Your tweens and teens have been through a lot of change. They need you to help them cope with these changes. Society at large says that they will be fine because they can handle more than their parents think they can handle, but can they? While kids are resilient, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have wounds from what happens to them. What they really need is a parent. Their parent. They need a parent who will stand up to culture and do the unpopular hard work of real parenting. How can you be the parent your child needs?
Nowadays, parents are being ganged up on by educators, government leaders, changing cultural norms, and their peers. There is a blatant attack on morals, values, and character. You are told to accept what’s happening. So basically: “Shut up, Mom and Dad. We know what’s best for your children.” Yikes!
Drinking. Casual sex. Experimental drug use. Gang activity. It’s all on the rise. But, don’t be discouraged. You can still be the parent your child needs so that they enter adulthood with strong convictions, reasoning skills, and relationships.
We can’t go back to what might seem like simpler times. Technology dominates our lives and we probably can’t reverse that. So, what can you do?
Push back!
It’s time to push back! Some of you will feel called to speak up and speak out. I know that some of you will not in the same public way. But, all of you will have to fight for your family in ways you didn’t have to before now. You have to put boundaries around you and your children. You have to decide which battles to get involved in for your family.
When the government officials and education union leaders are no longer hiding their agenda, you know they believe they are big enough to defeat you. It’s a battle of David vs Goliath. But, God is on your side!
How to Be the Best Parent for Your Child
These issues come back to who you are as a parent and what you’re willing to do. I have a few starting suggestions.
Learn About Growth and Development
Learn what you can about growth and development in adolescent children. You need to understand what they’re facing. I know you don’t have time to read every resource out there. Find a few trusted sources of information (like the Equipped To Be show!) to help you focus on what’s most important for your kids. Understanding how your children think and process the world around them will give you a greater understanding of their point of view.
Help Your Child Develop Their Identity
Help your child develop a healthy sense of self and identity. Both of these help a child learn how to become an adult. Teach them that their identity is first found in Christ. It’s also important for them to know where they belong. They have a place in your family.
“We are designed for and defined by our relationships.”
Connie Albers
Set Limits. Teach Manners and Morals.
Be an assertive parent by setting limits and by teaching your children manners and morals. Don’t be surprised when your children get angry and protest the limits and boundaries you’ve placed for your family or lessons you’re trying to teach them. But, also, don’t allow their protesting to make you believe you’re parenting poorly! On the contrary, it’s an excellent opportunity for you to communicate your family goals and vision. And like I say in Parenting Beyond the Rules, it’s an opportunity for you to “paint pictures of possibilities” for your children. They will ultimately appreciate knowing that you care about them even if they don’t show that gratitude right now.
“Your children are a masterpiece! … They’re a masterpiece and every masterpiece is unique. You do not use the same color scheme. You do not use the same brush strokes. It’s unique. Your child is unique and God has called you to help create the masterpiece.”
Connie Albers
Focus on the Why
When you can tell your children the why behind your instruction and why they might not like it initially, they will come to respect you for being willing to be the parent. Don’t make it about a set of rules but instead focus on the principle behind the rules. Don’t be afraid to adjust if you learn new information you would like to consider and implement. That is part of your children learning what it takes to be an adult. It’s a process.
Focus on the Goal
Now that my children are grown, it seems like the years of teaching and training were just a short season in my life. When things get tense in your home, try to remind yourself the season of parenting littles, tweens, or teens, is but a few years. This type of thinking helped me stay focused when tension and stress entered our home. Interestingly, I actually find that I am just as involved in the lives of my children now as adults as I was when they were kids.
Parenting tweens and teens is a comparatively short season in your life. Be the parent your child needs. Don’t be afraid to be the parent that God has asked you to be. If you know the Lord, the One who created your child, then you have what you need to raise that child!
“Parenting is an opportunity for you to paint pictures of possibilities for your child and for your family.”
Dr. Chris Hughes from Citizens for America is back on the show today. He shares more about his background, what Citizens for America is, and encouragement for you as a believer in our current culture. Tune in for a couple of exciting developments coming in 2022!
Dr. Chris Hughes shares more about his background in this episode. He talks about his days as a celebrity BBQ chef and how food often opens the door to sharing the Gospel. He’s been involved in planting churches and, hopefully soon, a Bible college in India. In 1992, he ran for political office for the first time. These things led to a burden for seeing Christians engaging in public policymaking.
Citizens for America Foundation
Citizens for America Foundation was created for the purpose of helping Christians develop a biblical worldview. It’s also dedicated to impacting the culture for Jesus. They desire to protect religious freedoms and preserve our Christian heritage. It’s about strengthening families and defending the sanctity of human life through education and public policy.
