We’ve experienced a lot of change in the last few years. Everywhere I turn, I’m reading or hearing about someone else in crisis. I’ve had seasons of crisis in my own life recently. Today, I thought it would be helpful to talk about how to help others in a crisis.
Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a medical diagnosis, the loss of a job, a wayward child, or just the concern about how to put food on the table this week, there’s someone near you in crisis.
Some people want to talk through these things while others want to be quiet. On either extreme, people want to know that they are not alone. They need to know that someone cares about them but not judging or giving three simple steps to fix the problem.
In this episode, I share some tips and thoughts surrounding:
The difference between internal and external processors
Praying for others in crisis
Giving and receiving advice
Giving grace
Asking for help
You don’t have the capacity to help every single person you know in a crisis. Lean into God’s leading to walk alongside those He puts on your heart. In the midst of helping others through crisis, He molds and changes you too!
In the episode last week, I talked about resting vs quitting. So many of you contacted me asking about kids who have a tendency to give up on something too soon. How do you go about teaching kids not to quit?
It’s really important to know each of your children as individuals. There tend to be a few basic reasons that kids want to quit and the way you go about helping and encouraging kids is very different.
There are kids who don’t have the words to express their frustration. They don’t have the works they need to articulate themselves and they tend to storm off.
Other kids just don’t even try because they are afraid of failing. These kids tend to be perfectionistic and that is paralyzing to these kids.
But there are also kids who avoid conflict and disharmony. For this type of children, they are trying to avoid the disapproving looks
Do you know which type of child you are dealing with?
How To Teach Your Child Not to Quit
It’s important as parents to help develop in our kids the character quality of perservence. but each of these three types of kids are going to need slightly different help, attention, and words to overcome the desire to quit.
Each of your children is uniquely created by a Master designer who fearfully and wonderfully made them. Consider some of these things as you determine how to best encourage and come alongside your child.
You need to look at them as one of a kind.
Watch your words and avoid pat answers.
Sometimes a pause is needed to consider and think about something.
Sometimes more maturity is needed before pressing through on a particular task or activity.
Set realistic expectations for the child.
Remind your kids that they are growing up, but not yet grown up.
Reassure your kids that you struggle with these issues at times too.
Encourage your child to try new things.
Learn the strengths and weakness of each of your children.
Help your child take their thoughts captive.
Remind your child to do their best rather than strive for perfect.
Each of your children is different, but you are just the parent they need to become who God has created them to be!
I speak frequently about how to keep kids safe online. I’ve found two camps of parenting styles when it comes to technology and internet usage. On one side, some parents decide to give no access at all to technology. On the other side, they allow their kids near unrestricted access.
If you’ve been around the Equipped To Be Podcast for very long, you know that I’m not a proponent of restricting all access to technology and the internet. At the same time, I’ve found that giving too much access without much monitoring and deep conversations with your kids can also backfire. I’ve talked to employees at some of the large tech companies and received varying responses about how to handle kids and tech, but it usually comes back to watching and monitoring. That’s a lot easier if you’re tech-savvy!
These days, it’s more likely a question of when, not if, your children or one of their friends will encounter bullying. I believe that the best middle-ground approach to tech usage is to use parental controls AND to have close relationships with your kids.
What does this look like in practice? How do you keep your kids safe online?
Conversations about Technology and Online Spaces
Relationships are at the core of having a balanced approach to online safety. Here are some things to consider when building these relationships and having these deep conversations.
Talk to your kids about why internet safety matters for their future. They need to understand the why. This is the principle behind the rule.
Give your kids some basic guidelines about internet etiquette. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then don’t type it online. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, then don’t do it to someone else.
Ask your kids about their friends. Except for some of your highly sensitive kids who may be more likely to respond openly, your kids are likely not going to answer direct questions. Ask if their friends are encountering issues online. Open deeper conversations about your experiences and your friends’ experiences help your kids be more vulnerable.
Encourage Common Sense Practices
Implement some simple guidelines for device usage in your home like:
Use devices in open spaces.
Set time limits
Encourage to not always be on a device.
