When children have big emotions, they aren’t being “dramatic”; they’re revealing something happening inside that they can’t yet name, regulate, or express in mature ways.
Shepherding a child through their overwhelming moments requires both emotional attunement and calm leadership. Join me to learn a research-based framework that aligns with a faith-anchored, relational approach.
If you’ve ever had a child who feels everything deeply: joy, sadness, frustration, excitement. You know those moments can stretch you as a parent. You might wonder, ‘Why can’t they just calm down?’ But what if those big emotions aren’t something to fix, they’re something to shepherd?
God Designed Us with Emotions
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” — Genesis 1:27 “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” — Zephaniah 3:17
Emotions aren’t a flaw; they’re part of reflecting God’s image.
God feels joy, compassion, grief, and righteous anger.
Parents help children learn that emotions can be expressed in ways that honor God.
Our job as parents is not to silence emotion, but to shepherd it toward holiness.
Emotions Are Real but Not Always Reliable
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” — Jeremiah 17:9 “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” — Proverbs 14:29
Feelings are indicators, not dictators.
Teach children: “What you feel is real, but that doesn’t make it right.”
Ground their emotions in truth, not temporary feelings.
“You may feel angry, but that doesn’t mean you have to act out. God gives us self-control to guide our emotions.”
The Spirit Empowers Self-Control
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” — Galatians 5:22-23
Self-control is evidence of spiritual growth.
Kids learn regulation through co-regulation—borrowing your calm.
A parent’s peaceful tone teaches the child safety and trust.
Our children can’t borrow our faith, but they can borrow our calm.
Practical tip: Breathe, lower your voice, and say, “Let’s calm down together before we talk.”
God Welcomes Honest Emotions
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” — Psalm 42:11 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6-7
The Psalms show that God welcomes raw honesty.
Jesus Himself wept (John 11:35).
Encourage children: “Let’s tell God how you feel. He understands.”
This forms a lifelong habit of emotional honesty with God.
Modeling Gentleness and Patience
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2 “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” — James 1:19-20
Your calm tone mirrors God’s gentle heart.
How you respond shapes how your child believes God responds to them.
Gentleness teaches that emotions are safe in a relationship.
Reflect on this: “When my child loses control, do they experience my love or my frustration?”
Renewing the Mind to Redirect Emotions
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” — Romans 12:2
Emotional growth begins with renewed thinking.
Ask: “What were you thinking before you yelled?”
Replace reactive thoughts with truth: “God can help me handle this.”
Create a Calm Corner. A place to pray, draw, or breathe through big feelings.
Love Is the Anchor for Every Emotion
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love governs every emotion.
Teach children that even strong feelings can be guided by love.
Parenting with love means choosing connection over control.
Parenting a child with big emotions can feel exhausting but remember, you’re shaping a heart that will one day feel deeply for others, worship deeply, and love deeply. You’re not trying to calm the storm; you’re teaching your child how to find peace in the middle of it with Jesus as their anchor.
When you are in need of wisdom, pray:
“Lord, help me reflect Your calm and gentleness when my child’s emotions feel too big. Teach me to model Spirit-led love and patience.”
Does overcoming obstacles seem nearly impossible? They sure have for me. But, I’ve learned practical ways to overcome obstacles and find a path to getting unstuck that might help you and your children.
We all encounter obstacles, but not everyone has the tools to turn these challenges into stepping stones. With faith, a positive outlook, and a few actionable steps, you can learn how to overcome obstacles that can keep you stuck. Whether you’re struggling with work, your personal life, or your child is struggling, there’s a way to gain forward movement.
While obstacles are common, learning to overcome them can change your future. Challenges don’t have to defeat us or keep us stuck. That’s why consistent time with the Lord and a community of friends can change that.
We all encounter obstacles, but not everyone has the tools to turn these challenges into stepping stones. That’s why I’m excited to share this episode with you and your family. I want you to learn not only how to get unstuck but also how to run your race with excellence.
Overcoming Obstacles by Identifying and Assessing
We can’t overcome obstacles if we don’t understand the problem. Which is why you have to be honest with yourself.
