Welcome to our heartfelt discussion, in which most of us are never really prepared to let go of our children. We can remember toddler days, middle school meltdowns, and high school proms. But what about when children move out? It’s a pivotal moment that every parent faces. I wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotions that would overwhelm me when our first child moved out.
Today, I’m focusing on the profound act of letting go and releasing our kids with grace into the world. As we navigate this transition, we’ll explore what it means to step back while lovingly holding a supportive space. This episode is filled with insights and stories to guide you through the emotional nuances of watching your children carve their own paths. I pray this episode will be of help to you as you learn how to embrace this bittersweet milestone with open hearts and a generous spirit.
Many experts believe there are signs parents should look for as the school year comes to a close. That’s why I’m excited to share this episode with you and your family. I want you to know how to help your kids manage stress so they can know what they can do in future situations.
Reshaping Our Connection
Letting go of our children as they venture into adulthood is a bittersweet journey that all parents must face. This essential transition involves understanding that our children naturally seek independence, a vital part of their development.
As parents, our role evolves from being hands-on guides to supportive advisors. It’s also a time to redefine our relationships with them, transitioning to an adult-to-adult dynamic. This process isn’t just about stepping back—it’s about reshaping our connections to respect their new-found autonomy while continuing to offer love and support from a new perspective.
Understanding the Transition
Navigating the journey from childhood to adulthood is a pivotal aspect of both parenting and a child’s development. Understanding the nuances of this transition is essential for maintaining a healthy and evolving relationship as children grow into independence.
The Natural Progression
The Natural Progression: Children’s pursuit of independence is a natural, healthy part of their growth. From the early days of asserting their preferences in clothes and food to making significant life decisions such as choosing a college or a career path, this drive for autonomy is crucial. It prepares them to face the world with confidence and resilience. As they grow, this need for self-sufficiency becomes more pronounced, manifesting in their desire to explore, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. Acknowledging this progression is essential for parents to understand that stepping back is not a sign of losing connection but rather a necessary phase of development that supports their child’s journey toward becoming a well-rounded adult.
The Parent’s Role
The Parent’s Role As children edge toward independence, the parental role must undergo a transformation. The transition from being the primary decision-maker to a guide on the sidelines can be challenging. Parents need to shift from hands-on management to offering advice and support when asked. This doesn’t mean parents become less important; instead, their involvement becomes more strategic. It’s about knowing when to step in and when to let children navigate their own paths. This advisory capacity helps build trust and respect in the relationship, showing children that while their parents are always there for support, they also believe in their ability to make decisions.
Redefining Relationships
Redefining Relationships As children mature, the dynamic between parent and child must also evolve to reflect an adult-to-adult relationship. This redefinition is crucial for maintaining a healthy, respectful bond. Parents and children need to learn to interact on more equal grounds, discussing life’s challenges and successes without the hierarchical implications that typically define a parent-child relationship. This might involve setting new boundaries and finding new ways to communicate that respect both the parent’s wisdom and the child’s autonomy. Successfully navigating this shift can lead to a richer, more fulfilling relationship that continues to thrive as both parties acknowledge and adjust to their evolving roles.
This evolving relationship paves the way for discussing specific examples that illustrate how you can effectively guide and support your children as they navigate the complexities of adulthood.
Strategies for Letting Go
As your child grows and steps into the world as an independent adult, you must adapt and embrace this new phase of life as a parent. Here are some heartfelt strategies for letting go that can help ease the transition and foster a positive transformation in both your life and your child’s.
Seek Community
You’re not alone in this journey. Many other parents are experiencing similar feelings as they adjust to their children growing up and moving out. Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly comforting and enlightening. Whether it’s joining a support group, participating in community activities, or simply sharing stories and tips with friends, building a network of support helps lighten the emotional load and provides a broader perspective on the transition.
Practice Self-Care
As you navigate this chapter of letting your child step into independence, it’s crucial to remember to take care of yourself, too. Prioritize your own well-being, both emotionally and physically. It’s not just about finding peace with the changes around you but also about replenishing your spirit and strength. Whether it’s through meditation, a new hobby, or regular exercise, nurturing yourself ensures you have the energy and positivity to support your child—and embrace your own journey of growth and rediscovery.
Keep Perspective
It’s vital to keep perspective on what letting go truly means. Remember, releasing your grip doesn’t signify an end—it’s an important part of fostering independence in your child. By letting go, you’re not losing a relationship but transforming it. This is a time to celebrate the role you’ve played in your child’s journey to becoming a confident, self-reliant adult. Embrace this as a natural, positive step in life’s cycle that opens up new possibilities for you and your child. Embracing these strategies not only helps you let go with grace but also enhances your ability to enjoy and appreciate this new stage in your relationship with your child. It’s a journey worth celebrating, filled with growth, love, and new beginnings.
