Today, marriage can feel complicated. People often ask, “Why get married when relationships are already hard enough?” Maybe you’ve wondered this yourself. After all, the media frequently highlights the struggles, the breakups, and the heartache, which can make marriage seem daunting or even outdated. Yet, research consistently reveals that married people report higher levels of happiness, health, and life satisfaction compared to singles. So, if marriage holds such promise, why aren’t more people rushing to say “I do”?
In her insightful book Making Marriage Easier, Arlene Pellicane addresses precisely this issue, offering practical, faith-based strategies that transform marriage from daunting to delightful. Let’s unpack a few key insights on why marriage is still worth pursuing—and how to make it genuinely easier and joyful.
In this episode, Arlene joins me to discuss four ways you can love (and like) being married.
“Marriage isn’t just about duty—it’s about delight!” ~Arlene Pellicane
Love Is a Daily Decision, Not Just a Feeling
Many couples assume that love should always come naturally, but Pellicane points out that love is more about making daily decisions than experiencing fleeting emotions.
In our culture, we often mistake love for the butterflies we feel at the beginning of a relationship. When those butterflies fade—and inevitably they do—we assume something’s wrong. But Making Marriage Easier emphasizes love as a daily choice, grounded in intentional acts of kindness, patience, and grace. Choosing to love actively, rather than passively waiting for feelings to surface, is foundational to lasting happiness in marriage.
So, how does this daily choice practically play out in everyday life?
Serving Your Spouse Brings Joy
Shifting from a mindset of “What’s in it for me?” to “How can I serve my spouse?” radically transforms the dynamics of your relationship.
We live in a culture that’s constantly telling us to prioritize our own happiness. But ironically, one of the greatest predictors of marital happiness, as Pellicane beautifully explains, is the ability to serve your spouse selflessly. This isn’t about losing yourself; rather, it’s about discovering joy through giving. When both partners embrace this mutual service mindset, joy naturally follows. Serving your spouse wholeheartedly becomes a powerful source of personal fulfillment.
Awareness of these influences enables you to have honest and open conversations with your children about what they are experiencing and how it may impact their faith. By maintaining a safe, non-judgmental environment for dialogue, you help them process their thoughts with biblical guidance.
Taking Fun Seriously Strengthens Your Bond
Pellicane encourages couples to actively prioritize joy and laughter actively, as having fun together is a key to maintaining emotional intimacy.
Marriage can quickly feel weighed down by responsibilities: work demands, bills, raising children, and caring for aging parents. In the process, fun can slip off the priority list entirely. Pellicane argues that taking fun seriously isn’t just nice, it’s necessary. Shared experiences of laughter and adventure revive your bond, reduce stress, and boost your happiness. Having fun reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place and keeps your friendship strong.
But what happens when the kids grow up and life drastically changes?
Marriage Can and Should Last Beyond Parenthood
Making Marriage Easier highlights the importance of nurturing your marriage beyond the demanding years of parenting.
It’s easy to become so invested in your role as parents that your identity as a couple fades away. But marriage isn’t just about raising children together; it’s about creating a partnership that continues to flourish long after your kids leave home. Pellicane emphasizes intentionally connecting as spouses through regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and shared goals, ensuring your relationship endures well into the empty nest years and beyond.
Ultimately, a marriage built intentionally with daily choices of love, selfless service, shared joy, and lasting companionship sets you on the path to deep, sustained happiness.
Closing: Making Your Marriage Easier is Possible
Choosing marriage might seem countercultural today, but the research remains clear: married people are consistently happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. While marriage requires effort, it’s also immensely rewarding, especially when you incorporate these practical insights from Making Marriage Easier. So if you’re wondering whether marriage is still worthwhile, remember—it truly can be easier and more joyful than you imagine.
Marriage may not always be simple, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. With intentional decisions each day, you really can make marriage easier and discover the lasting happiness you’ve always desired.
Guest Bio, Sponsors, and Links
ARLENE PELLICANE is a speaker, host of the Happy Home podcast, and author of several books, including Parents Rising, Making Marriage Easier, and Screen Kids (coauthored with Dr. Gary Chapman). She is the spokesperson for National Marriage Week and has been happily married to her husband, James, for more than 25 years.
