I speak frequently about how to keep kids safe online. I’ve found two camps of parenting styles when it comes to technology and internet usage. On one side, some parents decide to give no access at all to technology. On the other side, they allow their kids near unrestricted access.
If you’ve been around the Equipped To Be Podcast for very long, you know that I’m not a proponent of restricting all access to technology and the internet. At the same time, I’ve found that giving too much access without much monitoring and deep conversations with your kids can also backfire. I’ve talked to employees at some of the large tech companies and received varying responses about how to handle kids and tech, but it usually comes back to watching and monitoring. That’s a lot easier if you’re tech-savvy!
These days, it’s more likely a question of when, not if, your children or one of their friends will encounter bullying. I believe that the best middle-ground approach to tech usage is to use parental controls AND to have close relationships with your kids.
What does this look like in practice? How do you keep your kids safe online?
Conversations about Technology and Online Spaces
Relationships are at the core of having a balanced approach to online safety. Here are some things to consider when building these relationships and having these deep conversations.
Talk to your kids about why internet safety matters for their future. They need to understand the why. This is the principle behind the rule.
Give your kids some basic guidelines about internet etiquette. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then don’t type it online. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, then don’t do it to someone else.
Ask your kids about their friends. Except for some of your highly sensitive kids who may be more likely to respond openly, your kids are likely not going to answer direct questions. Ask if their friends are encountering issues online. Open deeper conversations about your experiences and your friends’ experiences help your kids be more vulnerable.
Encourage Common Sense Practices
Implement some simple guidelines for device usage in your home like:
Use devices in open spaces.
Set time limits
Encourage to not always be on a device.
Engage with people, nature, and books.
Help your kids understand that with freedom comes responsibility. They need to know that you’re looking out for their best interests. It’s not about control but about their safety.
In episode #134, I told you that teaching kids to serve is a great way to help manage the impacts of stress. I mentioned the recent devastation in southwest Florida from Hurricane Ian and that Samaritan’s Purse is an excellent ministry to give money to or to partner with for serving in person in a disaster area. This week, Shannon Dailley from Samaritan’s Purse joins me to talk about the work that ministry is doing in Florida and around the world.
Shannon and I discuss the kinds of work that Samaritan’s Purse does in disaster areas around the world. We also talk about how families can get involved together and how impactful that can be for kids for the rest of their lives. Shannon describes what a volunteer day looks like, starting with breakfast and devotions and ending with volunteering for and ministering to a homeowner.
*Please note that volunteers with Samaritan’s Purse must be at least 14 years of age due to the nature of the work and proximity to heavy equipment.*
Hurricane Ian Service Opportunities
Samaritan’s Purse is responding to Hurricane Ian’s destruction in three locations in southwest Florida: Fort Myers, Englewood, and Punta Gorda. The North Carolina-based international Christian relief and evangelism organization has mobilized more than 880 volunteers from 26 states with another 2,500 on the way. In just the first six days of work on the ground, Samaritan’s Purse has already received more than 1,800 requests for help. As of today, more than 80 families have been served so far with a large volunteer turnout expected across all three locations in the coming weeks.
If you are local to these areas of southwest Florida and would like to serve as a day volunteer, please contact the local volunteer numbers for more information:
Fort Myers, FL (DR 6)
Citygate Ministries – 1735 Jackson Street, Fort Myers, FL 33901
Pastor: David and Michele Pleasant
Volunteer Phone: 239-944-0120
Staff: Chandler Saylors, Jacob Rutz, Rachael Miller & Jeff Bradbury
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
Punta Gorda, FL (DR 7)
New Life Church: 507 W Marion Ave, Punta Gorda, FL 33950
Pastor: Mike Loomis
Volunteer Phone: 941-290-8650
Staff: Shannon Daley, Jodie Yoder & Phil Engel
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
Englewood, FL (DR 8)
Calvary Baptist Church: 75 Pine Street, Englewood, FL 34223
Pastor: John & Darla Boutchia
Volunteer Phone: 941-290-8528
Staff: John Schultz, Jaime Keoshian & Nate Smith
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
If you are a homeowner in need of assistance in one of these affected areas, please contact Samaritan’s Purse using the corresponding local homeowner assistance phone numbers:
For those in need of assistance in Fort Myers, please call (239) 944-0119
For those in need of assistance in Punta Gorda, please call 941-290-8648
For those in need of assistance in Englewood, please call (941) 290-8527
Other Ways to Serve
What other ways can you think of to serve those affected by hurricanes or other natural disaters? What could you do with younger kids? What can you give away or sell that could be needed in this area right now?
