I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my parenting journey. I didn’t do it all right, and I don’t have all the answers. If I were to go back and start this process all over again, I would just make different mistakes because imperfect parents can’t parent perfectly. And your kids are imperfect, too. In this series of podcast episodes centered on the themes from my book Parenting Beyond the Rules, I want to help you see how you can parent beyond the rules.
Why I Wrote Parenting Beyond the Rules
About the time that my youngest was graduating from high school, I started to ask the Lord what I was to do with the next season of my life. I share the story in the book about a meeting I had with my daughter and two graphic designers about starting a new company. In the midst of this, I felt God nudging me to write a book. I sat on that idea for a long time because I didn’t know how to write a book, get an agent, or work with a publisher. Well, after this meeting, my daughter pointed out that I’d done a lot of really cool things in my life BC (before children), but she went on to say, “Look at us kids. Look at what you and Daddy built.” She continued to tell me how this was now my season to pour into others. It was time to help other moms and dads navigate the seasons of life.
Now I’m a Grandma!
Life has changed a lot since that conversation. I’ve spoken to thousands about homeschooling, parenting, and strengths. I finally wrote that book, Parenting Beyond the Rules. And now, my babies are having babies. I’ve become a grandma, and I’m pouring this knowledge and experience back into my own kids. My daughter said to me the other day, “Mom, look at our family!”
So, I felt like this is a good time to go through Parenting Beyond the Rules here on Equipped To Be. If you haven’t read the book, I encourage you to grab a copy on Amazon or wherever you buy books. Grab a copy for a friend. Get together with a small group and read it together.
We Need Rules
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
We need laws and rules. Not having those things in place causes chaos, confusion, strife, and misunderstanding. Boundaries bring order, but there comes a point when we have to adjust them. Early on, you’re teaching your kids how to obey. As they grow, your rules, limits, and boundaries have to change as your kids grow and change. This doesn’t mean we are wishy-washy or the rules change by the day. It means bringing your kids along in the conversation. We can’t arbitrarily make rules.
Your children are masterpieces in the making. God is the master architect, while we and our kids are the work in progress. Every masterpiece looks a little different. It’s not like painting by numbers! How you raise one kid is not exactly how you should raise another. Each of your children has unique gifts, strengths, and talents. And you have the opportunity to help them discover what those are!
Through this podcast series and my book, I hope that you find ways to connect with your kids. I pray that you build stronger relationships and give each of your children what they need to become a masterpiece!
Our minds are powerful. Sometimes our thoughts run away from us. We find ourselves falling into destructive self-talk and negativity. This mindset not only affects us personally, but we end up bringing this baggage into our marriage and parenting. How can you overcome toxic thinking?
Alicia Michelle uses cognitive behavior combined with the Bible to find thought patterns and why we do what we do. She sat down with me to talk about mindset, overcoming toxic thinking, and doing this from a Christian perspective. We chatted about:
The difference between simply saying something to yourself and changing a thought pattern
The importance of the time frame from ages 9-13 and influences during that time
Freedom mindset vs positive thinking and people-pleasing
Finding healing in your subconscious mind using brain priming
The first step in change: paying attention
Having self-compassion
Alicia Michelle has so much wisdom in the area of mindset and breaking free from toxic thinking. I’m so thankful to have had this conversation with her and to have the opportunity to share it with you. I encourage you to check out her podcast and other resources to dig into this topic further.
About Alicia Michelle
Alicia Michelle is an author, Bible teacher, podcaster, and certified NeuroCoach. Known as the Mindset Makeover Coach, she equips Christian women with practical brain-and-biblically-based tools so they know how to renew their minds in order to overcome toxic thinking patterns (such as perfectionism, fear/worry, and not feeling “enough”) so they can cultivate godly confidence.
Sometimes it can be hard to be and to love where you are. It is so tempting to try to speed up time and pass over sticky, messy seasons. We want to rush through suffering and pain. But, there are lessons to be learned and relationships to be built in these seasons. Somer Colbert joins me in this episode to talk about these things and how to love where you are.
Somer knows what it’s like to walk through trials, especially in foster and adoption, but she also knows what it’s like to be in the trenches of raising and discipling kids. She has so much wisdom to share! In this conversation, she and I talk about:
Loving where you and not rushing through various seasons of lfe, especially the hard ones
Sharing Christ with others through our gifts and talents
Seeking relationship instead relief
Walking through the joys and disappointments of foster care and adoption
Living the perfect model found in Deuteronomy 6
Learning to live a life of prayer
Leaving behind panic parenting
I hope that you are encouraged by this conversation with Somer. Spend some time pondering Deuteronomy 6 this week and asking God how to implement the principles in your family!
About Somer Colbert
Somer Colbert is a writer, speaker, and host of the Love Where You Are podcast. She is the Director of Adoption and Foster Care Ministry at Crosschurch and Connected Champion with the Arkansas Baptist Children’s Home and Family Ministries where she creates support, awareness, and advocacy for families seeking to serve in the areas of adoption and foster care. Somer is also a part of the Hope in Grief writing team where she encourages families walking through adoption grief. She creates weekly podcast episodes and resources to equip and empower Christian families to identify their influence for the gospel in every season, live life on mission, and share Jesus right where they are. Somer is passionate about equipping spiritually healthy families and seeing a movement of God’s people step into confidence in their ability to change the world around them through the way they love! She resides in Arkansas with her husband, three kids, and three dogs. She’s obsessed with British docudramas and cooking shows and can always be found with a cup of hot tea in hand. Her life has been forever changed by the love of Jesus, marriage to her favorite person, parenting her crazy crew, and walking multiple adoption journeys.
