I speak frequently about how to keep kids safe online. I’ve found two camps of parenting styles when it comes to technology and internet usage. On one side, some parents decide to give no access at all to technology. On the other side, they allow their kids near unrestricted access.
If you’ve been around the Equipped To Be Podcast for very long, you know that I’m not a proponent of restricting all access to technology and the internet. At the same time, I’ve found that giving too much access without much monitoring and deep conversations with your kids can also backfire. I’ve talked to employees at some of the large tech companies and received varying responses about how to handle kids and tech, but it usually comes back to watching and monitoring. That’s a lot easier if you’re tech-savvy!
These days, it’s more likely a question of when, not if, your children or one of their friends will encounter bullying. I believe that the best middle-ground approach to tech usage is to use parental controls AND to have close relationships with your kids.
What does this look like in practice? How do you keep your kids safe online?
Conversations about Technology and Online Spaces
Relationships are at the core of having a balanced approach to online safety. Here are some things to consider when building these relationships and having these deep conversations.
Talk to your kids about why internet safety matters for their future. They need to understand the why. This is the principle behind the rule.
Give your kids some basic guidelines about internet etiquette. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then don’t type it online. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, then don’t do it to someone else.
Ask your kids about their friends. Except for some of your highly sensitive kids who may be more likely to respond openly, your kids are likely not going to answer direct questions. Ask if their friends are encountering issues online. Open deeper conversations about your experiences and your friends’ experiences help your kids be more vulnerable.
Encourage Common Sense Practices
Implement some simple guidelines for device usage in your home like:
Use devices in open spaces.
Set time limits
Encourage to not always be on a device.
Engage with people, nature, and books.
Help your kids understand that with freedom comes responsibility. They need to know that you’re looking out for their best interests. It’s not about control but about their safety.
In episode #134, I told you that teaching kids to serve is a great way to help manage the impacts of stress. I mentioned the recent devastation in southwest Florida from Hurricane Ian and that Samaritan’s Purse is an excellent ministry to give money to or to partner with for serving in person in a disaster area. This week, Shannon Dailley from Samaritan’s Purse joins me to talk about the work that ministry is doing in Florida and around the world.
Shannon and I discuss the kinds of work that Samaritan’s Purse does in disaster areas around the world. We also talk about how families can get involved together and how impactful that can be for kids for the rest of their lives. Shannon describes what a volunteer day looks like, starting with breakfast and devotions and ending with volunteering for and ministering to a homeowner.
*Please note that volunteers with Samaritan’s Purse must be at least 14 years of age due to the nature of the work and proximity to heavy equipment.*
Hurricane Ian Service Opportunities
Samaritan’s Purse is responding to Hurricane Ian’s destruction in three locations in southwest Florida: Fort Myers, Englewood, and Punta Gorda. The North Carolina-based international Christian relief and evangelism organization has mobilized more than 880 volunteers from 26 states with another 2,500 on the way. In just the first six days of work on the ground, Samaritan’s Purse has already received more than 1,800 requests for help. As of today, more than 80 families have been served so far with a large volunteer turnout expected across all three locations in the coming weeks.
If you are local to these areas of southwest Florida and would like to serve as a day volunteer, please contact the local volunteer numbers for more information:
Fort Myers, FL (DR 6)
Citygate Ministries – 1735 Jackson Street, Fort Myers, FL 33901
Pastor: David and Michele Pleasant
Volunteer Phone: 239-944-0120
Staff: Chandler Saylors, Jacob Rutz, Rachael Miller & Jeff Bradbury
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
Punta Gorda, FL (DR 7)
New Life Church: 507 W Marion Ave, Punta Gorda, FL 33950
Pastor: Mike Loomis
Volunteer Phone: 941-290-8650
Staff: Shannon Daley, Jodie Yoder & Phil Engel
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
Englewood, FL (DR 8)
Calvary Baptist Church: 75 Pine Street, Englewood, FL 34223
Pastor: John & Darla Boutchia
Volunteer Phone: 941-290-8528
Staff: John Schultz, Jaime Keoshian & Nate Smith
Day Volunteers Check-In: 7:30 am and 12:30 pm
If you are a homeowner in need of assistance in one of these affected areas, please contact Samaritan’s Purse using the corresponding local homeowner assistance phone numbers:
For those in need of assistance in Fort Myers, please call (239) 944-0119
For those in need of assistance in Punta Gorda, please call 941-290-8648
For those in need of assistance in Englewood, please call (941) 290-8527
Other Ways to Serve
What other ways can you think of to serve those affected by hurricanes or other natural disaters? What could you do with younger kids? What can you give away or sell that could be needed in this area right now?
