It’s that time of year again – the start of a new school year! Whether you’re a seasoned parent or you have a new kindergartener, the mixed feelings of nervousness, excitement, and anxiety are likely familiar. In this episode, we are going to talk about transitioning smoothly into a new school year and the importance of easing kids back into school.
Let’s just first acknowledge now that there’s a bit of upheaval that happens at back-to-school time. Your kids are learning new things and adjusting to new schedules. Be mentally prepared for this.
Easing into the School Year
Here are my suggestions for ways of easing your kids back into school and setting them up for a great year:
Be sure to talk to your kids about any anxiety they may have.
This might be anxiety about the challenges of new things or it might be social challenges. Connect with your kids about how to process their emotions. Temper your expectations of your children, and yourself.
Be prepared and reduce stress by meal planning.
Having the groceries in the house and at least a rough plan of what you’re going to cook will make your days run more smoothly. Don’t forget to think about nutrition! Your child’s brain is developing rapidly and they need healthy fats and proteins in addition to good carbs. Set consistent meal times and set your day by working backward to make sure that meals happen on time and avoid children becoming hangry.
Help your kids develop good study habits and related routines.
Show them how to focus. Give them a space in which to study. Provide organizational systems and skills.
Include physical exercise and free play in your days.
Create margin in the schedule for these activities. Don’t give up this time in order to get other things done!
Create an atmosphere in your home that your children will want to remember.
An atmosphere of warmth, excitement, and enthusiasm is contagious. Write down the words you want your kids to use to describe your home after they’ve left your home as adults. Be and do the things needed to embody those words.
Remove distractions and provide the resources they need to be successful.
What is in the way of your child achieving their goals? Determine what is needed of you to reach those goals? What is keeping you from being available for your child?
Make It a Great Year
Every school year brings its own set of unique joys and excitements and challenges. I hope your children look back on this school year as a year of blessings and call it a great year!
Do your children have summer jobs? Do they have a part-time job or work as an intern or volunteer somewhere? Fox 35 Orlando asked me to speak on this topic of teens and summer jobs and I always have so much more to say on these topics than I can fit into a short morning show segment. A lot of learning happens with summer jobs, so let’s talk about the benefits of a summer job for your teen!
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
I was speaking at a conference and walked into the lobby of the hotel to find a sign that said, “Workers are scarce. The whole country is facing a worker shortage. Be nice to those who show up.” I’m a strong advocate of rest, play, and learning to use boredom, but I also see that learning happens on the construction site, in an office filling papers, or volunteering at a non-profit organization. There’s value gained in these experiences for your teens working at a summer job.
Benefits of a Summer Job for Teens
Summer jobs can teach children and teens a lot of valuable life lessons and skills. Some of these include learning:
The value of work from a financial perspective – Your teen’s job can show them the value of work and how to separate income from their personal worth. They can also earn cash that can go towards savings, college, or personal interests. This is also an opportunity for parents to talk with and teach children about pay, negotiating raises, and other financial skills.
Useful hard and soft skills – Summer jobs can give your child the opportunity to hone a particular skill in an area of interest or show them that they don’t like working in a particular field. Beyond that, there are soft skills like problem-solving that are gained along the way.
How to work with a variety of people – These summer and part-time opportunities put your child into situations where they have to interact with people of all different ages, life stages, personalities, and more. They can gain valuable experience in learning to serve and get along with all kinds of people, some of whom they might not normally come into contact with or from whom they might have differing beliefs.
Summer Job Ideas
What kinds of jobs can your children and teens get this summer? Here’s a list to help you get started thinking about the possibilities:
Construction, pool cleaning, lawn maintenance, lifeguard, parks and recreation
Online: video editing, virtual assistant, learning software tools, graphic design, social media ads creator
Creative: production crew, tradeshow designs
In-Office: receptionist, office assistant, intern
Volunteer: city events, sporting events, music and theater events, hospitals
Consider all of these benefits of and options for summer jobs for your children. Working during the summer months can help your teens develop important skills, cultivate a strong work ethic, and gain valuable experiences for their future.
I recently had the opportunity to meet up with Kristen A. Jenson to have a conversation about a topic that is extremely important in our world of expanding digital access: pornography. Kristen is the founder of Defend Young Minds and CEO of Glen Cove Press. She is an internationally acclaimed author and advocate for protecting young minds from the dangers of harmful media. Kristen is leading the charge in this area to make sure parents are equipped to protect and educate their children about these dangers. Parents, it’s time to start defending young minds!
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
Listen in as Kristen and I discuss these topics surrounding defending young minds and protecting them from the harmful effects of pornography:
How Good Pictures, Bad Pictures came to be and Kristen’s discovery of the lack of resources on this topic
The importance of preparing children to face this issue
How introducing children to the topic of pornography, its effects, and offering a plan for safeguarding their minds empowers children and opens lines of communication with parents
The need for normalizing conversations about pornography so children who are struggling with porn addiction
Understanding that curiosity is a natural response
Quelling parents’ concerns that talking about pornography will ignite curiosity in children
While we wish we didn’t have to have these conversations, it is critical to acknowledge the reality of the world we live in. You can work now to protect your children from the negative impacts of pornography and potentially save them from a world of heartache later. By initiating age-appropriate conversations and educating them using resources like those from Kristen and Defend Young Minds, you can start defending young minds of your children to recognize and reject pornography.
