Have you ever wondered if your hopes and dreams for your child might be more about you than them? It’s a tough question, isn’t it? As parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to succeed, to be happy, and to reach their full potential. But sometimes, in our desire to guide them, we unintentionally place our expectations on their shoulders. This is why rethinking parental expectations that we have for our children offers possibilities for them to follow their God-given bend without damaging our relationship.
But what happens when those expectations don’t align with who our child truly is?
Today, let’s explore how we can rethink our parental expectations and learn to honor the unique, wonderful individuals our children are created to become. It’s about letting go, embracing the unknown, trusting the Lord, and finding joy in the journey of discovering who they are, not who they think they should be.
Why Parents Often Have Expectations and When Those Need to Shift
Parents, we’ve all been there—we set expectations for our kids because we love them so much and want the best for them. Maybe it’s because we value certain things, like a good education or a stable career, or maybe it’s just because we want to see them succeed and be happy. Sometimes, those expectations come from our experiences, the things we’ve learned, or even the dreams we never fulfilled.
It isn’t always easy to examine why we have certain expectations of our kids. But if we focus too much on molding them into our image, we risk stifling their growth and suppressing the qualities that make them unique. It also takes their Creator out of the picture, which is the opposite of what the Lord has planned for our children.
Impact of Expectations on Children
When we set expectations for our kids, it can really shape how they grow and develop. If our expectations are supportive and match who God made our kids to be—their strengths, interests, and personalities—it can boost their confidence and help them feel good about themselves. But when our expectations are too high or rigid, it can make them feel stressed, anxious, or even like they’re not good enough. That’s why it’s so important to find a balance. By being flexible and really listening to who our children are, we can help them grow into confident, resilient individuals ready to face whatever comes their way.
Learning to Honor Your Child’s Unique Nature
Honoring a child’s unique nature means recognizing and appreciating the individuality that each child brings into the world. It’s about seeing beyond the surface, beyond what we might expect or want for them, and truly understanding who they are—what makes them tick, what lights them up, and what makes them feel understood and loved.
When we honor our child’s unique nature, we say, “I see you. I value you for who you are, not for who I think you should be.” It’s about allowing them to explore their interests and passions, even if those paths differ from the ones we might have imagined for them. This approach fosters a sense of security and self-worth in our children. They begin to trust themselves, to believe in their own abilities, and to feel confident in expressing who they truly are.
Reframing Your Expectations
Guiding a child’s path is like being a supportive coach on the sidelines while controlling it, which is more like trying to direct every play in the game. When we guide our children, we’re there to offer advice, share our experiences, and help them navigate choices, but we also give them the freedom to explore, make their own decisions, and learn from their mistakes. It’s about trusting them to find their way, even if it’s different from the path we might have chosen.
On the other hand, controlling a child’s path means trying to dictate every step they take, deciding what they should do, who they should be, and how they should live their lives. It often comes from a place of love and wanting the best for them, but it can feel stifling to a child. It can prevent them from developing their own sense of identity and confidence in their abilities, and if we aren’t careful, it can also keep them from seeking God’s direction for their life.
Think of it this way: guiding is like giving your child a map and teaching them how to read it, while controlling is like holding the map yourself and telling them exactly where to go. Guiding helps them learn, grow, and become independent, while controlling can lead to resistance, frustration, and even a lack of self-confidence. It’s all about finding that balance between offering support and allowing them to be who they are meant to be.
How to Rethink Parental Expectations
Setting expectations that align with a child’s capabilities and interests starts with really getting to know your child—who they are, what they love, and what they’re good at. Here’s how you can do it in a simple, practical way:
Observe and Listen
Pay attention to what your child naturally enjoys doing and where they excel. Notice the activities that make them light up and lose track of time. Listening to their interests and passions is key.
Open Conversations
Talk with your child about their goals, interests, and what they find challenging or exciting. Ask them what they enjoy and what they’d like to try. These conversations can help you understand their dreams and fears, making setting expectations that match their abilities and desires easier.
Set Realistic Goals
Based on what you observe and the conversations you have, set goals that are challenging yet achievable. If your child loves writing but struggles with grammar, encourage them to write stories while gradually improving their grammar skills. The idea is to build on their strengths while gently supporting them in areas where they need growth.
Be Flexible and Discerning
Understand that interests and capabilities can change over time. What your child loves today might not be what they love tomorrow. Be open to adjusting expectations as your child grows and explores new things. It’s okay for goals to shift as your child discovers more about themselves.