From Podcast to Radio
Dr. Hughes began a podcast in June 2021 called The Christian Perspective with Chris Hughes. The podcast features guests addressing topical issues in culture. God opened doors for Dr. Hughes to begin a weekly radio show on Saturdays of the same name in October 2021 on the Truth Media Network. Now, plans are in progress for a weekday hour-long radio national radio show to launch early in 2022. I’m excited to announce that I will be a weekly co-host on the Friday broadcast of the radio show!
About Dr. Chris Hughes
Dr. Chris Hughes is one of America’s most important, influential and respected voices on cultural and political issues. Chris Hughes is the Founder and Chairman of the Citizens for America Foundation, one of the nation’s leading advocacy and grassroots public policy organizations. A powerful communicator, Chris Hughes is a Christian Political Advocate, Second Amendment Defender, Christian Apologist, and Author. He is the host of The Christian Perspective with Chris Hughes.
In his travels, Chris Hughes works to inform and mobilize Pastors and Christians to be proactive in restoring a Biblical worldview framework in their communities and across the nation.
Chris Hughes lives his life to the fullest as a Father, Husband, Culture Warrior, Public Speaker, Celebrity Chef, and Author. When the family is not changing the world on the road, they make their home in Boone, North Carolina.
References and Links
The following may contain affiliate links.
Visit the Citizens for America Foundation website. Sign up for their newsletter, check out their podcasts, and support them.
We’ve heard so much about CRT in the last couple of years, but have you heard about the sexualization of America’s children? Yes. You read that right. This is happening and it’s being funded by the federal government. Dr. Chris Hughes joins me in this episode to talk about this important issue.
As parents, we are responsible for the education of our children. For some, this might mean sending your kids into the public school system. But, choosing this form of education doesn’t mean that you are removed from involvement in what your children are learning. When Dr. Chris Hughes’ kids were growing up, he was paying close attention to what was being taught to his kids in school. He knew who their teachers, principals, and administrators were. He went to the school board meetings. This is when he started learning about the graphic sexual material being taught in schools and saw how few parents were choosing to opt out of this teaching.
Distance Learning Opened Our Eyes
Many parents started waking up to the reality of what was being taught in the public schools when suddenly their children were distance learning in their living rooms and at their dining room tables while moms and dads attempted to also work from home in 2020. For the first time, many parents were finally hearing what was being taught to their children. But, you need to know that this sex ed curriculum is also being used in private and even some Christian schools. You’re not safe from this issue just because you’re not in the public schools.
What is Common Sexuality Education Curriculum?
Sadly, this curriculum is much more than teaching about the birds and the bees. It’s called Common Sexuality Education Curriculum. It contains material that as believers, you likely do not want your children being taught and some of this material is being taught to children as young as five years of age.
Common Sexuality Education Curriculum came to be under the Obama administration. Legislators at the federal and state levels have been passing laws and mandates that have taken education out of the hands of parents and put it into the hands of teacher’s unions and liberal educators. It used to be that sex ed was something reserved for high school. Now this curriculum is being taught to your kindergarteners! From teaching children how to “pleasure themselves” to making them question their sexual identity and much more, this curriculum introduces ideas that you as a Christian parent should be in control of teaching to your children. And, you’d be horrified to find out about some of the corresponding graphic sexual books that are in your school libraries.
What Can the Christian Parent Do?
Dr. Hughes’ makes a number of suggestions for you as a Christian parent. You are not helpless or left hopeless!
1. Raise awareness
You can start by sharing this podcast with your friends. It’s an easy way to give an introduction to the topic of the sexualization of our children. But what about your larger community? Most communities still have local newspapers, even if the publication has gone completely online. You can write a letter to the editor. It’s easy to do. Just go to the newspaper’s website and follow the instructions for how to submit your letter.
2. Learn about parental rights laws in your state
How much is your state pushing this curriculum and how much is your school district implementing it? It really varies by state and even by local school district. Many school board members are not fully aware of what is going on with this curriculum in their school districts. If you need help finding out about the laws in your state, Citizens for America Foundation is available to help you.
3. Check Your School Library
Are these graphic sexual books in your local school library? Likely the only way to find is for you to go to the library yourself and start looking.
4. Host an Event
Invite someone like Dr. Hughes or Connie to speak to your church or parents’ group.
Sexualization of Children Doesn’t Affect Me as a Homeschooler
You’re not exempt from this conversation if you’re a homeschool parent! These sexualization of children concepts are even seeping into the homeschool world. Be sure to carefully examine your homeschool curriculum and support publishers who are standing up for a biblical worldview. Don’t forget that your friends and neighbors also need your help too. This still affects you if you homeschool.