About Shannon Dailley from Samaritan’s Purse
Shannon Dailley is a regional program manager with Samaritan’s Purse US Disaster Relief. She began working with Samaritan’s Purse 11 years ago as a volunteer during Hurricane Katrina and has now been on staff for over 6 years. She and Samaritan’s Purse work with local churches to mobilize volunteers and assist homeowners when a disaster hits.
There’s a new term in HR departments around the country: quiet quitters. It refers to people who don’t want to overexert themselves. They do just enough to get their paycheck and not get fired. Your children have the opportunity to take the marketplace by storm in this quiet quitter culture!
Have you ever seen this tendency to do just enough in your kids? They do just enough in their math work or put just enough sentences in that writing assignment paragraph. The problem with the quiet quitter mentality comes back to integrity. Even at this early stage, you can work with your kids to show them how to have integrity in their lives.
The Bible tells us that if we don’t work, we don’t eat. Sadly, culture has shifted to a lot of people who don’t want to work but want to spend a lot of time eating and shopping!
Pursuing Excellence
This is a great opportunity to talk to your kids about doing things with excellence and greatness. Show your kids how to give their best. I’m not suggesting that you sacrifice your family for work, but there is a relative balance that can be achieved when you do your best and have integrity.
What Are Companies Looking For?
Corporations, businesses, and the marketplace in general are all looking for people who will work hard. The world needs thought leaders who know how to put in a good day of work. It’s time to teach our children character qualities to reach that goal. They need to learn about:
Perseverance
Diligence
Determination
Grit
These qualities will give your kids the ability to add value and make a difference in the world.
Find Your Kids’ Strengths
One of the best ways to practically help your kids develop these qualities is by helping them find their strengths. I often talk to parents and students about finding their strengths so they can pursue their unique calling. When you have this understanding of yourself, you can add knowledge, skills, and hard work to build a fulfilling life. People are not just handed a life, they build a life, a career, and a family.
We are made by God to build things and add value to the people around us. Work doesn’t have to be something we dread. We’re not raising a generation to live in mediocrity. We’re raising a generation to lead, be innovators, and be risk-takers. We want them to shine a light for others to make a difference and an impact.
To reach this goal, we have to model this lifestyle and character. We must talk about these attributes with our kids. Show your kids the possibilities. Show them how to have a good work ethic. Don’t let them become quiet quitters!
Are you immersing yourself in today? Or are you wrapped up in taking pictures “so you won’t forget?” Or consumed with what someone else is doing? Or thinking about work that needs to be done? I have the same temptations and I want to encourage you to focus more on immersing yourself in today rather than the cares of tomorrow.
How many times when you’re on vacation or on a nature walk with your kids, do you pull out your phone and take pictures? You start snapping pictures of everything because you want to remember it all. You want to be able to look back and relive the moment later.
I’ll confess. I have a ton of pictures on my phone. I tell my kids that I take so many pictures so I can remember everything. But, I feel a little convicted about the number of pictures.
Not Fully Present?
How often do you take pictures but forget to be fully present in the moment? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take pictures. I just want you to truly experience the moment you’re in. When you look back at the pictures, do you remember what was going on around you? It’s kind of hard to relive a moment that I didn’t really live in the first place. Was I distracted instead of present? I encourage you to embrace where you are whether is it a waterfall, a vacation destination, or a typical day.
Sadly, these days, when you’re out and about, everyone is on their phones. They are missing what’s right in front of them! Don’t get caught up in trying to do more or that feeling that you might be missing out on something. Stop missing out on what is in front of you because you’re looking five steps ahead. Immerse yourself in today!
What is going on in your life today that you might be missing because you’re not fully immersed in today? You can’t go back to where you once were in life. That’s now history. This moment only happens once. The enemy loves to rob us of our time. He loves to see us busy. The enemy wants to distract us. He is trying to make us believe that we can multitask. Resist and choose to be present today.
Regrets and Living in the Moment
What do you regret not doing or not doing more of? Do you wish you would have traveled more? Wish you would have been in the corporate world? Something else? I made decisions in my life that meant I had to pass up opportunities in order to be present with and for my kids.
If I was out on the boat with the kids when they were little, I couldn’t be consumed by what others were doing that might be more interesting or more fun. In some ways, you could say I was oblivious to what others were doing because I wanted to be fully present with my kids, but I also had the luxury of not having instant access to social media when my kids were that little. But, I could have easily allowed myself to be consumed with news headlines instead of reading that bedtime story. You have the opportunity today to help a child with a math problem, show them how to cook or ride a bike, and more. Be there and be present!
Be Interested in Your Kids for Long-term Relationships
Your kids want to know that you’re interested in them. When they know this, they want to be around you. My adult children pop over to the house regularly. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have a kid come by the house at some point. These relationships don’t happen by accident. It takes a vision of the future and intentional work on your part today.
