Does overcoming obstacles seem nearly impossible? They sure have for me. But, I’ve learned practical ways to overcome obstacles and find a path to getting unstuck that might help you and your children.
We all encounter obstacles, but not everyone has the tools to turn these challenges into stepping stones. With faith, a positive outlook, and a few actionable steps, you can learn how to overcome obstacles that can keep you stuck. Whether you’re struggling with work, your personal life, or your child is struggling, there’s a way to gain forward movement.
While obstacles are common, learning to overcome them can change your future. Challenges don’t have to defeat us or keep us stuck. That’s why consistent time with the Lord and a community of friends can change that.
We all encounter obstacles, but not everyone has the tools to turn these challenges into stepping stones. That’s why I’m excited to share this episode with you and your family. I want you to learn not only how to get unstuck but also how to run your race with excellence.
Overcoming Obstacles by Identifying and Assessing
We can’t overcome obstacles if we don’t understand the problem. Which is why you have to be honest with yourself.
I like to begin by gathering as much information as possible about the circumstances, feelings, behavior, and thought patterns that are keeping me stuck. You can do this too.
Pray and ask the Lord to give you insights
Ask trusted friends or your family what they have observed about me
Write down why you feel the way you feel
Carefully examine where your thoughts and beliefs are coming from that you are believing about yourself.
The benefits of carefully assessing and identifying why you can’t overcome obstacles using these steps can be eye-opening. Once you or your child has completed these steps, I recommend looking for triggers and patterns that you might not realize are happening.
Understanding Triggers and Patterns
Learning to get beyond struggles that might be holding you back, requires identifying triggers and noticing patterns of thought and behavior.
What specific situation causes you to feel stuck?
What is your emotional reaction?
Do you have recurring thoughts and behaviors that cause you to pause?
By spending time on reflective listening, we can identify triggers and patterns of thought and behavior. The words we think and believe about ourselves are powerful, which is why we must not focus on addressing them.
Overcoming Obstacles Through Reflecting Listening
The purpose of reflective listening is to help one understand any deeply held beliefs about oneself or the world. When you take the time to pay attention to what you think or say, you can start to construct a plan that will move you forward.
I’m not good at ______?
I lack self-confidence.
What if I fail?
Fear of failure
Our underlying beliefs can cause internal frustration and emotional paralysis. The next step in getting unstuck is to identify where our thoughts, beliefs, and patterns are coming from.
Acceptance and Skills Development to Overcome Obstacles
Learning to accept where you are is a pathway to knowing what skills you need to develop to move forward. To do this well, we need to learn practical problem-solving skills to deal with specific situations that might be causing us to get stuck. Here are a few
Tell yourself the truth about a situation. Being honest with yourself is essential to learning.
Remind yourself that no one can make you feel or stay stuck. Others may say or do things that knock you down. They don’t have the power to keep you there.
Pray: Ask the Lord to help you develop problem-solving skills. Trying to get around obstacles on your own makes any situation more difficult. God has a plan for your obstacle; you need to know the plan.
Every new skill requires practice. I encourage you to write down the behavior you need to improve, the thoughts you want to change, and the patterns you want to challenge. Remember this: When God instructs us to lay something down, we are told what to pick up. It is easier to replace old habits with new ones. That takes practice.
Evaluate and Readjust
Throughout your life, you will be faced with many obstacles. For this reason, make it a habit to evaluate and readjust as needed. Consider what is working and change what isn’t. There is freedom in the pivot. Your approach to overcoming obstacles will change as you and your children grow and mature.
My prayer is that you can gain insight into the processes you need and learn effective ways to overcome obstacles so that you can move forward. I encourage you to tailor these tips to your specific needs and circumstances. The goal is to equip yourself with skills and tools that you can use when obstacles present themselves.
Are you lying awake at night wondering why trouble seems to find your teen? Do you find yourself asking why simple requests turn into heated arguments? Have you noticed changes in their behavior that don’t seem just “typical teenage stuff”? If you’re nodding along, feeling the weight of these questions, you’re not alone. Welcome to this episode of “Trouble with Teens,” a direct conversation to help parents seeking a lifeline as they navigate the rough season of adolescence. Let’s tackle these turbulent years together with strategies that will bring us closer to understanding our teens and guiding them through today’s complexities.
While trouble with teens isn’t uncommon, we can help teens on the edge from acting up or acting out. They are created on purpose and need us to guide them along a path to adulthood with confidence and joy.
Avoid Overreacting
Modeling Calmness: Teens are highly attuned to emotional responses. Showing them how to handle emotions calmly and constructively sets a powerful example.
