Do you have kids who resist your instructions? You tell them to do something and they don’t do it. You beg. You lecture. You try to explain why. But, they don’t do what you say or they simply ignore you. Why do children resist instructions?
5 Reasons Why Children Resist Instruction
In this episode, we’re digging into why children resist instructions. There are five reasons you might be experiencing this resistance. Let’s dig into them!
Communication Breakdown
Sometimes, there’s a communication breakdown. Maybe your child feels ignored or dismissed or misunderstood. Kids are trying their best to communicate how they feel and think but their communication skills might be underdeveloped or maybe they are afraid you will overreact. When we don’t get to the heart of the matter, resentment can start brewing. When we don’t deal with this resentment it can lead to more resistance and then rejection.
Power Struggles
Another reason kids resist our instruction is because of power struggles. Your child might feel like you’re trying to control them or take away their freedom. As your kids grow, it’s natural for them to make more of the decisions in their life. You might see this as rebellion. Honestly, neither of you is thinking right about the situation and better communication is needed.
Need to Make Decisions
As your kids get older you have to give them more ability to make decisions and give input. At certain ages and with certain temperaments, if you try to push without explaining why or having a feeling of trust. You have to give your kids the time and space to work things out. Ask them how they would handle things even if you think there’s a better way and let them try or explain why they must follow through on your instruction in this instance.
Differing Priorities
Another reason children resist instruction is differing priorities. Your attention is captivated by all the things that need to be done, while your child might have another focus. You have a feeling of responsibility that is at a level that your child lacks depending on age and maturity. Maybe you’re expecting more of them than they are capable of at this time.
Lack of Understanding
Finally, there’s a lack of understanding. Your child might not understand the reason behind your instruction. This leads to confusion and frustration, which brings on disobedience and resistance. They need to see why doing this thing matters.
Parenting for the Future
Remember that you’re not parenting for the here and now. The things you’re teaching and reinforcing now are the habits and patterns that will follow your kids for a lifetime. Take time to understand your child’s perspective, have reasonable expectations, and give choices when possible. God has given you the skills, the tools, and the resources to be able to teach your specific child so that they respond to your instructions. Ask God to lead you!
I want to take a moment to talk about God’s faithfulness. The Equipped To Be Podcast has reached a major milestone. With this episode and the transition to Season 3, we have marked three years of episodes! There were ups and downs along the way, but I’m so excited to have shared this journey with you!
The Equipped To Be Podcast launched in February 2020 right before the world was turned upside down by the pandemic. I couldn’t have done this without the team who works with me to get these episodes out to you each week. We wouldn’t still be on the air without you, the listeners, or our partners and sponsors. It’s such a testament to God’s faithfulness.
Equipped To Be isn’t just about one topic. We talk about things spanning the spectrum from parenting to education to faith and so much more because it’s all about helping you know and understand that you’re equipped to be a doer of God’s word. You have a calling and a purpose.
Many thanks also go to the guests who’ve been on the show. (See a list of some notable episodes below.) I also owe a shout-out to Libsyn, my host, who supported me and gave me guidance along the way.
This podcast started because Amanda Pelser from The Pelsers Media was sitting in my office and talking about starting the podcast. I didn’t have the technical skills to pull this off, but Amanda said she’d help me. She and her husband, Josh, have been with me from the beginning of this podcast!
Many days, I would come into the studio and just pray, “Lord, what do you want me to do?” I’d script it out or make some notes and then hit record. Then Amanda would clean and polish it and deliver it to you. Every step of the way, you were in mind because we don’t want to waste your time. It’s too precious and too valuable.
When God tells you to start something, just start. Start ugly as a book from a friend of mine says in its title. Start with what you have. Do the best you can. Go and grow as God leads. This is what we’ve done with Equipped To Be. We’ve added features over time like images and show notes and we continue to add value as God gives us the tools and resources to do so.
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I can’t tell you what’s coming next. I’ve been in a very difficult season. I’ve had to strip away many things in my life and ask the Lord what He wants me to add back in. I do know that I have some exciting guests lined up to share stories that will help you in your journey. Back in 2020, I didn’t know if we’d last more than six months, but here we are, still bringing you encouragement. Thank you for listening. This is your milestone as much as it is ours.
Do you feel like you’re not doing enough for your kids? Does it seem like everyone is doing this mom life better than you? This is mom guilt! Let’s talk today about how to deal with mom guilt.
Defining Mom Guilt
I want to let you know that mom guilt isn’t a new thing. When my kids were young, we didn’t use that term, but this pervasive feeling that we’re not doing enough as women and moms is not new. What is new is the culture of social media that becomes entangled with the expectations of moms. Mom guilt is this feeling of being inadequate. You doubt yourself. You are living your life one way but see another mom doing things another way and become unsure of yourself. You think that the other mom is doing this mom thing better or the right way.
The Root of Mom Guilt
At the root of mom guilt is comparison. Scripture tells us not to compare ourselves to others. We need to keep our eyes focused on running our own races. We are each raising kids in different circumstances and environments. We each parent from different backgrounds and experiences from our childhoods. Maybe you made some bad decisions in the past that cause you to question everything you do now in your parenting. In any case, you have a race to run that is different from the mom next to you.
Steps to Deal with Mom Guilt
The first step to overcoming mom guilt is to give it to the Lord. We have to separate guilt from true conviction that comes from the Lord. Determine with prayer and consulting Scripture if this feeling is from God or a trusted source being used to point out something God wants you to see. Or is this something external meant to derail you? As much as I don’t like the phrase at times, there is value in stepping back and saying, “You do you” if your heart is in the right place seeking after God’s word and will.