About Shannon Dailley from Samaritan’s Purse
Shannon Dailley is a regional program manager with Samaritan’s Purse US Disaster Relief. She began working with Samaritan’s Purse 11 years ago as a volunteer during Hurricane Katrina and has now been on staff for over 6 years. She and Samaritan’s Purse work with local churches to mobilize volunteers and assist homeowners when a disaster hits.
It’s a scary world out there. Humanistic culture is trying to take your kids and instill in them a worldview contrary to our biblical worldview. This week, Lee Ann Mancini is with me on the podcast talking about raising Christian kids and fighting against this evil worldview.
Lee Ann and I had a great conversation about her ministry and resources. We talked about:
The story behind Lee Ann’s children’s books and the Sea Kids show
The basic principles that we want to teach to our kids
Teaching kids the what and the why of faith in everyday life
Teaching teenagers that they have privileges, not rights
Not being a wishy-washy parent
Teaching kids to have hope
Be sure to visit Lee Ann’s website and other resources listed below!
About Lee Ann Mancini
Lee Ann Mancini hosts the award-winning podcast, Raising Christian Kids, which can be found on all major platforms. The Raising Christian Kids podcast is a ten-to-fifteen-minute podcast that equips and empowers ministry leaders, parents, grandparents, teachers, and all raising the next generation to have a strong foundation in Jesus.
Lee Ann is also an award-winning Christian children’s author and executive producer of the animation series Sea Kids, which can be viewed on Answers.TV, Pure Flix, Right Now Media, and SeaKidsTV.
This week on the podcast I’m doing something a little different. I’m answering some reader questions! Two types of questions that I receive regularly from parents center on stress and failure. So in this episode, I’m going to address how to manage the impacts of stress and failure for your kids.
There seems to be so much upheaval in the world today, both close to home and far away. I live in Florida and I know so many people who lost everything in Hurricane Ian. The impacts of stress and failure are very real concerns!
Managing Stress
Your kids are seeing these things happen in the world. You’re stressed. So, the first question I get regularly is how do I manage the stress of the rising prices, economic changes, uncertainty, and fear? I want to be gentle and kind in my parenting, but the rising stress is getting to me!
First, realize that you’re not alone. New reports are saying that 80% of families are dealing with some kind of stress, anxiety, or mental health situation in their homes.
Next, pray for yourself. It is critical to keep your thoughts in check and have a biblical perspective. Ask God to help you focus on what is good and right even in the midst of a terrible situation. Ask Him what He wants you to see and how to process your circumstances.
Third, keep yourself in the Word. You might only be able to handle one verse right now. Read that verse and hang onto what God is telling you in it. Consider reading a chapter from Proverbs each day. There are 31 chapters so you can read the whole book of the course of a month. Meditate on God’s Word and allow it to permeate your mind and replace the anxiety, negativity, and discouragement!
Finally, talk to your kids frequently. Don’t talk to them about the news highlights of the day; be careful what news you allow them to consume. Talk to them about how they are doing and how they are feeling. Don’t marginalize or minimize the feelings of your kids. Be there to listen to them! Help them move from an inward focus to outward by showing them how to serve others.
When to Let Kids Fail
The other type of question I regularly receive is about failure. When is it ok to let kids fail? What if there are very serious long-term consequences?
My suggestion is allow your kids to fail when they’re working on something like a LEGO project or a school assignment. They learn how to plan ahead and measure twice, cut once. These are needed life skills. They learn from these kinds of mistakes. You can certainly give suggestions, but I find it best to give them more freedom and room to fail in these kids of circumstances.
What do you do when the consequences are greater? I believe that stepping in when your child’s emotional well-being is at stake is appropriate. Things like bullying, being marginalized, and wrongful punishment are very different circumstances.
I ask these questions to help make a decision:
Is there a long-term ramification?
Is the life lesson that they will learn going to physically do harm to them?
Is the life lesson they will learn going to propel them forward?
Will this failure make them wiser or more aware or better in some way?
We have to protect our kids, but these question will help you decide if the situation is one where you should step in or allow them to fail.
