A friend recently suggested to me that I should talk to you about how God answers our prayers and specifically prayers of protection for our kids. Praying for your children is an important part of the spiritual development of your kids and for you as a parent.
I have a child who is a natural risk-taker. Do you have one of those? This momma I was talking to recently experienced a situation with a son who had been part of an accident, but his involvement or condition was unknown for a period of time. There’s just nothing that will drive a momma to her knees faster than something happening to her child! Those kinds of situations change us and remind us that God is in control.
Prayer is Action
Brooke McGlothlin at Million Praying Moms often says that the most effective thing you can do as a parent is to pray. Praying is doing something! Pray for your children consistently, not just when they are acting up or acting out, but regularly. If you don’t pray for your children, you’re missing out on deep communion with God and the testimony of being able to tell your child that you’re praying for them.
I’ve spent a good amount of time in the hospital lately between the birth of my second grandchild and supporting a family member in the hospital. One day I was in the waiting room area and met a mom whose toddler was going into organ failure. I felt overwhelmed as I listened to her story. I felt like I couldn’t take another another thing. But I could pray, and that’s exactly what I did for the momma.
I don’t know what your year has been like and I don’t know exactly what your future holds, but God does. Whatever your situation, ask God to give you some margin to enter into someone else’s hard place with them. Ask him to help you see the importance of praying with and for your children.
Pray Consistently
God cares for your children and he cares for you. He wants what is best for them, but sometimes that includes hard lessons. If you have a risk taking child like I had, you’re probably more likely to be praying for that child, but don’t forget your more compliant or less communicative kids too. Make a practice of praying for protection over your kids and praying consistently for them in general.
I pray that like the momma who suggested that I talk to your about praying today, that you’ll see God’s protection over your children and answered prayers.
In the United States, this is a week when we pause to be thankful and consider thankfulness. But, appreciation goes much deeper than thankfulness. In this episode, I want to discuss teaching appreciation to your kids.
Everyone wants to feel loved and valued, but appreciation goes deeper into the heart of a person. Teaching appreciation to kids actually begins with mom and dad. It starts with your example. This may come more easily to some of you but be more difficult for others. Catch your kids doing good things and then go beyond just saying thank you. Find your children doing little things and show them appreciation.
It’s important that you put your appreciation into words and actions that your child will hear and understand. Dr. Gary Chapman’s books are a great resource on this topic in addition to past episodes I’ve done on strengths and siblings. Ask the Lord to reveal to you how your children think, feel, and behave. How do they process the world around them? Use this knowledge to communicate appreciation to your kids.
When we neglect to do these kinds of these and train our kids with these examples over and over again, we end up with adults who don’t know how to be thankful and think everything is owed to them. But Scripture tells us that we are to value others more highly than ourselves. We are to seek to serve. Explain these ideas to your kids, not in a negative way, but in a way that makes them really think and ponder these things.
This episode has plenty of practical examples and scenarios about how you can put this into action to teach appreciation to your kids!
In the episode last week, I talked about resting vs quitting. So many of you contacted me asking about kids who have a tendency to give up on something too soon. How do you go about teaching kids not to quit?
It’s really important to know each of your children as individuals. There tend to be a few basic reasons that kids want to quit and the way you go about helping and encouraging kids is very different.
There are kids who don’t have the words to express their frustration. They don’t have the works they need to articulate themselves and they tend to storm off.
Other kids just don’t even try because they are afraid of failing. These kids tend to be perfectionistic and that is paralyzing to these kids.
But there are also kids who avoid conflict and disharmony. For this type of children, they are trying to avoid the disapproving looks
Do you know which type of child you are dealing with?
How To Teach Your Child Not to Quit
It’s important as parents to help develop in our kids the character quality of perservence. but each of these three types of kids are going to need slightly different help, attention, and words to overcome the desire to quit.
Each of your children is uniquely created by a Master designer who fearfully and wonderfully made them. Consider some of these things as you determine how to best encourage and come alongside your child.
You need to look at them as one of a kind.
Watch your words and avoid pat answers.
Sometimes a pause is needed to consider and think about something.
Sometimes more maturity is needed before pressing through on a particular task or activity.
Set realistic expectations for the child.
Remind your kids that they are growing up, but not yet grown up.
Reassure your kids that you struggle with these issues at times too.
Encourage your child to try new things.
Learn the strengths and weakness of each of your children.
Help your child take their thoughts captive.
Remind your child to do their best rather than strive for perfect.
Each of your children is different, but you are just the parent they need to become who God has created them to be!
I speak frequently about how to keep kids safe online. I’ve found two camps of parenting styles when it comes to technology and internet usage. On one side, some parents decide to give no access at all to technology. On the other side, they allow their kids near unrestricted access.
If you’ve been around the Equipped To Be Podcast for very long, you know that I’m not a proponent of restricting all access to technology and the internet. At the same time, I’ve found that giving too much access without much monitoring and deep conversations with your kids can also backfire. I’ve talked to employees at some of the large tech companies and received varying responses about how to handle kids and tech, but it usually comes back to watching and monitoring. That’s a lot easier if you’re tech-savvy!
These days, it’s more likely a question of when, not if, your children or one of their friends will encounter bullying. I believe that the best middle-ground approach to tech usage is to use parental controls AND to have close relationships with your kids.
