I’m often asked these types of questions as I travel and speak to parents around the country and internationally: How do you raise godly kids? How do you raise kids that love Jesus? How do you raise kids who don’t walk away from the church? In this episode, I’m going to dive into nurturing spiritual development in your children.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
As parents, we often witness our young children express enthusiasm and love for Jesus and the church. However, as they grow older, they may start asking difficult questions or experiencing doubts. They may encounter conflicting ideas from friends or struggle to understand certain biblical passages. Eventually, some teenagers or young adults may even question or reject their faith altogether. There’s no formula to follow that will guarantee that your child will move from religion to relationship. It’s a living God who works in the hearts and minds of each of us, including our kids. While good, there’s more to it than a list of magic steps like reading the Bible to them, having them do copywork, and taking them to church each week. Nurturing spiritual development in children is much more about your relationship with them, the routines you put in place, and having the difficult spiritual conversations.
Parents Are the Primary Spiritual Influence
Deuteronomy tells us that we are to teach and train our kids in the way that they should go. You are supposed to be teaching and training them. The second part of that passage tells us that when they are old, they will not depart from it. Now, I know some of you listening and reading did everything right and your child still walked away. It is crucial that you recognize that it is your job to teach and train your child in the way they should go, but it is the Lord’s job to draw them near to Himself. Remember that when they walk away, it might not be forever.
It is crucial to recognize that you, as a parent, are the primary influence in your child’s life. Despite the challenges and external influences, you have a significant impact on their moral and spiritual development. You, not the youth group leader, the Sunday school teacher, the Christian school, or the co-op leader, are responsible. Your daily actions, conversations, and modeling of a godly life shape their understanding of faith. Do they see you spending time in prayer and reading God’s Word? Do you engage in conversations about the Lord, addressing their doubts and questions? By actively participating in their spiritual growth, you cultivate their enthusiasm and eagerness to know God.
Routines and Rituals
To instill a deep love for God, it’s essential to incorporate routines and rituals into your family life. These practices can reinforce the importance of faith in your everyday activities. For instance, you can have family Bible reading or devotion time, share prayer requests, or put up Bible verses around the house. By consistently engaging in these activities, you demonstrate that your relationship with God is not limited to specific times or places. It becomes an integral part of your lives.
Having Spiritual Conversations
Children observe and imitate their parents. By modeling a godly life, you show them the practical application of faith in various situations. But, they also need you to acknowledge their questions and doubts, responding with patience and encouragement rather than mockery or dismissal. Take time to affirm their curiosity and create a safe space for them to discuss their thoughts and concerns.
Encourage your children to appreciate God’s presence in the world around them. Teach them to marvel at the beauty of nature and see creation as a reflection of His glory. Foster empathy and compassion by praying for those in need, whether it be accident victims or the homeless. These experiences help children develop a heart for others and recognize God’s love and provision in their lives. Your kids naturally want to know more about God. Remember, faith is a journey, and doubts are a natural part of it. By intentionally fostering conversation, you help them deepen their relationship with God.
The Journey Not the Outcome
Don’t make learning about the Lord a task or school subject or just something that has to be done. Make it fun and creative and engaging. As parents, we have the privilege and responsibility to nurture spiritual development in your children. While we cannot guarantee the outcome or prevent them from experiencing doubts, we can create an environment that fosters their relationship with God. By having relationships with them, incorporating routines and rituals into our lives, and engaging in meaningful conversations we can guide them toward a faith that transcends head knowledge.
Some extreme examples have been recorded and posted online of parents behaving badly at kids’ sporting events recently in central Florida. In response, Fox 35 Orlando asked me to speak about parents who lack self-control. I love doing these segments, but there’s never enough time to say everything so I’m expanding on this topic here on the podcast for you! In this episode, we’re going to go deeper into the impact of parents who lack self-control, what your self-control teaches your kids, and how to turn it around if you’ve been a bad example.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
There are a number of reasons why parents are acting out these days. Parents lack self-control because of:
Fatigue and stress
Sensory overload and overwhelm
Societal expectations and pressure
Personal triggers and identity found in child’s performance
Parenting challenges
Why Do Parents Need Self-Control?
Are you pushing your child to be the best they can be but in the process you are losing the best of you? When you have self-control, your children learn healthy life skills. They learn how to:
Regulate their emotions
Have patience and tolerance
Control impulses
Manage stress
Develop character qualities
These are all things we want our kids to be able to do and do well!
What Happens When Parents Lack Self-Control?
When you show a lack of self-control these things can happen:
Your kids can become emotionally insecure. They become confused by the example set by you as the parent. This comes with anxiety and fear. Instead, ask your child: Did you give it your best?
They begin using the negative behavior that you’re modeling. Your kids will start to think that this behavior is acceptable.
Your child’s self-esteem will be impacted. They will internalize their feelings, believing that their self-worth is based on performance rather than on effort or skill. They won’t be able to regulate their own emotions.