I sincerely hope that you found the answers to these listener questions about the impacts of stress and failure helpful. If you have a question you’d like me to answer, email it to me through our contact form.
I’m excited to welcome Dr. Kathy Koch back to the podcast! Dr. Kathy has a new book about kids and resiliency. She’s back to talk with me today about this book titled Resilient Kids and to define and expand upon resiliency. This is about so much more than the trauma of living through a pandemic!
I recently saw a statistic from Max Lucado that something like 80% of young people are feeling stress, anxiety, and/or depression. The mental health crisis in our country is staggering! Dr. Kathy and Celebrate Kids are doing what they can to educate parents. She’s optimistic but realistic in the way that she teaches.
Kids and Resiliency
Dr. Kathy defines resiliency as “readily recovering from difficulties.” She says that it’s not about being bouncy and happy like Tigger about struggles, but bouncing forward or coming back to a right standing when something bad happens.
Here are some of the things Dr. Kathy and I touch on regarding resilient kids in this episode:
Walking with your kids in their struggles
How Mom should leave the room if prone to overprotect and intervene too quickly.
How struggles made kids stronger just like they made you stronger
How struggles help us trust in ourselves and others
The problem of toxic positivity
How learning something new is hard
Working on self-talk – “What makes you think that’s true?”
Using “I am…” statements
Using examples and pictures and giving proof to show progress or back up claims
Acknowledging your child’s feeling
Using the word “yet”
Telling your kids not to lie to themselves
Letting your kids see you ask for help
Raising the children you have and not the ones you wish you had
Reframing thought patterns
The differences between Big T Trauma vs Little t trauma
I hope you found Dr. Kathy’s conversation encouraging and equipping! If you like what she had to say in this episode, be sure to check out her books using the links in the resource section below.
About Dr. Kathy Koch
Dr. Kathy Koch (pronounced “cook”) is the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., based in Fort Worth, TX, and a co-founder of Ignite the Family, based in Alpharetta, GA. She has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in 30 countries through keynote messages, seminars, chapels, and other events. She is proud to be represented by the Ambassador Speakers Bureau of Nashville, TN. She is a featured speaker for the Great Homeschool Conventions, on the faculty of Summit Ministries, and a frequent presenter for Care Net, Axis, and other organizations. She speaks regularly at schools, churches, and pregnancy resource centers.
Parenting is hard. Deciding how to implement parenting advice can be even more difficult. There are a lot of parenting books out there. I even wrote one myself! Sadly, many parenting books can come across as being the only right way to parent your child. You might start to think, “What is wrong with my child?” when doing what the author says on page 76 isn’t working.
In this episode, I want to encourage you to be careful of who you choose to listen to when it comes to parenting advice and give you some practical filters for deciding which parenting advice to follow.
Any advice you get from people must obviously be filtered through Scripture first. The Bible tells us to train up a child in the way they should go, but what should that training actually look like? I can tell you from my experience that training up my oldest child looked very different from training up my youngest and different still from my friend’s kids. We give instruction and have similar goals, but the path to reach the end may look different for each child.
How do you determine which parenting advice to implement?
Know Your Children
You have to start by knowing your children. Authors, bloggers, and podcasters generally have a genuine desire to impart their knowledge and research to help you, but they are just one resource. Even my book, Parenting Beyond the Rules is one resource, not the definitive source.
It’s all advice worthy of consideration, but not all advice is going to work for every child. One of your kids may need more words or answers or firmness while another may need more relationship or gentleness. Knowing your child will lead to the best path for that particular child.
Get a Second Opinion
When you hear parenting advice you think you should implement, get a second opinion. This comes in the form of prayer, talking to your spouse, and even your child. Ask God to speak to you through the resources you’re consulting and show you the best path. Talk to your spouse about their opinion on a certain method and how it may or may not work. Your spouse can sometimes see things you cannot!
Parenting for the Long Haul
What do you want in 5-10+ years for your kids and your relationships with them? If the parenting method or advice you’re employing is taking you down a path away from your long-term goals in favor of momentary external behavior control, then take a second look. I wanted to reach the hearts of my kids not just get them to sit still in a chair for a period of time.
Parenting is hard. We’re all looking to do it “right.” I admonish you to take the parenting resources available to you and run that advice through the filter of what would God have you do for this child in this season to help them become the person God made them to be while also building a solid long-lasting relationship with your child.