Celebrate Effort and Progess, Not Just Outcomes
Focus on your child’s effort rather than just the end result. Praise them for trying hard, learning from mistakes, and showing perseverance. This approach encourages a growth mindset and helps them feel confident in taking on new challenges.
By setting expectations that are in line with who your child truly is, you’re helping them grow in a way that feels natural and empowering. You’re not just guiding them; you’re partnering with them in their journey to becoming their best selves.
Encourage Social Connections
Remind your child that getting involved on campus can help them feel more at home. Joining a club, playing intramural sports, and participating in a study group can be great ways to meet new friends and build a support system. We are created for community and relationships, and getting involved is an excellent way to ease homesickness.
Wrapping It Up
Honoring a child’s unique nature creates a supportive environment where they feel free to be themselves. We give them the room to fail, succeed, grow, and learn in their own ways.
This approach not only helps build a stronger, more authentic relationship between you and your child but also helps raise confident children who can listen to the Lord’s leading. And isn’t that what we all want for our children?
In today’s increasingly connected world, it’s nearly impossible to shield our children from political discourse. As parents, our role is to equip our kids with the tools to navigate Political Conversations with Kids Part 2 respectfully and confidently. In Part 1 of our series, we explored why political conversations matter and how to prepare your child for these discussions. In this second part, I’ll share how to handle political conversations with friends, navigate family gatherings, and encourage ongoing political conversations with your kids in the safety of your home.
Handling Political Conversations with Friends
Respect and Understanding
When it comes to politics, our kids are going to encounter different opinions, especially among their friends. It’s so important for them to learn that while we don’t always have to agree with others, we do need to respect their viewpoints. Encourage your child to listen first and think before responding. This simple approach can make all the difference in keeping conversations friendly and open. Remind them that it’s perfectly okay to say, “I see your point, but I think differently,” rather than brushing off someone else’s opinion. By teaching respect and understanding, we’re helping them build strong, compassionate relationships—even when opinions differ.
Peer Pressure
We all know how impact peer pressure can be, especially when politics enter the mix. We simply must prepare our kids for those moments when they might feel the urge to go along with their friends just to fit in.
When we talk about ways kids can stand firm in their beliefs while still being kind and respectful. Encourage them to use phrases like, “I think we just see this differently, and that’s okay,” to gracefully handle these situations. By building their confidence, we empower them to stay true to themselves, even when peer pressure is at its peak.
Real Life Political Conversations with Your Kids
To make these lessons stick, share a story from your own life or someone you know who successfully navigated a political conversation with a friend.
Real-life examples are powerful—they make the lessons more relatable and show our kids that it’s possible to stand firm in your beliefs while keeping your friendships intact.
Navigating Family Gatherings
Encouraging children to ask questions and think critically about political issues is vital. Teach them to evaluate information, consider different perspectives, and form their own opinions. Provide examples of questions they can ask, such as “Why do people have different opinions on this issue?” or “How does this law affect our community?” Role-playing scenarios where they practice discussing these questions can build their confidence and understanding.
Setting Boundaries for Political Conversations with Children
Family gatherings can be a mixed bag, especially when politics come up. It’s important to talk with your child about setting boundaries for these discussions. You might agree as a family to steer clear of politics during meals or certain family events. Setting these boundaries ahead of time can prevent uncomfortable situations and help everyone enjoy their time together. After all, gatherings should be about connection and fun, not about heated debates.
Dealing with Heated Discussions
Even with boundaries in place, sometimes political conversations can get a little heated. Teach your child how to stay calm and collected if things start to escalate. Practicing how to respond to intense comments can be incredibly helpful. Let them know it’s okay to step away from a conversation if it becomes too much. Simple phrases like, “Let’s agree to disagree,” or “Maybe we should take a break from this topic,” can be lifesavers in diffusing tension and keeping the peace.
Encouraging Ongoing Conversations
One of the best things we can do as parents is create a safe space at home and stay informed about these conversations. Let your child know that your home is a judgment-free zone where they can share their thoughts and questions without fear of being judged. This kind of environment encourages them to explore their ideas and engage in meaningful, thoughtful discussions.
Wrapping it Up
Talking about politics with our kids is an ongoing conversation that requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to open dialogue. By teaching them how to handle political discussions with friends, set boundaries during family gatherings, and keep the conversation going at home, we’re helping them grow into thoughtful, informed, and respectful individuals. Remember, these conversations aren’t just about politics—they’re about preparing our kids to navigate the complexities of the world with confidence and care.
