Do you feel like you’re not doing enough for your kids? Does it seem like everyone is doing this mom life better than you? This is mom guilt! Let’s talk today about how to deal with mom guilt.
Defining Mom Guilt
I want to let you know that mom guilt isn’t a new thing. When my kids were young, we didn’t use that term, but this pervasive feeling that we’re not doing enough as women and moms is not new. What is new is the culture of social media that becomes entangled with the expectations of moms. Mom guilt is this feeling of being inadequate. You doubt yourself. You are living your life one way but see another mom doing things another way and become unsure of yourself. You think that the other mom is doing this mom thing better or the right way.
The Root of Mom Guilt
At the root of mom guilt is comparison. Scripture tells us not to compare ourselves to others. We need to keep our eyes focused on running our own races. We are each raising kids in different circumstances and environments. We each parent from different backgrounds and experiences from our childhoods. Maybe you made some bad decisions in the past that cause you to question everything you do now in your parenting. In any case, you have a race to run that is different from the mom next to you.
Steps to Deal with Mom Guilt
The first step to overcoming mom guilt is to give it to the Lord. We have to separate guilt from true conviction that comes from the Lord. Determine with prayer and consulting Scripture if this feeling is from God or a trusted source being used to point out something God wants you to see. Or is this something external meant to derail you? As much as I don’t like the phrase at times, there is value in stepping back and saying, “You do you” if your heart is in the right place seeking after God’s word and will.
Next, evaluate where this mom guilt is coming from. Is it a societal expectation? Consider the people and places where you spend your time or give your attention. Do your friends have a similar mindset to you? What about their biblical convictions or family cultural desires? Put your time and energy into the relationships and spaces that will encourage and support you in following God’s will for your parenting and life.
I challenge you to be a light in the midst of another mom’s guilt. Lift that burden off the mom’s around you. Affirm your mom friends and encourage them today!
How do you manage boredom? Boredom plagues us all at one time or another. No one is immune to it. Boredom is often a sign that you’re tired of the same things over and over, even if you like routine. But, boredom is actually a good thing. It means that you have time and margin in your day to stop and think. Boredom means you have the space for creativity, innovation, and adventure rather than a robotic existence.
3 Steps to Managing Boredom
Identify the Boredom
First, identify boredom for what it is. Even those of us who love routine and order get tired of the same thing over and over again. We get sick of mindless actions and repetitive tasks. The routines are good and part of living a productive life, but we also need the space to dream and problem-solve. Sometimes boredom is a result of feeling stuck and needing a change.
Reframe Your Thoughts
Next, you need to reframe your thoughts. So much is being said about mindfulness these days. Be careful of what you allow to come into your mind and occupy space. What are you dwelling on? Focus on gratitude whatever the season or situation you’re in right now.
Find Ways to Redirect Bored Kids (and Adults!)
How can you redirect your children (or yourself!) when boredom sets in? Try some of these suggestions for managing boredom:
Do something out of the ordinary
Play with an old toy in a new way
Listen to an audiobook
Watch video tutorials
Do something physical and active
Find a way to do something faster
Create a challenge for yourself
Find a way to be more efficient or effective
Make a gratitude list
Connect with someone
Flip the schedule around
Some of your kids would be changing things up every day if given the chance and others freak out when you mess with their routine. Find a balance in your days of routine and adventure. Remember: that there isn’t anything wrong with being bored. Use that boredom and discontentment to show your kids how to be innovators and grateful people.
I’ve known Erin Warren from Feasting on Truth for many years online. I recently had a chance to finally meet her in person at a women’s conference. Erin has a passion for God’s word that I think you’ll hear in this conversation about life, ministry, and the work she’s doing.
In this episode, Erin Warren and I talk about a lot of things including:
Learning about God through her husband’s chronic illness
Raising young children while navigating health challenges
Leading a women’s ministry
Laying something down when God leads
Starting an online Bible study
Helping women discover God’s word for themselves through inductive Bible study
and so much more!
About Erin Warren
Erin H. Warren is passionate about equipping and encouraging women to discover God’s truths for themselves. She is the author of Feasting on Truth: Savor the Life-giving Word of God, leads and teaches Bible study through her ministry Feasting on Truth, and has published several Bible studies. Erin and her husband, Kris, have three littles (who aren’t so little anymore), and they live in Central Florida. She loves a house full of people and a table full of food and hopes tacos never go out of style.
Have you heard about OpenAI? It’s all over the news right now and kids are learning to use this platform to their advantage. It is so easy to use OpenAI to cheat. As parents, we need to look at how to curb cheating with OpenAI.
What is OpenAI?