Get to Know Your Local Officials
Not everyone has access to the President, but you can get to know your local officials like your school board members. Get to know them personally. Build relationships with these elected officials in your local area and make sure you’re praying for them. Dr. Hughes recommends looking at the resources from Morton Blackwell and The Leadership Institute. They have training for parents who need helping learning how to get started with going to school board meetings and how to address these issues.
Take a Stand!
It’s time to take a stand for your kids and their future. Stopping the sexualization of America’s children is up to you. What will your next step be?
Dr. Chris Hughes will be back on the podcast again next week to share more about Citizens for America.
About Dr. Chris Hughes
Dr. Chris Hughes is one of America’s most important, influential and respected voices on cultural and political issues. Chris Hughes is the Founder and Chairman of the Citizens for America Foundation, one of the nation’s leading advocacy and grassroots public policy organizations. A powerful communicator, Chris Hughes is a Christian Political Advocate, Second Amendment Defender, Christian Apologist, and Author. He is the host of The Christian Perspective with Chris Hughes.
In his travels, Chris Hughes works to inform and mobilize Pastors and Christians to be proactive in restoring a Biblical worldview framework in their communities and across the nation.
Chris Hughes lives his life to the fullest as a Father, Husband, Culture Warrior, Public Speaker, Celebrity Chef, and Author. When the family is not changing the world on the road, they make their home in Boone, North Carolina.
References and Links
The following may contain affiliate links.
Visit the Citizens for America Foundation website. Sign up for their newsletter, check out their podcasts, and support them.
The holidays can be hectic. There are plays, parties, and gatherings, as well as decorating, shopping, and wrapping. What do you do around the holidays that are unique and repeated traditions for your family? The importance of family traditions comes out over time in the building of strong family relationships and connectedness.
When I was growing up, my family didn’t have many traditions beyond going to my grandparents’ house for the holidays. I quickly learned that, in comparison, my husband’s family has so many little things that they do as a family around the holidays. These were expected events that everyone, as much as possible, showed up to participate in each year.
Family traditions do not need to be extravagant and expensive. Simple, budget-friendly traditions are where kids grow to love and appreciate them.
The Why Behind Traditions
When you start new traditions, keep these things in mind:
Make it fun
Make sure the children know why your family values traditions
Talk about how memorable it will be
Ideas for Traditions
Here are some ideas for things that you establish as traditions in your family.
Service
Start a tradition of a service project such as:
Wrapping gifts
Doing a toy drive
Serving the homeless
Shopping for gift for families going through a rough season
Spend time with someone at a senoir center
These types of activities help your kids focus on something outside of themselves. It doesn’t have to be the exact same service project every year. Maybe you just have a tradition of participating in some kind of service project around the holidays.
Arts and Crafts
These types of traditions don’t have to be complicated or expensive.
Make baked goods
Decorate cookies or gingerbread houses
Create ornaments
Make other crafts
Just be intentional. Your kids won’t forget that. Even the busts like burning the bread could become funny memories for future conversations.
Sentimental and Gratitude
Try one of these ideas with your kids to help them see the reason for the season and show gratitude to others.
Write letters to each other expressing thanks, gratitude, or what they see in another person
Give special ornaments
Do an advent reading together
Start an ugly sweater party or white elephant exchange
As your kids get older, let them take a lead and plan some of the traditions too. You never know what creative and memorable ideas your kids might come up with!
“You’re writing little stories on their heart to let them know that they belong to this family.”
Connie Albers
Whether you’re celebrating the 4th of July, Easter, birthdays, anniversaries, or Christmas, take time to think about the traditions that you want to establish for your family. As you do, remember the why. The goal is a strong family relationship and connectedness. You’re creating a place where your children can thrive, grow, and fit in for a lifetime.
Fox 35 Orlando: Family Holiday Traditions
Watch Connie on Fox 35 Orlando as she talks more about family holiday traditions.
Mentors are important and play a special role in our lives. Unfortunately, it is far too easy for mentors to replace mothers, or fathers, in a child’s life. God has given parents a special calling and responsibility that mentors cannot replace in the life of a teen or young adult. What do you do when the mentor-mentee relationship lines have been blurred to the point that the mentee sees the mentor as an authority above the parent?
The Mentor
When I was first starting to mentor teens, I quickly found times where a teen was listening to me more than they were listening to their moms. She’d say something like, “I can’t talk to my mom like I can talk to you.” Red flag! Warning! Be sure to explore issues like this with your mentees when they arise. As a mentor, you have the responsibility to go deeper and get to the heart of the matter. The ultimate goal is for the mentee to live life with their parents.
