You know that your kids are watching you, right? They are watching and learning from you how to communicate from the time they are little and well past the teen years into young adulthood.
Last week we finished up the series Knowing Your Strengths. We spent four episodes talking about what strengths are, how to discover your strengths, understanding your strengths, and how to use your strengths. You can listen to that conversation in episodes 71, 73, 73, and 74. That series then made me think a little more about how strengths tie into my life now and a recent situation. I needed to talk with one of my daughters and we needed to be able to speak face to face, eye to eye. So I sent a text to set up the meeting.
Your Kids Are Watching You
Before I tell you the whole story, you need to know that your kids are watching you. Maybe your child is two years old and pointing at everything while listening to you play the label game. As they get older they are watching how you handle the difficult situations and how you treat people. They pick up on even the little inconsistencies in your life. Your teens then think that what you allow for yourself is also ok for them.
The key observation here is that the words you choose are critical. How are your words going into the ears of the listener? Knowing your strengths helps you figure out how to navigate these circumstances. They are tools that give you the ability to communicate better.
See, I know my daughter and how she is best communicated with. I sent a text asking to get together to do something active and have a talk. I needed to have this conversation with my daughter. It was a hard conversation about heart issues. My heart issues!
Say It Like It Is… Or Not?
Maybe you think: I just say it like it is. In the mind, out the mouth. Well, that’s not always wise. We need to have some filters on our mouths. Some people need to warm up to what we have to say. Some people like to get right to the heart of the matter without all the chit-chat. You need to know which kind of person you’re talking to.
Would my words draw conversation out of her or put up a wall? Inflection, tone, and directness all play into how the conversation could go. In the end, the conversation with my daughter was great, but that was because I was aware of the words I was using.
Shore Up the Relationship with Your Teen
If you have a teen, now is the perfect time to shore up your relationship with them. The dynamics and influence you have will change as they grow up and move out into the world. Set the foundation now! Your kids are watching how you respond to the daily challenges of your life. How do you handle conflict? How do you handle disruptions? Will your teen choose to model what they see in you? Will they invite you into their lives as young adults?
In our conversation, my daughter made the observation that I always need to be productive. That’s one of the strengths that I have in the striving domain. I am very productive. I don’t sit well and do nothing. She said to me that sometimes she just needed me to sit and be present with her. That hit me hard. She was watching. She picked up on a place in my life that I still wrestle with.
Productive But Present
A few things to ponder:
It’s ok to be productive, but you have to be present.
It’s ok to be out leading a group or a business, but you have to make sure you’re present for your kids.
Make sure that you’re spending time in your purpose. Is this thing you’re doing the purpose to which God has called you?
Be mindful.
Watch your body language.
Are you responding with kindness, love, and unconditionality?
Are you encouraging others?
Every day brings new challenges and opportunities. As your children grow, so do you. Things are always changing and you may feel like you’re running out of time. My conversation with my daughter showed me the fruit of all of the all work and prayers I put in over the years.
In your productivity, stay present and actively engaged. Take time to speak in a way that your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, and others can hear.
Are you running your race with confidence or looking around at what others are doing? Do you know why running your race is important? Do you find yourself looking at others and trying to imitate them?
How you run your race depends on your season of life. A twenty-something runs differently than someone in their forties or sixties. Why? Life experience, the demands of children, and physical health. It is wise to accept the realization that your race will change as you age. God designed it this way.
Every runner knows the speed at the beginning of their race will get slower the further they run. It’s natural to slow down. This is true of you. It is true of me. Understanding this reality early in life will profoundly impact how far you can go later in life.
But running your race with confidence requires you to consider a couple of truths. You can’t run your race if you are in someone else’s lane. And you have to know what race you are running. Life is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. Sure, there are times one needs to sprint, but the amount of energy it takes to sprint can’t last long. Our bodies are designed to run a marathon at a sprint pace.
How Do You Start Strong?
Discover who you are. It’s more than temperament and Enneagram type. God made you a one-of-a-kind original. You aren’t a copy of someone else.
Take an honest look at your talents, then decide which of them you are passionate about developing.
Focus on becoming excellent in a few areas. This takes time and lots of practice.
Be willing to pivot. Change does not mean you are wishy-washy. Your race will require you to change. As your season of life changes, so does your ability to run. It is wise to be aware of this.
Your race is unique to you! You can’t do what everyone else is doing.
How will you run? There is a bit of strategy in preparing for a race. A runner has to know what they are capable of doing.
Get serious about learning more about yourself. Be intentional about your discovery process.
What are you doing to develop the talents God has given?
What is your season of life?
Running your race with confidence will not allow you to miss God’s best for your life. You aren’t missing out when you focus on being faithful to doing your best in your season of life.
If you don’t run your race with excellence, who will? No one.
How Can You Discover More About Yourself?
Pay attention to what excites you.
Listen to the stirrings of your heart.
Start journaling. Write down God’s subtle whispers.
Don’t be afraid to try something new, even if you are afraid.
When You Run YOUR Race with Confidence
You aren’t tempted to look at what others are doing.
You are more focused on your training.
You don’t feel compelled to compare yourself to others. It loses its appeal.
