Ever notice how we seem to talk at our teens, instead of with them? I know I’m guilty of it, and I’ve definitely seen this happen with other families too: a parent talking to their teen as they just stand there with their arms crossed and a blank stare on their face. You can tell those kids aren’t listening; they are tolerating.
Parents, that’s not a conversation… and I know that’s it’s probably not the communication you strive for. My desire, like yours, is for something much deeper. I want a relationship, a conversation that freely flows both ways. And I’m not referring to the yelling kind.
If we long for this kind of relationship then why do we do this to our teens?
I understand how frustrating this stage of parenting can be. But, if you really want to cultivate a conversation then you might consider changing your approach.
That’s where we, as parents, get to make our daily interactions different. Here are three practical ways that we actually used with all five of our teens.
Once, while swimming in the ocean, I could feel the current pulling my body towards the swell as a wave was building. At the right moment, the wave was going to break and continue toward the shoreline. Would we catch it or let it pass us by?
This made me think about how we have lived our lives. We were enjoying where we are when, without notice, we would feel a pulling to go in a different direction.
Eighteen years ago my husband and I had a dream. To have a thriving business at home. I had already left my career in the corporate world but now we wanted to figure out how we could we get dad home too.
He was a director at an engineering firm in the big city. Life was going well; he was even voted “Young Engineer of the Year” by his peers. Problem was we didn’t want the 8-5 life for our family. We wanted dad around more. Our five children were hitting the teen years and we wanted to have as much time with them as possible during these important years.
That’s when we made a decision to do something that no one around us was doing. To start our own engineering firm from our home. This was during a time when working from home wasn’t acceptable, practical, or even doable for an engineer.
That didn’t stop us, for our lives were marked by doing the impossible.
It’s that time of year when we receive end of the year test results or portfolio reviews stating, in print, how our children are doing. This means excitement for a job well done for some and anxiety for those whose kids did not do so well.
One phase I hear often is, “My child is performing ahead of grade level!” How many times have your heard that phrase uttered in conversations by well-meaning moms? My guess is more often than you can count. As a matter of fact, I too have spoken them publicly a time or two.
Understandably, Moms feel a sense of pride when their child excels and they want to share this good news. Sometimes we share because validation is needed for a job well done. Goodness knows a homeschool mom doesn’t usually get many pats on the back. It’s not likely that the kids will say good job.
I remember times when some of my children did really well and others didn’t. I learned early on how my words, innocent as they were, could cause others to doubt their own ability to teach or their child’s ability to learn. That was troubling to me as that wasn’t my intent.
What happens to the mom who has a child that is not performing at grade level? Their child is well, average or worse below average. The pressure she feels can create anxiety. This internal stress can begin a downward spiral for both the parent and child if not properly thought through.
Here are couple principles to think about regardless of what your child’s results are:
Ever wonder what your kids would tell a college professor about their homeschooling journey? Well, I found out what my daughter had to say after she submitted this paper for her ENC 1101.31 class when she was just a freshman at the university she attended.
October 10, 2006
Does “Home” + “School” = Freak?
What comes to mind when the words “home” and “school” are combined? Is homeschooling really just schooling at home? For many, it has quite a negative connotation, often rendering poor assumptions. People may think, “Does the kid have a social life, and is he/she even socially acceptable? How can they be challenged in that environment?” Often, the younger generation’s statements don’t differ much, “Wouldn’t the kid be bored all the time? How can he/she stand to be around their family all day every day? What about sports? Are they all nerds?” How might I know this? I was homeschooled, and while a few depictions of us may be true, some families, like my own, have put an entirely new twist on the concept.
Let me just begin by saying that, no, homeschooler’s aren’t always stereotyped. But since the lifestyle can be such a mystery for public and private school children, often it leaves room for some interesting and somewhat humorous responses. Every time I was asked growing up, “Where do you go to school?” I almost immediately felt like an alien when I saw the utter confusion on the kid’s faces at my reply. It’s not that I cared so much, I actually loved homeschooling, but I did find it more and more frustrating to explain as I got older. All thirteen years of my education, prior to college, were spent at my home; thirteen years I wouldn’t trade for any other experience.
It’s always fun putting together a wedding: the excitement & anticipation of this day, the preparation, the nerves as the couple scurries about finalizing all the details.
Then all at once the music begins; it’s time. A sense of calmness overcomes the nerves. The groom enters, and his face is so expressive. There is a longing to see his bride as he shifts his weight from side to side, trying to remember not to put his hands in his pockets.
The music changes, and the bride is just waiting for that moment. The moment they both have been waiting for for a long time.
Suddenly, the doors open while the guests rise in honor of the bride.
She enters the room, stunning, and headed straight toward her groom. The glow that radiates from her makes all observers smile.
Dad is holding back the tears, knowing he is giving his precious daughter away to a man, that was instructed, rather sternly, to take good care of his little girl. He realizes he will no longer be charged with protecting and providing for his sweet princess. In just a few minutes, that transition will take place. The emotions run high. She is going to something, he is having to let go, and we are all watching this unfold.