Next, evaluate where this mom guilt is coming from. Is it a societal expectation? Consider the people and places where you spend your time or give your attention. Do your friends have a similar mindset to you? What about their biblical convictions or family cultural desires? Put your time and energy into the relationships and spaces that will encourage and support you in following God’s will for your parenting and life.
I challenge you to be a light in the midst of another mom’s guilt. Lift that burden off the mom’s around you. Affirm your mom friends and encourage them today!
How do you manage boredom? Boredom plagues us all at one time or another. No one is immune to it. Boredom is often a sign that you’re tired of the same things over and over, even if you like routine. But, boredom is actually a good thing. It means that you have time and margin in your day to stop and think. Boredom means you have the space for creativity, innovation, and adventure rather than a robotic existence.
3 Steps to Managing Boredom
Identify the Boredom
First, identify boredom for what it is. Even those of us who love routine and order get tired of the same thing over and over again. We get sick of mindless actions and repetitive tasks. The routines are good and part of living a productive life, but we also need the space to dream and problem-solve. Sometimes boredom is a result of feeling stuck and needing a change.
Reframe Your Thoughts
Next, you need to reframe your thoughts. So much is being said about mindfulness these days. Be careful of what you allow to come into your mind and occupy space. What are you dwelling on? Focus on gratitude whatever the season or situation you’re in right now.
Find Ways to Redirect Bored Kids (and Adults!)
How can you redirect your children (or yourself!) when boredom sets in? Try some of these suggestions for managing boredom:
Do something out of the ordinary
Play with an old toy in a new way
Listen to an audiobook
Watch video tutorials
Do something physical and active
Find a way to do something faster
Create a challenge for yourself
Find a way to be more efficient or effective
Make a gratitude list
Connect with someone
Flip the schedule around
Some of your kids would be changing things up every day if given the chance and others freak out when you mess with their routine. Find a balance in your days of routine and adventure. Remember: that there isn’t anything wrong with being bored. Use that boredom and discontentment to show your kids how to be innovators and grateful people.
Have you heard about OpenAI? It’s all over the news right now and kids are learning to use this platform to their advantage. It is so easy to use OpenAI to cheat. As parents, we need to look at how to curb cheating with OpenAI.
What is OpenAI?
OpenAI is a software platform that uses data scraped from all over the internet to write content. This isn’t a new thing, but it is now widely available to the general public for free. It’s just now becoming a resource that your kids could use for cheating.
What Makes Your Child Consider Cheating?
When there are options like OpenAI at their fingertips, cheating is a major temptation. What makes kids cheat? I talk a lot about strengths and personalities. So, it is essential to know each of your children and why they would make the decision to cheat. Some kids feel the pressure to measure up academically and feel like they can’t keep up. Some kids lack self-confidence. Some kids are afraid to fail. Why would your child cheat?
How to Stop Cheating with OpenAI
How do we as parents stop this cheating with OpenAI? There are three things that you can do to set the stage and curb cheating with OpenAI and really any form of cheating or lack of integrity in your kids.
Set The Standard
It takes more than just a simple “don’t cheat” conversation to keep your kids from cheating. My kids will tell you that I sounded like a broken record at times during their childhood. I would regularly repeat phrases like: The Albers don’t cheat. The Albers don’t lie. This has to be internalized by each child and become a part of who they were. You have to declare the standard!
Model Integrity and Honesty
Your kids are watching you. They are listening to you. If they see you stretching the truth and taking shady shortcuts, they are going to follow in your footsteps. Have integrity. Lead your kids by example.
Show Your Child The Way Back from Cheating
Makes sure that your child knows that if they do cheat, there is a way to get back on track. There will be a consequence that has to be paid, but they can make a better choice the next time. Guide them back while loving them unconditionally.
When members of the family live in close proximity and spend a lot of time together, there is bound to be tension in relationships at times. As a parent, you can see those nudges, unkind words, and rolled eyes. You can feel that tension between siblings. You can feel the distance that is growing between the siblings in your family. How do you go about mending fractured sibling relationships?
When I notice these fractured sibling relationships, here’s the process I follow for my next steps:
The first thing I do is take it to the Lord in prayer. I ask him what He wants me to do and what my role should be.
Next, I talk to my husband and/or trusted people in my life who know my kids well for advice.
Then, I observe and write down my observations.
Finally, I take action based on my first three steps. This may be action that I need to take or hand that responsibility over to a family member better suited to address the situation.
My husband and I have instilled into our children that they cannot leave a fractured relationship. Unspoken hurts and broken trust cannot be swept under the rug. We want peace and harmony but that requires doing the hard work of addressing conflicts and tensions. Not addressing sibling conflict is not an option!
How to Talk to Each Sibling
Here are some things to remember and consider when talking to each sibling involved in the conflict:
Make sure your child knows they can trust you.
Not addressing it is not an option.
Delaying to pray when needed is appropriate.
Be slow to speak.
Ask questions.
Don’t be accusatory.
Let your child know you’ve been observing and noticing them.
Pray with your child.
Give your child a hug and kiss.
Tell your child you love them.
Reassure your child that you’re going to work through this with them.
Handling Oblivious Children
Some kids will be an open book and share things with you easily. Some kids don’t have a clue that anything is wrong! What do you do with oblivious children who have no idea they are causing a problem? Here are some points to bring up and ways to talk to them:
Ask if they’ve noticed the issue.
Talk through the circumstances.
Acknowledge that they might not be aware that there’s a problem.
Explain how a sibling may see things differently.
Keep it simple and refrain from restating your point over and over again.
Talk about creating different patterns of behavior that would reduce the tension.
We want to do life together. We want our kids to live in harmony with their siblings. Mending fractured sibling relationships and addressing these conflicts when they are young is an important part of raising your children to have strong sibling relationships well into adulthood.