Want a Bible curriculum that strengthens your teen’s faith and critical thinking? RVL Discipleship: The Curriculum equips homeschool students to engage deeply with Scripture and live out God’s mission. This course, taught by Ray Vander Laan, brings biblical history to life, helping teens see their place in God’s kingdom. Try two free lessons today!
In RVL Discipleship: The Study, join renowned teacher and Bible scholar Ray Vander Laan as he examines what it means to follow Christ through the cultural, historical, and otherwise contextual lens of Scripture. The Study is a four-season video Bible study designed for small groups and individuals to explore the question: What did it mean to be one of the original disciples of Jesus, and what does that significance hold for us today?
Downloadable leader guides
Downloadable participant guides
Access all 4 seasons – 39 episodes that are 10-12 minutes long
Navigating Parenting Advice and Trends is best achieved not by using Google or AI, but by looking through the lens of God’s Word.
Have you ever searched for one piece of parenting advice and found yourself spiraling down a rabbit hole of conflicting voices, perfect images, and trendy tactics? You’re not alone. In a world overflowing with how-to guides, social media influencers, and unsolicited advice, knowing what’s right for your child—and your family—can feel overwhelming.
How do we know which voices to trust, especially when everyone seems to have an opinion? And what do we do when the advice we follow… doesn’t work?
“Your family is unique. Let God write your parenting story, not the internet.” – Connie Albers
How To Navigate Parenting Advice Through Biblical Wisdom
Seek God Not Google In Your Parenting
Before we open our phones, we need to open our hearts to God. The Bible reminds us in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God… and it will be given to him.” When parenting gets noisy, God’s voice brings clarity.
Example: A mom struggling with a toddler’s tantrums googles “how to stop screaming.” One article tells her to ignore it, another says to comfort the child, while a video suggests a reward system. Confused, she takes a moment to pray and remembers the importance of understanding her child’s heart, not just fixing behavior. That simple pause brings peace and a wiser, calmer approach.
When we pause to invite God in, we begin to see parenting differently. That’s when we can start to filter advice with discernment.
Not All Advice is Good Advice—Even if It’s Popular
Be Discerning About Parenting Advice You Listen To
The pressure to follow trending methods is strong, especially when someone looks like they’ve got it all together. But just because it works for one family doesn’t mean it’s right for yours. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
Example: A friend of mine followed a rigid “perfect bedtime routine” she saw online. It promised better sleep, smarter kids, and even more alone time. But her child’s anxiety worsened. After speaking with a trusted mentor and praying, she gently shifted the routine to be more peaceful and flexible. It was then that everyone began sleeping better—especially her.
Practical Tip: Ask yourself:
Will this advice bring peace or pressure?
Does the given advice align with my values?
Is the nature of who my child is being respected?
When we begin to discern which voices to trust, the next step is freeing ourselves from the pressure to live up to every parenting standard we see. That’s when we can finally let go of the myth of perfect parenting—and embrace the peace that comes from simply being faithful.
Navigating the Myth of Perfect Parenting Advice
Pursue Faithfulness, Not Flawlessness
We all want to get it right. But perfect parenting is a myth. What God asks of us isn’t perfection—it’s faithfulness. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Example: A parent scrolls through Pinterest and sees elaborate holiday traditions. Feeling guilty, she tries to replicate them but becomes stressed, snappy, and resentful. Her kids? They just wanted to cuddle and bake cookies. She learns that meaningful moments matter more than perfection.
God’s grace fills in the gaps of our parenting. He isn’t measuring our worth by our crafts or color-coded calendars.
Once we release the unrealistic expectations of perfection, we’re free to parent with intention, not imitation. Then we can begin to navigate advice, trends, and decisions confidently, grounded in wisdom and grace.
Practical Tools for Navigating Parenting Advice and Trends
Build a Biblical Filter for Navigating Parenting Advice
Pray first. Ask for discernment before you act.
