Tom and I did a lot over the years to cultivate close sibling relationships within our family. I hear frequently that this is an issue of importance and concern for you as you raise your kids. You want to build strong sibling relationships between your kids. So, what do you want to see for your relationship with your kids when they become adults? What do you want to see in the relationships between your children when they become adults? Let’s talk about how you can build a strong foundation starting now to achieve that vision.
Throughout the day we spend a lot of time settling arguments and soothing hurt feelings between the kids, don’t we? Someone did something to someone… again.
“Mom! So and so looked at me funny.”
“Mom! So and so broke my lego set.”
“Mom! Why does he always get to stay up late?”
Sometimes it’s an endless list of offenses, isn’t it? By the end of the day mom falls into bed worn down and worn out. Maybe she’s even begging the Lord to please make the kids stop fighting and start getting along. I bet that happens in your family too. If you have several kids, the amount time spent being a peacemaker or referee can quickly add up.
The truth is that teaching your children to love and honor and accept each other for who God made them to be is necessary to the future of your family. I believe God established the family unit to not only bring Him glory but to help us live a life of togetherness.
You probably already spend countless hours investing in your child:
Reading
Playing
Teaching
Going to church
Reading God’s Word
What more can you do?
Relationships, Relationships, Relationships
You want to build a strong family. You want what’s best for your family. It’s going pretty well until maybe around middle school or high school or college and then you might find these relationship related things are becoming a little harder.
People often ask me about my kids and our relationships. How are the relationships now that they are adults? How did we get there? Well, it is important to know first that how we live life has changed over the years. This is something I write about in Parenting Beyond the Rules. The schedules and routines we clung to when the kids were little, like nap times and bedtimes, shifted when we hit new seasons like high school. I suggest not becoming perplexed when what used to work stops working. There is a natural shifting and changing that takes place over time. Let God lead you in how to change these things as you and your children grow and change.
I don’t think when I was a younger mom there were as many self-proclaimed experts telling me what to do, but I was still careful of who I let give me advice in those days. Back then, I would sometimes get down thinking about how imperfect our family was or how I wished things could be better. That’s the internal drive I have towards ideal. The problem is that’s not realistic. What is realistic is that we have to cultivate that which we want. We have to put in the effort it takes to guard and protect and nurture those sibling relationships. Then we must be willing to adjust along the way.
Richard Plass and James Cofield wrote in The Relational Soul (page 12): “We are designed for and defined by our relationships.” Think about that for a minute. You are designed for relationships. First with God, then with others. Next, you are defined by your relationships. First with God, then with others. Being designed for relationships with others starts within your home with the imperfect people God chose for you to do life with.
“We were born with a relentless longing to participate in the lives of others… We cannot not be relational.”
The Relational Soul – Plass and Cofield
How to Build Sibling Relationships
We must nurture trust with and between our children. They need to know that your family is safe. This is a safe place to be you. Here are some ways that you can do that:
Don’t allow your children to poke, make fun of, or shame their siblings for their weaknesses.
Listen to learn why a child struggles with another sibling.
Don’t allow your kids to compare between each other.
Ask leading questions
Don’t let joking cross the line to making fun of a sibling.
Remind each child they are part of something larger – the family!
Trust is the key to building the relationships that hold your family together. It takes sincerity, reliability, competence, and care every step of the way.
Do you know how to create a positive digital footprint and why it matters to your child’s future?
Most of us know what we shouldn’t share online. We also know the sites we visit and that conversations aren’t private. But children don’t know this! Most children think what they do will vanish after a short time. The idea that every click and conversation is being archived or watched by big tech screeners is unfathomable to them.
Parents are often frustrated by the arguments they have with their children over technology and social media. I understand how difficult it can be. After a long day, parents either give in or give up. May I encourage you to try another way? Teach them how to use tech!
Instead of fighting, I encourage you to walk with your child, so they learn how to make wise clicks and create a positive digital footprint.
Last week (in episode #80), I discussed how to raise tech-savvy kids. This week we will go a little deeper into how you minimize the conflict and have confidence that your child will be safe in a dangerous online world.
Limit Unproductive Time Scrolling
Avoid Using Screens as a Babysitter
Teach Children How to Tame Tech
Be the Parent. Do what is right for your child. If you say no, give him the reason behind your decision.
When your child know you are trying to understand her why, she will listen to your responses with less objections. You can teach your child how to create positive digital footprint, but you must be intentional. There are people who aren’t looking after your child’s best interest. That’s your job!
Are your school-aged kids at risk? How will this back-and-forth schooling impact our kids? First, the back-and-forth disrupts children’s rhythm and routine. They don’t know what to expect when things change from day to day. Some children can roll with the ebbs and flows with great ease, but the disruption throws them off for other children. So, what can you do as a parent to keep your kids from being at risk?
Children thrive on routine and consistency. But, unfortunately, the back-and-forth of schools opening and closing can harm children, especially when parents must work full-time. But there are ways to help your children and their friends navigate the back-and-forth so they don’t get behind.
