There’s a difference between resting and quitting. Many times I feel like I want to quit. Today, I want to remind you that it’s okay to rest, but it’s not okay to quit.
In this episode, I’m being vulnerable and sharing some recent life events that have made me want to quit. I know I can’t quit, but I also know that God is calling me to a season of rest for a while.
For some of you, you might just need mental rest. A vacation or some kind of physical exercise like a walk or a trip to the gym might be just what you need. You might need time to read the Word and pray, even if it’s just five minutes. For others, like me in the season, you might need physical rest.
I want to say it again: It’s okay to rest!
How to Make Decisions About Seasons of Rest
Here are some things that you can do to help figure out how to prioritize a season of rest in your life:
Ask yourself in what areas of your life can you rest? There are things like raising kids that can’t be stopped, but there are other things that you could let go of. What are those things? Can they be let go of entirely or do you just need to press pause on them for a bit?
Don’t measure yourself by productivity. God isn’t measuring you by your level of productivity! He’s looking for your faithfulness. Are you doing what He has called you to do?
Pay attention to what God is telling you. Is this something that God is calling you to lay down? Is there something else that God is telling you to pick up?
Make a list of what you’re doing with your time. Are there places you can delegate? Can you hire someone to do a task? Can you ask a friend for help?
Don’t let fear dictate your choices. There are always new opportunities. You can’t do everything!
Bottom line: don’t quit when life gets hard. Live your life in seasons with the right perspective. God has a plan for you and He will lead you!
Are you immersing yourself in today? Or are you wrapped up in taking pictures “so you won’t forget?” Or consumed with what someone else is doing? Or thinking about work that needs to be done? I have the same temptations and I want to encourage you to focus more on immersing yourself in today rather than the cares of tomorrow.
How many times when you’re on vacation or on a nature walk with your kids, do you pull out your phone and take pictures? You start snapping pictures of everything because you want to remember it all. You want to be able to look back and relive the moment later.
I’ll confess. I have a ton of pictures on my phone. I tell my kids that I take so many pictures so I can remember everything. But, I feel a little convicted about the number of pictures.
Not Fully Present?
How often do you take pictures but forget to be fully present in the moment? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take pictures. I just want you to truly experience the moment you’re in. When you look back at the pictures, do you remember what was going on around you? It’s kind of hard to relive a moment that I didn’t really live in the first place. Was I distracted instead of present? I encourage you to embrace where you are whether is it a waterfall, a vacation destination, or a typical day.
Sadly, these days, when you’re out and about, everyone is on their phones. They are missing what’s right in front of them! Don’t get caught up in trying to do more or that feeling that you might be missing out on something. Stop missing out on what is in front of you because you’re looking five steps ahead. Immerse yourself in today!
What is going on in your life today that you might be missing because you’re not fully immersed in today? You can’t go back to where you once were in life. That’s now history. This moment only happens once. The enemy loves to rob us of our time. He loves to see us busy. The enemy wants to distract us. He is trying to make us believe that we can multitask. Resist and choose to be present today.
Regrets and Living in the Moment
What do you regret not doing or not doing more of? Do you wish you would have traveled more? Wish you would have been in the corporate world? Something else? I made decisions in my life that meant I had to pass up opportunities in order to be present with and for my kids.
If I was out on the boat with the kids when they were little, I couldn’t be consumed by what others were doing that might be more interesting or more fun. In some ways, you could say I was oblivious to what others were doing because I wanted to be fully present with my kids, but I also had the luxury of not having instant access to social media when my kids were that little. But, I could have easily allowed myself to be consumed with news headlines instead of reading that bedtime story. You have the opportunity today to help a child with a math problem, show them how to cook or ride a bike, and more. Be there and be present!
Be Interested in Your Kids for Long-term Relationships
Your kids want to know that you’re interested in them. When they know this, they want to be around you. My adult children pop over to the house regularly. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have a kid come by the house at some point. These relationships don’t happen by accident. It takes a vision of the future and intentional work on your part today.
Don’t go through life taking pictures of places and activities where you weren’t fully present. Immerse yourself in today!
I’ve recently come through a very difficult season in my life. Trial after trial kept coming. I couldn’t get through most days without at least a few tears or without feeling exhausted. For me, this season carried a lot of death and painful losses. For you, maybe it’s saying goodbye to someone you love, a financial situation, or a wayward child. How do you get through trials?
