Did you get a parenting manual when your child was handed to you? Sometimes, it feels like it would have been easier if we had been given a guide or some 3-step formula when they were born. Instead, you’re searching the internet for quick tips and hacks to get you through the current parenting struggle. Sometimes the picture gets blurry… but God is not done with the story!
Maybe you’re currently looking at a picture of life and of your child that isn’t quite what you thought it would look like back when they were little. Maybe your teen is rebellious. Maybe you have a child who is simply ignoring you. Maybe you’ve thrown up your hands and declared, “It is what it is!” That may be true, but only for this moment. God created that masterpiece in the making and He is not done yet!
What can you do in the meantime?
Different Parenting Styles
As your child grows and changes, you also have to grow and change. I mention these five major parenting styles in Parenting by the Rules. Consider where you fit and how you can change to meet the needs of each of your children.
Authoritative Parent
Authoritative—This type of parent is typically seen as the most effective and helpful to a child. They are flexible and fair. They try to listen and communicate without overreacting. This type of parenting tends to be more predictable and is full of grace, understanding, forgiveness, kindness, and unconditional love. They teach their kids that they can accomplish great things if they are willing to work hard and put their minds to it.
Permissive Parent
Permissive—This parent is easygoing. Kids might call them pushovers. There are fewer rules. They focus on peace and harmony to avoid conflict. These parents believe their kids will figure things out, but this hands-off approach can make kids feel less loved because the parent is too disengaged.
Helicopter Parent
Helicopter—This style of parenting is a blend between authoritative and permissive. They see the need for boundaries and rules to keep chaos at bay but try to give more freedom. Unfortunately, fear and anxiety often define these parents. While well-intentioned with the requirements of constant check-ins, these parents must remember to teach the why along the way.
Hovering Parent
Hovering— These parents are more intrusive than the helicopter parent. At the first sign of trouble, they sweep in for the rescue. There’s a fine line between rescuing and letting your kids figure things out. It’s important for these parents to ask God for wisdom and discernment.
Lawnmower Parent
Lawnmower—This mom or dad will make sure their child has every opportunity on a paved path. They don’t believe that anyone else has their child’s best interest in mind. They are well-meaning, but they are likely to quickly step in to talk to teachers or coaches to argue on their child’s behalf.
The Strengths and Weaknesses
Every parenting style has its strengths and weaknesses. We as the parents have to adjust to the child we have, not the child we’re trying to make them into. If the picture gets blurry, maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at how you’re parenting a particular child and adjust. Only God knows your child’s heart, so you have to focus on building a strong relationship with them. Give them a strong foundation by modeling Biblical principles that govern your decision-making.
Ask yourself and the Lord these questions:
What do I need to change?
When do I need to change?
When do I need to hold firm?
When do I need to press pause?
When do I need to let my responsible child have more freedom?
Always remember that your child has a calling in their life, a plan, and a purpose from God. It’s up to you to help them discover that!
Why does knowing your strengths, talents, and the domain order matter?
If you missed episodes #71,#72, or #73, go back and listen to those first before jumping into this episode.
Here are three reasons why you should utilize the Talent Theme Domains.
It gives an individual another way to think about their talents. If you know the underlying motivation, you can communicate more effectively. We can better understand why we do what we do. Believing God has given you and others unique talents, gifts, and strengths allows you to use words and phrases intentionally.
It gives an individual more confidence in mitigating their weaknesses. Rather than focusing on their bottom Talent Theme, the individual can look at the Talent Themein the same domain that is highest in their sequence and determine how to use that talent to achieve the result the results they are looking for. You gain more confidence when you learn how to manage your weaknesses regarding Talents. Now, I want to remind you there are no bad strengths. One strength is no better than another. The purpose is to see what is good and right about you. I’m just going to repeat this. I think I’ve said it in every episode. But it needs to be repeated because we tend to see what’s wrong with us and others, which causes anxiety and strife. The purpose of this series is that I want to help you know what is good and right about you. God formed and fashioned you; he made you exactly as he wanted you to be. Should you work on areas of your life? We do because we need to; we’re not perfect. We are in the process of being polished and refined, and that takes intentionality.
It gives you a way to look for gaps and learn how you speak to others to get people moving in a specific direction. For example, to get your children to do what you’re asking them to do or get them to talk about something important to them. If you learn how to utilize the Talent Theme Domain buckets, you can motivate your children or even yourself to move towards that goal.
Invite your friends to tune in. You should also go back and listen to the first three parts of the Strengths series on Knowing Your Strengths. I hope and pray that this is a huge blessing to you and helps communicate with your children, spouse, friends, co-workers, and ministry leaders better. It’s just so important to learn to pause for a moment and think about how others will hear what you say.
If you’re a note-taker, press pause for a second. I want you to write something down: It’s not about what you say. It’s about what someone else hears that matters.
For example, you can communicate a request thinking others know the intent behind your words, but it comes off as a command to the hearer. On the other hand, not thinking first can cause a simple request to fold the laundry to come across as an abrupt or demanding void of empathy or compassion.We want others to hear our words to land in a tender place of someone’s heart. So we can’t be harsh or reckless with our words.
Focusing on your Talent Themes and where they place in the order of dominance can make a huge difference in your relationships.The Gallup Organization puts talents into four domains: The Relating Theme, Impacting Theme, Striving (Executive) Theme, and Thinking Theme.
We can use the knowledge of Talents to identify negative labels as clues to a talent. In addition, learning to use negative labels as clues can positively benefit those we love.
