When should I give my child a smartphone? What is the perfect age? Some parents want to wait until the later teen years, while others think the tween years are better. Is there a right age?
Most parents have doubts about when their child should have a phone. They also, have different ideas of what is appropriate for their child. Here’s the truth: There is no one perfect age when a child should get a smartphone. There are pros and cons to consider before making such an important decision.
What Some Experts Recommend
Prior to the pandemic, the recommended age was when the child entered the eighth grade. And that might be a good age for some of your children. However, now the suggested age is between 10-14, or during middle school, which is the perfect age because kids are still very connected to their parents. They rely on their parents to shuttle them around, which makes teaching a child proper smartphone usage easier.
Also, research indicates most children have already had access to a smartphone by middle school. So, parents need to have smartphone conversations early to establish guidelines and family rules before unacceptable habits get formed.
Since some recommend giving a child a smartphone, how should we decide what is best for our child?
Why Kids Need a Smartphone: Factors to Consider for Safety and Independence
Living in separate households or gaining independence during the middle school years, there are valid reasons why children may require a smartphone at a younger age. Providing a means for them to stay connected fosters a sense of security and peace of mind.
Increased independence: As kids grow and become involved in work, sports, and travel, a smartphone grants them the freedom to coordinate plans, stay connected with peers, and navigate their schedules more efficiently.
Enhanced Safety: With children spending more time alone at home or engaging in various activities, a smartphone allows them to reach out during emergencies or moments of distress, alleviating anxiety and ensuring their well-being.
As parents, it is crucial to evaluate both the necessity and preparedness of your child before providing them with a phone. By considering these factors, you can make an informed decision that prioritizes their safety and development.
Smartphone Readiness: Key Factors to Consider
When contemplating whether to give a child a smartphone, it is important to assess their readiness based on several essential markers:
Displays Good Judgment: Observing sound decision-making skills and responsible behavior in other aspects of their life indicates the level of maturity needed for smartphone usage.
Trustworthy and Open Communication: A child who can be relied upon to approach you with problems and admit their mistakes demonstrates a level of trustworthiness necessary for responsibly handling a smartphone.
Adherence to Rules: Willingness to agree to and follow established rules regarding device usage, including time limits and appropriate content, showcases their ability to exercise self-discipline and respect boundaries.
Deciding to grant a child a smartphone should be done thoughtfully and with prayerful consideration. It is acceptable to wait until you see signs of maturity and feel a sense of peace about the decision.
Signs that Indicate a Child Might Not Be Ready for a Smartphone
It is important to consider various factors before deciding whether a child is ready for a smartphone. Here are some signs that indicate a child might not be ready:
Your own readiness: If you, as a parent, feel hesitant or unprepared to introduce a smartphone to your child, it may be a sign that they are not ready.
False pressure: If there is a sense of external pressure, such as peer or societal influence, to provide a phone to your child, it may not be the right time.
Lacking social decision-making ability: Children who have not yet developed the necessary skills to make responsible decisions in social contexts may not be prepared for the challenges and distractions that come with owning a smartphone.
Age considerations: There are many psychologists who suggest that children under the age of 14 may not be ready to navigate the potential distractions and temptations associated with smartphones.
Ultimately, every child is different, and determining their readiness for a smartphone requires careful consideration of their individual maturity, responsibility, and ability to handle the device’s potential impact on their well-being and development. And to consider the impact on your relationship.
What Should You Do Before Buying A Smartphone
Deciding whether a child is ready for a smartphone is just the initial consideration. Prior to purchasing a device, it is essential to ensure both you and your child are fully prepared for what lies ahead. This requires preparation and maintaining ongoing communication, encompassing the following steps:
Establishing mutual agreement on ground rules, including designated screen-free times.
Configuring parental controls and carefully selecting suitable apps.
Engaging in open conversations about potential online content they may encounter.
Familiarizing yourselves with digital etiquette and safety guidelines.
Formulating a written agreement that outlines the responsibilities and expectations associated with smartphone usage.
Do not succumb to external pressure when it comes to granting your child a phone. As the parent, you possess the insight to determine what your child genuinely needs and what aligns with your family’s values. Remember, you have the authority to establish and modify rules and guidelines as necessary to ensure a positive and safe digital environment for your child. A device is a tool. It’s up to you to know when your child is ready for a smartphone.
Are you raising interdependent, independent, or co-dependent children? What you decide can have a huge impact on your children. Lori Wildenberg and I discuss why we need to raise interdependent children and how it can reduce their anxiety while increasing family connectedness.
As a mother of four adult children and a licensed parent and family educator, Lori shares her unique perspective on what is happening to families and how parents can reduce their children’s anxiety throughout the parenting journey.
Independent Children
Throughout our years, Lori and I have come across numerous experts who promote the idea of cultivating independence in children. They argue that it equips them with the confidence to navigate the world successfully. While this notion holds some truth, it falls short when considering the significance of maintaining familial connections after leaving home. In fostering independence, there is a risk of inadvertently instilling a belief that an individual can thrive without the support of others.
