I was recently asked to do a news segment responding to a story about how a twelve-year-old and their friend snuck out of the house and drove four hundred miles to meet up with someone they’d met online. Sadly the age for children engaging in risky and dangerous behavior online is trending younger and younger. As a parent, how can you keep your kids safe online? What do you do when you find that your child is having secret chats online?
You need to take a position of balance between fear and caution. Even if you’re a tech-savvy parent, your kids probably know how to get around your efforts. Kids want to be affirmed, appreciated, and noticed so some are easily loured in by predators online. Your child just wants to have fun, but the bad people on the other side of the computer have honed their skills of deception.
Teach Your Kids to Make Wise Choices Now
The goal is for your kids to learn how to use technology and social media well while they are still under your roof. Then when they go out into the world with unmonitored access, they’ve already learned to have good boundaries and make wise choices. How do you set boundaries and teach your kids to make wise choices?
Establish Open and Honest Communication
The first step in this process is to establish open and honest communication with your tweens and teens. Discuss online safety. Remind them over and over again about these issues of tech and safety.
Set Clear Expectations
Next, set clear expectations. Set rules for technology and social media usage. Decide what’s allowed and what’s not allowed. Set time boundaries. Above all else, take time to explain the why behind the rules and boundaries.
Use parental controls
Use parental control options available to you. Set the rules, but use these tools to put guardrails in place. You have to follow up and monitor the rules that you put into place. Block and restrict content as needed. Check your child’s browser history. It’s your job to protect your kids! If you’re less tech-savvy, find tutorials online for how to use various settings.
Monitor Social Media Sites
Be sure to monitor social media sites and your child’s social media profiles. See who they are following. Watch what their friends are posting. Be sure to find a balance between checking and hovering.
Talk to Other Parents
Take time to talk to other parents. Find out about tools and methods they are using to keep their kids safe. What are they struggling with? Keep in mind that your kids are more likely to tell you what a friend did than to share the bad thing that they did themselves.
Tools for Monitoring Online Activity
There are a lot of tools out there for monitoring your child’s online activity. A couple we’ve looked at are Bark and Net Nanny. There are many more services available to choose from and more coming on the market every day. Be aware that some of these tools are using AI to determine when to alert you. You’ll need to decide where to balance privacy and the use of AI to protect your kids.
What To Do About Secret Chats Online
Don’t be afraid to talk to your kids about these topics. Ask them questions. Make sure they know you love them. Talk about the what-if scenarios. Role-play these things out. Remind them not to give out personal info.
But what if your child is already found themselves in trouble? Always watch and observe. Be aware of any secrecy and let that clue you into a problem. If you find that something has happened and your child is having secret chats online consider these next steps:
Breathe
Ask God for discernment and words specific for that child
Don’t overreact
Parents, stay engaged! Ask your kids about their online conversations. Make sure that your kids know that you’re on their side. Give them the guidance needed now so that when they leave your home they can navigate the online world with confidence as an adult.
The other day I was back in the Fox 35 Orlando studios to talk on air about another parenting topic. This time we were discussing kids and credit cards. Of course, a 3-5 minute morning TV segment gives little time to dig into the issue, so in this episode, I’m unpacking more of the conversations that need to be had and what to consider when your kid wants a credit card or debit card.
I think it is important to have these conversations with our kids rather than throwing out blanket approvals or denials. Each child even within your one family is different and may need different boundaries. There is not a set age at which getting a credit or debit card is right or wrong.
Why Does Your Child Want a Credit Card?
When your child wants a credit card, take time to find out why. What is their reasoning? You might be surprised! The reasons could be things like:
Peer pressure
No one takes cash
Concern about losing cash
Don’t feel safe carrying cash
My best advice for you is to refrain from rolling your eyes or quickly shooting down your child’s replies. Be slow to answer. Your job as the parent is to build a long last relationship through which you are teaching your child to be a responsible adult. Your child needs to learn to manage money, budget, save, and spend with your guidance.
How to Decide if Your Child Should Have a Credit Card
There are three main things to consider when deciding whether your child is ready for a credit (or debit) card.
What is their age and maturity level?
What is their understanding of money?
Does their responsibility level match their request?
After evaluating these things, you need to have a conversation about what works best for your family. Involve your spouse and other family members as needed. This is not just about what is best for your child. The final decision has to be a good fit for the entire family as well as your family goals and values.
Teaching Your Child About Money Management
In order to responsibly use a credit or debit card, your child needs to understand money management. Walk them through things like:
What an itemized credit card or bank statement looks like
How to budget
What needs to be paid at the end of a billing cycle
How interest works
How late fees work
What overdraft fees are
Paying minimum required payments vs paying off the full balance each month
Take time to show them one of your own credit card or bank statements to whatever detail you’re comfortable. Get out a calculator and have them run the numbers so they understand what might happen in various scenarios, interest rates, payment options, and overdraft fees.
Credit or Debit and Services for Kids
There are a lof of options out there these days to choose from when giving your child their first access to a credit or debit card. You’ll need to evaluate each to determine if they are a good fit for your family.
Will you choose a credit card or a debit card?
