Did you get a parenting manual when your child was handed to you? Sometimes, it feels like it would have been easier if we had been given a guide or some 3-step formula when they were born. Instead, you’re searching the internet for quick tips and hacks to get you through the current parenting struggle. Sometimes the picture gets blurry… but God is not done with the story!
Maybe you’re currently looking at a picture of life and of your child that isn’t quite what you thought it would look like back when they were little. Maybe your teen is rebellious. Maybe you have a child who is simply ignoring you. Maybe you’ve thrown up your hands and declared, “It is what it is!” That may be true, but only for this moment. God created that masterpiece in the making and He is not done yet!
What can you do in the meantime?
Different Parenting Styles
As your child grows and changes, you also have to grow and change. I mention these five major parenting styles in Parenting by the Rules. Consider where you fit and how you can change to meet the needs of each of your children.
Authoritative Parent
Authoritative—This type of parent is typically seen as the most effective and helpful to a child. They are flexible and fair. They try to listen and communicate without overreacting. This type of parenting tends to be more predictable and is full of grace, understanding, forgiveness, kindness, and unconditional love. They teach their kids that they can accomplish great things if they are willing to work hard and put their minds to it.
Permissive Parent
Permissive—This parent is easygoing. Kids might call them pushovers. There are fewer rules. They focus on peace and harmony to avoid conflict. These parents believe their kids will figure things out, but this hands-off approach can make kids feel less loved because the parent is too disengaged.
Helicopter Parent
Helicopter—This style of parenting is a blend between authoritative and permissive. They see the need for boundaries and rules to keep chaos at bay but try to give more freedom. Unfortunately, fear and anxiety often define these parents. While well-intentioned with the requirements of constant check-ins, these parents must remember to teach the why along the way.
Hovering Parent
Hovering— These parents are more intrusive than the helicopter parent. At the first sign of trouble, they sweep in for the rescue. There’s a fine line between rescuing and letting your kids figure things out. It’s important for these parents to ask God for wisdom and discernment.
Lawnmower Parent
Lawnmower—This mom or dad will make sure their child has every opportunity on a paved path. They don’t believe that anyone else has their child’s best interest in mind. They are well-meaning, but they are likely to quickly step in to talk to teachers or coaches to argue on their child’s behalf.
The Strengths and Weaknesses
Every parenting style has its strengths and weaknesses. We as the parents have to adjust to the child we have, not the child we’re trying to make them into. If the picture gets blurry, maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at how you’re parenting a particular child and adjust. Only God knows your child’s heart, so you have to focus on building a strong relationship with them. Give them a strong foundation by modeling Biblical principles that govern your decision-making.
Ask yourself and the Lord these questions:
What do I need to change?
When do I need to change?
When do I need to hold firm?
When do I need to press pause?
When do I need to let my responsible child have more freedom?
Always remember that your child has a calling in their life, a plan, and a purpose from God. It’s up to you to help them discover that!
Our minds are powerful. Sometimes our thoughts run away from us. We find ourselves falling into destructive self-talk and negativity. This mindset not only affects us personally, but we end up bringing this baggage into our marriage and parenting. How can you overcome toxic thinking?
Alicia Michelle uses cognitive behavior combined with the Bible to find thought patterns and why we do what we do. She sat down with me to talk about mindset, overcoming toxic thinking, and doing this from a Christian perspective. We chatted about:
The difference between simply saying something to yourself and changing a thought pattern
The importance of the time frame from ages 9-13 and influences during that time
Freedom mindset vs positive thinking and people-pleasing
Finding healing in your subconscious mind using brain priming
The first step in change: paying attention
Having self-compassion
Alicia Michelle has so much wisdom in the area of mindset and breaking free from toxic thinking. I’m so thankful to have had this conversation with her and to have the opportunity to share it with you. I encourage you to check out her podcast and other resources to dig into this topic further.
About Alicia Michelle
Alicia Michelle is an author, Bible teacher, podcaster, and certified NeuroCoach. Known as the Mindset Makeover Coach, she equips Christian women with practical brain-and-biblically-based tools so they know how to renew their minds in order to overcome toxic thinking patterns (such as perfectionism, fear/worry, and not feeling “enough”) so they can cultivate godly confidence.
Sometimes it can be hard to be and to love where you are. It is so tempting to try to speed up time and pass over sticky, messy seasons. We want to rush through suffering and pain. But, there are lessons to be learned and relationships to be built in these seasons. Somer Colbert joins me in this episode to talk about these things and how to love where you are.
Somer knows what it’s like to walk through trials, especially in foster and adoption, but she also knows what it’s like to be in the trenches of raising and discipling kids. She has so much wisdom to share! In this conversation, she and I talk about:
Loving where you and not rushing through various seasons of lfe, especially the hard ones
Sharing Christ with others through our gifts and talents
Seeking relationship instead relief
Walking through the joys and disappointments of foster care and adoption
Living the perfect model found in Deuteronomy 6
Learning to live a life of prayer
Leaving behind panic parenting
I hope that you are encouraged by this conversation with Somer. Spend some time pondering Deuteronomy 6 this week and asking God how to implement the principles in your family!