Creating a Trusting Environment: When teens know they won’t be met with immediate judgment or anger, they’re more likely to come forward with their problems or mistakes.
Evaluate the Circumstances
Understanding Before Reacting: Take the time to fully understand the context of your teen’s actions or feelings. This might involve discussing their actions more deeply or considering the external pressures they’re facing.
Guidance, Not Judgment: Use these discussions as opportunities to guide and teach, rather than to criticize. It’s about helping them learn from their experiences.
Identify Their Surroundings
Acknowledge Peer Influence: Recognize the significant impact of peer groups and social environments. Discussing these influences can help teens become more aware of their own decision-making processes.
Environmental Awareness: Help them understand how different environments can lead to different types of behavior, and strategize ways to maintain integrity in challenging situations.
Be Proactive
Scenario Planning: Discuss “what-if” scenarios not as a way to induce fear, but to empower your teen with strategies and solutions for potential challenges.
Preparation Builds Confidence: Knowing they have a plan can help teens feel more confident in their ability to handle difficult situations.
Listen Actively
Full Engagement: Show your teen that you’re fully present in the conversation by putting away distractions and making eye contact.
Reflect and Clarify: Reflect back what you’ve heard and ask clarifying questions. This not only ensures you’ve understood their perspective but also shows that you’re genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings.
Additional Considerations
Consistency is Key: Regular, casual conversations can foster a sense of normalcy around discussing complex issues. Making time for these talks can help keep communication lines open.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Encourage your teen to reflect on their feelings and actions independently. This self-reflection is a critical skill for emotional and psychological development.
Teenagers need clear expectations and routines, such as curfews, bedtime rituals, or homework schedules. These help them build healthy habits and learn responsibility. We start by being consistent in enforcing our family rules and explaining the consequences.
Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the challenges our teens face may require professional intervention. Recognizing when it’s time to seek outside help is a sign of strength and proactive care, not a failure. Whether it’s counseling, therapy, or support groups, external resources can offer specialized guidance and support for navigating more complex issues. These professionals can provide a safe space for teens to explore their feelings and experiences and offer strategies and tools that parents might not have at their disposal. Engaging with these resources can be a valuable step in supporting your teen’s mental health and overall well-being, ensuring they have the comprehensive support they need to thrive. But do your research before sending your child to a counselor. Find someone or a group that aligns with your family’s faith and beliefs.
By employing these strategies, parents can help guide their teens through the challenges of adolescence with understanding, empathy, and effective communication. This approach not only addresses the immediate issues but also strengthens the parent-teen relationship, laying a foundation for trust and openness that can stand the test of time and troubles.
Remember, God tells us not to grow weary in well-doing. God is at work. Don’t give up!
Thank you for tuning in to Equipped To Be. Until next time, keep parenting with love and intention.
When should I give my child a smartphone? What is the perfect age? Some parents want to wait until the later teen years, while others think the tween years are better. Is there a right age?
Most parents have doubts about when their child should have a phone. They also, have different ideas of what is appropriate for their child. Here’s the truth: There is no one perfect age when a child should get a smartphone. There are pros and cons to consider before making such an important decision.
What Some Experts Recommend
Prior to the pandemic, the recommended age was when the child entered the eighth grade. And that might be a good age for some of your children. However, now the suggested age is between 10-14, or during middle school, which is the perfect age because kids are still very connected to their parents. They rely on their parents to shuttle them around, which makes teaching a child proper smartphone usage easier.
Also, research indicates most children have already had access to a smartphone by middle school. So, parents need to have smartphone conversations early to establish guidelines and family rules before unacceptable habits get formed.
Since some recommend giving a child a smartphone, how should we decide what is best for our child?
Why Kids Need a Smartphone: Factors to Consider for Safety and Independence
Living in separate households or gaining independence during the middle school years, there are valid reasons why children may require a smartphone at a younger age. Providing a means for them to stay connected fosters a sense of security and peace of mind.
Increased independence: As kids grow and become involved in work, sports, and travel, a smartphone grants them the freedom to coordinate plans, stay connected with peers, and navigate their schedules more efficiently.
Enhanced Safety: With children spending more time alone at home or engaging in various activities, a smartphone allows them to reach out during emergencies or moments of distress, alleviating anxiety and ensuring their well-being.
As parents, it is crucial to evaluate both the necessity and preparedness of your child before providing them with a phone. By considering these factors, you can make an informed decision that prioritizes their safety and development.
Smartphone Readiness: Key Factors to Consider
When contemplating whether to give a child a smartphone, it is important to assess their readiness based on several essential markers:
Displays Good Judgment: Observing sound decision-making skills and responsible behavior in other aspects of their life indicates the level of maturity needed for smartphone usage.
