Making Marriage Easier

Today, marriage can feel complicated. People often ask, “Why get married when relationships are already hard enough?” Maybe you’ve wondered this yourself. After all, the media frequently highlights the struggles, the breakups, and the heartache, which can make marriage seem daunting or even outdated. Yet, research consistently reveals that married people report higher levels of happiness, health, and life satisfaction compared to singles. So, if marriage holds such promise, why aren’t more people rushing to say “I do”?

In her insightful book Making Marriage Easier, Arlene Pellicane addresses precisely this issue, offering practical, faith-based strategies that transform marriage from daunting to delightful. Let’s unpack a few key insights on why marriage is still worth pursuing—and how to make it genuinely easier and joyful.

In this episode, Arlene joins me to discuss four ways you can love (and like) being married.

“Marriage isn’t just about duty—it’s about delight!”​ ~Arlene Pellicane

Love Is a Daily Decision, Not Just a Feeling

Many couples assume that love should always come naturally, but Pellicane points out that love is more about making daily decisions than experiencing fleeting emotions.

In our culture, we often mistake love for the butterflies we feel at the beginning of a relationship. When those butterflies fade—and inevitably they do—we assume something’s wrong. But Making Marriage Easier emphasizes love as a daily choice, grounded in intentional acts of kindness, patience, and grace. Choosing to love actively, rather than passively waiting for feelings to surface, is foundational to lasting happiness in marriage.

So, how does this daily choice practically play out in everyday life?

Serving Your Spouse Brings Joy

Shifting from a mindset of “What’s in it for me?” to “How can I serve my spouse?” radically transforms the dynamics of your relationship.

We live in a culture that’s constantly telling us to prioritize our own happiness. But ironically, one of the greatest predictors of marital happiness, as Pellicane beautifully explains, is the ability to serve your spouse selflessly. This isn’t about losing yourself; rather, it’s about discovering joy through giving. When both partners embrace this mutual service mindset, joy naturally follows. Serving your spouse wholeheartedly becomes a powerful source of personal fulfillment.

Awareness of these influences enables you to have honest and open conversations with your children about what they are experiencing and how it may impact their faith. By maintaining a safe, non-judgmental environment for dialogue, you help them process their thoughts with biblical guidance.

Taking Fun Seriously Strengthens Your Bond

Pellicane encourages couples to actively prioritize joy and laughter actively, as having fun together is a key to maintaining emotional intimacy.

Marriage can quickly feel weighed down by responsibilities: work demands, bills, raising children, and caring for aging parents. In the process, fun can slip off the priority list entirely. Pellicane argues that taking fun seriously isn’t just nice, it’s necessary. Shared experiences of laughter and adventure revive your bond, reduce stress, and boost your happiness. Having fun reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place and keeps your friendship strong.

But what happens when the kids grow up and life drastically changes?

Marriage Can and Should Last Beyond Parenthood

Making Marriage Easier highlights the importance of nurturing your marriage beyond the demanding years of parenting.

It’s easy to become so invested in your role as parents that your identity as a couple fades away. But marriage isn’t just about raising children together; it’s about creating a partnership that continues to flourish long after your kids leave home. Pellicane emphasizes intentionally connecting as spouses through regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and shared goals, ensuring your relationship endures well into the empty nest years and beyond.

Ultimately, a marriage built intentionally with daily choices of love, selfless service, shared joy, and lasting companionship sets you on the path to deep, sustained happiness.

Closing: Making Your Marriage Easier is Possible

Choosing marriage might seem countercultural today, but the research remains clear: married people are consistently happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. While marriage requires effort, it’s also immensely rewarding, especially when you incorporate these practical insights from Making Marriage Easier. So if you’re wondering whether marriage is still worthwhile, remember—it truly can be easier and more joyful than you imagine.

Marriage may not always be simple, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. With intentional decisions each day, you really can make marriage easier and discover the lasting happiness you’ve always desired.