I like to begin by gathering as much information as possible about the circumstances, feelings, behavior, and thought patterns that are keeping me stuck. You can do this too.
Pray and ask the Lord to give you insights
Ask trusted friends or your family what they have observed about me
Write down why you feel the way you feel
Carefully examine where your thoughts and beliefs are coming from that you are believing about yourself.
The benefits of carefully assessing and identifying why you can’t overcome obstacles using these steps can be eye-opening. Once you or your child has completed these steps, I recommend looking for triggers and patterns that you might not realize are happening.
Understanding Triggers and Patterns
Learning to get beyond struggles that might be holding you back, requires identifying triggers and noticing patterns of thought and behavior.
What specific situation causes you to feel stuck?
What is your emotional reaction?
Do you have recurring thoughts and behaviors that cause you to pause?
By spending time on reflective listening, we can identify triggers and patterns of thought and behavior. The words we think and believe about ourselves are powerful, which is why we must not focus on addressing them.
Overcoming Obstacles Through Reflecting Listening
The purpose of reflective listening is to help one understand any deeply held beliefs about oneself or the world. When you take the time to pay attention to what you think or say, you can start to construct a plan that will move you forward.
I’m not good at ______?
I lack self-confidence.
What if I fail?
Fear of failure
Our underlying beliefs can cause internal frustration and emotional paralysis. The next step in getting unstuck is to identify where our thoughts, beliefs, and patterns are coming from.
Acceptance and Skills Development to Overcome Obstacles
Learning to accept where you are is a pathway to knowing what skills you need to develop to move forward. To do this well, we need to learn practical problem-solving skills to deal with specific situations that might be causing us to get stuck. Here are a few
Tell yourself the truth about a situation. Being honest with yourself is essential to learning.
Remind yourself that no one can make you feel or stay stuck. Others may say or do things that knock you down. They don’t have the power to keep you there.
Pray: Ask the Lord to help you develop problem-solving skills. Trying to get around obstacles on your own makes any situation more difficult. God has a plan for your obstacle; you need to know the plan.
Every new skill requires practice. I encourage you to write down the behavior you need to improve, the thoughts you want to change, and the patterns you want to challenge. Remember this: When God instructs us to lay something down, we are told what to pick up. It is easier to replace old habits with new ones. That takes practice.
Evaluate and Readjust
Throughout your life, you will be faced with many obstacles. For this reason, make it a habit to evaluate and readjust as needed. Consider what is working and change what isn’t. There is freedom in the pivot. Your approach to overcoming obstacles will change as you and your children grow and mature.
My prayer is that you can gain insight into the processes you need and learn effective ways to overcome obstacles so that you can move forward. I encourage you to tailor these tips to your specific needs and circumstances. The goal is to equip yourself with skills and tools that you can use when obstacles present themselves.
Sitting on my back porch, while I enjoyed a beautiful sunset over the lake, brought a deep sense of satisfaction as I completed my “last first day” of homeschooling. As I observed this sunset I reflected on my day: a journey that I reluctantly agreed to has quickly come to an end. I thought through all the first day stresses that I have worked through for twenty years. “How will we get it all done? What gaps do I still need to address in the few weeks I have left? How do I finish this race well? Will my child be equipped for the next season of life? How did twenty years go by so fast?” (more…)
Learning to listen to your children is one of the most important things you can do to strengthen your relationship. Your children need you, no matter their age, and will continue to need you even as they reach adulthood and begin their own families. One of the ways you can be there for them is to listen to them. Truly listen.
This is difficult, I know. There are a lot of people and activities competing for our time that create a number of hindrances to really listening. Here are a few I’ve noticed in my own life: (more…)
Why do we pray for the Lord to lead and then doubt when He does?
Do you struggle with this? I’d like to think of myself as a faithful daughter of the King, but I discover time and time again that I question His providence. I have to give myself the proverbial slap to refocus my proper perspective. Here are His promises:
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave your nor forsake.” Deuteronomy 31:8
“For we are God’s Masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Eph 2:10
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11
He promises to go before us (and our children). He planned good things for us (and our children) long ago. He promises prosperity, safety, hope and a future for us (and our children). Yes, I believe this Lord. Help me in my unbelief! (more…)