Trustworthy and Open Communication: A child who can be relied upon to approach you with problems and admit their mistakes demonstrates a level of trustworthiness necessary for responsibly handling a smartphone.
Adherence to Rules: Willingness to agree to and follow established rules regarding device usage, including time limits and appropriate content, showcases their ability to exercise self-discipline and respect boundaries.
Deciding to grant a child a smartphone should be done thoughtfully and with prayerful consideration. It is acceptable to wait until you see signs of maturity and feel a sense of peace about the decision.
Signs that Indicate a Child Might Not Be Ready for a Smartphone
It is important to consider various factors before deciding whether a child is ready for a smartphone. Here are some signs that indicate a child might not be ready:
Your own readiness: If you, as a parent, feel hesitant or unprepared to introduce a smartphone to your child, it may be a sign that they are not ready.
False pressure: If there is a sense of external pressure, such as peer or societal influence, to provide a phone to your child, it may not be the right time.
Lacking social decision-making ability: Children who have not yet developed the necessary skills to make responsible decisions in social contexts may not be prepared for the challenges and distractions that come with owning a smartphone.
Age considerations: There are many psychologists who suggest that children under the age of 14 may not be ready to navigate the potential distractions and temptations associated with smartphones.
Ultimately, every child is different, and determining their readiness for a smartphone requires careful consideration of their individual maturity, responsibility, and ability to handle the device’s potential impact on their well-being and development. And to consider the impact on your relationship.
What Should You Do Before Buying A Smartphone
Deciding whether a child is ready for a smartphone is just the initial consideration. Prior to purchasing a device, it is essential to ensure both you and your child are fully prepared for what lies ahead. This requires preparation and maintaining ongoing communication, encompassing the following steps:
Establishing mutual agreement on ground rules, including designated screen-free times.
Configuring parental controls and carefully selecting suitable apps.
Engaging in open conversations about potential online content they may encounter.
Familiarizing yourselves with digital etiquette and safety guidelines.
Formulating a written agreement that outlines the responsibilities and expectations associated with smartphone usage.
Do not succumb to external pressure when it comes to granting your child a phone. As the parent, you possess the insight to determine what your child genuinely needs and what aligns with your family’s values. Remember, you have the authority to establish and modify rules and guidelines as necessary to ensure a positive and safe digital environment for your child. A device is a tool. It’s up to you to know when your child is ready for a smartphone.
Are you raising interdependent, independent, or co-dependent children? What you decide can have a huge impact on your children. Lori Wildenberg and I discuss why we need to raise interdependent children and how it can reduce their anxiety while increasing family connectedness.
As a mother of four adult children and a licensed parent and family educator, Lori shares her unique perspective on what is happening to families and how parents can reduce their children’s anxiety throughout the parenting journey.
Independent Children
Throughout our years, Lori and I have come across numerous experts who promote the idea of cultivating independence in children. They argue that it equips them with the confidence to navigate the world successfully. While this notion holds some truth, it falls short when considering the significance of maintaining familial connections after leaving home. In fostering independence, there is a risk of inadvertently instilling a belief that an individual can thrive without the support of others.
Co-dependent Children
Conversely, certain parents display an extreme level of protectiveness towards their children, refraining from making decisions independently due to apprehension of making a mistake. This co-dependency often leads to a diminished sense of confidence.
Interdependent Children
Interdependency plays a vital role in our lives. It encompasses relying on others for moral, emotional, and spiritual support. When a child has a strong bond with their parents, this connection often continues even after they leave home. It’s not driven by obligation or guilt, but rather by the reassurance of knowing that someone will be there for them as they navigate the world around them.
Find a Balance
We want our children to be able to make decisions on their own. We don’t want them to be insecure and completely rely on us. That’s why we must consider how we raise our children.
When you focus on raising interdependent children, you can reduce your child’s anxiety and strengthen family connectedness.
About Lori Wildenberg
Helping families build relationships that last a lifetime is Lori Wildenberg’s passion. Lori, a licensed parent and family educator, is a national speaker and award-winning author or coauthor of six parenting books listed below. The Wildenberg home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Lori is Mom to four, Mom-in-Love to three, and Mimi to four. A perfect day in Lori’s world is a hike with Tom (her hubby) and their growing family!
My guest, Zan Tyler, shares how parents can make homeschooling easier and strengthen relationships using a few simple activities your children will enjoy.
As a veteran homeschool mom, Zan Tyler believes parents can make homeschooling easier by adding a few simple activities to motivate children on their homeschool journey.