Four Talent Theme Domains
Relating Talents—used to create, develop, and sustain relationships effectively. Prompt how a person reaches out to others and responds to those who reach out to them.
Adaptability
Developer
Connectedness
Empathy
Harmony
Includer
Individualization
Positivity
Relator
Influencing Talents—contained in themes used to motivate others to action. Prompts a person to set a course for individuals and groups to follow and then get them moving along that course. Stimulate others to be more productive, reach for excellence, and fulfill personal potential.
Activator
Command
Communication
Competition
Maximizer
Self-Assurance
Significance
Woo
Striving Talents—contained in the themes used to push the self towards results motivates a person to get things done, then seek greater accomplishments. Distinctive motivations that influence individuals to do the same task differently. Striving themes are the fuel that propels people to excel, take risks, and set high expectations.
Achiever
Arranger
Belief
Consistency
Deliberative
Discipline
Focus
Responsibility
Restorative
Thinking Talents—the way people gather, process, and make decisions with information and mental images. People think in the past, present, or future. Thinking themes influence one’s view of the world, the way they treat others, interpret current events, solve problems, and create opportunities.
Analytical
Context
Futuristic
Ideations
Input
Intellection
Learner
Strategic
Words to Use When Describing Negative Labels.
Use those labels as clues to see the positive side of their characteristics:
Controlling say In-Control
Bossy use Assertive, Determined
Doormat use Flexible
Obstinate use Persistent
Anti-social use Inner-directed
Uncooperative, antagonistic use Independent thinker
Smart-aleck use Clever
Nosey use Curious
Not a team player use Self-motivated, Inner-directed
Think about the positive attributes of negative words. Our words have the power to build up or tear down. By taking the time to think before we speak, we will be heard and understood more clearly.
God uses people to accomplish his will. He expects us to engage with the world around us in an understanding way. Furthermore, we are to teach and train our children in the way they should go. Leading our children by speaking in a way they hear can have a dramatic impact on your relationship.
God has uniquely wired people to complete their assignments.
Thank you for tuning in. We would love for you to leave a review. Unfortunately, I forget to ask you to leave a review regularly or to hit the subscribe button in your favorite podcast app so it pops up in your feed so that you can listen every Wednesday at 8:00 AM Eastern.
*Note: if you purchase one of the books with a code, you do not need to buy an additional code from Gallup. But, don’t buy a used one. The chances are that code has already been used.
**If you have a tween or younger teen, I recommend that they take Strengths Explorer. It is geared for kids ages 10-14.
Are you among millions of parents trying to run a business and homeschooling your children? You’re not alone. Millions of parents are faced with the tension that comes with juggling deadlines, making sure the kids are doing school, planning meals, and spending hours in the kitchen.
Whether you’re working a few hours or full-time, the challenge to fit it all in is real. The guilt and frustration from day-to-day can leave you discouraged and worn out.
Running a Business and Homeschooling
Today, Ashley Wiggers is joining me on the podcast. She is a second-generation homeschool graduate whose parents were pioneers in the homeschool movement. Greg and Debbie Strayer were respected leaders, mentors, speakers, authors, and magazine owners/editors. Ashley grew-up watching them juggle the demands of running a business and homeschooling.
We discuss some of the lessons she learned as a homeschool graduate and how she plans to follow their example.
Tips for Your Journey in Business and Homeschooling
Being fully present
Plan memorable moments
Set realistic goals
Create a love of learning
Trust the Lord
Protect what matters most
About Ashley Wiggers
Ashley Wiggers speaks at homeschool seminars, serves as Public Relations Director for GeoMatters, and is the author of the Profiles from History series. She also joins Homeschooling Today magazine as a co-executive editor and writes the column, Lessons My Mother Taught Me.
Ashley grew up in the early days of the homeschooling movement. She was taught by her parents, Greg and Debbie Strayer, who are authors of numerous homeschooling materials and were part of the founding group of Homeschooling Today magazine back in 1992. As a homeschool graduate, Ashley has a deep appreciation for the opportunity to homeschool and the need for encouragement and support of homeschooling families.
Do you feel overwhelmed with managing, budgeting, or investing your money? You’re not alone. Women often lack the confidence they need to make wise money decisions. My guest, Ed Vargo, founder of enLightenHer.com, joins me as we identify the stumbling blocks that key YOU from creating a healthy money mindset.
About Ed Vargo
Ed is a 20+ year veteran of the financial services industry. While growing up in the inner city gave Ed a proper education in the school of hard knocks, he is also a strong proponent of a formal education. Ed holds numerous distinguished industry designations including being a CFP®, an AIF®, and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, amongst others. He is the founder of Burning River Advisory Group.
Ed saw his mother, a first generation immigrant, struggle as she was not educated in financial matters. A strong-willed and capable woman, she was nevertheless stuck in an unhealthy relationship, unable to control her own well-being. She was financially dependent and had few options for finding a better life. Eventually, she was able to find the power and resources to end the marriage but her struggles left a lasting imprint on Ed and the values he holds dear as a husband, father, and advisor.
Stop wandering or wondering if you have gifts, strengths, talents. God has equipped you with exactly what you need to navigate every season of life. Whether it’s raising children, managing a family, growing a business, or living out your faith, God has equipped you for.every good work.
When I read about the Proverbs 31 woman I see a life well lived. For many women, they interpret this passage as something that must be done all in one day or season. Truth is, this describes a woman’s life in totality… not a day.
Let’s begin by defining “consider.”
: to think about carefully in order to make a wise choice or decision
: to take into account to gaze on reflectively
: come to judge or classify
There are, however, key principles a wise woman practices on a daily basis. She… (more…)