Check for alignment. Does it match up with Scripture?
Talk to godly mentors.
Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Create your own Wisdom Checklist:
Is this advice rooted in truth or trend? Does it align with our family’s values? Will it bear good fruit in my child’s heart?
Equipped with wisdom, discernment, and a few practical tools, you can face the noise of parenting culture with confidence. But before we wrap up, I want to leave you with some final encouragement straight from the heart.
Closing Thoughts on Navigating Parenting Advice and Trends
Navigating parenting advice and trends are noisy today, but God’s wisdom is steady, sure, and available to us. You don’t have to chase every trend. Or a parent like the mom down the street or the influencer on your screen. You just have to show up, trust God, and lead your family with the wisdom He provides.
Have you ever found yourself looking at someone who seems to excel effortlessly and thought, “Why can’t I do that like they do?” In today’s episode of Equipped To Be, titled “Stop Comparing Yourself: Ability vs. Aptitude”, we’re tackling a common struggle – the tendency to compare your hard-earned abilities to someone else’s natural aptitude.
It’s easy to feel discouraged when your progress doesn’t match their success, but understanding the difference between ability and aptitude can help you break free from the comparison trap. Let’s explore how you can stop measuring yourself against others and start celebrating your own unique strengths!
“Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because something doesn’t come naturally, it’s not worth pursuing.” Connie Albers
Ability and Aptitude Defined
Ability and aptitude are often used interchangeably, but they mean two very different things. Ability is your current skill level or competence in performing a particular task. It’s something you’ve developed through practice, training, or experience. On the other hand, aptitude is your natural potential to do something well – it’s the talent or inclination you’re born with, even before formal training.
Think of it this way: ability is the result of hard work and dedication, while aptitude is an innate knack for something. Both are valuable, but they represent different aspects of personal growth. Understanding this distinction can help you appreciate your unique strengths without falling into the comparison trap.
Understanding the Difference Between Ability vs. Aptitude
Ability is what you can do right now because you’ve practiced, trained, or studied. It’s the skill you develop over time. On the other hand, aptitude is your natural potential to do something well. It’s the raw talent that doesn’t require as much effort.
Imagine this: You and your friend decide to learn how to juggle. You spend hours practicing, dropping the balls more often than not. Eventually, you get it, but it’s taken a lot of dedication. Your friend, however, picks up the balls and starts juggling almost immediately. They seem to ‘get it’ without much practice. That’s the difference – your friend has an aptitude for juggling, while you had to develop the ability.
One isn’t better than the other. Your ability represents your hard work and commitment. Your friend’s aptitude means they started a little ahead in that skill. Comparing the two is like comparing apples and oranges. It’s not fair to you.
Now, why am I telling you this? Because so often, we compare our abilities to someone else’s aptitude. We look at someone who seems naturally good at math, sports, or art and think, “I’ll never be as good as they are.” But guess what? Their natural aptitude doesn’t make your hard-earned ability any less valuable. Hence, we need to celebrate the unique wiring of others without comparing ourselves to them.
Stop Comparing Yourself: It’s a Trap
A few years ago, I was working on a project requiring much writing. I love to write, but it doesn’t always come naturally. I had to pray and put effort into making my words flow. But some of my fellow authors can write page after page without breaking a sweat. I found myself feeling frustrated and even a bit defeated.
But then I realized something – I was comparing my hard-earned ability with their natural aptitude. Instead of feeling down, I decided to focus on what I could control: improving my skills, little by little. That perspective change made all the difference.
Celebrating Your Unique Wiring
It’s easy to get caught in the comparison trap. We all do it. However, recognizing that some people have a natural inclination while others have to work hard helps you focus on what truly matters: doing your best.
Instead of thinking, ‘I’m not good at this,’ ask yourself, ‘How can I improve my ability?’ Your unique wiring is a beautiful blend of aptitudes and abilities. Use your strengths to push yourself forward, and don’t be afraid to work hard in areas that don’t come naturally.
This week, think about one ability you’ve worked hard to develop. Celebrate the progress you’ve made. Then, think about one area where you have a natural aptitude and find a way to use it more. When you focus on your personal growth, you’ll find that the comparisons fade into the background.