Are you trying to build credit?
Are you trying to avoid overdraft fees?
Are you willing to pay a monthly fee?
Do you want extra features like rewards or allowances built into the system?
Is a simple student account at a local bank a better option?
If your child is asking for a credit or debit card, task them with some of this research. What option do they think is best?
What If Trouble Comes with Using a Credit Card?
Remember that you are teaching your child in an environment where they can fail forward. Try a system and if it doesn’t work out, change the system rather than pulling all access. If your child misuses their credit or debit card, refrain from taking everything away. Keep the lines of communication open and encourage them to contact you first if they feel they need to make a charge outside of the usual approved purchases. Be tracking your child as needed, but not micromanaging. But, in the end, if the credit or debit card system is not working, look at other options as a family.
Start these conversation about money early and have them often. Help your child see you as a guide on this journey. Work together towards this goal of gaining financial wisdom and put them on surefooting as an adult for managing their own money.
I met Ana Bagnuoli many years ago at a homeschooling conference in Florida. Together with her husband, they began serving the Hispanic community and talking about homeschooling. The ministry has grown to the point that they now have a homeschooling conference for Spanish-speaking homeschoolers. Ana has such a passion for homeschooling in the Hispanic community and I’m so excited to introduce you to her!
In this episode, Ana and I discuss:
How Ana and I met
The need for homeschooling materials in Spanish
Serving Hispanic homeschoolers in Florida
Expanding the ministry and the founding of TranistionEd
The importance of family
Starting the first homeschooling conference for Spanish-speakers
Homeschooling in the Hispanic community is growing. Share this ministry with your Spanish-speaking friends and neighbors!
About Ana Bagnuoli
Ricardo Bagnuoli born in Montevideo, Uruguay and Ana María born in Bogotá, Colombia, have been married for 14 years and are the founders of TransitionED, a non-profit organization established in the United States in 2017 that trains and equips Hispanic families on how to transform their homes in the best and first place of learning. Ana and Ricardo believe that education is a design and a tool to discover, nurture and promote God-given purpose for each child. Ana and Ricardo moved to the United States over 20 years ago and learned from scratch what homeschooling truly is. They discovered homeschooling in 2012 at a short workshop and made the decision to follow the call to become mentors and teachers to their children. They are the parents of 3 homeschoolers ages 9, 11, and 13 and they have a strong business and academic background that has helped them implement homeschooling effectively and productively in their own home. They enjoy watching other families grow, they like to cook together, read, write, do business and also camp outdoors. In 2022 Ricardo and Ana created the first Hispanic Homeschooling Conference “Educa Por Diseño” in the nation gathered hundreds of people in Miami, FL including leaders at the local, national, and international level. Ricardo and Ana have become pioneers in the Hispanic homeschooling community with more than 10 years of experience as educators, ministers, and business owners.
Ricardo and Ana María have dedicated themselves to sharing their vision as educators of their children, as entrepreneurs, and as ministers of Biblical principles for life. They are passionate about serving other families and their home is a reflection of what they live and teach others. They currently reside in the United States, Florida and are dedicated to serving the community. Ricardo and Ana María see homeschooling as a lifestyle where education unifies the family nucleus and the learning process is done as a team.
References and Links
The following may contain affiliate links.
Visit Ana’s website and learn about the conference
In the last episode, we discussed the pros and cons of sleepovers. Rather than making a blanket decision, I encouraged you to look deeper into the goals of your family and how sleepovers can fit or do not fit into those plans. This week I want to dig deeper into hosting sleepovers. What should you ask the host family? What can you do as the host home for a sleepover?
I was recently on Fox 35 Orlando to talk about the pros and cons of sleepovers. It’s hard to have an in-depth discussion on a topic like this in four minutes!
If you’ve decided that your family allows sleepovers or you handle the requests on a case-by-case basis, think about how to best talk to the host to get the information you need to make a good decision. Think about the questions and concerns that you may be asked as the host home of a sleepover.
Questions to Ask About Hosting Sleepovers
Here are some questions you can ask about sleepovers or be prepared to answer:
Who is going to be attending?
How many kids are attending?
Will the parents be there?
Are there additional guests staying with the family?
Is this an adult party for which kids were told to invite their friends?
Is this just a kids’ hangout?
The answers to these questions change the potential dynamics of the gathering. Adult parties are more likely to have alcohol accessible. A kids’ Friday night hang-out with a handful of close friends at the home of long-time family friends is going to have a different atmosphere.
What About Safety at Sleepovers?
The number one concern about sleepovers is usually about safety. This takes many faces. In my Fox 35 segment, the topic of gun safety came up. How do you handle this topic? Honestly, you just have to ask. You don’t have to interrogate the family. Just be nice and express your concern for safety without making assumptions. Try to stay neutral and not come across as judgemental. Are firearms stored in a safe and kept unloaded?
Go over these safety concerns with your kids about guns, alcohol, and drugs. Prepare them for how to respond if presented with these things and how to get ahold of you if needed. Consider having a numeric code or code word that your child can text or say when they call you to alert you to come to get them out of the situation if needed. Does your child feel mature enough to handle these situations? Are you prepared to be respectful, non-judgemental, and empathic toward your kids if you’re asked to come to get them?