Welcome to Healthy Back to School Habits Part 2 with my friend, Loisann Fowler of Coach in Tandem! As the new school year approaches, we want to ensure our children are set up for success both in and out of the classroom. Today, Loisann and I will discuss three crucial areas: exercise and movement, managing stress, and relational downtime. Let’s explore some practical, easy-to-implement tips that will make a big difference in your child’s mental and emotional well-being.
Meeting our goals can be difficult when school picks back up. That’s why now is a perfect time to consider these five easy foundational non-negotiables that we can incorporate into our homes before school starts.
In part 2 of Healthy Back to School Habits, Loisann and I focus on exercise and movement, stress management, and relational downtime. Let’s start with exercise and movement.
Healthy Back to School Habits: Exercise and Movement
What do you mean when you say exercise and movement? It’s simple. It means making sure our children get up and move around. Today’s kids are sitting for far to long and need to get up and move for optimal health. Movement nourishes your body and gives your child energy. How do we know if our children are getting enough exercise?
Movement improves academic performance. It might take a little time initially, but you will quickly see results when your children put down their devices, turn off the TV, and move their bodies.
Mental and Emotional Clarity.
Physical development. Children who move and exercise on a regular basis build strong bones, increase muscle strength, and improve their quality of sleep.
Studies show that children who exercise and move perform better, think clearer, and experience a general sense of well-being.
Stress Management
Stress is part of life. Helping children learn how to manage stress well will bring peace and calmness to your children’s lives.
Establish a routine. A sense of security is provided when children have a daily routine. It also allows children to feel like they have some control over their lives.
Make time for physical activity. Physical activity releases endorphins which are natural mood lifters. Aim for 30 minutes a day, and you will see great improvements in your children.
Teach relaxation techniques. Children who learn how to relax will do better at managing stressful situations. One effective way is to teach children proper breathing techniques.
Simply practicing these three techniques will help our children stay calm under stressful situations.
Relational Downtime
Understanding why children need downtime built into their lives equips us with the knowledge we need to make this a priority.
Strengthens family bonds. Spending quality time with family members fosters a sense of security and belonging.
Enhances Emotional Intelligence. Relational downtime provides opportunities for children to express their feelings and understand the emotions of others.
Promotes relaxation and reduces stress. Unstructured, relaxed time with loved ones helps children unwind and decompress.
Encourages positive behavior. Positive interactions with family members serve as a model for appropriate behavior.
Supports Cognitive Development. Engaging in meaningful conversations and activities with family members stimulates cognitive growth.
Spending quality time with family is important for kids. It helps them feel secure and connected, knowing they have a strong support system. When families spend time together, kids learn to express their feelings and understand others’ emotions, which boosts their social skills and empathy. This downtime also gives kids a chance to relax and unwind, reducing stress and anxiety. Positive interactions during these moments teach kids good behavior and values.
Healthy Back to School Habits Matter
The little habits you implement today will yield huge rewards over time. Your children rely on you to teach and train them in the way they should go. You create an environment where they can truly flourish by creating healthy back-to-school habits, providing exercise time, managing stress, and allowing time in their day to focus on relationship building.
We are so glad you’re committed to helping your children grow and thrive. I pray our Healthy Back to School Habits series blessed and encouraged you. Remember, every small step you take makes a big difference. You’ve got this!
About Loisann Fowler
Loisann Flower is a nationally board-certified functional medicine health coach. She helps people from teens to 90-somethings uncover and achieve their highest wellness in body, mind, and spirit. There is a gap between our level of health today and where we want to be. Loisann’s coaching bridges that gap, discovering lasting practices for a strong and energetic life.
Have you considered AI’s impact on students? Is artificial intelligence going to be the future classroom for students’ education? How will this cutting-edge technology intersect with education? In our latest episode, I discuss the Pros and Cons of AI and how it impacts students’ learning. Is AI a powerful ally in personalized education, or is it a silent saboteur undermining critical thinking and creativity?
Join us as we unpack the pros and cons of AI in the classroom, featuring insights from educators, tech experts, and students themselves. Discover how AI is reshaping the way we learn, the potential pitfalls we must navigate, and the future of education in an AI-driven world. Tune in and get ready to consider the role of AI in your child’s education.
If you are like me, I’m not excited by the rate at which AI has taken over nearly every sector of our online world. It concerns me. What will happen to our children? Will they be negatively impacted? Are they being dumbed down? To be honest, there are pros and cons when it comes to using AI in education.
In this honest look at raising boys, we lay out essential principles for raising boys to become godly, responsible men of integrity, honesty, and determination. We share invaluable insights and practical wisdom gleaned from years of experience mentoring and guiding young men toward a fulfilling life filled with meaning and purpose.