What can we do to make learning fun while making homeschooling easy? Zan shares three ideas and some sage advice I’m sure you will enjoy.
Embracing God’s Call
Embracing God’s call isn’t always easy, but Zan’s story is filled with defining moments where she witnessed God’s hand guiding her through the process. Through these experiences, she realized that her purpose is to support and encourage homeschool moms like enjoy the adventure.
Making Homeschooling Easier
Zan understands the challenges of homeschooling and wants to help you make your homeschool days more enjoyable. Here are a few tips she shared:
Break up the school week by designating a special day that your kids can look forward to.
Focus on the unique gifts that homeschooling offers, such as the flexibility of time, the ability to explore new ideas, and the spontaneity it allows.
Look for serving opportunities that you and your children can do together. Engaging in service activities strengthens the bond between you and your kids.
Plan mid-week outings or activities outside the house to bring excitement and variety to your homeschool routine.
Encourage your family members to embrace their individual strengths and find meaningful ways to redeem each day.
Building Strong Relationships
Zan emphasizes the importance of building strong relationships within your homeschooling journey. She quotes Mother Teresa, who said, “If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family.”
Here are some practical tips to making homeschooling easier
Love each other well by intentionally investing time and effort into nurturing your relationships.
Take the time to truly understand and get to know your children, their unique motivations, and learning styles.
Give yourself grace as you navigate the homeschooling journey. Remember, it’s all new, and mistakes are part of the learning process.
Learn to incorporate your faith into your daily homeschool routine, allowing God to guide you every step of the way.
We must trust in God’s leading to help make homeschooling easier
By implementing these practical tips and embracing the lessons shared in this episode, you can make homeschool easier and more fulfilling while strengthening the bond within your family.
Trust in God’s plan, cherish your relationships and enjoy the adventure of homeschooling. Together, we can strengthen today’s families and create a brighter future.
About Zan Tyler
Zan Tyler’s homeschool journey began in 1984 when homeschooling was illegal, and she was threatened with jail. For eight years, she and other families battled for homeschool freedom and established landmark homeschool legislation in South Carolina. In 1990, she founded the South Carolina Association of Independent Home Schools (SCAIHS) and served as its president for ten years.
Zan loves to empower parents as they answer their God-given calling to homeschool. She is an inspirational speaker and author. For sixteen years, Zan worked with Christian publishers developing homeschool curriculum and resources. She is now a consultant with BJU Press Homeschool. Zan’s greatest privilege in life was homeschooling their three children through high school. Zan is the host of the Zan Tyler Podcast, sponsored by BJU Press Homeschool. Join Zan and a special guest each week for real encouragement, engaging stories, and practical wisdom for surviving and thriving on the homeschool journey.
It’s that time of year again – the start of a new school year! Whether you’re a seasoned parent or you have a new kindergartener, the mixed feelings of nervousness, excitement, and anxiety are likely familiar. In this episode, we are going to talk about transitioning smoothly into a new school year and the importance of easing kids back into school.
Let’s just first acknowledge now that there’s a bit of upheaval that happens at back-to-school time. Your kids are learning new things and adjusting to new schedules. Be mentally prepared for this.
Easing into the School Year
Here are my suggestions for ways of easing your kids back into school and setting them up for a great year:
Be sure to talk to your kids about any anxiety they may have.
This might be anxiety about the challenges of new things or it might be social challenges. Connect with your kids about how to process their emotions. Temper your expectations of your children, and yourself.
Be prepared and reduce stress by meal planning.
Having the groceries in the house and at least a rough plan of what you’re going to cook will make your days run more smoothly. Don’t forget to think about nutrition! Your child’s brain is developing rapidly and they need healthy fats and proteins in addition to good carbs. Set consistent meal times and set your day by working backward to make sure that meals happen on time and avoid children becoming hangry.
Help your kids develop good study habits and related routines.
Show them how to focus. Give them a space in which to study. Provide organizational systems and skills.
Include physical exercise and free play in your days.
Create margin in the schedule for these activities. Don’t give up this time in order to get other things done!
Create an atmosphere in your home that your children will want to remember.
An atmosphere of warmth, excitement, and enthusiasm is contagious. Write down the words you want your kids to use to describe your home after they’ve left your home as adults. Be and do the things needed to embody those words.
Remove distractions and provide the resources they need to be successful.
What is in the way of your child achieving their goals? Determine what is needed of you to reach those goals? What is keeping you from being available for your child?
Make It a Great Year
Every school year brings its own set of unique joys and excitements and challenges. I hope your children look back on this school year as a year of blessings and call it a great year!