Wraping It Up
Remember, your value doesn’t come from how easily something comes to you or how you compare to others. It’s about doing your best and being true to your unique wiring. Whether you’ve developed your abilities through practice or discovered an aptitude along the way, both are valuable.
So, let’s commit together to stop comparing and start embracing the journey. Your best is more than enough. Keep growing and learning, and keep being you.
The Heart of Caregiving is found in the quiet, unseen moments — the late nights, the tired mornings, and the endless cycle of giving without expecting anything in return. Jess Ronne joins me today for an honest conversation on caregiving.
Caregiving is not just about meeting physical needs; it’s about pouring love, patience, and strength into someone else’s life, even when your cup feels empty.
Amid exhaustion and uncertainty, a quiet strength comes from knowing you are not alone. This is the heart of caregiving — a place where grit and grace meet, sustaining you through even the hardest days.
“The heart of caregiving is found in the quiet, unseen moments — the late nights, the tired mornings, and the endless cycle of giving without expecting anything in return. I know this because I’ve been there. Caring for my mom taught me that true strength isn’t loud; it’s found in the quiet acts of love and patience when no one is watching.” Connie Albers
The Heart of Caregiving
The heart of caregiving is found in the quiet, unseen moments — the late nights, the tired mornings, and the endless cycle of giving without expecting anything in return. I know this because I’ve been there. Caring for my mom taught me that true strength isn’t loud; it’s found in the quiet acts of love and patience when no one is watching. It’s in the middle-of-the-night wake-ups, the doctor’s appointments, the hard conversations, and the moments when you wonder if you have anything left to give. Caregiving is hard, holy work — and it changes you in ways you never expected.
The Challenges of Caregiving
Caregiving stretches you in every possible way — physically, emotionally, and mentally. There’s the exhaustion that comes from sleepless nights and long days. You pour out everything you have to meet someone else’s needs, often putting your own aside. And it’s not just the physical toll — it’s the emotional weight too.
It’s hard watching someone you love struggle. You wish you could fix it, make it better, take away the pain — but you can’t. The constant decision-making can be overwhelming. Did I do the right thing? Should I have spoken up more at that appointment? Am I doing enough? These thoughts can weigh you down, leaving you feeling like you’re never quite enough.
But here’s the truth: you are enough. Just showing up matters. Even when you’re tired and don’t have all the answers, being there is an act of love and courage.
Finding Strength in Grit
Caregiving requires grit — that daily resolve to keep going even when it’s hard. You show up, not because it’s easy, but because you love the person in front of you.
Grit is getting out of bed when you’d rather stay under the covers. It’s figuring out complicated medical instructions and staying calm when everything feels like it’s falling apart. It’s knowing that you might not see the rewards of your labor — but choosing to serve anyway.
I remember days when I felt utterly depleted — emotionally and physically. But somehow, I’d find the strength to keep going. That’s the power of grit. It’s not glamorous; it’s steady and quiet. And it matters.
Finding Peace in Grace
But grit alone isn’t enough. That’s where grace comes in. Grace is what carries you when you’re too tired to stand.
Grace means allowing yourself to be human. You don’t have to be perfect to be a good caregiver. You can get frustrated and feel exhausted and still be doing enough. Grace is knowing that it’s okay to take a break—that rest isn’t failure; it’s necessary.
It’s also about offering grace to the person you’re caring for. They might not always express gratitude. They might lash out because they’re hurting. Grace reminds you that they’re struggling too. And it helps you respond with patience instead of resentment.
Grace is forgiving yourself when you don’t get it right. It’s recognizing that love is still present even on the hard days.
The Scrared Calling of Caregiving
Caregiving is hard — but it’s also sacred. There’s something profoundly beautiful about loving someone through their hardest moments.
It’s easy to think of caregiving as a chore or an obligation. But it’s more than that. It’s an act of devotion. Every meal prepared, every hand held, every encouraging word — these are reflections of God’s love. Even when you feel unseen, God sees you.