About Kristen A. Jenson
Kristen A. Jenson is the founder of Defend Young MindsTM (formerly Protect Young Minds®) and #1 best-selling author of the Good Pictures Bad Pictures series of read-aloud books, which have translations in 10 languages and are now augmented by a guidebook for professionals which supports child therapists and educators. She is also the executive producer of the Brain DefenseTM: Digital Safety curriculum—a powerful and engaging video-based course for families and educators.
Kristen is a positive voice for raising empowered, resilient, screen-smart kids who know how and why to reject pornography. She instills hope and confidence and leaves her audiences with pragmatic advice they can act on immediately to defend young minds.
Kristen is a mother of three and grandmother of two and currently lives with her husband and awfully cute dog in Washington State.
I was recently asked to do a news segment responding to a story about how a twelve-year-old and their friend snuck out of the house and drove four hundred miles to meet up with someone they’d met online. Sadly the age for children engaging in risky and dangerous behavior online is trending younger and younger. As a parent, how can you keep your kids safe online? What do you do when you find that your child is having secret chats online?
You need to take a position of balance between fear and caution. Even if you’re a tech-savvy parent, your kids probably know how to get around your efforts. Kids want to be affirmed, appreciated, and noticed so some are easily loured in by predators online. Your child just wants to have fun, but the bad people on the other side of the computer have honed their skills of deception.
Teach Your Kids to Make Wise Choices Now
The goal is for your kids to learn how to use technology and social media well while they are still under your roof. Then when they go out into the world with unmonitored access, they’ve already learned to have good boundaries and make wise choices. How do you set boundaries and teach your kids to make wise choices?
Establish Open and Honest Communication
The first step in this process is to establish open and honest communication with your tweens and teens. Discuss online safety. Remind them over and over again about these issues of tech and safety.
Set Clear Expectations
Next, set clear expectations. Set rules for technology and social media usage. Decide what’s allowed and what’s not allowed. Set time boundaries. Above all else, take time to explain the why behind the rules and boundaries.
Use parental controls
Use parental control options available to you. Set the rules, but use these tools to put guardrails in place. You have to follow up and monitor the rules that you put into place. Block and restrict content as needed. Check your child’s browser history. It’s your job to protect your kids! If you’re less tech-savvy, find tutorials online for how to use various settings.
Monitor Social Media Sites
Be sure to monitor social media sites and your child’s social media profiles. See who they are following. Watch what their friends are posting. Be sure to find a balance between checking and hovering.
Talk to Other Parents
Take time to talk to other parents. Find out about tools and methods they are using to keep their kids safe. What are they struggling with? Keep in mind that your kids are more likely to tell you what a friend did than to share the bad thing that they did themselves.
Tools for Monitoring Online Activity
There are a lot of tools out there for monitoring your child’s online activity. A couple we’ve looked at are Bark and Net Nanny. There are many more services available to choose from and more coming on the market every day. Be aware that some of these tools are using AI to determine when to alert you. You’ll need to decide where to balance privacy and the use of AI to protect your kids.
What To Do About Secret Chats Online
Don’t be afraid to talk to your kids about these topics. Ask them questions. Make sure they know you love them. Talk about the what-if scenarios. Role-play these things out. Remind them not to give out personal info.
But what if your child is already found themselves in trouble? Always watch and observe. Be aware of any secrecy and let that clue you into a problem. If you find that something has happened and your child is having secret chats online consider these next steps:
Breathe
Ask God for discernment and words specific for that child
Don’t overreact
Parents, stay engaged! Ask your kids about their online conversations. Make sure that your kids know that you’re on their side. Give them the guidance needed now so that when they leave your home they can navigate the online world with confidence as an adult.
The other day I was back in the Fox 35 Orlando studios to talk on air about another parenting topic. This time we were discussing kids and credit cards. Of course, a 3-5 minute morning TV segment gives little time to dig into the issue, so in this episode, I’m unpacking more of the conversations that need to be had and what to consider when your kid wants a credit card or debit card.
I think it is important to have these conversations with our kids rather than throwing out blanket approvals or denials. Each child even within your one family is different and may need different boundaries. There is not a set age at which getting a credit or debit card is right or wrong.
Why Does Your Child Want a Credit Card?
When your child wants a credit card, take time to find out why. What is their reasoning? You might be surprised! The reasons could be things like:
Peer pressure
No one takes cash
Concern about losing cash
Don’t feel safe carrying cash
My best advice for you is to refrain from rolling your eyes or quickly shooting down your child’s replies. Be slow to answer. Your job as the parent is to build a long last relationship through which you are teaching your child to be a responsible adult. Your child needs to learn to manage money, budget, save, and spend with your guidance.
