How Stress Affects Children

As parents, we all know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by life’s challenges—work stress, financial pressures, or the chaos of the world around us. We may try our best to shield our children from it, but what many of us may not realize is how deeply our stress affects them. Children are highly attuned to our emotional states, and they often feed off the stress and anxiety we carry.

Let’s talk about how our stress affects our children and how we can help them manage their emotions, especially during difficult times.

Over the years, I’ve learned the better I am at managing my stress during chaotic moments, the calmer my children will be.

Children are Emotional Sponges

First, let me be clear: finding the good doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. There are real struggles, and it’s important to acknowledge them. I’ve been through my share of storms, literal and metaphorical, and I know how easy it is to feel weighed down by the burdens we carry. Whether it’s dealing with a financial crisis, health issues, or the heartbreak of strained relationships, we all have moments when life feels too heavy to bear. And in those moments, feeling frustrated, exhausted, and even hopeless is okay.

What Happens During Times of Chaos

God has taught me that finding the silver lining requires a shift in perspective. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not always easy. But when we intentionally start looking for the good—no matter how small—we begin to see it. Maybe it’s a lesson we’ve learned through the trial, a new strength we’ve discovered in ourselves, or a moment of kindness from someone who stepped in to help.

In my life, I’ve found that even in the toughest moments, there’s always something I can hold on to—a tiny flicker of hope that reminds me this hardship won’t last forever. It’s not about ignoring the pain or glossing over the challenges but rather choosing to focus on the growth that can come from them.

What Parents Can Do to Help Children During Stressful Times

Step 1: Model Emotional Regulation

One of the most powerful things we can do for our children is to model emotional regulation. Children learn by watching us, so when they see us handling stress in healthy ways—whether it’s through taking a deep breath, going for a walk, or simply talking calmly—they pick up on those behaviors.

It’s okay to admit when you’re stressed, but show them how you manage it. This is often easier said than done, but taking small steps to calm yourself can have a huge impact on your child’s sense of security.

Personal Tip

I know for me, when I feel the tension rising, I like to take a few moments to step outside and breathe. Sometimes that’s all it takes to reset. When my kids see me doing this, they start to understand that it’s okay to feel stressed, but we can also take steps to calm ourselves down.

Step 2: Communicate Calmly and Honestly

Children need reassurance during chaotic times, but they also need honesty. They don’t require every single detail about the situation, but they do need to feel that they are safe. This can be tricky because we don’t want to burden them with adult worries, yet we don’t want to leave them in the dark either.

Find a balance by explaining things in simple, calm terms. Let them know that it’s okay to feel upset or confused, and reassure them that you’re working on things and that they’re safe.

Example of What to Say

You might say something like, “Mom and Dad are figuring out some grown-up things, but you don’t need to worry about that. We’re doing everything we can to make sure everything will be okay.”

Step 3: Maintain Routine and Structure

In times of chaos, one of the best things we can do for our children is to maintain a sense of routine and predictability. Children thrive on structure because it gives them a sense of security. If their world feels unpredictable, they look to their daily routines to anchor them.

Keep mealtimes, bedtimes, and other regular activities as consistent as possible. Even small rituals, like reading a bedtime story, can provide immense comfort in times of uncertainty.

Step 4: Encourage Open Conversations About Feelings

Children need a safe space to express their emotions, especially when the world around them feels confusing. Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling today?” or “Is something bothering you?” This lets them know that their feelings are valid and important.

It can be hard to hear that they’re upset, but giving them the opportunity to voice their concerns can help them process what they’re experiencing.

Example of a Gentle Conversation Starter

If you notice they’re quiet or acting out of the ordinary, you could say something like, “I noticed you seem a little off today. Is there something on your mind?” This invites them to share without pressure.

Step 5: Use Positive Distraction and Play

During chaotic times, children need healthy outlets for their emotions. Engage them in activities like drawing, playing outside, or building with blocks. Play can be an incredibly therapeutic way for children to express themselves and release tension.

These activities don’t just serve as distractions; they allow your child to process their feelings in a non-verbal, safe way. Plus, spending time with them in these moments reinforces your bond and lets them know that, even in chaos, they have your full attention.

Wrapping It Up: Setting the Emotional Temperature of the Home

As parents, we set the emotional temperature of our homes. If we’re constantly anxious, it’s hard for our children to feel calm. But by managing our stress in healthy ways and helping our kids process their emotions, we create an environment where they feel safe and secure—even when the world feels chaotic.

No one expects perfection, and it’s okay to have moments where you’re overwhelmed. What matters most is how we handle those moments and how we guide our children through them.

So take a deep breath, give yourself grace, and know that by simply being mindful of your own emotions, you’re already taking important steps toward helping your child manage theirs.