You might not hear “thank you” as often as you’d like, but your work matters. You are standing in the gap for someone who needs you. That’s sacred.
When I was caring for my mom, there were moments when I felt invisible — like no one saw the hard work I was doing. But God saw. And He gave me strength when I had nothing left. That’s the gift of caregiving — you’re not doing it alone.
Practical Encouragment for Caregivers
I know firsthand how easy it is to neglect yourself when you’re focused on someone else’s needs. But you can’t give from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.
Prioritize Rest. Even if you can only grab 10 mins. of quiet, take it. Your body and mind need to reset.
Set Realistic Goals. You won’t get it right all the time, and that’s okay.
Ask for Help. People might not know you need anything, so be willing to ask. Lean on your community, family, and even professional support.
Conclusion: The Heart of Caregiving
The heart of caregiving is found in the tension between grit and grace — showing up when it’s hard and trusting that you are not alone. Caregiving will stretch you, challenge you, and sometimes break your heart — but it will also grow you in ways you never imagined.
If you’re in the middle of caregiving right now, I want you to know this: You are doing holy work. You are seen. You are enough. And you are not alone.
References, Related Shows, and Links
Jess Ronne is no stranger to caregiving. As the eldest of eleven siblings, Jess was responsible for their care during her upbringing. Her commitment to caregiving continued after she married and received the medical news that her son Luca would be born with significant disabilities requiring lifelong care.
She then faced the devastating news that her thirty-one-year-old husband was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, leaving her to raise four children alone. Her life took another remarkable turn when she met Ryan, a widower with three children. They blended two families and welcomed another child together.
Jess leads the Lucas Project, a nonprofit outreach organization committed to supporting individuals with special needs. Alongside her husband, Jess established Hope Farm, a residential facility that assists the needs of her son and other young adults with disabilities.
Are you ready to let go of guilt and embrace what really works in parenting? Or at least for this year! As we settle into 2025, it’s time to leave behind the trends that made us question our sanity and welcome ones that actually make life easier. Today, I want to focus on 5 Parenting Trends to Embrace to help you simplify your routines, connect with your children, and watch as your family flourishes.
Parenting trends evolve with the times, but not all of them are worth carrying into the future. Some modern parenting practices are creating unnecessary stress for parents and children alike.
Before jumping into these parenting trends, let’s start with one that will instantly lighten your mental load and bring more peace to your daily routine. Ready? Let’s begin with simplifying your schedule—because less really is more. For instance:
Over-the-Top Celebrations: Are They Really Worth It?
Let’s be honest—who hasn’t felt the pressure to throw an Instagram-worthy birthday party or go all out for the holidays? It’s easy to get swept up in the idea that bigger is better, especially when social media is filled with picture-perfect celebrations. But here’s the thing: those elaborate parties and inch-stone celebrations (yes, even for trying new food) often come with more stress than joy. Between the cost, the planning, and the pressure to impress, it can leave you feeling drained rather than fulfilled.
Here’s the good news: your kids don’t need a Pinterest-perfect party to feel loved. What they’ll remember most is the way you made them feel—special, cherished, and celebrated in a way that’s true to your family. A simple gathering with their favorite cake and a game of tag in the backyard? That’s the stuff memories are made of. Let’s take the pressure off and focus on celebrating in ways that bring joy, not stress.
Parenting Trend: Overscheduling Kids
Does it ever feel like your life is one big carpool, from soccer practice to music lessons to tutoring, with barely a moment to breathe? You’re not alone—so many parents find themselves in this nonstop cycle, believing it’s the best way to help their kids thrive. But here’s the truth: overscheduling can leave both you and your kids feeling burned out. Children need downtime—those unstructured moments to play, daydream, and let their creativity shine. Without it, they miss out on opportunities to recharge, and so do you.
Remember, packed schedules can cause family connections to take a backseat. Dinner conversations, game nights, or just relaxing together on the couch become rare luxuries. So here’s a thought: Try focusing on one or two activities your child truly loves, and reclaim your evenings with family nights that are all about laughter and connection. Because in the end, those simple, shared moments are what your kids will treasure most.