How to Decide if Your Child Should Have a Credit Card
There are three main things to consider when deciding whether your child is ready for a credit (or debit) card.
What is their age and maturity level?
What is their understanding of money?
Does their responsibility level match their request?
After evaluating these things, you need to have a conversation about what works best for your family. Involve your spouse and other family members as needed. This is not just about what is best for your child. The final decision has to be a good fit for the entire family as well as your family goals and values.
Teaching Your Child About Money Management
In order to responsibly use a credit or debit card, your child needs to understand money management. Walk them through things like:
What an itemized credit card or bank statement looks like
How to budget
What needs to be paid at the end of a billing cycle
How interest works
How late fees work
What overdraft fees are
Paying minimum required payments vs paying off the full balance each month
Take time to show them one of your own credit card or bank statements to whatever detail you’re comfortable. Get out a calculator and have them run the numbers so they understand what might happen in various scenarios, interest rates, payment options, and overdraft fees.
Credit or Debit and Services for Kids
There are a lof of options out there these days to choose from when giving your child their first access to a credit or debit card. You’ll need to evaluate each to determine if they are a good fit for your family.
Will you choose a credit card or a debit card?
Are you trying to build credit?
Are you trying to avoid overdraft fees?
Are you willing to pay a monthly fee?
Do you want extra features like rewards or allowances built into the system?
Is a simple student account at a local bank a better option?
If your child is asking for a credit or debit card, task them with some of this research. What option do they think is best?
What If Trouble Comes with Using a Credit Card?
Remember that you are teaching your child in an environment where they can fail forward. Try a system and if it doesn’t work out, change the system rather than pulling all access. If your child misuses their credit or debit card, refrain from taking everything away. Keep the lines of communication open and encourage them to contact you first if they feel they need to make a charge outside of the usual approved purchases. Be tracking your child as needed, but not micromanaging. But, in the end, if the credit or debit card system is not working, look at other options as a family.
Start these conversation about money early and have them often. Help your child see you as a guide on this journey. Work together towards this goal of gaining financial wisdom and put them on surefooting as an adult for managing their own money.
In the last episode, we discussed the pros and cons of sleepovers. Rather than making a blanket decision, I encouraged you to look deeper into the goals of your family and how sleepovers can fit or do not fit into those plans. This week I want to dig deeper into hosting sleepovers. What should you ask the host family? What can you do as the host home for a sleepover?
I was recently on Fox 35 Orlando to talk about the pros and cons of sleepovers. It’s hard to have an in-depth discussion on a topic like this in four minutes!
If you’ve decided that your family allows sleepovers or you handle the requests on a case-by-case basis, think about how to best talk to the host to get the information you need to make a good decision. Think about the questions and concerns that you may be asked as the host home of a sleepover.
Questions to Ask About Hosting Sleepovers
Here are some questions you can ask about sleepovers or be prepared to answer:
Who is going to be attending?
How many kids are attending?
Will the parents be there?
Are there additional guests staying with the family?
Is this an adult party for which kids were told to invite their friends?
Is this just a kids’ hangout?
The answers to these questions change the potential dynamics of the gathering. Adult parties are more likely to have alcohol accessible. A kids’ Friday night hang-out with a handful of close friends at the home of long-time family friends is going to have a different atmosphere.
What About Safety at Sleepovers?
The number one concern about sleepovers is usually about safety. This takes many faces. In my Fox 35 segment, the topic of gun safety came up. How do you handle this topic? Honestly, you just have to ask. You don’t have to interrogate the family. Just be nice and express your concern for safety without making assumptions. Try to stay neutral and not come across as judgemental. Are firearms stored in a safe and kept unloaded?
Go over these safety concerns with your kids about guns, alcohol, and drugs. Prepare them for how to respond if presented with these things and how to get ahold of you if needed. Consider having a numeric code or code word that your child can text or say when they call you to alert you to come to get them out of the situation if needed. Does your child feel mature enough to handle these situations? Are you prepared to be respectful, non-judgemental, and empathic toward your kids if you’re asked to come to get them?
Communication Surrounding Sleepovers
Communication is key in handling sleepovers!
If you have to say no to a sleepover, be honest with your kids to whatever extent your child can understand or needs to know. Be prepared to have the tough conversations with your kids if they are broken-hearted because you must tell them no they cannot attend a particular sleepover. Be sure to remind your kids that they can use you as an excuse for not being able to go to a sleepover if needed.
For our family, we chose to host sleepovers more often than attend sleepovers at another home. I knew I wouldn’t get much sleep and I’d be on the couch all night near where the kids were to monitor what was going on. I welcomed any parents to come over or call to ask questions.
Open and honest communication is the foundation you’re trying to build with your kids. Create a safe and transparent environment where your kids and their friends can express how they feel, what has happened, or what their concerns are. They need to know that they can trust you!
Pray about what is best for your kids and your family. There is no one right or wrong way to handle sleepovers!