Do you smile in your homeschool and in your family life? Raising your kids, homeschooling, and developing relationships are all hard work. Sometimes you lose your smile… You’re not alone in this journey! Todd Wilson from The Smiling Homeschooler wants to see you have joy and smile. He talks with me about being a homeschool dad, catching a vision for your family, and delighting in your family.
Todd and his wife have eight kids who currently run the range of seasons from still at home and homeschooling to grown adults with their own kids. His mission has been to make moms laugh by talking about the realities of homeschooling and family life.
In this episode, Todd had me laughing as we talked about these topics.
Having joy in homeschooling and smiling more
Gauging the temperature of your home as a dad
Assuming your role and taking responsibility as a husband and dad
Allowing your husband to be involved in school and family life without discouraging him
and more!
I hope you laugh too and are encouraged by my conversation with Todd!
About Todd Wilson
Todd Wilson, author of Help! I’m Married to a Homeschooling Mom and The Official Book of Homeschooling Cartoons, is a dad, writer, conference speaker, and former pastor. Todd’s humor and gut-honest realness have made him a favorite speaker at homeschool conventions across the country and a guest on Focus on the Family. His articles have appeared in various magazines. Christianity Today also posts his weekly column (The Familyman Weekly) on their website. Todd and his wife Debbie, along with their eight children spend several months of the year traveling the country encouraging moms and dads. His humor, realness, and straight talk to men (& women) have become his trademark.
Translating between languages can be tricky. Sometimes one word just can’t encompass all of the nuances of meaning or one word contains the concepts of two words from another language. When translated into French from English, delight is one of these complicated words. In the French language and culture, you can’t separate the idea of delight from deliciousness. This means that God is both delightful and delicious! Stephanie Rousselle joins me in this episode to talk about how to taste the spice of the Gospel and so much more.
Stephanie is a fantastic Bible teacher. I think you’ll hear her passion for the Gospel in this episode. We talk about:
Seeing the diversity in Christianity across continents and cultures
Coming to Christ as an exchange student
Recognizing nuances of meaning in words across languages
Accepting the historical truth of the resurrection
Realizing that relative truth holds no water
Delighting in the Lord
Tasting and seeing that the Lord is good
The Four Grids: Who God Is, What God Has Done, Who We Are, and What We Do
I hope my conversation with Stephanie encourages you to taste the spice of the Gospel. I pray that you see who God is and find your identity in Him. Delight in the Lord!
About Stephanie Rousselle
Stephanie Rousselle is the founder of Gospel Spice Ministries. Her motto is, “God’s glory, our delight!” Born and raised in France, she has lived for her One over the last two decades on three continents, four countries, and five cities through six professional roles. She is a wife, mom, podcaster, public speaker, Bible teacher, former women’s ministry director, and strategy consultant. And she is 100% French. Stephanie thrives on Bible-centered inspirational writing and speaking, and dark chocolate. She loves sharing nuances taken from the French and English languages and cultures to experience the New Testament from the inside out. She has quoted her favorite words more times than she can count, first to herself and her children, and then also in settings as diverse as Bible studies, conferences, podcasts, and more: “There is nothing you can do for God to love you more; and there is nothing you can do for God to love you less.” Her favorite verse and passion is Philippians 3:10, “For my determined purpose is to know Christ, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship in His suffering.”
We tend to have relationships based on what was modeled for us as children. That’s the first place we learn about relationships. As parents, we have the opportunity to change the negative patterns and teach our children about nurturing relationships and how to navigate the subtle nuances of relationships.
In this episode, I had the opportunity to talk with my friends Blythe Daniel and her mom, Dr. Helen McIntosh. Dr. McIntosh is a psychologist who has spent her life helping people restore and nurture relationships despite the difficulty of her family life. Blythe is a literary agent. Together they’ve co-written, they’ve written two relationship-based books.
Encouragement to Restore and Nurture Relationships
Blythe and Dr. McIntosh share with me:
How to deal with “mother wounds”
Making a deliberate decision to change patterns
Resolving distance in relationships
Who should make the first move in reconciling a relationship
How strong marriages are related to strong families
The impact of affirming words for moms
How God has created us for relationships
I hope you’re encouraged by my conversation with these two wonderful ladies to restore and nurture the relationships in your life.
About Blythe Daniel & Dr. Helen McIntosh
Blythe Daniel is a literary agent and marketer. She has written for Proverbs 31 Ministries, Focus on the Family, Ann Voskamp, and Christian Retailing. Her agency markets books to publishers. The daughter of Dr. Helen McIntosh, she lives in Colorado with her husband and three children. She and McIntosh have written I Love You, Mom! and Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters.
Dr. Helen McIntosh (EdD, Counseling Psychology) is a counselor, speaker, educator, and author of Messages to Myself and Eric, Jose & The Peace Rug®. Her work has appeared in Guideposts, ParentLife, and HomeLife magazines. She resides in Georgia with her husband Jim. They have two children and five grandchildren. She and her daughter Blythe Daniel have written I Love You, Mom! and Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters.