The Promise of AI in Education
AI has been hailed as a game-changer in the educational landscape, promising to revolutionize the way students learn. Here are a few ways AI is making a positive impact:
Personalized Learning: AI can tailor educational content to each student’s learning pace and style, offering a more customized learning experience. Imagine a classroom where every student has a personal tutor that understands their strengths and weaknesses.
Accessibility: AI tools can make education more accessible to students with disabilities by providing features like text-to-speech, speech-to-text, and language translation. This opens up new possibilities for inclusive education.
Efficient Study Aid: AI can help students quickly find information, summarize content, and provide instant feedback, making studying more efficient. It’s like having a research assistant at your fingertips.
The Pitfalls of AI in Education
But wait, it’s not all smooth sailing. The integration of AI in education also comes with its set of challenges:
Over-reliance: Students might become too dependent on AI tools, which could hinder their ability to think critically and solve problems independently. Are we nurturing a generation of thinkers or button-pressers?
Privacy Concerns: Using AI often involves sharing personal data, which can raise concerns about data security and privacy. How do we ensure that our children’s information is protected? But like all online platforms, we must read the terms of service and ensure our children are protected.
Equity Issues: Not all students have equal access to advanced AI technologies, potentially widening the educational gap between different socioeconomic groups. How do we ensure that AI benefits all students equally?
Conclusion
As we navigate the uncharted waters of AI in education, it’s crucial to weigh its benefits against its potential drawbacks. Carefully consider what is right for your child and your family.
Together, we can ensure that AI serves as a tool for enhancing learning rather than hindering it.
Don’t miss out on this thought-provoking episode. Listen now, and let’s explore the future of education together!
If you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave a review. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. Thank you ~Connie
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In “Raising Creative Children Part 2,” I continue to share information about understanding the unique needs of our young artists. This week, I’m excited to share essential insights and practical tips to help parents and educators recognize the importance of providing time and space in a creative child’s daily life. By fostering an environment that nurtures their imagination and respects their need for unstructured moments, we can help our children truly thrive and develop their creative potential.
Following the enthusiastic response to Part 1, I continue our journey into understanding and nurturing the unique talents of our young creatives. We want to be aware of their needs so their talent can be fully developed.
Creative Children View Life Differently
A creative child views the world through a lens of endless possibilities, where every ordinary object holds the potential for extraordinary transformation. They see patterns, colors, and stories in the most mundane settings, turning every day into a canvas for their imagination. Their perspective is rich with curiosity and wonder, and they constantly seek to explore, understand, and reinvent the world around them.
Common Needs of Creative Children
Creative children often display a unique set of traits and behaviors that distinguish them from their peers. I could list many characteristics of a creative child, but these will help you identify the common characteristics :
Vivid Imagination: Creative children frequently have rich imaginations and enjoy inventing stories, games, and scenarios.
Curiosity: They often ask a lot of questions and show a keen interest in exploring and understanding the world around them.
Energetic: Creative children are usually energetic and enthusiastic, particularly when engaged in activities they are passionate about.
Resilience: They are often persistent and resilient, willing to tackle challenges and learn from failures.
Self-Directed: Creative children often prefer working independently and may resist conventional instructions or routines.
Depth of Emotion: They often experience and express deep and complex emotions through their creative outlets.
When we pay attention to what our creative children need, we can better nurture their creative potential effectively.
Creatives Need Encouragement
Encouraging your creative child doesn’t have to be complicated; small, everyday actions can make a significant impact. Here are some practical examples to help nurture and inspire your child’s creativity at home.
Provide creative time and space to think and form ideas.
Encourage exploration and experimentation: Allow your child the freedom to experiment with different art forms, materials, and techniques, encouraging them to take risks and embrace mistakes as valuable learning experiences.
Celebrate effort, not just results. Creative children tend to be more sensitive to failure, and they thrive when we praise their progress.
Teach them how to fail. Failure can cause them to produce better work.
Watch for naysayers who discourage your creative child.
Creatives tend to push the boundaries of everyday reason. We want them to take risks and be adventurers, innovators, and explorers, but we must be careful not to make them conformists.
Supporting children’s artistic journey not only fosters their talents but also contributes to their overall personal development. By encouraging exploration, offering support, and celebrating their efforts, you are not only helping your child develop their creative talents but also instilling confidence and resilience that will benefit them throughout their lives.
You can reduce kids school year stress so they can enjoy this season of life. Most kids experience stress when faced with end-of-year exams, graduation, and other requirements. Helping children learn how to manage their stress levels will allow them to finish their year with excellence and gain confidence in the process.
