It’s that time of year again – the start of a new school year! Whether you’re a seasoned parent or you have a new kindergartener, the mixed feelings of nervousness, excitement, and anxiety are likely familiar. In this episode, we are going to talk about transitioning smoothly into a new school year and the importance of easing kids back into school.
Let’s just first acknowledge now that there’s a bit of upheaval that happens at back-to-school time. Your kids are learning new things and adjusting to new schedules. Be mentally prepared for this.
Easing into the School Year
Here are my suggestions for ways of easing your kids back into school and setting them up for a great year:
Be sure to talk to your kids about any anxiety they may have.
This might be anxiety about the challenges of new things or it might be social challenges. Connect with your kids about how to process their emotions. Temper your expectations of your children, and yourself.
Be prepared and reduce stress by meal planning.
Having the groceries in the house and at least a rough plan of what you’re going to cook will make your days run more smoothly. Don’t forget to think about nutrition! Your child’s brain is developing rapidly and they need healthy fats and proteins in addition to good carbs. Set consistent meal times and set your day by working backward to make sure that meals happen on time and avoid children becoming hangry.
Help your kids develop good study habits and related routines.
Show them how to focus. Give them a space in which to study. Provide organizational systems and skills.
Include physical exercise and free play in your days.
Create margin in the schedule for these activities. Don’t give up this time in order to get other things done!
Create an atmosphere in your home that your children will want to remember.
An atmosphere of warmth, excitement, and enthusiasm is contagious. Write down the words you want your kids to use to describe your home after they’ve left your home as adults. Be and do the things needed to embody those words.
Remove distractions and provide the resources they need to be successful.
What is in the way of your child achieving their goals? Determine what is needed of you to reach those goals? What is keeping you from being available for your child?
Make It a Great Year
Every school year brings its own set of unique joys and excitements and challenges. I hope your children look back on this school year as a year of blessings and call it a great year!
Do your children have summer jobs? Do they have a part-time job or work as an intern or volunteer somewhere? Fox 35 Orlando asked me to speak on this topic of teens and summer jobs and I always have so much more to say on these topics than I can fit into a short morning show segment. A lot of learning happens with summer jobs, so let’s talk about the benefits of a summer job for your teen!
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
I was speaking at a conference and walked into the lobby of the hotel to find a sign that said, “Workers are scarce. The whole country is facing a worker shortage. Be nice to those who show up.” I’m a strong advocate of rest, play, and learning to use boredom, but I also see that learning happens on the construction site, in an office filling papers, or volunteering at a non-profit organization. There’s value gained in these experiences for your teens working at a summer job.
Benefits of a Summer Job for Teens
Summer jobs can teach children and teens a lot of valuable life lessons and skills. Some of these include learning:
The value of work from a financial perspective – Your teen’s job can show them the value of work and how to separate income from their personal worth. They can also earn cash that can go towards savings, college, or personal interests. This is also an opportunity for parents to talk with and teach children about pay, negotiating raises, and other financial skills.
Useful hard and soft skills – Summer jobs can give your child the opportunity to hone a particular skill in an area of interest or show them that they don’t like working in a particular field. Beyond that, there are soft skills like problem-solving that are gained along the way.
How to work with a variety of people – These summer and part-time opportunities put your child into situations where they have to interact with people of all different ages, life stages, personalities, and more. They can gain valuable experience in learning to serve and get along with all kinds of people, some of whom they might not normally come into contact with or from whom they might have differing beliefs.
Summer Job Ideas
What kinds of jobs can your children and teens get this summer? Here’s a list to help you get started thinking about the possibilities:
Construction, pool cleaning, lawn maintenance, lifeguard, parks and recreation
Online: video editing, virtual assistant, learning software tools, graphic design, social media ads creator
Creative: production crew, tradeshow designs
In-Office: receptionist, office assistant, intern
Volunteer: city events, sporting events, music and theater events, hospitals
Consider all of these benefits of and options for summer jobs for your children. Working during the summer months can help your teens develop important skills, cultivate a strong work ethic, and gain valuable experiences for their future.
I recently had the opportunity to meet up with Kristen A. Jenson to have a conversation about a topic that is extremely important in our world of expanding digital access: pornography. Kristen is the founder of Defend Young Minds and CEO of Glen Cove Press. She is an internationally acclaimed author and advocate for protecting young minds from the dangers of harmful media. Kristen is leading the charge in this area to make sure parents are equipped to protect and educate their children about these dangers. Parents, it’s time to start defending young minds!
