Shepherding a Child with Big Emotions

When children have big emotions, they aren’t being “dramatic”; they’re revealing something happening inside that they can’t yet name, regulate, or express in mature ways. 

Shepherding a child through their overwhelming moments requires both emotional attunement and calm leadership. Join me to learn a research-based framework that aligns with a faith-anchored, relational approach.

If you’ve ever had a child who feels everything deeply: joy, sadness, frustration, excitement. You know those moments can stretch you as a parent. You might wonder, ‘Why can’t they just calm down?’ But what if those big emotions aren’t something to fix, they’re something to shepherd?

God Designed Us with Emotions

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” — Genesis 1:27
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” — Zephaniah 3:17

• Emotions aren’t a flaw; they’re part of reflecting God’s image.
• God feels joy, compassion, grief, and righteous anger.
• Parents help children learn that emotions can be expressed in ways that honor God.

Our job as parents is not to silence emotion, but to shepherd it toward holiness.

Emotions Are Real but Not Always Reliable

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” — Jeremiah 17:9
“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” — Proverbs 14:29

• Feelings are indicators, not dictators.
• Teach children: “What you feel is real, but that doesn’t make it right.”
• Ground their emotions in truth, not temporary feelings.

“You may feel angry, but that doesn’t mean you have to act out. God gives us self-control to guide our emotions.”

The Spirit Empowers Self-Control

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” — Galatians 5:22-23

• Self-control is evidence of spiritual growth.
• Kids learn regulation through co-regulation—borrowing your calm.
• A parent’s peaceful tone teaches the child safety and trust.

Our children can’t borrow our faith, but they can borrow our calm.

Practical tip: Breathe, lower your voice, and say, “Let’s calm down together before we talk.”

God Welcomes Honest Emotions

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” — Psalm 42:11
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6-7

• The Psalms show that God welcomes raw honesty.
• Jesus Himself wept (John 11:35).
• Encourage children: “Let’s tell God how you feel. He understands.”

This forms a lifelong habit of emotional honesty with God.

Modeling Gentleness and Patience

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” — James 1:19-20

• Your calm tone mirrors God’s gentle heart.
• How you respond shapes how your child believes God responds to them.
• Gentleness teaches that emotions are safe in a relationship.

Reflect on this: “When my child loses control, do they experience my love or my frustration?”

Renewing the Mind to Redirect Emotions

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” — Romans 12:2

• Emotional growth begins with renewed thinking.
• Ask: “What were you thinking before you yelled?”
• Replace reactive thoughts with truth: “God can help me handle this.”
• Create a Calm Corner. A place to pray, draw, or breathe through big feelings.

Love Is the Anchor for Every Emotion

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

• Love governs every emotion.
• Teach children that even strong feelings can be guided by love.
• Parenting with love means choosing connection over control.

Parenting a child with big emotions can feel exhausting but remember, you’re shaping a heart that will one day feel deeply for others, worship deeply, and love deeply. You’re not trying to calm the storm; you’re teaching your child how to find peace in the middle of it with Jesus as their anchor.

When you are in need of wisdom, pray:

“Lord, help me reflect Your calm and gentleness when my child’s emotions feel too big. Teach me to model Spirit-led love and patience.”

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