In my 20s, I was full of hope and expectations. My 30s were much of the same, running towards my goals for my life. But trials hit us all at some point in life. I wrote an article on this topic of trials recently in the Homeschooling Today Magazine. I shared how when we’re in the midst of trials, it’s easy to get discouraged and frustrated. It’s hard when we can’t accomplish what we’re used to accomplishing!
Learn more about our sponsor, Homeschooling Today Magazine. Get your subscription and read my regular column about relationships!
How do you survive these times of trial? I have some suggestions and encouragement for you!
Ways to Get Through Trials
Give Yourself Grace
First, give yourself grace. You’re not likely going to be able to perform at the level you’re used to, especially if you’re a very driven person like me. Plates will wobble and fall in this season. It’s ok. Be honest with yourself as you take stock of what you can and cannot do in this season. The world around you isn’t going to stop, and it’s easy to become discouraged.
Visualize the Way Through
There is a difference between being in the dark, knowing that God is in control, and living in the darkness. Take hold of your thoughts. Picture something different. Visualize how you will get through, how you will move forward, and take a baby step forward.
Find Comfort and Rest
Find something that brings you comfort and rest. Look for the little things. Words from Scripture. Your morning cup of coffee. A hot bath. Sitting still for a few minutes.
Lean on Your Friends
Find friends you can count on. Friends are not there to be your therapist. They may give you nuggets of wisdom from time to time, but they play a different role in our lives. Cling to them as they walk beside you. They are there to have coffee and have fun with you. Let your friends help you find joy, even if just momentary joy.
Sit in the Solitude
Remember that trials require a fair amount of solitude, too. You need that quiet time to listen to the voice of the Lord, ponder Scripture, sit alone, and let Him work in you. Allow Him to show you what you need to learn from the trials.
Determine to Be Resilient
Be resilient. This doesn’t mean pretending that your trial isn’t happening. It means not allowing yourself to get stuck. But also recognize that trials take a larger toll on you as you get older, and you might be slower to bounce back. Make the decision to keep pushing through, and you will eventually find solid ground again.
God is Growing You Through Trials!
Trials help us develop a strength we could never have found on our own. God uses them to grow and stretch us. He shapes using trials. Trials make us better ambassadors for God. They allow us to learn compassion or empathy we would not otherwise have had. It’s hard to really walk with someone through a trial you yourself haven’t experienced. I’m so thankful that God’s mercies are new every day! Embrace those trials!
My father-in-law is an architect. Years ago, when my kids were little, I was in his office looking at the artwork on the walls. It was a collection of buildings that he had designed. One, in particular, caught my eye. It was a building designed on the side of a mountain with metal posts going into the ground. As I talked to him about it, I learned about foundations and what it takes to know how to build in a situation like this. His answer: the soil. You have to know the soil. It’s the same with your kids. To build a strong foundation of relationship with them you have to know their soil and how to best build on that soil.
God created your child to be a masterpiece, as we’ve already discussed in this series. It’s up to you to learn about the soil of each of their hearts to help build a strong foundation in them. You have to become an expert on your child. What gets them excited? What lifts them up? What drives them to tears? Each of your children is different so it’s important to adjust your approach so you do not wound the sensitive one but also get through to the strong child.
In this 4th episode in a series about Parenting Beyond the Rules, let’s dive into what it takes to build trust with our kids.
Foundation of Trust
Charles Feltman, a trust expert, broke trust down into four areas: sincerity, reliability, competence, and care.
Sincerity: Our children need to know that we’re sincere. They need to know that we say what we mean and mean what we say. Words matter.
Reliability: Do you keep your promises? Our kids need to know that we are reliable. When you say I’ll be there in 5 minutes, do you show up?
Competence: Competence means that you have the skills to do what you say you’re going to do. If you don’t have the needed skills, you have to be honest and tell your kids that you’re going to figure it out together.
Care: Showing your kids that you care means having their best interest at heart. People are generally selfish. The Lord tells us to esteem others higher than ourselves.
These things work together to establish trust at the foundation of relationship with your kids. This helps them know that they can count on us.
Building Trust
There are three things you can actively use to develop trust with your kids:
Time – Quality time together doing things that are intentional.
Grace – An atmosphere of grace changes the temperature of your home and sets the stage for forgiveness.
Repentance – Mistakes will be made along the way so learn to say I’m sorry.
