Why Moms Seek Permission for Self-Care

Have you ever found yourself hesitating to ask for something as simple as five minutes to drink your coffee while it’s still hot—or even a shower without someone knocking on the door? If you have, you’re not alone. Moms everywhere seek permission, often from their spouses or even themselves, to care for their most basic needs. Why is that? Why do we feel guilty for wanting a moment to breathe? In this episode, we’re diving into the heart of this growing trend—why moms feel the need to ask for self-care, how societal pressures and “mom guilt” play a role, and what we can do to break free. Spoiler: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s survival. Let’s unpack this together.

Why do we carry this guilt like an extra piece of luggage on an already overloaded trip called motherhood? Let’s talk about it—because you deserve care too, and spoiler alert: the world will not fall apart if you take a break. (Though it might feel like it sometimes!)

The Universal Struggles of Motherhood

Motherhood is a beautiful, transformative journey, but let’s be honest—it’s also one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Whether you’re cradling a newborn, chasing a toddler, or navigating the complex emotions of raising a teenager, the mental load of motherhood is relentless.

It’s not just about keeping up with the day-to-day tasks like feeding, cleaning, work, or scheduling activities—it’s about carrying the weight of your family’s needs, emotions, and futures. And the truth is society has set us up to believe we need to be “everything for everyone.”

Endless Mental Load

As moms, we’re not just managing logistics; we’re juggling expectations. We’re the ones remembering doctor’s appointments, planning meals, keeping track of school schedules, and anticipating the needs of everyone in the family before they even ask. And no matter how much we do, there’s always that nagging feeling that it’s not enough.

Society has reinforced this idea that “good moms” are selfless, constantly giving, and always on top of everything. It’s no wonder so many of us struggle with guilt when we even think about taking a moment for ourselves.

Mom Guilt at Every Stage

Motherhood may look different depending on the season you’re in, but the feelings of guilt and pressure remain the same.

Signs that your parenting approach might be broken:

• New Moms: If you’re a new mom, you’re probably navigating sleepless nights, feeding schedules, and figuring out how to keep this tiny human alive. The world tells you that your baby should come first in every way—which makes it easy to feel guilty for even wanting a hot shower or five minutes of peace.
• Moms of Multiples: The struggle multiplies if you’re raising more than one child. You’re not just managing individual needs; you’re also playing referee, peacemaker, and multitasking expert. And let’s be honest—trying to give equal attention to all your kids while keeping the household running feels impossible. The guilt of “not doing enough” for each child can be overwhelming.
• Moms of Older Kids: If your kids are older, the challenges shift but don’t disappear. You’re helping with homework, driving them to activities, and supporting them emotionally as they navigate friendships, school pressures, and big life decisions. And even though they’re more independent, you may find yourself asking, “Am I doing too much or not enough?”

No matter the stage of motherhood, there’s always that pressure to measure up—to be the mom who’s got it all figured out, who never misses a beat, and who always puts her family first.

The Pressure to Be “Everything for Everyone”

This pressure isn’t something we consciously choose; it’s something we absorb from the world around us. From social media to family expectations, there’s this unspoken rule that moms should have it all together.

We see other moms posting their picture-perfect moments online and wonder why we can’t seem to manage the same. We hear well-meaning advice from others and feel like we’re falling short because we’re not doing things “their way.”

But here’s the thing—motherhood is hard for all of us. Behind every polished Instagram photo is a mom who has her own struggles, her own doubts, and her own moments of exhaustion.

You Are Not Alone

The struggles you’re facing are universal, and so are the feelings of guilt. Whether you’re up at 2 a.m. with a crying baby or worrying about your teenager’s choices, you’re doing the best you can in a role that demands so much.

You don’t have to be everything for everyone. The most important thing is that you’re there, showing up for your family in your own way. And while it’s easy to focus on all the things you haven’t done, I want to remind you of this: you’re already doing so much.

Motherhood is challenging at every stage, but you don’t have to carry the weight alone. It’s okay to take a step back, to breathe, and to give yourself the grace you so freely give to others. ❤️

The Need for Permission—Why It Happens

If you’ve ever felt guilty for taking time for yourself, you’re not alone—I’ve been there too. It’s not your fault. Our world has long told moms that we’re supposed to be everything to everyone, all the time. These societal expectations paint mothers as having to be“selfless” caregivers, implying that any act of self-care takes something away from our families. That idea? It’s exhausting—and it’s wrong. Yes, we are all those things, but God tells us to work for six days and then rest.

How Societal Norms Shape Us

From the moment we become moms, there’s an unspoken pressure to sacrifice our own needs for the sake of our families. Think about the phrases we often hear:

• “A good mom puts her children first.”“Mothers are the glue that holds everything together.”
• While there’s truth in the importance of a mother’s role, these messages leave little room for our humanity. They suggest that caring for yourself somehow means you’re failing as a mom.

How This Affects New Moms

For new moms, these societal expectations are magnified. You’re adjusting to a completely new life—trying to figure out how to keep this tiny human alive while navigating your own exhaustion and emotions.