Parenting Trends: Goodbye Perfection, Hello Real Life
Let’s address the elephant in the room: perfectionism. Social media has made it easy to fall into the trap of curated parenting, where every post looks like a magazine spread. But in real life? It’s messy, chaotic, and beautiful.
A word of caution: If you have perfectionistic tendencies, you need to ask the Lord to help you change. But it’s worth noting to give yourself some grace while you change.
Parenting Trends: Simplify Holiday Madness
Remember when holidays were about simple joys—family traditions, laughter, and the excitement of the season—rather than stress and exhaustion? Lately, every holiday has turned into a full-blown production, with back-to-back school parties, neighborhood events, and costume changes rivaling a Broadway show. And while making memories is important, so is your sanity. It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure to do it all, but sometimes less really is more. Instead of stretching yourself thin, choose one or two meaningful activities that truly bring joy to your family. Reuse decorations, repurpose costumes, and permit yourself to slow down. Your kids don’t need a Pinterest-perfect holiday; they need a happy, present parent who actually gets to enjoy it with them.
Less is often more when it comes to celebrating. It can take a little practice, but you will enjoy making memorable moments when you do.
Parenting Trends: Focus on Simplicity and Connection
Today is your fresh start. Let’s make it the year we let go of trends that add stress and focus on what truly matters: building stronger connections with our kids and creating memories that last a lifetime. These five parenting trends can have a dramatic impact on your family.
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to trends or commitments that don’t serve your family’s well-being.
Focus on What Matters: Ask yourself, “What will my child remember most about this moment?”
Embrace Authenticity: Celebrate the perfectly imperfect journey of parenting.
5 Parenting Trends to Embrace in 2025
These 5 Parenting Trends to Embrace offer simple, practical ways to reduce pressure, reconnect with your kids, and enjoy family life.
Thank you for joining me today on Equipped to Be. Remember, parenting isn’t about keeping up—it’s about showing up. Let’s commit to a year of simplicity, connection, and flourishing.
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who might need this reminder.
Have you ever found yourself hesitating to ask for something as simple as five minutes to drink your coffee while it’s still hot—or even a shower without someone knocking on the door? If you have, you’re not alone. Moms everywhere seek permission, often from their spouses or even themselves, to care for their most basic needs. Why is that? Why do we feel guilty for wanting a moment to breathe? In this episode, we’re diving into the heart of this growing trend—why moms feel the need to ask for self-care, how societal pressures and “mom guilt” play a role, and what we can do to break free. Spoiler: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s survival. Let’s unpack this together.
Why do we carry this guilt like an extra piece of luggage on an already overloaded trip called motherhood? Let’s talk about it—because you deserve care too, and spoiler alert: the world will not fall apart if you take a break. (Though it might feel like it sometimes!)
The Universal Struggles of Motherhood
Motherhood is a beautiful, transformative journey, but let’s be honest—it’s also one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Whether you’re cradling a newborn, chasing a toddler, or navigating the complex emotions of raising a teenager, the mental load of motherhood is relentless.
It’s not just about keeping up with the day-to-day tasks like feeding, cleaning, work, or scheduling activities—it’s about carrying the weight of your family’s needs, emotions, and futures. And the truth is, society has set us up to believe we need to be “everything for everyone.”
Endless Mental Load
As moms, we’re not just managing logistics; we’re juggling expectations. We’re the ones remembering doctors’ appointments, planning meals, keeping track of school schedules, and anticipating the needs of everyone in the family before they even ask. And no matter how much we do, there’s always that nagging feeling that it’s not enough.
Society has reinforced the idea that “good moms” are selfless, constantly giving, and always on top of everything. It’s no wonder so many of us struggle with guilt when we even think about taking a moment for ourselves.
Mom Guilt at Every Stage
Motherhood may look different depending on the season you’re in, but the feelings of guilt and pressure remain the same.
Signs that your parenting approach might be broken:
New Moms: If you’re a new mom, you’re probably navigating sleepless nights, feeding schedules, and figuring out how to keep this tiny human alive. The world tells you that your baby should come first in every way, which makes it easy to feel guilty for even wanting a hot shower or five minutes of peace.
