How can you learn to love struggles and trials? We are conditioned to ignore and suppress struggles and trials in order to not appear weak or vulnerable. But, God can use struggles and trials to grow and change you if follow His leading.
It is important that you know that God has equipped you to walk through struggles, and you should not be consumed by them!
Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.
Lamentations 3:22 NKJV
Struggles and trials are common to everyone. I’ve been in difficult situations many times in my life. I’ve learned that these struggles and trials are teaching you something you wouldn’t learn without them. God can teach you things like:
Patience
Perseverance
Perspective
and more!
These struggles and trials are making you stronger! My husband and daughter recently went on a cross-country motorcycle trip. From the outside, it looked like an amazing trip. The reality is that they faced all kinds of storms and winds along the way. In pursuit of their dream, they endured incredible trials and struggles. God took them on unexpected detours that allowed them to experience the most beautiful places, but it wasn’t easy.
Struggles and trials force you to your knees, not to crush you, but to make you look to the Lord. In your weakness, God’s strength is made known. Struggles and trials change you. You will come through a struggle or trial differently than when you entered. Your faith will grow. Your resilience will increase. Your attitude will improve. Think about grandparents. Why are grandparents typically easier on grandkids than they were on you? They learned everything isn’t the battle we think.
How will you look at your next difficult circumstance? Will you learn to love struggles and trials?
Grief is part of life. Death, loss, separation, trials, unmet needs, or unfulfilled expectations are a few things we find ourselves grieving over. How can you walk wisely through seasons of grief?
How we deal with grief can depend on our age, temperament, the ages of our children, faith or lack thereof, and the circumstances surrounding the situation. With all these factors to consider, walking through seasons of grief is a rather personal matter. How you process what you are feeling is unique to you.
Planning for Grief
By the time I had hit my late teens, I had survived a boat explosion, my parent’s divorce, abuse, abandonment, and betrayal. That is quite a lot for a child to endure, but I learned lessons through these events that would serve me well throughout my life. I learned that:
God had a plan.
Life will still go on.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, if you choose not to get bitter.
We can’t plan for accidents or losses. Oh, I wish we could. We can’t count on friends to walk with us — though some will. We can’t expect our spouse to know what to do — though many do try. People won’t fully understand what you are going through — so don’t expect them to. That isn’t fair to others.
While we can’t plan what will come our way, but God does. He knows precisely what is coming and how He will make a way if you lean on Him. His ability to help you overcome and walk through dark times is unmatched! You can’t do it on your own. And you were never meant to either.
I’ve learned people don’t get to the other side of grief in the same way. How will you choose to walk through grief?
How to Walk Wisely Through Seasons of Grief
These are some things to hold onto as you walk through seasons of grief:
Discover the joy within the stop and go of life.
Remember that the grieving process takes time.
Keep in mind that seasons of grief shape you.
Have patience. Transformation happens slowly. It’s doubtful you’ll see the change happening until you reflect back at a later time. But, if you walk through your season of grief well, you will be refined.
See how God gives you a greater capacity to walk with others in their seasons of grief.
We all will suffer. Suffering is as much a part of life as joy and happiness. What you do with that grief and how you allow God to refine you during those seasons of grief are what will define you.
There are so many different crises vying for your attention these day. As hard as you might try, you can do it all. You can’t fight every battle at once. So, how do you pick the battle or battles that you will fight? How do you best fight for your family?
Find a Focus
“The more crises, the better!” Don’t get caught up in that chaos. Pick one or two issues to focus on and then stay focused on those issues. Don’t get sidetracked by all that’s wrong in the world. You can’t fix it all and certainly not all at once. Plus, God isn’t asking you to fix it all! Focusing on too many things will wear you down, which is then likely to cause you to give up.
You are your child’s greatest influence!
Connie Albers
Know Your Season and Availability
There is a time for everything. (See Ecclesiastes 3:1-22.) Know your season and availability. Some seasons of your life won’t lend themselves to taking on anything beyond what you are currently doing. If that describes your situation, embrace the “not now.” On the other hand, if you have prayed over it and feel like you can add a couple of hours a week doing something from your home at night, then do just that with confidence. Your seasons will change as your children grow or responsibilities change over time.