About Somer Colbert
Somer Colbert is a writer, speaker, and host of the Love Where You Are podcast. She is the Director of Adoption and Foster Care Ministry at Crosschurch and Connected Champion with the Arkansas Baptist Children’s Home and Family Ministries where she creates support, awareness, and advocacy for families seeking to serve in the areas of adoption and foster care. Somer is also a part of the Hope in Grief writing team where she encourages families walking through adoption grief. She creates weekly podcast episodes and resources to equip and empower Christian families to identify their influence for the gospel in every season, live life on mission, and share Jesus right where they are. Somer is passionate about equipping spiritually healthy families and seeing a movement of God’s people step into confidence in their ability to change the world around them through the way they love! She resides in Arkansas with her husband, three kids, and three dogs. She’s obsessed with British docudramas and cooking shows and can always be found with a cup of hot tea in hand. Her life has been forever changed by the love of Jesus, marriage to her favorite person, parenting her crazy crew, and walking multiple adoption journeys.
Translating between languages can be tricky. Sometimes one word just can’t encompass all of the nuances of meaning or one word contains the concepts of two words from another language. When translated into French from English, delight is one of these complicated words. In the French language and culture, you can’t separate the idea of delight from deliciousness. This means that God is both delightful and delicious! Stephanie Rousselle joins me in this episode to talk about how to taste the spice of the Gospel and so much more.
Stephanie is a fantastic Bible teacher. I think you’ll hear her passion for the Gospel in this episode. We talk about:
Seeing the diversity in Christianity across continents and cultures
Coming to Christ as an exchange student
Recognizing nuances of meaning in words across languages
Accepting the historical truth of the resurrection
Realizing that relative truth holds no water
Delighting in the Lord
Tasting and seeing that the Lord is good
The Four Grids: Who God Is, What God Has Done, Who We Are, and What We Do
I hope my conversation with Stephanie encourages you to taste the spice of the Gospel. I pray that you see who God is and find your identity in Him. Delight in the Lord!
About Stephanie Rousselle
Stephanie Rousselle is the founder of Gospel Spice Ministries. Her motto is, “God’s glory, our delight!” Born and raised in France, she has lived for her One over the last two decades on three continents, four countries, and five cities through six professional roles. She is a wife, mom, podcaster, public speaker, Bible teacher, former women’s ministry director, and strategy consultant. And she is 100% French. Stephanie thrives on Bible-centered inspirational writing and speaking, and dark chocolate. She loves sharing nuances taken from the French and English languages and cultures to experience the New Testament from the inside out. She has quoted her favorite words more times than she can count, first to herself and her children, and then also in settings as diverse as Bible studies, conferences, podcasts, and more: “There is nothing you can do for God to love you more; and there is nothing you can do for God to love you less.” Her favorite verse and passion is Philippians 3:10, “For my determined purpose is to know Christ, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship in His suffering.”
We tend to have relationships based on what was modeled for us as children. That’s the first place we learn about relationships. As parents, we have the opportunity to change the negative patterns and teach our children about nurturing relationships and how to navigate the subtle nuances of relationships.
In this episode, I had the opportunity to talk with my friends Blythe Daniel and her mom, Dr. Helen McIntosh. Dr. McIntosh is a psychologist who has spent her life helping people restore and nurture relationships despite the difficulty of her family life. Blythe is a literary agent. Together they’ve co-written, they’ve written two relationship-based books.
Encouragement to Restore and Nurture Relationships
Blythe and Dr. McIntosh share with me:
How to deal with “mother wounds”
Making a deliberate decision to change patterns
Resolving distance in relationships
Who should make the first move in reconciling a relationship
How strong marriages are related to strong families
The impact of affirming words for moms
How God has created us for relationships
I hope you’re encouraged by my conversation with these two wonderful ladies to restore and nurture the relationships in your life.
About Blythe Daniel & Dr. Helen McIntosh
Blythe Daniel is a literary agent and marketer. She has written for Proverbs 31 Ministries, Focus on the Family, Ann Voskamp, and Christian Retailing. Her agency markets books to publishers. The daughter of Dr. Helen McIntosh, she lives in Colorado with her husband and three children. She and McIntosh have written I Love You, Mom! and Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters.
Dr. Helen McIntosh (EdD, Counseling Psychology) is a counselor, speaker, educator, and author of Messages to Myself and Eric, Jose & The Peace Rug®. Her work has appeared in Guideposts, ParentLife, and HomeLife magazines. She resides in Georgia with her husband Jim. They have two children and five grandchildren. She and her daughter Blythe Daniel have written I Love You, Mom! and Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters.
Navigating grief is not easy. I’ve endured several seasons of loss in the last few years, so I know this firsthand. My guest on this episode is sadly well-acquainted with grief but has turned her story into one that serves and encourages others as they navigate grief.
Danita Jenae has learned to navigate grief by holding both joy and sorrow in the same breath as a military widow who was already familiar with trials. Shortly after making what was to be their final military move, which would lead into finishing out her husband Dan’s final year of service before retiring, he passed unexpectedly while hiking in the mountains of Colorado. She says that her mountains crumbled that day, in more ways than one.
How to Navigate Grief
Danita shares in our conversation this encouragement for navigating grief:
How she rebuilt from the ground up in a new place
How she handled isolation during the pandemic just months after Dan’s passing
What to say to someone who is grieving
How trauma affects your brain and ability to function
How to handle expectations
How to pray for your kids through their grief
This is such a thought-provoking conversation for anyone who is navigating grief or walking beside someone navigating a season of grief.
About Danita Jenae
Danita Jenae is a young mom and recent military widow learning to carry both joy and sorrow in the same breath. As an author, speaker, poet, and artist, she walks alongside the broken-hearted, offering practical and creative ways to lead a Spirit-led life.