Self-protection isn’t new. People disappoint us, so we put up walls. God doesn’t answer our prayer, so we stop praying. We deal with pain and suffering by self-protecting. It feels safer. But, is it how Jesus handled pain and suffering? Did he avoid people who hurt him? No. Then maybe we should live by his example.
Life can be messy. Very messy. Faith might seem hard to hold on to, especially if your prayers seem to fall on deaf ears. But, are you allowing self-protection to hurt your faith and friendships?
Guilty of Self-protection?
A friend recently shared something about self-protection from the book 40-Days to Decrease by Alicia Britt Chole. Her text was so good that I had to pull my own copy off the shelf and read more.
I found myself wondering if I’m guilty of self-protection. Sadly, I am. Most of us are. I think the longer we live, the more pain and suffering we’ll experience, but we have a choice: Put up walls or let our light shine by being different.
In this episode, I share some reasons people self-protect, what God’s taught me about not using self-protection to keep others at a distance, and why we should follow Jesus’s example.
The Solution to Self-Protection
Instead of avoiding people and uncomfortable situations, Jesus chose to be fully present. He knew what was about to happen to him. He knew he would be betrayed, mocked, and rejected. He could have put up walls and distanced himself from others. Why didn’t he? Because he knew freedom comes through suffering, not avoidance. He endured much, but he embraced the moment.
Are you hurting your faith and friendship by protecting yourself? You don’t have to live that way. It’s a choice. Freedom doesn’t come by way of not experiencing pain or suffering. It’s the opposite.
Take some time to consider the impact of living a life that constantly tries to keep God and friends at bay. May I invite you to consider removing the walls you’ve so carefully constructed so your faith and friendships can flourish?
*If you are in an abusive situation, seek help. Don’t stay in an abusive relationship or put yourself in harm’s way.
Do the words of others linger in your mind? You can hear them play over and over again. You want to erase their words, but you can’t get them out of your head. It’s because we’ve given people headspace. It’s like giving free rent in my head to others, and it has to stop.
Most people can remember a time when someone said something they couldn’t let go of:
You’re a jerk!
You’re no good at that!
You should give it up and try something else!
Those become haunting words that trigger emotions and attitudes, causing us to alter our behavior.
Allowing others to speak life-giving words to us is a good thing. Those are the words we want to linger in our minds, but giving headspace to the wrong person, who speaks untruths or faulty information, can be detrimental and derail our lives.
Stop Giving People Headspace
We have to stop allowing people to take up residency in our heads. By allowing someone to take up headspace, you permit them to influence your thoughts or beliefs about yourself.
It can happen to all of us if we don’t realize that what’s going on.
Be careful what you allow others to say about you to you. Not everything someone says to you is true about you! Let me repeat… not everything someone says to you about you is true!
How to Keep Someone from Getting into Your Head
Use God’s Word to replace untruths.
Examine our thought processes often. If you catch yourself dwelling on negative words, replace them with the truth. When we allow them to linger, they can derail, discourage, and defeat us.
Take your thoughts captive. If you start to doubt your ability, remember God has equipped you. He will lead you, and He will be with you.
Avoid people who are thoughtless with their words.
Bottom line: Don’t allow other people’s words to take up headspace. Stop giving people headspace!
Did you know only 31% of people read their Bible every week? I’m not sure if that surprises you or not, but It did me. That got me wondering why. What are the hindrances to consistently reading God’s Word? How can you fall in love with God’s word?
Fall in Love with God’s Word
Brittany Ann of Equipping Godly Women joins me on the program to talk about her newest book, Fall In Love With God’s Word. We unpack two of the “7 Core Reasons” that Brittany says are why we don’t spend time in the Word and how we can turn that around.
Brittany’s ideas will help you get more consistent in spending time with God’s word.
About Brittany Ann
Brittany Ann is an author, speaker, and founder of EquppingGodlyWomen.com, a popular Christian-living website dedicated to helping women be “all in” in faith and family. Brittany is married to an incredibly godly husband, and together, they have three adorably energetic little ones.
Misty Phillip joins me for part II of our conversation on how to listen and trust God’s leading in your life. Today we focus on the steps she’s learned about waiting that will help you learn how God is working in your life as you wait for his lead.
In this episode, Misty shares valuable wisdom on how to wait on the Lord. She says, “Trusting God to lead can be hard. But, His timing is good.”
Trusting God to lead can be hard. But, His timing is good. — Misty Phillip
Listen and Trust God’s Leading
Live your season well
Know you limits
Move when God says go
Enjoy your season
Journal your emotions
Be Obedient
Nothing is wasted. God uses every part of your story.
Wait on His timing, and He will bless
Misty Phillip Bio
Misty Phillip is a podcaster, speaker, author, and entrepreneur who is passionate about helping you spark your soul message. Founder of the Spark Christian Podcast Conference, Founder of The Rocket Podcast Community, and host of the By His Grace podcast show. Misty inspires through her leadership, speaking, and mastermind groups. She currently serves as the Houston Connect Leader for Christian Women In Media. Misty is the author of The Struggle is Real: But So is God Bible Study and Spark Podcast Planner 2020.