Communication Surrounding Sleepovers
Communication is key in handling sleepovers!
If you have to say no to a sleepover, be honest with your kids to whatever extent your child can understand or needs to know. Be prepared to have the tough conversations with your kids if they are broken-hearted because you must tell them no they cannot attend a particular sleepover. Be sure to remind your kids that they can use you as an excuse for not being able to go to a sleepover if needed.
For our family, we chose to host sleepovers more often than attend sleepovers at another home. I knew I wouldn’t get much sleep and I’d be on the couch all night near where the kids were to monitor what was going on. I welcomed any parents to come over or call to ask questions.
Open and honest communication is the foundation you’re trying to build with your kids. Create a safe and transparent environment where your kids and their friends can express how they feel, what has happened, or what their concerns are. They need to know that they can trust you!
Pray about what is best for your kids and your family. There is no one right or wrong way to handle sleepovers!
Do you allow your kids to participate in sleepovers? I’m personally not a fan of blanket directives because each family is unique. You have to make a decision about what is best for your family based on the pros and cons of having sleepovers.
I was recently on Fox 35 Orlando to talk about the pros and cons of sleepovers. It’s hard to have an in-depth discussion on a topic like this in four minutes, so I’d like to dig in a little deeper here on the podcast with you.
Did you go to sleepovers when you were a kid? If you did, what happened at those sleepovers? There was likely a lot of talking about other people, eating sugar, and staying up all night. Maybe you did things you probably shouldn’t do along the way. Maybe your experiences make you say never to sleepovers. Maybe you had great experiences with sleepovers that you want your kids to have as well.
Pros of Sleepovers
Here are some pros of participating in sleepovers:
Social development in an unstructured, relaxed environment
Cultivation of independence in your child
Creation of defining, lasting memories and friendships
Space to learn to make good decisions and problem solve
Building trust with parents and friends
Cons of Sleepovers
What about the cons of sleepovers? There are downsides such as:
Possibility for bullying
Shattering of trust
Inappropriate behavior
Exposure to drugs and alcohol
Sleep deprivation and its results or consequences
Disruption of routines
Exclusion of some children
Is There a Middle Ground on Sleepovers for Your Family?
Before you choose to take an always-or-never stance on sleepovers, I challenge you to think outside the box and see if there’s another path that might work for your family. It’s important to know your children. It’s critical to have good communication. If you choose to allow or host sleepovers, know and communicate what you expect of your kids and those participating.
In the Albers’ family, we were generally not pro going to other homes for sleepovers. Some of this had to do with our family size and dynamics. I couldn’t have five kids running to five different places. Because my kids’ extracurricular activities, we were also often busy on the weekends making a Friday night sleepover difficult to participate in those activities the rest of the weekend. We built a life that was busy or full to meet the goals and needs of our family. Sleepovers didn’t naturally fit into that plan for us most of the time.
Here are some additional things to consider to help you decide if sleepovers are good for your family:
Why are you opposed to or hesitant to let your child attend sleepovers?
Is there a legitimate concern for your child?
Is this is a declaration that your friends have made?
Did you have a bad experience with sleepovers?
Do you know everybody who will be there?
Will the parents be home?
How many kids are expected to attend?
Is this a party or a time to hang out with close friends?
Ask your child why they want to go.
Ask questions to gauge whether your kid can stand up to peer pressure and awkward situations.
Open, honest communication is the key to all of this. Be sure to take the time to explain the responsibility and the dangers that come with sleepovers, wherever your family decides to land on the subject.
Join me in the next episode where we will dive a little deeper into the topic of hosting sleepovers!
Do you have a prodigal child? Are you desperate to guide your prodigal home? Laine Lawson Craft has lived this story with her three children. Now she’s committed to sharing their testimony and showing parents how to fight the spiritual battle to guide their prodigals back home again.
In this episode, Laine and I talk about:
How your kids are being attacked for their destiny
The number one thing that a parent (or anyone can do) for a child
What is a prodigal?
Staying in the game with your adult kids
How guiding your prodigal home is a long-term commitment
Dealing with discouragement
How to handle backsliding
How one touch of God can change everything
About Laine Lawson Craft
Laine is dauntlessly committed to guiding parents of teens and young adults to win back their prodigal children.
She partners with prodigal parents so that they find a proven battle plan and strategies to guide them to know that they are not in a war with their child but in a war with the enemy trying to destroy them; they will learn how to have authority over the battles, and how to pray for victory for their prodigal.
With over fifteen years of working with amazing people with similar hurts and spiritual warfare and guiding them to achieve remarkable success, her mission and commitment are to give you insights and revelations into how the darkness of our world operates, build your hope, and give tried-and-true tools and applications that will bring your prodigal home.
Her path to writing this life-transforming battle plan became clear after she fought hell for her children, and her family was healed and won.
Laine is an award-winning, best-selling author, popular media host, and in-demand speaker.
She has been married to Steve, her husband, for over thirty-five years, and she loves spending time with her two sons, only daughter, daughter-in-love, and son-in-love.