How to Develop Self-Control
What can you do when you’ve been a bad example? Go apologize to your child! Explain that you were not a good example, you didn’t show a good testimony, and you may have embarrassed them. Say that you’re sorry and you were wrong. Ask for forgiveness. Don’t make excuses for your bad behavior!
Here are some ideas for how you prepare yourself for an event or make changes for you and your kids:
Don’t go to an event if you can’t control yourself.
Give a spouse or friend permission to confront you if you lack self-control.
Pray before entering the arena.
Make a decision in advance about how you will behave.
Distance yourself from bad influences at the event.
Move your kids to a different team/group if needed.
Be A Change Maker!
What is etched in your child’s heart becomes the reservoir from which they draw in the future. Remember that you are responsible to the Lord and to your family. As a parent, you don’t have to lack self-control. Instead of being an excuse maker, be a change maker!
I had the pleasure recently to talk with David Closson, the Director of the Center for Biblical Worldview at Family Research Council. I’ve known David for many, many years. He shares with me the sobering statistics regarding the gap between those who say that they are living a Biblical worldview and how their beliefs actually line up with a Biblical worldview. There’s a larger gap than you might even guess!
In this episode, David and I talk about:
David’s background playing basketball with my son to college and seminary to being invited to join the Family Research Council.
The founding and purpose of the Center for Biblical Worldview
What is and how do we live a biblical worldview?
The problems of theological liberalism
The financial, social, and legislative pressures on churches today
How issues surrounding gender and identity have become the number one question in churches today
The need for a resource to help churches talk about identity
The de-transitioner movement
Our hope in Jesus and His return
God doesn’t call us to change the world alone; He calls us to each be faithful to our individual callings
I hope that you heard David’s heart in this episode and were encouraged. It is so important that we return to the basics. As David said, “God’s work is sufficient.” Everything we need is there in Scripture!
About David Closson
David Closson serves as the Director of the Center for Biblical Worldview at Family Research Council. He researches and writes on life, human sexuality, religious liberty, and related issues from a biblical worldview.
David is the author of FRC’s Biblical Worldview Series, which seeks to help Christians and Christian leaders apply the teachings of the Bible to difficult moral questions.
David has served as a Program Leader for Covenant Journey, leading trips to Israel designed to strengthen Christian college students in their faith through an experiential journey of biblical and modern Israel. He has served on staff or as an ordained deacon at churches in Florida and Kentucky. He also interned for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention.
His writing has appeared at Fox News, Real Clear Politics, National Review, The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Decision Magazine, WORLD Opinions, The Gospel Coalition, Townhall, and Christian Post. David is the co-author of Male and Female He Created Them: A Study on Identity, Sexuality, and Marriage (Christian Focus, 2023). David is a regular guest on Washington Watch, FRC’s national television and radio program heard on over 800 stations in forty-eight states.
Currently, David is completing a Ph.D. in Christian Ethics at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. David is a graduate of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary (M.Div., Th.M.) and the University of Central Florida (B.A., political science, cum laude).
David lives in Washington, D.C. and is a member of Capitol Hill Baptist Church.
I was recently asked to do a news segment responding to a story about how a twelve-year-old and their friend snuck out of the house and drove four hundred miles to meet up with someone they’d met online. Sadly the age for children engaging in risky and dangerous behavior online is trending younger and younger. As a parent, how can you keep your kids safe online? What do you do when you find that your child is having secret chats online?
You need to take a position of balance between fear and caution. Even if you’re a tech-savvy parent, your kids probably know how to get around your efforts. Kids want to be affirmed, appreciated, and noticed so some are easily loured in by predators online. Your child just wants to have fun, but the bad people on the other side of the computer have honed their skills of deception.
Teach Your Kids to Make Wise Choices Now
The goal is for your kids to learn how to use technology and social media well while they are still under your roof. Then when they go out into the world with unmonitored access, they’ve already learned to have good boundaries and make wise choices. How do you set boundaries and teach your kids to make wise choices?
Establish Open and Honest Communication
The first step in this process is to establish open and honest communication with your tweens and teens. Discuss online safety. Remind them over and over again about these issues of tech and safety.
Set Clear Expectations
Next, set clear expectations. Set rules for technology and social media usage. Decide what’s allowed and what’s not allowed. Set time boundaries. Above all else, take time to explain the why behind the rules and boundaries.
Use parental controls
Use parental control options available to you. Set the rules, but use these tools to put guardrails in place. You have to follow up and monitor the rules that you put into place. Block and restrict content as needed. Check your child’s browser history. It’s your job to protect your kids! If you’re less tech-savvy, find tutorials online for how to use various settings.
Monitor Social Media Sites
Be sure to monitor social media sites and your child’s social media profiles. See who they are following. Watch what their friends are posting. Be sure to find a balance between checking and hovering.
Talk to Other Parents
Take time to talk to other parents. Find out about tools and methods they are using to keep their kids safe. What are they struggling with? Keep in mind that your kids are more likely to tell you what a friend did than to share the bad thing that they did themselves.