And yet, the fear of being judged can feel overwhelming:

• “What if people think I’m lazy for asking my partner to take over so I can nap?”
• “Am I a bad mom if I need a break from my baby for just five minutes?”

The fear of being labeled as selfish keeps many new moms from even voicing their needs, let alone meeting them. This is where guilt starts to creep in, making you feel like you’re doing something wrong simply by wanting time for yourself.

How This Affects Seasoned Moms

The struggle doesn’t stop as your kids grow. For seasoned moms, it often looks like this: you’ve spent years being the go-to person for everything—meals, homework help, emotional support—and now it feels impossible to step back.

• “If I don’t do it, who will?”
• “My family is used to me taking care of everything. How do I let that go?”

Even when your kids are older and capable of doing more on their own, it can be hard to shift out of the mindset that your value as a mom is tied to how much you do for everyone else.

The Role of a Spouse, Family Member and Internailzed Guilt

Sometimes, it’s not just society—it’s the people closest to us. Partners or family members might unintentionally reinforce these expectations by assuming we’ll handle it all.

• A partner might say, “You’re so much better at calming the baby,” which leaves you feeling like taking a break isn’t an option.
• Family members might comment, “Your kids are lucky to have such a hands-on mom,” which sounds like praise but adds pressure to keep doing everything.

And then there’s the voice in your own head—the one that says:

• “I shouldn’t need help.”
• “Other moms seem to manage just fine. Why can’t I?”

This internalized guilt can be the hardest to overcome because it convinces you that asking for self-care is a weakness rather than a strength. Your spouse or other family members can’t read your mind. They don’t know how you’re feeling unless you tell them.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and ask for help! They love you and want you to be your best.

You’re Not Alone

Here’s the truth: needing time for yourself doesn’t mean you’re failing as a mom. It means you’re human. The idea that mothers have to be selfless 24/7 is a myth, and it’s okay to reject it.

Whether you’re a new mom afraid of judgment or a seasoned mom struggling to let go, know this—you’re not alone. Every mom, at every stage, has wrestled with these feelings. And it’s not your fault.

What would happen if we started giving ourselves the same grace and care we show our children? What if we stopped asking for permission to rest and simply claimed it as our right?

You don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s break free from the guilt together—one step at a time. ❤️

The Cost of Ignoring Self-Care

Motherhood is a beautiful, rewarding journey but can also be exhausting. Whether you’re a new mom navigating sleepless nights or a seasoned mom juggling the demands of older children, the temptation to put everyone else first is strong. But ignoring self-care doesn’t just take a toll on you—it can impact your family, too. Let’s explore why prioritizing yourself is essential for your health, happiness, and the well-being of your loved ones.

The Mental and Physical Toll of Neglecting Self-Care

New motherhood often feels like a whirlwind of joy, exhaustion, and endless to-dos. For many new moms, the pressure to meet every need of their baby—and everyone else—leaves little room to care for themselves. But mom can’t pour from an empty pitcher. We must not neglect to get some time to refresh our souls. So, what happens if we overlook self-care?

• Increased Risk of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: Without moments to recharge, new moms are more likely to experience mental health struggles such as postpartum depression and anxiety. Studies show that the lack of rest, isolation, and self-neglect can exacerbate these feelings.
• Physical Depletion: Exhaustion from sleepless nights, skipping meals, or ignoring basic hygiene can weaken your immune system and overall health.

Sometimes, the hardest part is acknowledging that something isn’t working and being willing to change. A wise mom takes time to consider why she struggles to ask for help.

Seasoned Moms: Chronic Stress and the Erosion of Identity

Motherhood evolves, but the demands don’t disappear. Seasoned moms, who may have older kids or teens, face a different kind of stress—one rooted in years of self-neglect and growing responsibilities.

• Burnout and Fatigue: Chronic stress builds over time, leading to burnout that can manifest as irritability, exhaustion, or even physical symptoms like headaches and body pain.
• Loss of Personal Identity: Many seasoned moms feel they’ve lost touch with who they are beyond their role as a parent, leaving them unfulfilled and disconnected from their passions.

How Stress Ripples Through Family Dynamics

When moms neglect self-care, it doesn’t just affect them—it impacts the entire family.

Stress is contagious!

Wrapping It Up: You Deserve Some Self-Care

Motherhood is one of the most profound and selfless journeys you’ll ever take, but it doesn’t mean you have to pour from an empty cup. Let’s be honest—being a mom is hard work. It’s full of beautiful, messy, and deeply meaningful moments, but it’s also exhausting. And if you’re constantly putting yourself last, it’s easy to lose sight of your well-being.

Here’s the truth: self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an act of love for yourself and your family. When you take time to care for your health, mind, and spirit, you’re better equipped to show up for the people you love. You’re teaching your kids that caring for yourself is a strength, not a weakness.

So, let me ask you—what small step can you take today to prioritize yourself? Maybe it’s five quiet minutes with a cup of tea, a short walk, or simply asking for help with something that’s been weighing you down. Whatever it is, know this: you’re worth it, and your family will benefit too.

Remember: you’re doing a great job. You’re not alone, and you’re enough. Take care of yourself—you deserve it. ❤️