Our family has a wonderful announcement to share with the world! My son recently won an Emmy for cinematography for his part in a documentary called Challenge Accepted about a young girl named Faith-Christina. Every child is different, but I want to share with you some ways in which we went about raising a creative child who went on to win an Emmy.
This is the beginning of a series of episodes about raising different kinds of kids to adulthood and preparing them for their desired careers. In this episode, I’m going to share the journey of raising a creative child who became a videographer and ended up winning an Emmy.
There’s no right way to walk this path, but there are good practices and wise choices. I can share through what I know about Strengths Finders and personalities some of how and why we did what we did.
The Early Years
We noticed early on that my son had an affinity to make movies. He loved to read novels and do his writing assignments about making movies or related topics. This led to me encouraging him to start writing his own scripts. We got him a video camera and he started making his own movies. I’d help scout locations and his siblings and friends would be his actors. We’d gather costumes from our closets and thrift stores. And then he’d go out and shoot these movies.
High School
This bent for filmmaking brought with it related interests. My son started doing sound for our church. He joined a band and dig some gigs with his friends. But, everything he did was in the creative realm and brought him back to filmmaking and being behind the camera. I began to plant seeds of career paths such as having his own videography business or production studio.
Overcoming Adversity
Right about the time that my son was applying to college and competitive degree programs, our house was hit by lightning. His computer was fried and along with it, his whole portfolio of creative work. This was in the days before he knew to back up his files and before we had so many options for keeping multiple backup copies of files. His dream of going to film school was shattered. He pressed on and got some degrees in cinematography but more importantly, he kept working in the field.
Working with Others
We encouraged him to learn from others but give more than he takes. Tell good stories. Make good videos. Put in the hard work even when no one is watching. He ended up starting his own videography business. It was tough because as a small business owner, he had to put in a lot of hours covering all the different roles from sound to filming to editing to directing. He worked other jobs as needed to make ends meet while pursuing his dream.
The Results
After 12 years of working hard in his field, my son was ready to step in when his name was called. He had put in the hard work. He was faithful. He had integrity. So when there was an opening to work with this team on Challenge Accepted, he was invited to join them and ready to put in the work.
Important Lessons
Here are some important life lessons learned along the way:
You don’t have to participate the way the world tells you that you have to compete to get ahead.
Raise your children to be masters at their skill so their work stands out from the rest.
Don’t go along to get along if it means compromising your values.
Be watchful observers of your children. What do they spend their time doing when they don’t have to be doing it? Encourage and support those bents and interests. Maybe they’ll win an Emmy someday. Maybe they will send a rocket to Mars. Maybe they will change culture.
In the United States, this is a week when we pause to be thankful and consider thankfulness. But, appreciation goes much deeper than thankfulness. In this episode, I want to discuss teaching appreciation to your kids.
Everyone wants to feel loved and valued, but appreciation goes deeper into the heart of a person. Teaching appreciation to kids actually begins with mom and dad. It starts with your example. This may come more easily to some of you but be more difficult for others. Catch your kids doing good things and then go beyond just saying thank you. Find your children doing little things and show them appreciation.
It’s important that you put your appreciation into words and actions that your child will hear and understand. Dr. Gary Chapman’s books are a great resource on this topic in addition to past episodes I’ve done on strengths and siblings. Ask the Lord to reveal to you how your children think, feel, and behave. How do they process the world around them? Use this knowledge to communicate appreciation to your kids.
When we neglect to do these kinds of these and train our kids with these examples over and over again, we end up with adults who don’t know how to be thankful and think everything is owed to them. But Scripture tells us that we are to value others more highly than ourselves. We are to seek to serve. Explain these ideas to your kids, not in a negative way, but in a way that makes them really think and ponder these things.
This episode has plenty of practical examples and scenarios about how you can put this into action to teach appreciation to your kids!
I speak frequently about how to keep kids safe online. I’ve found two camps of parenting styles when it comes to technology and internet usage. On one side, some parents decide to give no access at all to technology. On the other side, they allow their kids near unrestricted access.