Final Thougths
As you prepare for a new season of life, it’s important to hold close to the beautiful truth that letting go isn’t about losing a part of our journey with our children but rather an essential step in their growth and ours. Celebrate the amazing individuals your children are becoming—their resilience, successes, and the paths they are carving for themselves. Remember, while your role as a parent evolves, it remains profoundly significant. Your ongoing support continues to be a cornerstone in their lives, adapting to meet the needs of this new chapter. Embrace this change with a heart full of pride and a spirit ready to support them in new ways. Let’s look forward to the wonderful things ahead, cherishing every moment of this transition.
If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe and leave a review. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. It helps us reach more families when you do this. ~Thank you.
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Overcoming rejection is possible when we focus on our emotional actions, mental actions, physical actions, and spiritual actions! I don’t like to be rejected. And chances are you don’t either? Honestly, no one likes to be rejected, but overcoming rejection is a part of life that we must learn to do well. Today, we’ll continue our topic on rejection. Last week, we focused on navigating rejection. While navigating rejection is vital to understanding what is happening in your child, overcoming rejection helps us protect the bond during the healing process.
It is possible to overcome the sting of rejection and experience the joy of restoration.
Overcoming rejection can be tough, but there are several action steps you can take to heal emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Here are a few suggestions to help you move forward and regain your balance:
To mend these breaks, try to understand the source of rejection. This might take several conversations and sincere prayer, but it does help your hurting hearts mend and see relationships restored. It isn’t easy, but it is worth every step.
Emotional Actions to Overcome Rejection
Understanding these manifestations of rejection is the first step in a long journey of healing and restoration. Verbal rejections cut deep, but they often spring from a place of frustration or a child’s need for autonomy. Physical withdrawal and the pursuit of privacy signal a natural progression towards independence, while criticism and embarrassment reflect their budding self-identity and social consciousness.
Allow Yourself to Feel: Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. It’s okay to feel hurt, disappointed, or frustrated after being rejected. Allowing yourself to truly experience these feelings can actually help us process them more naturally.
Express Your Feelings: Talk about what you’re going through with someone you trust. Expressing your feelings can lighten your emotional load and help you gain insights into your personal experience. Sometimes, just hearing yourself talk can help you understand more about what you need to heal.
Seek Professional Help: If your feelings of rejection are overwhelming, consider talking to a pastor or counselor. They can offer professional guidance to help you work through your emotions constructively.
While all forms of rejection are hurtful, learning to stay focused on your relationship goals will help you overcome the rejection with hope and healing.
Mental Actions to Overcome Rejection
I’ll be honest: being rejected by your child is painful regardless of the type of rejection you experience. The path to restoration is paved with open conversations, where listening is just as critical as talking. It involves acknowledging your child’s feelings without dismissing your own, creating a safe space where vulnerability could lead to understanding.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to and challenge any negative thoughts that arise from rejection. Replace thoughts like “I’m not good enough” with “I am good enough, but this wasn’t the right fit for me.”
Focus on Growth: Use the experience as a catalyst for self-improvement. Whether it’s enhancing skills, expanding your knowledge, or simply cultivating a new mindset, focusing on growth can turn rejection into a stepping stone.
Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness exercises such as prayer or deep breathing techniques. These practices can help center your thoughts and reduce the rumination often associated with rejection.
While practicing emotional and mental steps to overcoming rejection, there are physical actions your can take that will help you navigate the conflict.
Physical Actions to Overcome Rejection
Stay Active: Engage in regular physical activity. Exercise releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and reduce feelings of stress and sadness.
Maintain a Healthy Routine: Ensure you get enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, and maintain a regular schedule. A healthy body can support a healthy mind, making you more resilient.
Do Something You Love: Engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s painting, hiking, reading, or cooking, doing things you love can provide a great emotional lift and a positive distraction.
It was through prayer that I found the grace to release my pain and embrace hope, trusting that the strength of our relationship could weather the storms of rejection. God uses the rejection we experience from our children to cause us to read the Word and trust the Lord to help us work through the struggles.
God Will Help You Overcome Rejection
Remember, rejection is a part of life that everyone faces at some point. It’s not a reflection of your worth or capabilities. With these practical steps, you can nurture your relationship and overcome rejection. Someday, you will look back on those moments of heartache and learn to see them not as scars but as landmarks of our journey toward healing.