Co-dependent Children
Conversely, certain parents display an extreme level of protectiveness towards their children, refraining from making decisions independently due to apprehension of making a mistake. This co-dependency often leads to a diminished sense of confidence.
Interdependent Children
Interdependency plays a vital role in our lives. It encompasses relying on others for moral, emotional, and spiritual support. When a child has a strong bond with their parents, this connection often continues even after they leave home. It’s not driven by obligation or guilt, but rather by the reassurance of knowing that someone will be there for them as they navigate the world around them.
Find a Balance
We want our children to be able to make decisions on their own. We don’t want them to be insecure and completely rely on us. That’s why we must consider how we raise our children.
When you focus on raising interdependent children, you can reduce your child’s anxiety and strengthen family connectedness.
About Lori Wildenberg
Helping families build relationships that last a lifetime is Lori Wildenberg’s passion. Lori, a licensed parent and family educator, is a national speaker and award-winning author or coauthor of six parenting books listed below. The Wildenberg home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Lori is Mom to four, Mom-in-Love to three, and Mimi to four. A perfect day in Lori’s world is a hike with Tom (her hubby) and their growing family!
My guest, Zan Tyler, shares how parents can make homeschooling easier and strengthen relationships using a few simple activities your children will enjoy.
As a veteran homeschool mom, Zan Tyler believes parents can make homeschooling easier by adding a few simple activities to motivate children on their homeschool journey.
What can we do to make learning fun while making homeschooling easy? Zan shares three ideas and some sage advice I’m sure you will enjoy.
Embracing God’s Call
Embracing God’s call isn’t always easy, but Zan’s story is filled with defining moments where she witnessed God’s hand guiding her through the process. Through these experiences, she realized that her purpose is to support and encourage homeschool moms like enjoy the adventure.
Making Homeschooling Easier
Zan understands the challenges of homeschooling and wants to help you make your homeschool days more enjoyable. Here are a few tips she shared:
Break up the school week by designating a special day that your kids can look forward to.
Focus on the unique gifts that homeschooling offers, such as the flexibility of time, the ability to explore new ideas, and the spontaneity it allows.
Look for serving opportunities that you and your children can do together. Engaging in service activities strengthens the bond between you and your kids.
Plan mid-week outings or activities outside the house to bring excitement and variety to your homeschool routine.
Encourage your family members to embrace their individual strengths and find meaningful ways to redeem each day.
Building Strong Relationships
Zan emphasizes the importance of building strong relationships within your homeschooling journey. She quotes Mother Teresa, who said, “If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family.”
Here are some practical tips to making homeschooling easier
Love each other well by intentionally investing time and effort into nurturing your relationships.
Take the time to truly understand and get to know your children, their unique motivations, and learning styles.
Give yourself grace as you navigate the homeschooling journey. Remember, it’s all new, and mistakes are part of the learning process.
Learn to incorporate your faith into your daily homeschool routine, allowing God to guide you every step of the way.
We must trust in God’s leading to help make homeschooling easier
By implementing these practical tips and embracing the lessons shared in this episode, you can make homeschool easier and more fulfilling while strengthening the bond within your family.
Trust in God’s plan, cherish your relationships and enjoy the adventure of homeschooling. Together, we can strengthen today’s families and create a brighter future.
About Zan Tyler
Zan Tyler’s homeschool journey began in 1984 when homeschooling was illegal, and she was threatened with jail. For eight years, she and other families battled for homeschool freedom and established landmark homeschool legislation in South Carolina. In 1990, she founded the South Carolina Association of Independent Home Schools (SCAIHS) and served as its president for ten years.
Zan loves to empower parents as they answer their God-given calling to homeschool. She is an inspirational speaker and author. For sixteen years, Zan worked with Christian publishers developing homeschool curriculum and resources. She is now a consultant with BJU Press Homeschool. Zan’s greatest privilege in life was homeschooling their three children through high school. Zan is the host of the Zan Tyler Podcast, sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Join Zan and a special guest each week for real encouragement, engaging stories, and practical wisdom for surviving and thriving on the homeschool journey.
It’s that time of year again – the start of a new school year! Whether you’re a seasoned parent or you have a new kindergartener, the mixed feelings of nervousness, excitement, and anxiety are likely familiar. In this episode, we are going to talk about transitioning smoothly into a new school year and the importance of easing kids back into school.
Let’s just first acknowledge now that there’s a bit of upheaval that happens at back-to-school time. Your kids are learning new things and adjusting to new schedules. Be mentally prepared for this.
Easing into the School Year
Here are my suggestions for ways of easing your kids back into school and setting them up for a great year:
Be sure to talk to your kids about any anxiety they may have.
This might be anxiety about the challenges of new things or it might be social challenges. Connect with your kids about how to process their emotions. Temper your expectations of your children, and yourself.
Be prepared and reduce stress by meal planning.
Having the groceries in the house and at least a rough plan of what you’re going to cook will make your days run more smoothly. Don’t forget to think about nutrition! Your child’s brain is developing rapidly and they need healthy fats and proteins in addition to good carbs. Set consistent meal times and set your day by working backward to make sure that meals happen on time and avoid children becoming hangry.