If you’ve been around the Equipped To Be Podcast for very long, you know that I’m not a proponent of restricting all access to technology and the internet. At the same time, I’ve found that giving too much access without much monitoring and deep conversations with your kids can also backfire. I’ve talked to employees at some of the large tech companies and received varying responses about how to handle kids and tech, but it usually comes back to watching and monitoring. That’s a lot easier if you’re tech-savvy!
These days, it’s more likely a question of when, not if, your children or one of their friends will encounter bullying. I believe that the best middle-ground approach to tech usage is to use parental controls AND to have close relationships with your kids.
What does this look like in practice? How do you keep your kids safe online?
Conversations about Technology and Online Spaces
Relationships are at the core of having a balanced approach to online safety. Here are some things to consider when building these relationships and having these deep conversations.
Talk to your kids about why internet safety matters for their future. They need to understand the why. This is the principle behind the rule.
Give your kids some basic guidelines about internet etiquette. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then don’t type it online. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, then don’t do it to someone else.
Ask your kids about their friends. Except for some of your highly sensitive kids who may be more likely to respond openly, your kids are likely not going to answer direct questions. Ask if their friends are encountering issues online. Open deeper conversations about your experiences and your friends’ experiences help your kids be more vulnerable.
Encourage Common Sense Practices
Implement some simple guidelines for device usage in your home like:
Use devices in open spaces.
Set time limits
Encourage to not always be on a device.
Engage with people, nature, and books.
Help your kids understand that with freedom comes responsibility. They need to know that you’re looking out for their best interests. It’s not about control but about their safety.
I’m excited to welcome Dr. Kathy Koch back to the podcast! Dr. Kathy has a new book about kids and resiliency. She’s back to talk with me today about this book titled Resilient Kids and to define and expand upon resiliency. This is about so much more than the trauma of living through a pandemic!
I recently saw a statistic from Max Lucado that something like 80% of young people are feeling stress, anxiety, and/or depression. The mental health crisis in our country is staggering! Dr. Kathy and Celebrate Kids are doing what they can to educate parents. She’s optimistic but realistic in the way that she teaches.
Kids and Resiliency
Dr. Kathy defines resiliency as “readily recovering from difficulties.” She says that it’s not about being bouncy and happy like Tigger about struggles, but bouncing forward or coming back to a right standing when something bad happens.
Here are some of the things Dr. Kathy and I touch on regarding resilient kids in this episode:
Walking with your kids in their struggles
How Mom should leave the room if prone to overprotect and intervene too quickly.
How struggles made kids stronger just like they made you stronger
How struggles help us trust in ourselves and others
The problem of toxic positivity
How learning something new is hard
Working on self-talk – “What makes you think that’s true?”
Using “I am…” statements
Using examples and pictures and giving proof to show progress or back up claims
Acknowledging your child’s feeling
Using the word “yet”
Telling your kids not to lie to themselves
Letting your kids see you ask for help
Raising the children you have and not the ones you wish you had
Reframing thought patterns
The differences between Big T Trauma vs Little t trauma
I hope you found Dr. Kathy’s conversation encouraging and equipping! If you like what she had to say in this episode, be sure to check out her books using the links in the resource section below.
About Dr. Kathy Koch
Dr. Kathy Koch (pronounced “cook”) is the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., based in Fort Worth, TX, and a co-founder of Ignite the Family, based in Alpharetta, GA. She has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in 30 countries through keynote messages, seminars, chapels, and other events. She is proud to be represented by the Ambassador Speakers Bureau of Nashville, TN. She is a featured speaker for the Great Homeschool Conventions, on the faculty of Summit Ministries, and a frequent presenter for Care Net, Axis, and other organizations. She speaks regularly at schools, churches, and pregnancy resource centers.
There’s a new term in HR departments around the country: quiet quitters. It refers to people who don’t want to overexert themselves. They do just enough to get their paycheck and not get fired. Your children have the opportunity to take the marketplace by storm in this quiet quitter culture!