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
Listen in as Kristen and I discuss these topics surrounding defending young minds and protecting them from the harmful effects of pornography:
How Good Pictures, Bad Pictures came to be and Kristen’s discovery of the lack of resources on this topic
The importance of preparing children to face this issue
How introducing children to the topic of pornography, its effects, and offering a plan for safeguarding their minds empowers children and opens lines of communication with parents
The need for normalizing conversations about pornography so children who are struggling with porn addiction
Understanding that curiosity is a natural response
Quelling parents’ concerns that talking about pornography will ignite curiosity in children
While we wish we didn’t have to have these conversations, it is critical to acknowledge the reality of the world we live in. You can work now to protect your children from the negative impacts of pornography and potentially save them from a world of heartache later. By initiating age-appropriate conversations and educating them using resources like those from Kristen and Defend Young Minds, you can start defending young minds of your children to recognize and reject pornography.
About Kristen A. Jenson
Kristen A. Jenson is the founder of Defend Young MindsTM (formerly Protect Young Minds®) and #1 best-selling author of the Good Pictures Bad Pictures series of read-aloud books, which have translations in 10 languages and are now augmented by a guidebook for professionals which supports child therapists and educators. She is also the executive producer of the Brain DefenseTM: Digital Safety curriculum—a powerful and engaging video-based course for families and educators.
Kristen is a positive voice for raising empowered, resilient, screen-smart kids who know how and why to reject pornography. She instills hope and confidence and leaves her audiences with pragmatic advice they can act on immediately to defend young minds.
Kristen is a mother of three and grandmother of two and currently lives with her husband and awfully cute dog in Washington State.
Tasks. Work. Chores. Whatever you call them, there are things that need to be done in your home, and frankly, no one really wants to have to do them. Since the magic fairy isn’t going to be arriving anytime soon to handle these things, we as parents have to find a way to motivate our kids to get their share of the work done. I found that every age and stage and child requires a little different tactic and mindset, but it always comes back to adding an element of fun.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
An Element of Fun in Daily Tasks
As Mary Poppins so famously said, “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.”
That fun might be adding a timer to see how fast the job can be completed. This is great for your competitive kids. It might mean promising an outside fun activity after the work is finished. When we make it fun, everyone’s attitude is better, even yours!
The way that you phrase or present the tasks makes a difference. This requires thinking about your child’s unique personality and motivations. What will get this child excited about doing something? I know there are some kids who just have more of a bent toward murmuring and complaining, and it will take more work to get to a joyful heart for those kids. But, I’ve found that for most kids, offering a treat or reward activity really helps.
Sometimes your child’s creative ways will actually make the tasks take longer. That’s ok. Don’t squash their creativity. Let them use those skills and gifts. Sometimes it lightens the mood and makes everyone have more fun. Just be aware of your very responsible child who just wants to get the job done. They might be bothered by a sibling who stretches out the time it takes to do a task.
I’ve talked many times about journaling and keeping notes about your child. What motivates, excites, and delights your children? Use these insights to help motivate them to get the hard, boring, mundane things done.
By incorporating fun into everyday chores, parents can foster unity and collaboration, and ignite their child’s imagination. You’re instilling in them character qualities that will be written on their hearts for a lifetime. One day, your kids will sit around the table, when they are adults and don’t have to be there, and they will remember these days and how you made daily tasks fun.
Some extreme examples have been recorded and posted online of parents behaving badly at kids’ sporting events recently in central Florida. In response, Fox 35 Orlando asked me to speak about parents who lack self-control. I love doing these segments, but there’s never enough time to say everything so I’m expanding on this topic here on the podcast for you! In this episode, we’re going to go deeper into the impact of parents who lack self-control, what your self-control teaches your kids, and how to turn it around if you’ve been a bad example.
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
There are a number of reasons why parents are acting out these days. Parents lack self-control because of:
Fatigue and stress
Sensory overload and overwhelm
Societal expectations and pressure
Personal triggers and identity found in child’s performance
Parenting challenges
Why Do Parents Need Self-Control?
Are you pushing your child to be the best they can be but in the process you are losing the best of you? When you have self-control, your children learn healthy life skills. They learn how to:
Regulate their emotions
Have patience and tolerance
Control impulses
Manage stress
Develop character qualities
These are all things we want our kids to be able to do and do well!