Here are two important things to keep in mind as a mentor:
Always be mindful of the parent behind the child.
Remember that you’re not getting the full picture of the dynamics within the home.
If you’re a mentor, be mindful of your influence. Always direct the mentee back to their parents. It’s an honor to be used by God to mentor others, but don’t ever allow yourself to replace the parent. That is a sacred God-given place reserved for the mother and father. Help the mentee see that you don’t have the final authority that their parent has. It can also be helpful to show the mentee how they might be contributing to the angst in the relationship. Give her tools to help rebuild the relationship with the parents.
“Don’t allow yourself to be a mentor that replaces a mother.”
Connie Albers
The Mother
Are you a mother who has been replaced by a mentor in the life of a child? First, you have to avoid mocking, marginalizing, ridiculing, or besmirching. It is difficult to hear your child say, “Coach says I need to do this…” when you’ve been saying the same thing for years! If you are not kind towards the person who has influence in your child’s life, they will put up more of a wall between the two of you.
If you’re been replaced by a mentor, pursue the heart of your child! Your next best steps are:
Listen
Pray
Interject where you can when asked
Sometimes mentors are just around for a season. A coach can push your child in a way that you can’t. So, get to know that person. Keep your heart from becoming resentful towards the person trying to help your child navigate life. Mentors have their place in the lives of your children. At the same time, don’t go to the mentor and “out” your child either. Instead, pray that the mentor would see the situation clearly.
Mentors, please remember that there is a parent on the other end behind that child you’re mentoring. If you’re the mom who has been pushed out, ask God to heal the relationship, keep your heart tender, and be thankful that someone is pouring truth into your child.
Your older children are facing a world with so much chaos and conflicting information. If you’re like me, you want them to know what you think. You want to protect them from failure or pain. But whether your older children are teens, college-aged, young adults, or older, there comes a point when you can’t make them do or say the right thing. You can’t force them to navigate a situation well. These older children are now adults, or close to being adults. It’s a new season and you need to learn how to give advice to older children.
My mom used to regularly say that she was going to give someone a piece of her mind. I used to silently (and not so silently at times) think that no one wants a piece of her mind! When your older children are in a difficult situation and you have opinions, it’s so easy to jump right to giving them a piece of your mind. But, there’s a better way!
First, let me encourage you with this. If you’ve been pouring God’s principles into your kids, that wisdom is still all inside of them. It can be painful to watch an older child not listen or seem to not listen to those years of guidance. Rest assured that the phrases you’ve said repeatedly and things you’ve taught them are inside their brains and hearts. Those things will come back to them in times of need.
Let the words you speak land in a tender place in their heart.
Connie Albers
There’s a better way to give advice to your older kids than to give them an unsolicited piece of your mind.
Wait for Them to Ask for Advice
I know that you desperately want your older kids to know what you think, but wait until they ask. Show them respect by restraining your mouth. Know the child you’re speaking to, regardless of their age. Give them a chance to learn to be a problem-solver. They need space to develop discernment. Sadly for us as the parent, this means watching our kids make some poor decisions as they learn these skills.
Ask If They’d Like Your Advice
Before you dish out that piece of your mind, pause and ask if your older child would like to know what you’re thinking. This also requires discernment on your part for good timing. When your older child is no longer living under your roof, gauging the best timing becomes more difficult. You must hold your thoughts for the right time. If necessary, write your thoughts down in a journal and hold them there until the time is right to share.
When the time is right to ask for permission to speak into a situation in your child’s life, try phrases like:
Would you like to know what I’m thinking about…?
Would you like to know how I’d encourage you in…?
Would you like to know some things to consider about…?
Would like like to hear a different perspective on…?
If you don’t ask permission first, your words are less likely to land in that tender place in their hearts and will instead be rejected. Timing is crucial to being heard. Wait for your kids to ask. If you can’t wait, then ask for permission to give your advice.
Pray for Your Older Children
Be fervent in praying for your older children. Pray for things like:
Protection
Discernment
Guidance
Someone who can say what you’d like to say
Be a sounding board for your older children. Let them know you’re praying for them. They need to know that you’re there for them. The fair-weather friends will disappear. Cancel culture will try to shut them down. But, I as your parent… I will always be here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.
I’ve walked through this season of life with my teens, my college-aged kids, and my young adult children. I assure you, it is possible to lead your children without saying a word. When they do invite you into their lives to share your thoughts and advice, handle that trust with care. Your long-term goal is to create rich, lasting relationships with your kids.