Supplemental work
Giving a child supplemental work can be helpful to reinforce skills previously taught. Elementary students will benefit from hands-on learning. Cooking, playing, and making crafts are fun ways to apply what they have learned. Middle and high school students can benefit from worksheets that help them practice math and English concepts.
Avoid Talking Negatively
It is wise to avoid talking negatively about what’s happening. Some children won’t react well and can get quite upset. By being careful of what we say in front of our children and what they hear from well-meaning adults, our children are more likely to stay calm.
Should Parents Hover?
It’s important for parents not to view their desire to help their children as hovering. Instead, think of it as helping your children make academic progress by coming alongside them. Parents can offer critical feedback as well as identify when a child starts to struggle.
Set Expectations
Setting expectations can help your children continue to make forward progress. But we do want to make sure those expectations are realistic. Look for progress that is commensurate with their ability. Try not to compare siblings or allow online educators to compare your child with others in the course.
Children do need to understand they are caught in the middle of this back-and-forth. Parents need to remember that children can get frustrated by not having a say in anything right now.
There are ways to incentivize our kids to stay on track so they aren’t at risk!
Be positive about their day. Kids need reassurance that it’s all going to be OK.
Monitor your environment. Children feed off their surrounding environment.
Tell your children the plans for the next day on the night before. You can talk about the next day at dinner or during bedtime.
Remind them in the morning of your conversation the previous night.
Keep some consistent routines. Wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed.
Give children a reason to follow your instructions. Kids love rewards.
Whether your children are being impacted directly, they can still get caught in the back-and-forth of what is happening and their education. However, your wise counsel and discerning spirit can keep your children from being at risk.
We enter life curious. We wonder about the world around us, but as the years unfold that natural curiosity for life and learning can fade. So, how can we cultivate curiosity in our children?
In this episode, Connie talks with Cheryl Bastian about how to cultivate curiosity in our children.
How do you remain steadfast?
Be flexible
Foster conversation
Be specific
Be inviting
Let go of our expectations
How to become a student of your child?
Be willing to change
Listen and discern
Show interest
Get on their level
Observe what they spend time doing?
Focus on the clues they give by watching them
Note what excite them
Give margin in your day for discovery
Curiosity fuels learning. Therefore, we must be intentional to cultivate our child’s natural curiosity throughout their childhood. Don’t let the daily schedule keep them from exploring the world of possibilities.
“Our family is a learning family. We’re in this together.” – Cheryl Bastian
About Cheryl Bastian
Cheryl’s home education journey spans twenty-seven years with eight children, ages thirty-one to five. Her vast experiences allow her to journey alongside families at many stages of learning. As an author and speaker, Cheryl encourages parents to be intentional, real, and relational as they raise life-long learners. Her resources are available at www.cherylbastian.com.
Parents know the public educational system is broken, but most don’t know what they can do about it. Dr. Ai Addyson-Zhang was a college professor for over a decade and knew firsthand what was happening in the classroom and why she walked away from her teaching job to pursue something better. What can you do about the broken education system?
In this episode, we discuss why the system is broken, and practical things parents need to know so their child can obtain a superior education that focuses on learning, not test-taking.
The Broken Education System
Why kids are falling behind
How the system focuses on theories, not on the application
How parents can foster a love of discovery and learning
Why kids need practical experience to learn concepts
What parents can do to give their child a superior education, not a quality one
Why kids need to questions their teachers
How the learning process really happens
Conclusion
Parents can’t rely on a broken education system to provide a superior education for their children. My goal is to help you learn what you can do with your child at home to foster a love of learning that will continue throughout their lives.
About Dr. Ai Addyson-Zhang
Dr. Ai Addyson-Zhang is an educator and an entrepreneur. She received her MA and Ph.D. in Communication from Syracuse University and the University of Maryland. Ai is the founder of Classroom Without Walls, an alternative school to future-proof the next generation. Ai is also an Adobe Insider, Adobe Education Leader, and HubSpot Academy Instructor. Dr. Ai additionally serves as a SEMrush Webinar guest and host. Dr. References and Links
Fostering a foundation of respect between you and your teen requires time and intentionality. The good news is that your investment now pays off in the long run as you show your child respect.
Respecting each other is not just a good idea to help your relationship grow stronger, but God requires that we show respect. In I Peter 2:17 (NIV), the Bible says, “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”
In this episode, I share ways you can foster respect between you and your child.
Ways to Foster Respect Between You and Your Teen
Understand your child’s point of view.
Remember, every person is made in God’s image.
Let your child feel seen and heard.
Look at your teen in the eyes
Serve one another
Monitor how you speak to each child
Over the years, I’ve seen well-intentioned parents who believed respect wasn’t a two-way street. They demanded to be respected by their child but failed to understand their responsibility to show respect to their child. When you take the time to show your child respect, your child will start to mirror your example.