Ask God to Prepare Others
Ask the Lord to prompt others to tackle areas you don’t have time be involved in right now. God can use others and their gifts and talents.
God used David, a couple of sticks, and five stones to fight Goliath in the Old Testament. David didn’t try to take on the whole army at once. He focused on one single battle – defeating Goliath. Where should your focus be right now? What is your Goliath? How will you best fight for your family with the time and talents God has given to you?
Strong-willed children do not want to surrender; they want to have their way. Therefore, they often view your instructions as mere suggestions. If they win the argument or don’t have to do what you tell them to do, then they win. The problem is that doesn’t prepare them for life. You are the parent! So, how do you successfully raise a strong-willed child?
It can be a difficult challenge for parents of strong-willed kids to know what to do. You need to know that strong-willed children have a knack for finding your weaknesses, your insecurities, your fears, and your willingness to let things slide. Trust me; strong-willed kids can push you to the point of utter frustration.
Let me tell you: I didn’t parent perfectly. I made many, many mistakes in my parenting journey. My kids disagreed with me a lot, and they didn’t respond joyfully to everything I did. They were children. They needed parenting. I needed to show up every day and be faithful. I trusted the Lord to lead me as I taught them. And so must you!
When it comes to dealing with strong-willed children, remember to incorporate these four words into your parenting.
4 C’s for Raising a Strong-Willed Child
Compliment Children
Every child needs verbal affirmation, especially strong-willed kids. Pay attention when they do something right, listen to your instructions or exhibit self-control. Let them know that you appreciate it when they do something positive. These compliments always seem to motivate a child to work harder and reinforce positive behavior.
Look for Ways to Connect
Strong-willed children tend to be a bit frustrating for a parent. Their constant resistance can cause a parent to pull away emotionally, relationally, and physically. But, it is so important to show these children unconditional love. Showing unconditional love should not be confused with condoning their actions, nor does it mean there are no consequences for disobedience. Instead, once the consequence is applied, the child is loved and hugged as if nothing ever happened. Though it might seem easier to distance yourself, it is not what your child needs from you. Hug them. Show them your love is not based on performance.
Consistent Boundaries
Strong-willed children need consistent, firm boundaries. They also need consistency from you. Once you’ve established what is acceptable and what isn’t, you need to hold your child accountable. Look for areas where you can say yes to as much as possible. If a strong-willed child is allowed to get away with something ten times and then disciplined for it on the eleventh time, they will continue to push the limits. The goal is to learn they can’t whine, argue, or wear you down to get their way.
Children Need Correction
Correction is a necessary part of raising children. Create consequences for disobedience and apply them consistently every time. As a mom of a couple of strong-willed children, I will tell you this wasn’t easy. It felt like some days all I did was correct them. Persevere! The road is long, and you will get tired of correcting. There will be days when that is all you do. Stay the course! It does work, but some children need more “help” in this area than others.
A few remaining thoughts…
Strong-willed children need guidance. They are future leaders! Their disobedience is still disobedient. Try to consider what is going on before correcting them. They might be tired, hungry, stressed, and out of sorts, but these things don’t cause disobedience. Those things allow what is already in their hearts to surface. That being said, give your child as many opportunities as possible to follow instructions. Create an environment that encourages obedience and does not set them up for failure.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Equipped To Be!
Do you know how to create a positive digital footprint and why it matters to your child’s future?
Most of us know what we shouldn’t share online. We also know the sites we visit and that conversations aren’t private. But children don’t know this! Most children think what they do will vanish after a short time. The idea that every click and conversation is being archived or watched by big tech screeners is unfathomable to them.
Parents are often frustrated by the arguments they have with their children over technology and social media. I understand how difficult it can be. After a long day, parents either give in or give up. May I encourage you to try another way? Teach them how to use tech!
Instead of fighting, I encourage you to walk with your child, so they learn how to make wise clicks and create a positive digital footprint.
Last week (in episode #80), I discussed how to raise tech-savvy kids. This week we will go a little deeper into how you minimize the conflict and have confidence that your child will be safe in a dangerous online world.