Tools for Monitoring Online Activity
There are a lot of tools out there for monitoring your child’s online activity. A couple we’ve looked at are Bark and Net Nanny. There are many more services available to choose from and more coming on the market every day. Be aware that some of these tools are using AI to determine when to alert you. You’ll need to decide where to balance privacy and the use of AI to protect your kids.
What To Do About Secret Chats Online
Don’t be afraid to talk to your kids about these topics. Ask them questions. Make sure they know you love them. Talk about the what-if scenarios. Role-play these things out. Remind them not to give out personal info.
But what if your child is already found themselves in trouble? Always watch and observe. Be aware of any secrecy and let that clue you into a problem. If you find that something has happened and your child is having secret chats online consider these next steps:
Breathe
Ask God for discernment and words specific for that child
Don’t overreact
Parents, stay engaged! Ask your kids about their online conversations. Make sure that your kids know that you’re on their side. Give them the guidance needed now so that when they leave your home they can navigate the online world with confidence as an adult.
When I met Rachael Adams a few years ago at a podcasting conference, I was so intrigued by her kindness and her authenticity. We connected again at another conference last year and I was so excited to hear about the book she had coming out. Rachael has such a heart for women in their search for significance and purpose. I’m excited to introduce her to you!
In this episode, Rachael and I discuss:
Rachael’s farm
The search for significance and listing of accomplishments
Finding wisdom in God’s word
God’s love for you just as you are not what you do
Seeing the ordinary become extraordinary
What might God do with one encounter?
I hope you are encouraged by Rachael’s perspective on life and Scripture in our conversation!
About Rachael Adams
Writer and podcaster Rachael Adams started her ministry to help women realize their God-given purpose and significance. She and her husband, Bryan, run a family business and farm in Kentucky with their two children, Will and Kate, and two doodle dogs.
The other day I was back in the Fox 35 Orlando studios to talk on air about another parenting topic. This time we were discussing kids and credit cards. Of course, a 3-5 minute morning TV segment gives little time to dig into the issue, so in this episode, I’m unpacking more of the conversations that need to be had and what to consider when your kid wants a credit card or debit card.
I think it is important to have these conversations with our kids rather than throwing out blanket approvals or denials. Each child even within your one family is different and may need different boundaries. There is not a set age at which getting a credit or debit card is right or wrong.
Why Does Your Child Want a Credit Card?
When your child wants a credit card, take time to find out why. What is their reasoning? You might be surprised! The reasons could be things like:
Peer pressure
No one takes cash
Concern about losing cash
Don’t feel safe carrying cash
My best advice for you is to refrain from rolling your eyes or quickly shooting down your child’s replies. Be slow to answer. Your job as the parent is to build a long last relationship through which you are teaching your child to be a responsible adult. Your child needs to learn to manage money, budget, save, and spend with your guidance.
How to Decide if Your Child Should Have a Credit Card
There are three main things to consider when deciding whether your child is ready for a credit (or debit) card.
What is their age and maturity level?
What is their understanding of money?
Does their responsibility level match their request?
After evaluating these things, you need to have a conversation about what works best for your family. Involve your spouse and other family members as needed. This is not just about what is best for your child. The final decision has to be a good fit for the entire family as well as your family goals and values.
Teaching Your Child About Money Management
In order to responsibly use a credit or debit card, your child needs to understand money management. Walk them through things like:
What an itemized credit card or bank statement looks like
How to budget
What needs to be paid at the end of a billing cycle
How interest works
How late fees work
What overdraft fees are
Paying minimum required payments vs paying off the full balance each month
Take time to show them one of your own credit card or bank statements to whatever detail you’re comfortable. Get out a calculator and have them run the numbers so they understand what might happen in various scenarios, interest rates, payment options, and overdraft fees.
Credit or Debit and Services for Kids
There are a lof of options out there these days to choose from when giving your child their first access to a credit or debit card. You’ll need to evaluate each to determine if they are a good fit for your family.
Will you choose a credit card or a debit card?
Are you trying to build credit?
Are you trying to avoid overdraft fees?
Are you willing to pay a monthly fee?
Do you want extra features like rewards or allowances built into the system?
Is a simple student account at a local bank a better option?
If your child is asking for a credit or debit card, task them with some of this research. What option do they think is best?
What If Trouble Comes with Using a Credit Card?
Remember that you are teaching your child in an environment where they can fail forward. Try a system and if it doesn’t work out, change the system rather than pulling all access. If your child misuses their credit or debit card, refrain from taking everything away. Keep the lines of communication open and encourage them to contact you first if they feel they need to make a charge outside of the usual approved purchases. Be tracking your child as needed, but not micromanaging. But, in the end, if the credit or debit card system is not working, look at other options as a family.
Start these conversation about money early and have them often. Help your child see you as a guide on this journey. Work together towards this goal of gaining financial wisdom and put them on surefooting as an adult for managing their own money.
