that child, but don’t forget your more compliant or less communicative kids too. Make a practice of praying for protection over your kids and praying consistently for them in general.
I pray that like the momma who suggested that I talk to your about praying today, that you’ll see God’s protection over your children and answered prayers.