Engage with people, nature, and books.
Help your kids understand that with freedom comes responsibility. They need to know that you’re looking out for their best interests. It’s not about control but about their safety.
In episode #134, I told you that teaching kids to serve is a great way to help manage the impacts of stress. I mentioned the recent devastation in southwest Florida from Hurricane Ian and that Samaritan’s Purse is an excellent ministry to give money to or to partner with for serving in person in a disaster area. This week, Shannon Dailley from Samaritan’s Purse joins me to talk about the work that ministry is doing in Florida and around the world.
Shannon and I discuss the kinds of work that Samaritan’s Purse does in disaster areas around the world. We also talk about how families can get involved together and how impactful that can be for kids for the rest of their lives. Shannon describes what a volunteer day looks like, starting with breakfast and devotions and ending with volunteering for and ministering to a homeowner.
*Please note that volunteers with Samaritan’s Purse must be at least 14 years of age due to the nature of the work and proximity to heavy equipment.*
Hurricane Ian Service Opportunities
Samaritan’s Purse is responding to Hurricane Ian’s destruction in three locations in southwest Florida: Fort Myers, Englewood, and Punta Gorda. The North Carolina-based international Christian relief and evangelism organization has mobilized more than 880 volunteers from 26 states with another 2,500 on the way. In just the first six days of work on the ground, Samaritan’s Purse has already received more than 1,800 requests for help. As of today, more than 80 families have been served so far with a large volunteer turnout expected across all three locations in the coming weeks.
If you are local to these areas of southwest Florida and would like to serve as a day volunteer, please contact the local volunteer numbers for more information:
Fort Myers, FL (DR 6)
Citygate Ministries – 1735 Jackson Street, Fort Myers, FL 33901
Pastor: David and Michele Pleasant
Volunteer Phone: 239-944-0120
Staff: Chandler Saylors, Jacob Rutz, Rachael Miller & Jeff Bradbury
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
Punta Gorda, FL (DR 7)
New Life Church: 507 W Marion Ave, Punta Gorda, FL 33950
Pastor: Mike Loomis
Volunteer Phone: 941-290-8650
Staff: Shannon Daley, Jodie Yoder & Phil Engel
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
Englewood, FL (DR 8)
Calvary Baptist Church: 75 Pine Street, Englewood, FL 34223
Pastor: John & Darla Boutchia
Volunteer Phone: 941-290-8528
Staff: John Schultz, Jaime Keoshian & Nate Smith
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
If you are a homeowner in need of assistance in one of these affected areas, please contact Samaritan’s Purse using the corresponding local homeowner assistance phone numbers:
For those in need of assistance in Fort Myers, please call (239) 944-0119
For those in need of assistance in Punta Gorda, please call 941-290-8648
For those in need of assistance in Englewood, please call (941) 290-8527
Other Ways to Serve
What other ways can you think of to serve those affected by hurricanes or other natural disaters? What could you do with younger kids? What can you give away or sell that could be needed in this area right now?
About Shannon Dailley from Samaritan’s Purse
Shannon Dailley is a regional program manager with Samaritan’s Purse US Disaster Relief. She began working with Samaritan’s Purse 11 years ago as a volunteer during Hurricane Katrina and has now been on staff for over 6 years. She and Samaritan’s Purse work with local churches to mobilize volunteers and assist homeowners when a disaster hits.
I’m excited to welcome Dr. Kathy Koch back to the podcast! Dr. Kathy has a new book about kids and resiliency. She’s back to talk with me today about this book titled Resilient Kids and to define and expand upon resiliency. This is about so much more than the trauma of living through a pandemic!
I recently saw a statistic from Max Lucado that something like 80% of young people are feeling stress, anxiety, and/or depression. The mental health crisis in our country is staggering! Dr. Kathy and Celebrate Kids are doing what they can to educate parents. She’s optimistic but realistic in the way that she teaches.
Kids and Resiliency
Dr. Kathy defines resiliency as “readily recovering from difficulties.” She says that it’s not about being bouncy and happy like Tigger about struggles, but bouncing forward or coming back to a right standing when something bad happens.