What Happens When Parents Lack Self-Control?
When you show a lack of self-control these things can happen:
Your kids can become emotionally insecure. They become confused by the example set by you as the parent. This comes with anxiety and fear. Instead, ask your child: Did you give it your best?
They begin using the negative behavior that you’re modeling. Your kids will start to think that this behavior is acceptable.
Your child’s self-esteem will be impacted. They will internalize their feelings, believing that their self-worth is based on performance rather than on effort or skill. They won’t be able to regulate their own emotions.
How to Develop Self-Control
What can you do when you’ve been a bad example? Go apologize to your child! Explain that you were not a good example, you didn’t show a good testimony, and you may have embarrassed them. Say that you’re sorry and you were wrong. Ask for forgiveness. Don’t make excuses for your bad behavior!
Here are some ideas for how you prepare yourself for an event or make changes for you and your kids:
Don’t go to an event if you can’t control yourself.
Give a spouse or friend permission to confront you if you lack self-control.
Pray before entering the arena.
Make a decision in advance about how you will behave.
Distance yourself from bad influences at the event.
Move your kids to a different team/group if needed.
Be A Change Maker!
What is etched in your child’s heart becomes the reservoir from which they draw in the future. Remember that you are responsible to the Lord and to your family. As a parent, you don’t have to lack self-control. Instead of being an excuse maker, be a change maker!
I was recently asked to do a news segment responding to a story about how a twelve-year-old and their friend snuck out of the house and drove four hundred miles to meet up with someone they’d met online. Sadly the age for children engaging in risky and dangerous behavior online is trending younger and younger. As a parent, how can you keep your kids safe online? What do you do when you find that your child is having secret chats online?
You need to take a position of balance between fear and caution. Even if you’re a tech-savvy parent, your kids probably know how to get around your efforts. Kids want to be affirmed, appreciated, and noticed so some are easily loured in by predators online. Your child just wants to have fun, but the bad people on the other side of the computer have honed their skills of deception.
Teach Your Kids to Make Wise Choices Now
The goal is for your kids to learn how to use technology and social media well while they are still under your roof. Then when they go out into the world with unmonitored access, they’ve already learned to have good boundaries and make wise choices. How do you set boundaries and teach your kids to make wise choices?
Establish Open and Honest Communication
The first step in this process is to establish open and honest communication with your tweens and teens. Discuss online safety. Remind them over and over again about these issues of tech and safety.
Set Clear Expectations
Next, set clear expectations. Set rules for technology and social media usage. Decide what’s allowed and what’s not allowed. Set time boundaries. Above all else, take time to explain the why behind the rules and boundaries.
Use parental controls
Use parental control options available to you. Set the rules, but use these tools to put guardrails in place. You have to follow up and monitor the rules that you put into place. Block and restrict content as needed. Check your child’s browser history. It’s your job to protect your kids! If you’re less tech-savvy, find tutorials online for how to use various settings.
Monitor Social Media Sites
Be sure to monitor social media sites and your child’s social media profiles. See who they are following. Watch what their friends are posting. Be sure to find a balance between checking and hovering.
Talk to Other Parents
Take time to talk to other parents. Find out about tools and methods they are using to keep their kids safe. What are they struggling with? Keep in mind that your kids are more likely to tell you what a friend did than to share the bad thing that they did themselves.
Tools for Monitoring Online Activity
There are a lot of tools out there for monitoring your child’s online activity. A couple we’ve looked at are Bark and Net Nanny. There are many more services available to choose from and more coming on the market every day. Be aware that some of these tools are using AI to determine when to alert you. You’ll need to decide where to balance privacy and the use of AI to protect your kids.
What To Do About Secret Chats Online
Don’t be afraid to talk to your kids about these topics. Ask them questions. Make sure they know you love them. Talk about the what-if scenarios. Role-play these things out. Remind them not to give out personal info.
But what if your child is already found themselves in trouble? Always watch and observe. Be aware of any secrecy and let that clue you into a problem. If you find that something has happened and your child is having secret chats online consider these next steps:
Breathe
Ask God for discernment and words specific for that child
Don’t overreact
Parents, stay engaged! Ask your kids about their online conversations. Make sure that your kids know that you’re on their side. Give them the guidance needed now so that when they leave your home they can navigate the online world with confidence as an adult.