Help your kids develop good study habits and related routines.
Show them how to focus. Give them a space in which to study. Provide organizational systems and skills.
Include physical exercise and free play in your days.
Create margin in the schedule for these activities. Don’t give up this time in order to get other things done!
Create an atmosphere in your home that your children will want to remember.
An atmosphere of warmth, excitement, and enthusiasm is contagious. Write down the words you want your kids to use to describe your home after they’ve left your home as adults. Be and do the things needed to embody those words.
Remove distractions and provide the resources they need to be successful.
What is in the way of your child achieving their goals? Determine what is needed of you to reach those goals? What is keeping you from being available for your child?
Make It a Great Year
Every school year brings its own set of unique joys and excitements and challenges. I hope your children look back on this school year as a year of blessings and call it a great year!
Do your children have summer jobs? Do they have a part-time job or work as an intern or volunteer somewhere? Fox 35 Orlando asked me to speak on this topic of teens and summer jobs and I always have so much more to say on these topics than I can fit into a short morning show segment. A lot of learning happens with summer jobs, so let’s talk about the benefits of a summer job for your teen!
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
I was speaking at a conference and walked into the lobby of the hotel to find a sign that said, “Workers are scarce. The whole country is facing a worker shortage. Be nice to those who show up.” I’m a strong advocate of rest, play, and learning to use boredom, but I also see that learning happens on the construction site, in an office filling papers, or volunteering at a non-profit organization. There’s value gained in these experiences for your teens working at a summer job.
Benefits of a Summer Job for Teens
Summer jobs can teach children and teens a lot of valuable life lessons and skills. Some of these include learning:
The value of work from a financial perspective – Your teen’s job can show them the value of work and how to separate income from their personal worth. They can also earn cash that can go towards savings, college, or personal interests. This is also an opportunity for parents to talk with and teach children about pay, negotiating raises, and other financial skills.
Useful hard and soft skills – Summer jobs can give your child the opportunity to hone a particular skill in an area of interest or show them that they don’t like working in a particular field. Beyond that, there are soft skills like problem-solving that are gained along the way.
How to work with a variety of people – These summer and part-time opportunities put your child into situations where they have to interact with people of all different ages, life stages, personalities, and more. They can gain valuable experience in learning to serve and get along with all kinds of people, some of whom they might not normally come into contact with or from whom they might have differing beliefs.
Summer Job Ideas
What kinds of jobs can your children and teens get this summer? Here’s a list to help you get started thinking about the possibilities:
Construction, pool cleaning, lawn maintenance, lifeguard, parks and recreation
Online: video editing, virtual assistant, learning software tools, graphic design, social media ads creator
Creative: production crew, tradeshow designs
In-Office: receptionist, office assistant, intern
Volunteer: city events, sporting events, music and theater events, hospitals
Consider all of these benefits of and options for summer jobs for your children. Working during the summer months can help your teens develop important skills, cultivate a strong work ethic, and gain valuable experiences for their future.
I recently had the opportunity to meet up with Kristen A. Jenson to have a conversation about a topic that is extremely important in our world of expanding digital access: pornography. Kristen is the founder of Defend Young Minds and CEO of Glen Cove Press. She is an internationally acclaimed author and advocate for protecting young minds from the dangers of harmful media. Kristen is leading the charge in this area to make sure parents are equipped to protect and educate their children about these dangers. Parents, it’s time to start defending young minds!
This episode is sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com for trusted educational resources from a biblical worldview.
Listen in as Kristen and I discuss these topics surrounding defending young minds and protecting them from the harmful effects of pornography:
How Good Pictures, Bad Pictures came to be and Kristen’s discovery of the lack of resources on this topic
The importance of preparing children to face this issue
How introducing children to the topic of pornography, its effects, and offering a plan for safeguarding their minds empowers children and opens lines of communication with parents
The need for normalizing conversations about pornography so children who are struggling with porn addiction
Understanding that curiosity is a natural response
Quelling parents’ concerns that talking about pornography will ignite curiosity in children
While we wish we didn’t have to have these conversations, it is critical to acknowledge the reality of the world we live in. You can work now to protect your children from the negative impacts of pornography and potentially save them from a world of heartache later. By initiating age-appropriate conversations and educating them using resources like those from Kristen and Defend Young Minds, you can start defending young minds of your children to recognize and reject pornography.
About Kristen A. Jenson
Kristen A. Jenson is the founder of Defend Young MindsTM (formerly Protect Young Minds®) and #1 best-selling author of the Good Pictures Bad Pictures series of read-aloud books, which have translations in 10 languages and are now augmented by a guidebook for professionals which supports child therapists and educators. She is also the executive producer of the Brain DefenseTM: Digital Safety curriculum—a powerful and engaging video-based course for families and educators.
Kristen is a positive voice for raising empowered, resilient, screen-smart kids who know how and why to reject pornography. She instills hope and confidence and leaves her audiences with pragmatic advice they can act on immediately to defend young minds.
Kristen is a mother of three and grandmother of two and currently lives with her husband and awfully cute dog in Washington State.