What does this look like in practice? How do you keep your kids safe online?
Conversations about Technology and Online Spaces
Relationships are at the core of having a balanced approach to online safety. Here are some things to consider when building these relationships and having these deep conversations.
Talk to your kids about why internet safety matters for their future. They need to understand the why. This is the principle behind the rule.
Give your kids some basic guidelines about internet etiquette. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then don’t type it online. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, then don’t do it to someone else.
Ask your kids about their friends. Except for some of your highly sensitive kids who may be more likely to respond openly, your kids are likely not going to answer direct questions. Ask if their friends are encountering issues online. Open deeper conversations about your experiences and your friends’ experiences help your kids be more vulnerable.
Encourage Common Sense Practices
Implement some simple guidelines for device usage in your home like:
Use devices in open spaces.
Set time limits
Encourage to not always be on a device.
Engage with people, nature, and books.
Help your kids understand that with freedom comes responsibility. They need to know that you’re looking out for their best interests. It’s not about control but about their safety.
I’m excited to welcome Dr. Kathy Koch back to the podcast! Dr. Kathy has a new book about kids and resiliency. She’s back to talk with me today about this book titled Resilient Kids and to define and expand upon resiliency. This is about so much more than the trauma of living through a pandemic!
I recently saw a statistic from Max Lucado that something like 80% of young people are feeling stress, anxiety, and/or depression. The mental health crisis in our country is staggering! Dr. Kathy and Celebrate Kids are doing what they can to educate parents. She’s optimistic but realistic in the way that she teaches.
Kids and Resiliency
Dr. Kathy defines resiliency as “readily recovering from difficulties.” She says that it’s not about being bouncy and happy like Tigger about struggles, but bouncing forward or coming back to a right standing when something bad happens.
Here are some of the things Dr. Kathy and I touch on regarding resilient kids in this episode:
Walking with your kids in their struggles
How Mom should leave the room if prone to overprotect and intervene too quickly.
How struggles made kids stronger just like they made you stronger
How struggles help us trust in ourselves and others
The problem of toxic positivity
How learning something new is hard
Working on self-talk – “What makes you think that’s true?”
Using “I am…” statements
Using examples and pictures and giving proof to show progress or back up claims
Acknowledging your child’s feeling
Using the word “yet”
Telling your kids not to lie to themselves
Letting your kids see you ask for help
Raising the children you have and not the ones you wish you had
Reframing thought patterns
The differences between Big T Trauma vs Little t trauma
I hope you found Dr. Kathy’s conversation encouraging and equipping! If you like what she had to say in this episode, be sure to check out her books using the links in the resource section below.
About Dr. Kathy Koch
Dr. Kathy Koch (pronounced “cook”) is the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., based in Fort Worth, TX, and a co-founder of Ignite the Family, based in Alpharetta, GA. She has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in 30 countries through keynote messages, seminars, chapels, and other events. She is proud to be represented by the Ambassador Speakers Bureau of Nashville, TN. She is a featured speaker for the Great Homeschool Conventions, on the faculty of Summit Ministries, and a frequent presenter for Care Net, Axis, and other organizations. She speaks regularly at schools, churches, and pregnancy resource centers.
There’s a new term in HR departments around the country: quiet quitters. It refers to people who don’t want to overexert themselves. They do just enough to get their paycheck and not get fired. Your children have the opportunity to take the marketplace by storm in this quiet quitter culture!
Have you ever seen this tendency to do just enough in your kids? They do just enough in their math work or put just enough sentences in that writing assignment paragraph. The problem with the quiet quitter mentality comes back to integrity. Even at this early stage, you can work with your kids to show them how to have integrity in their lives.
The Bible tells us that if we don’t work, we don’t eat. Sadly, culture has shifted to a lot of people who don’t want to work but want to spend a lot of time eating and shopping!
Pursuing Excellence
This is a great opportunity to talk to your kids about doing things with excellence and greatness. Show your kids how to give their best. I’m not suggesting that you sacrifice your family for work, but there is a relative balance that can be achieved when you do your best and have integrity.
What Are Companies Looking For?
Corporations, businesses, and the marketplace in general are all looking for people who will work hard. The world needs thought leaders who know how to put in a good day of work. It’s time to teach our children character qualities to reach that goal. They need to learn about:
Perseverance
Diligence
Determination
Grit
These qualities will give your kids the ability to add value and make a difference in the world.
Find Your Kids’ Strengths
One of the best ways to practically help your kids develop these qualities is by helping them find their strengths. I often talk to parents and students about finding their strengths so they can pursue their unique calling. When you have this understanding of yourself, you can add knowledge, skills, and hard work to build a fulfilling life. People are not just handed a life, they build a life, a career, and a family.
We are made by God to build things and add value to the people around us. Work doesn’t have to be something we dread. We’re not raising a generation to live in mediocrity. We’re raising a generation to lead, be innovators, and be risk-takers. We want them to shine a light for others to make a difference and an impact.
To reach this goal, we have to model this lifestyle and character. We must talk about these attributes with our kids. Show your kids the possibilities. Show them how to have a good work ethic. Don’t let them become quiet quitters!