While the end of the year can be an exciting time, it doesn’t come without a measure of stress. I mean, trying to juggle assignments, final exams, and graduations can put a lot of pressure on your children. So, what can you do to help your children manage it all? How do you know if your kids are getting overwhelmed?
Last week, I discussed When Children Move Out on Equipped To Be. This week, we are discussing Reducing Kids School Year Stress. While obstacles and stress are common, kids have to learn some principles that can help them navigate them well and possibly change their future.
Many experts believe there are signs parents should look for as the school year comes to a close. That’s why I’m excited to share this episode with you and your family. I want you to know how to help your kids manage stress so they can know what they can do in future situations.
What Should Parents Look For
Are they acting up or lashing out? Are they struggling to get sleep or trying to stay up all night to study? Do they fear failing? Pay attention to the words they say and their body language. When kids are under stress, their actions will tell us how they feel.
When you know how your child thinks, feels, and processes life’s challenges, you have an opportunity to encourage them in a way they will understand and appreciate.
I like to begin by gathering as much information as possible about the circumstances. The more you know about their schedule the more relevant your instructions can be.
When are the exams? What time of day? Find out how they feel about the subject matter.
Tell your child they are learning valuable life management skills, not just academics, during this period of time.
Help your children put the time in context. Tell them to think of this as a sprint, not a marathon. Using visuals helps some kids understand better. For kids, having a grasp of time can reduce anxiety and stress.
Pray and ask the Lord to give you wisdom as you teach your children.
The benefits of carefully identifying what they need from you are that your help will be better for them. Once you have all the information, I recommend assessing their sleep, daily schedule, study habits, fears, and whether additional tutors are needed.
Reduce Stress with Sleep and Schedule
Parents know the importance of sleep, but kids don’t fully understand that. Which is why they often stay up too late and get up early to prepare for a final exam. But learning to shut things down at a decent hour so they can get sleep will improve their performance. How can we do this?
List what needs to be done. Then, prioritize them.
Silence cell phones and/or put them in another room. This will remove the temptation to scroll on social media or talk with friends when one should be sleeping.
Set an external alarm that reminds them what they are supposed to be doing at specific times. I use one word: focus, math, science, reading, etc. Doing this helps them get back on track if they get distracted.
Create a schedule and put it on the refrigerator. This will make the schedule the enforcer, not you.
I’m sure you and your child can add more things they can do to get enough sleep and create a workable schedule.
Don’t Ask Too Many Questions
Asking some children too many questions can actually increase their stress. Simple checking in with questions like “How are your studies going?” or ” How are you holding up?” can be just enough to let you know you are interested and available if they need you. Saying confident boasting statements can also help.
I know you’ll do your best.
I believe in your ability to handle the pressure.
If you have specific concerns or see your child not making the effort to do well, you can speak up. But first, remember your goal and how they will receive what you say.
Overreacting Increases A Child’s Stress
Wanting kids to excel in their studies is good, but if we aren’t mindful of our expectations, we can show disapproval if they don’t achieve our standards. Keep in mind the goal during this season. We want kids to learn how to manage stress when they are under pressure to perform. If they don’t get the grades or pass the exam with what they or you wanted, don’t immediately start telling them what they did wrong. That won’t help them. Most of the time, they already feel bad.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Tell yourself the truth about a situation. You didn’t fail your child.
Tell your child the truth about the situation. Your child will learn from this failure and do better next time.
Ask the Lord to help you find what your child did right. Don’t make your child feel worse than they already do because they know what they did or didn’t do.
Remind your child that God has a plan for them, and it is for their good.
Doing this takes practice. I’ve had to watch my kids work through failing, missing the cut, not putting in enough effort, and not managing their time well, but they learn valuable lessons every time.
Help Them Improve Their Grades
It’s not uncommon for kids to struggle in some subjects. Expecting them to be superior in every school subject would be unrealistic. If your child expresses concern, ask them if they think a tutor would be helpful. Or, if you know the subject well, offer to be a study partner or do flashcards or other creative ways to learn and retain the information that is needed.
Most Important: Ask Them How They Feel
Asking a child how they feel makes them feel loved and cared for. When I was writing Parenting Beyond the Rules, my research showed that most kids don’t think their parents are interested in what they are learning. And their number one complaint was that their parents didn’t listen to them. Oddly enough, most parents don’t feel like their kids want to talk to them.
So, if you show interest in what they are doing, ask the right questions, help them create a schedule, get enough sleep, and avoid overreacting if they underperform, your relationship will flourish, and they will learn how to manage future stress when life gets challenging.
If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe and leave a review. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. It helps us reach more families when you do this. ~Thank you.
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