Have you ever seen this tendency to do just enough in your kids? They do just enough in their math work or put just enough sentences in that writing assignment paragraph. The problem with the quiet quitter mentality comes back to integrity. Even at this early stage, you can work with your kids to show them how to have integrity in their lives.
The Bible tells us that if we don’t work, we don’t eat. Sadly, culture has shifted to a lot of people who don’t want to work but want to spend a lot of time eating and shopping!
Pursuing Excellence
This is a great opportunity to talk to your kids about doing things with excellence and greatness. Show your kids how to give their best. I’m not suggesting that you sacrifice your family for work, but there is a relative balance that can be achieved when you do your best and have integrity.
What Are Companies Looking For?
Corporations, businesses, and the marketplace in general are all looking for people who will work hard. The world needs thought leaders who know how to put in a good day of work. It’s time to teach our children character qualities to reach that goal. They need to learn about:
Perseverance
Diligence
Determination
Grit
These qualities will give your kids the ability to add value and make a difference in the world.
Find Your Kids’ Strengths
One of the best ways to practically help your kids develop these qualities is by helping them find their strengths. I often talk to parents and students about finding their strengths so they can pursue their unique calling. When you have this understanding of yourself, you can add knowledge, skills, and hard work to build a fulfilling life. People are not just handed a life, they build a life, a career, and a family.
We are made by God to build things and add value to the people around us. Work doesn’t have to be something we dread. We’re not raising a generation to live in mediocrity. We’re raising a generation to lead, be innovators, and be risk-takers. We want them to shine a light for others to make a difference and an impact.
To reach this goal, we have to model this lifestyle and character. We must talk about these attributes with our kids. Show your kids the possibilities. Show them how to have a good work ethic. Don’t let them become quiet quitters!
What shapes family relationships? How can your kids grow up to be close friends? I wish I could tell you that you can build sibling relationships using a simple three-step formula. It can be simple, but it does take work and more than three steps to create an environment that will strengthen sibling relationships.
Shepherding a Child with Big Emotions A Biblical Approach
Our family gets together on a regular basis. It’s just who we are. We drop things and rearrange schedules as much as we can to get together. It might be a birthday or a family movie night. At least once a week we try to get together and as many as can show up. I love that my kids want to be around each other. It’s so much fun to watch their conversations and see their close relationships now as adults. It took many years and a lot of work to create an environment for those relationships to grow, strengthen, and thrive.
As Your Family Grows
When you introduce a new child into your family, the dynamics shift. The other kids didn’t get a say in whether or not this new little one could join the family and a measure of chaos exists as sleep is disrupted and schedules have to change. This can lead to some resentment. Take time to look at these issues through the eyes of your older child or children. Understand that the older siblings didn’t ask for siblings. They didn’t get to choose a boy or girl, how many siblings, if they would share a room, and more.
Ways to Strengthen Sibling Relationships
Here are some things to watch for and remember as you create an environment and a family dynamic for sibling relationships to be strengthened:
Watch for bullying. Some kids will act up when you’re not looking. Even Christian siblings are not immune to this.
Keep tabs on how your children are getting along. Help your kids understand how the words or tone they use will land on their siblings’ hearts.
Teach them to respect their differences and uniquenesses. Show your kids how each of them fits into your family.
Remember that you can’t force your kids to be friends. Friendship is a commitment to love one another. It means working things out when something goes wrong and it requires forgiveness. Your child has to make this choice.
Remember the ages and stages of your children. The middle school years are very hormonal and the high school years often come with requests for space. Relationships will change as the years go by.
Help your kids identify what’s at the root of frustrations with a sibling. Help them learn to see past the flaws in each other.
Mom and Dad, it’s up to you to cultivate an environment that causes sibling relationships to grow. The goal is that they’d be friends long after you are gone. We want them to respect each other for who they are and not what they do. Each child belongs in our family because God placed him or her here. Encouragement, care, compassion, respect, and entertainment. These all play a part in strengthening sibling relationships.