You might wonder what my relationships with my adult children are like. Well, they are deeper and more profound because of the challenges we’ve overcome. It’s a testament to the faithfulness of the Lord, of the love we cultivated over the years, and the transformative power of forgiveness. And it can be for you, too.
To any parent walking through the shadow of rejection, know that this is not the end of your story. With time, prayer, and a heart willing to heal, what was once broken can be made whole. The journey may be fraught with challenges, but it is also filled with opportunities for growth, understanding, and an even deeper connection with your child. Remember, the echoes of rejection can eventually lead to the harmonies of reconciliation and love.
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Welcome to our cozy corner of the podcast world, where I discuss the heart of strengthening families with honesty and wisdom. I’ve received several requests from listeners asking me about teaching life skills to children. I put together a topic close to every parent’s heart: teaching children life skills. This week, I share 5 skills parents must teach children. While there are more than five, the five I list are non-negotiable in nurturing well-rounded, happy children.
In an ever-changing and challenging world, teaching your kids about self-control, compassion, consistency, collaboration, and celebration isn’t just beneficial—it’s essential. Join me as I share the 5 Cs parents must teach children. Whether you’re a new parent or trying to navigate the teen years, these truths will help you lay a foundation for a future where your children not only make wise choices but also contribute to it with their unique personalities.
Teaching Self-Control
Think of self-control as a muscle that gets stronger with every use. To build this muscle in your children, begin by guiding them to recognize and name their emotions, reinforcing that it’s perfectly normal to feel everything from anger to excitement.
Introduce them to easy, calming techniques—like taking deep breaths or counting to ten—when they’re swamped by big feelings. Teach them the power of pausing to consider their actions before jumping in. Lead by example, showing self-control in your own actions, and don’t forget to celebrate their successes in managing their impulses. It’s all about taking small steps forward, celebrating progress over perfection.
Teaching Compassion
Compassion is about stepping into someone else’s shoes and feeling with them. Guide your child to sprinkle acts of kindness wherever they go, from lending a hand to a friend to showing love to their pets. Teach your child to actively listen and validate other’s emotions without judgment. Remind them that showing compassion not only benefits others but also brings joy and fulfillment to their own lives.
Teaching Consistency
Consistency is key to building habits and achieving goals. Parents must establish clear expectations and routines for their children, such as bedtime rituals or homework schedules. Be consistent in enforcing rules and consequences, but also provide flexibility for adaptation and growth. Help your child set realistic goals and break them down into manageable steps. Celebrate their progress along the way and encourage perseverance in the face of challenges.
Teaching Collaboration
While learning self-control, compassion, and consistency are important life skills, teaching children to collaborate can impact every aspect of their lives, from school projects to lifelong relationships. Steering children towards team-based activities, where they’ll learn to share their toys and not insist on getting their way, highlights the value of considering other perspectives and chasing shared ambitions. Don’t forget to show them how to celebrate their team spirit and jointly celebrate victories, big and small.
Learning to Celebrate
Imagine your child has poured their heart into piano practice for months and finally takes the stage for their first recital. Instead of solely focusing on their own performance or comparing themselves to others, encourage them to cheer for their fellow musicians. Celebrate not only your child’s hard work and dedication but also the achievements of their peers. Host a small gathering where everyone can share in the joy of each other’s performances, fostering a supportive and uplifting atmosphere. By teaching your child to cheer for others, you instill empathy, kindness, and a sense of community, nurturing their social skills and enriching their overall development.
Teaching kids these 5 Skills: Self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration—is an investment in their future happiness and success. By nurturing these essential life skills, we equip our children to navigate challenges, build meaningful relationships, and thrive in a rapidly changing world. So, let’s lead by example, cultivate a nurturing environment, and cheer our children on every step of the way.
It might not seem like your efforts are working, but they are. Remember, God tells us not to grow weary in well-doing. You have years to teach these skills to your children.
Thank you for tuning in to Equipped To Be. Until next time, keep parenting with love and intention.
How can we raise boys to men when society has lost its way? As a mom of three boys, I understand the importance of raising boys in the future of our society. That’s why I invited Mark Hancock, CEO of Trial Life USA, to join me to share what parents, grandparents, coaches, and ministry leaders can do.
Too many boys are turning to virtual worlds, including television, video games, digital media, and the internet, to find realms they can conquer and areas where they can excel. The result of this virtual conquest is often apathy, apparent rebellion, or outright resistance to real-world challenges. However, you can shape and guide your boys on their journey to becoming men.
In this honest look at raising boys, we outline essential principles for raising boys to become godly, responsible men of integrity, honesty, and determination. Mark and I share invaluable insights and practical wisdom gleaned from years of experience in mentoring and guiding young men toward a fulfilling life. One filled with meaning and purpose.