Moms of Multiples: The struggle multiplies if you’re raising more than one child. You’re not just managing individual needs; you’re also playing referee, peacemaker, and multitasking expert. And let’s be honest—trying to give equal attention to all your kids while keeping the household running feels impossible. The guilt of “not doing enough” for each child can be overwhelming.
Moms of Older Kids: If your kids are older, the challenges shift, but don’t disappear. You’re helping with homework, driving them to activities, and supporting them emotionally as they navigate friendships, school pressures, and big life decisions. And even though they’re more independent, you may find yourself asking, “Am I doing too much or not enough?”
No matter the stage of motherhood, there’s always that pressure to measure up—to be the mom who’s got it all figured out, who never misses a beat, and who always puts her family first.
The Pressure to Be “Everything for Everyone”
This pressure isn’t something we consciously choose; it’s something we absorb from the world around us. From social media to family expectations, there’s this unspoken rule that moms should have it all together.
We see other moms posting their picture-perfect moments online and wonder why we can’t seem to manage the same. We hear well-meaning advice from others and feel like we’re falling short because we’re not doing things “their way.”
But here’s the thing—motherhood is hard for all of us. Behind every polished Instagram photo is a mom who has her own struggles, her own doubts, and her own moments of exhaustion.
You Are Not Alone
The struggles you’re facing are universal, and so are the feelings of guilt. Whether you’re up at 2 a.m. with a crying baby or worrying about your teenager’s choices, you’re doing the best you can in a role that demands so much.
You don’t have to be everything for everyone. The most important thing is that you’re there, showing up for your family in your own way. And while it’s easy to focus on all the things you haven’t done, I want to remind you of this: you’re already doing so much.
Motherhood is challenging at every stage, but you don’t have to carry the weight alone. It’s okay to take a step back, to breathe, and to give yourself the grace you so freely give to others. ❤️
The Need for Permission—Why It Happens
If you’ve ever felt guilty for taking time for yourself, you’re not alone—I’ve been there too. It’s not your fault. Our world has long told moms that we’re supposed to be everything to everyone, all the time. These societal expectations paint mothers as having to be“selfless” caregivers, implying that any act of self-care takes something away from our families. That idea? It’s exhausting—and it’s wrong. Yes, we are all those things, but God tells us to work for six days and then rest.
How Societal Norms Shape Us
From the moment we become moms, there’s an unspoken pressure to sacrifice our own needs for the sake of our families. Think about the phrases we often hear:
“A good mom puts her children first. “Mothers are the glue that holds everything together.”
While there’s truth in the importance of a mother’s role, these messages leave little room for our humanity. They suggest that caring for yourself somehow means you’re failing as a mom.
How This Affects New Moms
For new moms, these societal expectations are magnified. You’re adjusting to a completely new life—trying to figure out how to keep this tiny human alive while navigating your own exhaustion and emotions.
And yet, the fear of being judged can feel overwhelming:
“What if people think I’m lazy for asking my partner to take over so I can nap?”
“Am I a bad mom if I need a break from my baby for just five minutes?”
The fear of being labeled as selfish keeps many new moms from even voicing their needs, let alone meeting them. This is where guilt starts to creep in, making you feel like you’re doing something wrong simply by wanting time for yourself.
How This Affects Seasoned Moms
The struggle doesn’t stop as your kids grow. For seasoned moms, it often looks like this: you’ve spent years being the go-to person for everything—meals, homework help, emotional support—and now it feels impossible to step back.
“If I don’t do it, who will?”
“My family is used to me taking care of everything. How do I let that go?”
Even when your kids are older and capable of doing more on their own, it can be hard to shift out of the mindset that your value as a mom is tied to how much you do for everyone else.
The Role of a Spouse, Family Member and Internailzed Guilt
Sometimes, it’s not just society, it’s the people closest to us. Partners or family members might unintentionally reinforce these expectations by assuming we’ll handle it all.