Don’t go through life taking pictures of places and activities where you weren’t fully present. Immerse yourself in today!
I’ve recently come through a very difficult season in my life. Trial after trial kept coming. I couldn’t get through most days without at least a few tears or without feeling exhausted. For me, this season carried a lot of death and painful losses. For you, maybe it’s saying goodbye to someone you love, a financial situation, or a wayward child. How do you get through trials?
In my 20s, I was full of hope and expectations. My 30s were much of the same, running towards my goals for my life. But trials hit us all at some point in life. I wrote an article on this topic of trials recently in the Homeschooling Today Magazine. I shared how when we’re in the midst of trials, it’s easy to get discouraged and frustrated. It’s hard when we can’t accomplish what we’re used to accomplishing!
Learn more about our sponsor, Homeschooling Today Magazine. Get your subscription and read my regular column about relationships!
How do you survive these times of trial? I have some suggestions and encouragement for you!
Ways to Get Through Trials
Give Yourself Grace
First, give yourself grace. You’re not likely going to be able to perform at the level you’re used to, especially if you’re a very driven person like me. Plates will wobble and fall in this season. It’s ok. Be honest with yourself as you take stock of what you can and cannot do in this season. The world around you isn’t going to stop, and it’s easy to become discouraged.
Visualize the Way Through
There is a difference between being in the dark, knowing that God is in control, and living in the darkness. Take hold of your thoughts. Picture something different. Visualize how you will get through, how you will move forward, and take a baby step forward.
Find Comfort and Rest
Find something that brings you comfort and rest. Look for the little things. Words from Scripture. Your morning cup of coffee. A hot bath. Sitting still for a few minutes.
Lean on Your Friends
Find friends you can count on. Friends are not there to be your therapist. They may give you nuggets of wisdom from time to time, but they play a different role in our lives. Cling to them as they walk beside you. They are there to have coffee and have fun with you. Let your friends help you find joy, even if just momentary joy.
Sit in the Solitude
Remember that trials require a fair amount of solitude, too. You need that quiet time to listen to the voice of the Lord, ponder Scripture, sit alone, and let Him work in you. Allow Him to show you what you need to learn from the trials.
Determine to Be Resilient
Be resilient. This doesn’t mean pretending that your trial isn’t happening. It means not allowing yourself to get stuck. But also recognize that trials take a larger toll on you as you get older, and you might be slower to bounce back. Make the decision to keep pushing through, and you will eventually find solid ground again.
God is Growing You Through Trials!
Trials help us develop a strength we could never have found on our own. God uses them to grow and stretch us. He shapes using trials. Trials make us better ambassadors for God. They allow us to learn compassion or empathy we would not otherwise have had. It’s hard to really walk with someone through a trial you yourself haven’t experienced. I’m so thankful that God’s mercies are new every day! Embrace those trials!
As a parent, it can be a tricky balance to decide how much to share or not to share with your parents about your homeschooling journey. You may have parents who are supportive or you may have parents who are not supportive of your schooling choice. I’ve had both experiences. Grandparents can be a great support for their homeschool grandkids if they make intentional choices.
I want to encourage you to be sure to share and include those grandparents who are not totally on board with your choices but share with discretion. Don’t cut them out of what’s going on, but I wouldn’t share all my failures with them either! My mother-in-law was never against our choice to homeschool, but she wasn’t fully on board either. We still included in our homeschool journey. I’m so thankful on the other side to have had a mom who was very supportive of her homeschooled grandkids with both her time and her finances. She made herself available anytime she could to be helpful and generous.
But, in this episode, I want to talk directly to those of you who are grandparents of homeschool grandkids. There are so many things that you can do to support your homeschool grandkids! (And if you’re a mentor or Auntie or something like that, you can be a support for the homeschool kids in your life too!)
Ideas for Supporting Your Homeschool Grandkids
Here’s a list of ideas that I unpack and give examples for in this episode:
Ask how you can help
Take care of the littles while Mom is working with the older kids
Run older kids to activities
Send gift cards or care packages of supplies
Send encouraging text messages to your kids
Send encouraging text messages to your grandkids
Pray for your kids
Pray for your grandkids
Tell your grandkids how great their parents are
Grandparents, what do you want your grandkids to remember about you? I hope that their memories are things like Grandpa took me to practice and out for ice cream or Grandma was there to play with me when I was little. You may not like every decision that your children make with your grandkids, but I challenge you to pray and ask that God change your heart. Your children love your grandchildren even more than you do and they need you to support their decisions.
What change or addition can you make this school year to support your homeschool grandkids?