Raising Boys of Integrity and Honesty
Lead by Example: Boys learn a great deal from observing the behavior of adults, particularly their parents and other influential figures. And don’t forget to model honesty and integrity in your own actions and interactions. Be transparent about your own mistakes and demonstrate how to take responsibility and make amends when necessary. By consistently embodying these values, you provide a powerful example for boys to emulate.
Encourage Open Communication: Foster an environment that promotes open communication, where boys feel safe to express themselves honestly and without fear of judgment. Encourage them to openly share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and actively listen to what they have to say. Engage in discussions about moral dilemmas, ethical decision-making, and the importance of honesty in relationships. Promoting open dialogue creates opportunities for boys to develop a deeper understanding of integrity and honesty and how these values apply to various aspects of their lives.
Navigating Challenges in Today’s Culture
Establish Clear Values and Boundaries: We help boys navigate challenges in today’s culture by establishing clear values and boundaries from an early age. Discuss with them your family’s values, such as respect, kindness, and empathy, and explain why these values are important to you. Encourage critical thinking and help them analyze media messages, social trends, and peer influences in light of these values. Parents empower boys to make informed decisions and resist negative influences by providing a strong moral compass and clear guidelines.
Promote Resilience and Problem-Solving Skills: Equip boys with the resilience and problem-solving skills they need to navigate challenges in today’s culture effectively. Encourage them to view setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning. Teach them coping strategies for managing stress, adversity, and peer pressure, such as deep breathing, positive self-talk, and seeking support from trusted adults. By fostering resilience and problem-solving skills, parents empower boys to face challenges with confidence, adaptability, and perseverance.
Raising Boys to Godly Men
Boys need a father or a father-like figure in their lives to look up to and learn from, showing them what it means to be a man. Study after study backs that up. Boys learn how to be persistent by providing supportive feedback and encouragement.
We help boys build determination and resilience by setting achievable goals and encouraging them to persistently work towards them. Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and celebrate their progress along the way. Encourage them to develop a growth mindset, viewing challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to success. By instilling a sense of purpose and direction, boys learn to stay focused and resilient in the face of setbacks.
We need to offer boys supportive feedback and encouragement to foster determination and resilience. Recognize their efforts and progress, emphasizing their strengths and resilience in overcoming obstacles. Encourage them to reflect on their experiences, identify lessons learned, and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. By providing a nurturing and affirming environment, boys develop the confidence and resilience to persevere through difficulties and pursue their goals with determination.
About Mark Hancock
Mark T. Hancock began his career by founding an advertising agency that grew to national prominence over the course of fifteen years. His conversion to Christ led him into ministry as a Youth and College Pastor, Associate Pastor, Homeless Ministry Director, and Global Event Director for an international ministry, organizing events on five continents.
An award-winning author, writer, and conference speaker, he serves as the Chief Executive Officer of Trail Life USA and resides near Greenville, SC, with his wife of over 30 years. They have two sons.
If you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave a review. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. Thank you ~Connie
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When should I give my child a smartphone? What is the perfect age? Some parents want to wait until the later teen years, while others think the tween years are better. Is there a right age?
Most parents have doubts about when their child should have a phone. They also, have different ideas of what is appropriate for their child. Here’s the truth: There is no one perfect age when a child should get a smartphone. There are pros and cons to consider before making such an important decision.
What Some Experts Recommend
Prior to the pandemic, the recommended age was when the child entered the eighth grade. And that might be a good age for some of your children. However, now the suggested age is between 10-14, or during middle school, which is the perfect age because kids are still very connected to their parents. They rely on their parents to shuttle them around, which makes teaching a child proper smartphone usage easier.
Also, research indicates most children have already had access to a smartphone by middle school. So, parents need to have smartphone conversations early to establish guidelines and family rules before unacceptable habits get formed.
Since some recommend giving a child a smartphone, how should we decide what is best for our child?
Why Kids Need a Smartphone: Factors to Consider for Safety and Independence
Living in separate households or gaining independence during the middle school years, there are valid reasons why children may require a smartphone at a younger age. Providing a means for them to stay connected fosters a sense of security and peace of mind.
Increased independence: As kids grow and become involved in work, sports, and travel, a smartphone grants them the freedom to coordinate plans, stay connected with peers, and navigate their schedules more efficiently.
Enhanced Safety: With children spending more time alone at home or engaging in various activities, a smartphone allows them to reach out during emergencies or moments of distress, alleviating anxiety and ensuring their well-being.