Here are some of the things Dr. Kathy and I touch on regarding resilient kids in this episode:
Walking with your kids in their struggles
How Mom should leave the room if prone to overprotect and intervene too quickly.
How struggles made kids stronger just like they made you stronger
How struggles help us trust in ourselves and others
The problem of toxic positivity
How learning something new is hard
Working on self-talk – “What makes you think that’s true?”
Using “I am…” statements
Using examples and pictures and giving proof to show progress or back up claims
Acknowledging your child’s feeling
Using the word “yet”
Telling your kids not to lie to themselves
Letting your kids see you ask for help
Raising the children you have and not the ones you wish you had
Reframing thought patterns
The differences between Big T Trauma vs Little t trauma
I hope you found Dr. Kathy’s conversation encouraging and equipping! If you like what she had to say in this episode, be sure to check out her books using the links in the resource section below.
About Dr. Kathy Koch
Dr. Kathy Koch (pronounced “cook”) is the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., based in Fort Worth, TX, and a co-founder of Ignite the Family, based in Alpharetta, GA. She has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in 30 countries through keynote messages, seminars, chapels, and other events. She is proud to be represented by the Ambassador Speakers Bureau of Nashville, TN. She is a featured speaker for the Great Homeschool Conventions, on the faculty of Summit Ministries, and a frequent presenter for Care Net, Axis, and other organizations. She speaks regularly at schools, churches, and pregnancy resource centers.
Are you immersing yourself in today? Or are you wrapped up in taking pictures “so you won’t forget?” Or consumed with what someone else is doing? Or thinking about work that needs to be done? I have the same temptations and I want to encourage you to focus more on immersing yourself in today rather than the cares of tomorrow.
How many times when you’re on vacation or on a nature walk with your kids, do you pull out your phone and take pictures? You start snapping pictures of everything because you want to remember it all. You want to be able to look back and relive the moment later.
I’ll confess. I have a ton of pictures on my phone. I tell my kids that I take so many pictures so I can remember everything. But, I feel a little convicted about the number of pictures.
Not Fully Present?
How often do you take pictures but forget to be fully present in the moment? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take pictures. I just want you to truly experience the moment you’re in. When you look back at the pictures, do you remember what was going on around you? It’s kind of hard to relive a moment that I didn’t really live in the first place. Was I distracted instead of present? I encourage you to embrace where you are whether is it a waterfall, a vacation destination, or a typical day.
Sadly, these days, when you’re out and about, everyone is on their phones. They are missing what’s right in front of them! Don’t get caught up in trying to do more or that feeling that you might be missing out on something. Stop missing out on what is in front of you because you’re looking five steps ahead. Immerse yourself in today!
What is going on in your life today that you might be missing because you’re not fully immersed in today? You can’t go back to where you once were in life. That’s now history. This moment only happens once. The enemy loves to rob us of our time. He loves to see us busy. The enemy wants to distract us. He is trying to make us believe that we can multitask. Resist and choose to be present today.
Regrets and Living in the Moment
What do you regret not doing or not doing more of? Do you wish you would have traveled more? Wish you would have been in the corporate world? Something else? I made decisions in my life that meant I had to pass up opportunities in order to be present with and for my kids.
If I was out on the boat with the kids when they were little, I couldn’t be consumed by what others were doing that might be more interesting or more fun. In some ways, you could say I was oblivious to what others were doing because I wanted to be fully present with my kids, but I also had the luxury of not having instant access to social media when my kids were that little. But, I could have easily allowed myself to be consumed with news headlines instead of reading that bedtime story. You have the opportunity today to help a child with a math problem, show them how to cook or ride a bike, and more. Be there and be present!
Be Interested in Your Kids for Long-term Relationships
Your kids want to know that you’re interested in them. When they know this, they want to be around you. My adult children pop over to the house regularly. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have a kid come by the house at some point. These relationships don’t happen by accident. It takes a vision of the future and intentional work on your part today.
Don’t go through life taking pictures of places and activities where you weren’t fully present. Immerse yourself in today!