OpenAI is a software platform that uses data scraped from all over the internet to write content. This isn’t a new thing, but it is now widely available to the general public for free. It’s just now becoming a resource that your kids could use for cheating.
What Makes Your Child Consider Cheating?
When there are options like OpenAI at their fingertips, cheating is a major temptation. What makes kids cheat? I talk a lot about strengths and personalities. So, it is essential to know each of your children and why they would make the decision to cheat. Some kids feel the pressure to measure up academically and feel like they can’t keep up. Some kids lack self-confidence. Some kids are afraid to fail. Why would your child cheat?
How to Stop Cheating with OpenAI
How do we as parents stop this cheating with OpenAI? There are three things that you can do to set the stage and curb cheating with OpenAI and really any form of cheating or lack of integrity in your kids.
Set The Standard
It takes more than just a simple “don’t cheat” conversation to keep your kids from cheating. My kids will tell you that I sounded like a broken record at times during their childhood. I would regularly repeat phrases like: The Albers don’t cheat. The Albers don’t lie. This has to be internalized by each child and become a part of who they were. You have to declare the standard!
Model Integrity and Honesty
Your kids are watching you. They are listening to you. If they see you stretching the truth and taking shady shortcuts, they are going to follow in your footsteps. Have integrity. Lead your kids by example.
Show Your Child The Way Back from Cheating
Makes sure that your child knows that if they do cheat, there is a way to get back on track. There will be a consequence that has to be paid, but they can make a better choice the next time. Guide them back while loving them unconditionally.
When members of the family live in close proximity and spend a lot of time together, there is bound to be tension in relationships at times. As a parent, you can see those nudges, unkind words, and rolled eyes. You can feel that tension between siblings. You can feel the distance that is growing between the siblings in your family. How do you go about mending fractured sibling relationships?
When I notice these fractured sibling relationships, here’s the process I follow for my next steps:
The first thing I do is take it to the Lord in prayer. I ask him what He wants me to do and what my role should be.
Next, I talk to my husband and/or trusted people in my life who know my kids well for advice.
Then, I observe and write down my observations.
Finally, I take action based on my first three steps. This may be action that I need to take or hand that responsibility over to a family member better suited to address the situation.
My husband and I have instilled into our children that they cannot leave a fractured relationship. Unspoken hurts and broken trust cannot be swept under the rug. We want peace and harmony but that requires doing the hard work of addressing conflicts and tensions. Not addressing sibling conflict is not an option!
How to Talk to Each Sibling
Here are some things to remember and consider when talking to each sibling involved in the conflict:
Make sure your child knows they can trust you.
Not addressing it is not an option.
Delaying to pray when needed is appropriate.
Be slow to speak.
Ask questions.
Don’t be accusatory.
Let your child know you’ve been observing and noticing them.
Pray with your child.
Give your child a hug and kiss.
Tell your child you love them.
Reassure your child that you’re going to work through this with them.
Handling Oblivious Children
Some kids will be an open book and share things with you easily. Some kids don’t have a clue that anything is wrong! What do you do with oblivious children who have no idea they are causing a problem? Here are some points to bring up and ways to talk to them:
Ask if they’ve noticed the issue.
Talk through the circumstances.
Acknowledge that they might not be aware that there’s a problem.
Explain how a sibling may see things differently.
Keep it simple and refrain from restating your point over and over again.
Talk about creating different patterns of behavior that would reduce the tension.
We want to do life together. We want our kids to live in harmony with their siblings. Mending fractured sibling relationships and addressing these conflicts when they are young is an important part of raising your children to have strong sibling relationships well into adulthood.
I spend time every year journaling and reflecting on the previous year. I have mixed feelings going into 2023, but I want to see this new year in the way that God wants me to see it. What if we chose to ask God to change us when we encounter challenges and struggles?
The holidays are not always sunshine and roses. Some of us emerged hurt and feeling rejected. You know, even Jesus experienced rejection. He knows this pain! Some of us are dealing with isolation and loneliness. Whatever the struggle, we need to ask God several questions:
What do You want me to learn from this trial?
What is it that I can do in this situation?
As I reflected on the last few months of my life, I realized how much I have had to let go of. I had to let go of my expectations of others. I have to give up my expectations of what I hoped would happen in certain circumstances. I was recently inspired by reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes to share these thoughts with you:
Don’t get stuck in trauma situations.
We can’t change others.
We need God to change us.
We are not capable of changing others. We can’t change our kids. We can’t change our spouse. Only the Lord can change someone else and we can be diligent in praying for that change, but a better focus is changing ourselves. At the same time, really only God can change us at a deeper level too. We need to be asking God to change us.