A partner might say, “You’re so much better at calming the baby,” which leaves you feeling like taking a break isn’t an option.
Family members might comment, “Your kids are lucky to have such a hands-on mom,” which sounds like praise but adds pressure to keep doing everything.
And then there’s the voice in your own head—the one that says:
“I shouldn’t need help.”
“Other moms seem to manage just fine. Why can’t I?”
This internalized guilt can be the hardest to overcome because it convinces you that asking for self-care is a weakness rather than a strength. Your spouse or other family members can’t read your mind. They don’t know how you’re feeling unless you tell them.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and ask for help! They love you and want you to be your best.
You’re Not Alone
Here’s the truth: needing time for yourself doesn’t mean you’re failing as a mom. It means you’re human. The idea that mothers have to be selfless 24/7 is a myth, and it’s okay to reject it.
Whether you’re a new mom afraid of judgment or a seasoned mom struggling to let go, know this: you’re not alone. Every mom, at every stage, has wrestled with these feelings. And it’s not your fault.
What would happen if we started giving ourselves the same grace and care we show our children? What if we stopped asking for permission to rest and simply claimed it as our right?
You don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s break free from the guilt together—one step at a time. ❤️
The Cost of Ignoring Self-Care
Motherhood is a beautiful, rewarding journey, but can also be exhausting. Whether you’re a new mom navigating sleepless nights or a seasoned mom juggling the demands of older children, the temptation to put everyone else first is strong. But ignoring self-care doesn’t just take a toll on you—it can impact your family, too. Let’s explore why prioritizing yourself is essential for your health, happiness, and the well-being of your loved ones.
The Mental and Physical Toll of Neglecting Self-Care
New motherhood often feels like a whirlwind of joy, exhaustion, and endless to-dos. For many new moms, the pressure to meet every need of their baby—and everyone else—leaves little room to care for themselves. But Mom can’t pour from an empty pitcher. We must not neglect to get some time to refresh our souls. So, what happens if we overlook self-care?
Increased Risk of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: Without moments to recharge, new moms are more likely to experience mental health struggles such as postpartum depression and anxiety. Studies show that the lack of rest, isolation, and self-neglect can exacerbate these feelings.
Physical Depletion: Exhaustion from sleepless nights, skipping meals, or ignoring basic hygiene can weaken your immune system and overall health.
Sometimes, the hardest part is acknowledging that something isn’t working and being willing to change. A wise mom takes time to consider why she struggles to ask for help.
Seasoned Moms: Chronic Stress and the Erosion of Identity
Motherhood evolves, but the demands don’t disappear. Seasoned moms, who may have older kids or teens, face a different kind of stress—one rooted in years of self-neglect and growing responsibilities.
Burnout and Fatigue: Chronic stress builds over time, leading to burnout that can manifest as irritability, exhaustion, or even physical symptoms like headaches and body pain.
Loss of Personal Identity: Many seasoned moms feel they’ve lost touch with who they are beyond their role as a parent, leaving them unfulfilled and disconnected from their passions.
How Stress Ripples Through Family Dynamics
When moms neglect self-care, it doesn’t just affect them; it impacts the entire family.
Stress is contagious!
Wrapping It Up: You Deserve Some Self-Care
Motherhood is one of the most profound and selfless journeys you’ll ever take, but it doesn’t mean you have to pour from an empty cup. Let’s be honest—being a mom is hard work. It’s full of beautiful, messy, and deeply meaningful moments, but it’s also exhausting. And if you’re constantly putting yourself last, it’s easy to lose sight of your well-being.
Here’s the truth: self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an act of love for yourself and your family. When you take time to care for your health, mind, and spirit, you’re better equipped to show up for the people you love. You’re teaching your kids that caring for yourself is a strength, not a weakness.
So, let me ask you—what small step can you take today to prioritize yourself? Maybe it’s five quiet minutes with a cup of tea, a short walk, or simply asking for help with something that’s been weighing you down. Whatever it is, know this: you’re worth it, and your family will benefit too.
Remember: you’re doing a great job. You’re not alone, and you’re enough. Take care of yourself—you deserve it. ❤️