As parents, it is crucial to evaluate both the necessity and preparedness of your child before providing them with a phone. By considering these factors, you can make an informed decision that prioritizes their safety and development.
Smartphone Readiness: Key Factors to Consider
When contemplating whether to give a child a smartphone, it is important to assess their readiness based on several essential markers:
Displays Good Judgment: Observing sound decision-making skills and responsible behavior in other aspects of their life indicates the level of maturity needed for smartphone usage.
Trustworthy and Open Communication: A child who can be relied upon to approach you with problems and admit their mistakes demonstrates a level of trustworthiness necessary for responsibly handling a smartphone.
Adherence to Rules: Willingness to agree to and follow established rules regarding device usage, including time limits and appropriate content, showcases their ability to exercise self-discipline and respect boundaries.
Deciding to grant a child a smartphone should be done thoughtfully and with prayerful consideration. It is acceptable to wait until you see signs of maturity and feel a sense of peace about the decision.
Signs that Indicate a Child Might Not Be Ready for a Smartphone
It is important to consider various factors before deciding whether a child is ready for a smartphone. Here are some signs that indicate a child might not be ready:
Your own readiness: If you, as a parent, feel hesitant or unprepared to introduce a smartphone to your child, it may be a sign that they are not ready.
False pressure: If there is a sense of external pressure, such as peer or societal influence, to provide a phone to your child, it may not be the right time.
Lacking social decision-making ability: Children who have not yet developed the necessary skills to make responsible decisions in social contexts may not be prepared for the challenges and distractions that come with owning a smartphone.
Age considerations: There are many psychologists who suggest that children under the age of 14 may not be ready to navigate the potential distractions and temptations associated with smartphones.
Ultimately, every child is different, and determining their readiness for a smartphone requires careful consideration of their individual maturity, responsibility, and ability to handle the device’s potential impact on their well-being and development. And to consider the impact on your relationship.
What Should You Do Before Buying A Smartphone
Deciding whether a child is ready for a smartphone is just the initial consideration. Prior to purchasing a device, it is essential to ensure both you and your child are fully prepared for what lies ahead. This requires preparation and maintaining ongoing communication, encompassing the following steps:
Establishing mutual agreement on ground rules, including designated screen-free times.
Configuring parental controls and carefully selecting suitable apps.
Engaging in open conversations about potential online content they may encounter.
Familiarizing yourselves with digital etiquette and safety guidelines.
Formulating a written agreement that outlines the responsibilities and expectations associated with smartphone usage.
Do not succumb to external pressure when it comes to granting your child a phone. As the parent, you possess the insight to determine what your child genuinely needs and what aligns with your family’s values. Remember, you have the authority to establish and modify rules and guidelines as necessary to ensure a positive and safe digital environment for your child. A device is a tool. It’s up to you to know when your child is ready for a smartphone.
Are you raising interdependent, independent, or co-dependent children? What you decide can have a huge impact on your children. Lori Wildenberg and I discuss why we need to raise interdependent children and how it can reduce their anxiety while increasing family connectedness.
As a mother of four adult children and a licensed parent and family educator, Lori shares her unique perspective on what is happening to families and how parents can reduce their children’s anxiety throughout the parenting journey.
Independent Children
Throughout our years, Lori and I have come across numerous experts who promote the idea of cultivating independence in children. They argue that it equips them with the confidence to navigate the world successfully. While this notion holds some truth, it falls short when considering the significance of maintaining familial connections after leaving home. In fostering independence, there is a risk of inadvertently instilling a belief that an individual can thrive without the support of others.
Co-dependent Children
Conversely, certain parents display an extreme level of protectiveness towards their children, refraining from making decisions independently due to apprehension of making a mistake. This co-dependency often leads to a diminished sense of confidence.
Interdependent Children
Interdependency plays a vital role in our lives. It encompasses relying on others for moral, emotional, and spiritual support. When a child has a strong bond with their parents, this connection often continues even after they leave home. It’s not driven by obligation or guilt, but rather by the reassurance of knowing that someone will be there for them as they navigate the world around them.
Find a Balance
We want our children to be able to make decisions on their own. We don’t want them to be insecure and completely rely on us. That’s why we must consider how we raise our children.
When you focus on raising interdependent children, you can reduce your child’s anxiety and strengthen family connectedness.
About Lori Wildenberg
Helping families build relationships that last a lifetime is Lori Wildenberg’s passion. Lori, a licensed parent and family educator, is a national speaker and award-winning author or coauthor of six parenting books listed below. The Wildenberg home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Lori is Mom to four, Mom-in-Love to three, and Mimi to four. A perfect day in Lori’s world is a hike with Tom (her hubby) and their growing family!