Communicate Well
Building a strong foundation of relationship requires good communication. We have to clearly articulate, which requires thought and being a little slower to speak sometimes. Our kids need to hear our dreams, hopes, and goals as a family. We are relational at our core – first with the Lord and then with others. We want to create families that don’t just survive until the kids turn 18, but rather families that have beautiful, rich relationships as the kids become adults!
Did you get a parenting manual when your child was handed to you? Sometimes, it feels like it would have been easier if we had been given a guide or some 3-step formula when they were born. Instead, you’re searching the internet for quick tips and hacks to get you through the current parenting struggle. Sometimes the picture gets blurry… but God is not done with the story!
Maybe you’re currently looking at a picture of life and of your child that isn’t quite what you thought it would look like back when they were little. Maybe your teen is rebellious. Maybe you have a child who is simply ignoring you. Maybe you’ve thrown up your hands and declared, “It is what it is!” That may be true, but only for this moment. God created that masterpiece in the making and He is not done yet!
What can you do in the meantime?
Different Parenting Styles
As your child grows and changes, you also have to grow and change. I mention these five major parenting styles in Parenting by the Rules. Consider where you fit and how you can change to meet the needs of each of your children.
Authoritative Parent
Authoritative—This type of parent is typically seen as the most effective and helpful to a child. They are flexible and fair. They try to listen and communicate without overreacting. This type of parenting tends to be more predictable and is full of grace, understanding, forgiveness, kindness, and unconditional love. They teach their kids that they can accomplish great things if they are willing to work hard and put their minds to it.
Permissive Parent
Permissive—This parent is easygoing. Kids might call them pushovers. There are fewer rules. They focus on peace and harmony to avoid conflict. These parents believe their kids will figure things out, but this hands-off approach can make kids feel less loved because the parent is too disengaged.
Helicopter Parent
Helicopter—This style of parenting is a blend between authoritative and permissive. They see the need for boundaries and rules to keep chaos at bay but try to give more freedom. Unfortunately, fear and anxiety often define these parents. While well-intentioned with the requirements of constant check-ins, these parents must remember to teach the why along the way.
Hovering Parent
Hovering— These parents are more intrusive than the helicopter parent. At the first sign of trouble, they sweep in for the rescue. There’s a fine line between rescuing and letting your kids figure things out. It’s important for these parents to ask God for wisdom and discernment.
Lawnmower Parent
Lawnmower—This mom or dad will make sure their child has every opportunity on a paved path. They don’t believe that anyone else has their child’s best interest in mind. They are well-meaning, but they are likely to quickly step in to talk to teachers or coaches to argue on their child’s behalf.
The Strengths and Weaknesses
Every parenting style has its strengths and weaknesses. We as the parents have to adjust to the child we have, not the child we’re trying to make them into. If the picture gets blurry, maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at how you’re parenting a particular child and adjust. Only God knows your child’s heart, so you have to focus on building a strong relationship with them. Give them a strong foundation by modeling Biblical principles that govern your decision-making.
Ask yourself and the Lord these questions:
What do I need to change?
When do I need to change?
When do I need to hold firm?
When do I need to press pause?
When do I need to let my responsible child have more freedom?
Always remember that your child has a calling in their life, a plan, and a purpose from God. It’s up to you to help them discover that!
Our minds are powerful. Sometimes our thoughts run away from us. We find ourselves falling into destructive self-talk and negativity. This mindset not only affects us personally, but we end up bringing this baggage into our marriage and parenting. How can you overcome toxic thinking?
Alicia Michelle uses cognitive behavior combined with the Bible to find thought patterns and why we do what we do. She sat down with me to talk about mindset, overcoming toxic thinking, and doing this from a Christian perspective. We chatted about:
The difference between simply saying something to yourself and changing a thought pattern
The importance of the time frame from ages 9-13 and influences during that time
Freedom mindset vs positive thinking and people-pleasing
Finding healing in your subconscious mind using brain priming
The first step in change: paying attention
Having self-compassion
Alicia Michelle has so much wisdom in the area of mindset and breaking free from toxic thinking. I’m so thankful to have had this conversation with her and to have the opportunity to share it with you. I encourage you to check out her podcast and other resources to dig into this topic further.
About Alicia Michelle
Alicia Michelle is an author, Bible teacher, podcaster, and certified NeuroCoach. Known as the Mindset Makeover Coach, she equips Christian women with practical brain-and-biblically-based tools so they know how to renew their minds in order to overcome toxic thinking patterns (such as perfectionism, fear/worry, and not feeling “enough”) so they can cultivate godly confidence.