Limit Unproductive Time Scrolling
Avoid Using Screens as a Babysitter
Teach Children How to Tame Tech
Be the Parent. Do what is right for your child. If you say no, give him the reason behind your decision.
When your child know you are trying to understand her why, she will listen to your responses with less objections. You can teach your child how to create positive digital footprint, but you must be intentional. There are people who aren’t looking after your child’s best interest. That’s your job!
Parents are rightly concerned about technology. Unfortunately, devices are often the source of disagreements, threats, and angry outbursts in many families. Kids don’t understand the dangers, and parents don’t know how to navigate online usage. What do you need to know for raising tech-savvy kids?
In March of 2020, the number of hours children spent online drastically increased. Most kids didn’t have a choice. They had to do school virtually, which meant more tech time. And because every activity was canceled, kids needed to “do” something because they couldn’t go out the way they were accustomed to. At first, they were shocked by all the disruption, and parents found themselves letting their children spend way more time than they’d ever allowed before. But now, parents are revisiting their children’s digital usage.
Is technology bad? Is the Internet safe? The simple answer to both questions is no. Technology isn’t bad; it’s neutral. It only does what it’s programmed to do. And the Internet isn’t safe, but that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t learn how to use the Internet wisely.
In this episode, we’ll focus on two points every parent must consider so that they can raise tech-savvy children who know how to use these powerful tools skillfully.
Know Your Child
Not every child will respond in the same way to using technology. Some children have better things to do with their time than be online constantly using social media or watching videos. If they need to go online, they do what they need to do and go on with their day.
However, other children can’t get enough screen time. They are eager to learn more and find ways to connect with more friends. Some get lured into websites they never intended to visit because they click on a few links out of curiosity. Whatever their reason for wanting to be online is, there is never enough time for them. They struggle with turning off their devices. They genuinely fear missing something if they aren’t checked in somewhere.
Part of parenting is to know our children and help them understand how they are wired. I promise that what works for one child is unlikely to work for another child. This is because they are unique and have an internal driver that makes them do what they do.
The best way to teach your children how to be tech-savvy is to walk alongside them while they live under your roof. Too many times, parents miss this opportunity to teach time management, self-control, proper tech usage, and God’s principles regarding having an online platform. Another option we have as parents is to teach them what to do if they misuse apps, links, or social media platforms.
Social media is a tool that many use for good. Unfortunately, it can also be a weapon used to hurt or harm someone. The online culture changed dramatically in 2020-2021. Our kids need more help than ever in knowing how to use any platform wisely.
When you know your children, you can speak the truth so they will understand because you know them and care about their future.
You get to help them learn how to shine a positive light on others. You can help them learn how to refrain from the temptations.
Be the parent your children can come to if they get exposed to something online. But first, you have to have the type of relationship where your children know you won’t overreact before knowing the circumstances.
Another way we can teach our children to be tech-savvy is to consider why they want to surf the net.
Consider Why Your Child Wants to Post
Have you seen the movie The Social Dilemma? If you haven’t, I encourage you to watch it first alone and then with your children—if they are old enough to comprehend the message.
Knowing why your child wants to use technology or the Internet is valuable information. It helps your family make wiser decisions. I’ve talked to Google and Facebook sales reps at various conventions and was surprised to learn they don’t allow their children to use YouTube or social media until they’re older. Even then, they place restrictions on where they go, what they post, how much time they spend, and how mature their child is before giving them permission. They know that even with all the parental controls and devices, children can still be at risk.
Whatever you decide for your family, be assured that others will disagree with you. I’ve seen friendships end because they don’t see eye to eye. It would be best if you let your children in a manner that is right for them, not because you might get questioned by others. Know your why and share that with care and clarity. Keep in mind, most of your friends and family want what’s best for your child too.
God wants us to teach and train our children. If not you, then who will? This is a phrase I told myself many times. If I don’t teach my children, others will, and I don’t know what those others will teach my kids.
Teach them to be wise and discerning. Share things that can be uplifting and inspiring. It’s our job to teach them to use technology for God’s glory. Then, we can slowly allow our children to use these tools with precision while avoiding the pitfalls.
In next week’s episode, I’ll continue the conversation on raising tech-savvy kids.
